Ici Et Maintenent

Once someone with ADHD puts an object down, it becomes a facet of the room rather than an actual object that can be interacted with. It isn’t its own object anymore. That’s why we can scan over an object over and over again without seeing it because it doesn’t stand out. 

alright so this is a pretty simple statement, as in there’s not a lot said, it’s not three words, so I’m gonna try and make my reply as short as possible.

So, I have ADHD, and a part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation. It’s really difficult for me to regulate my emotions/my emotional reactions, in other words. 

When I can’t choose between two types of cereals, it stresses me out and, unlike neurotypical people, I am unable to stop that stress from snowballing into anxiety, panic, and a general sense of dread. It’s a weird response, for sure, but it’s my response, and it’s how my ADHD manifests. 

Impulsiveness: You might think this symptom would make it easy to make an instant decision but when you are confronted with a ton of options it actually it can be much more like realizing you want a bunch of different things and now it’s harder to pick just one. Wow that option looks exciting I really like the sound of that… But this is an old favorite of mine and I’ll miss it if I go with something else… And I’ve always wanted to try that thing will I regret it if I don’t?… I want so many things but I must choose only one and now I’m confused

Hyperfixation: ADHD is largely due to an inability to regulate focus. Which means we can also get really focused on something for a prolonged period of time. Such as the pros and cons of several options. The chicken is good but I had chicken for lunch, pasta could be good if they hold the capers, I haven’t had chili in a long time but I don’t know whether it would be really spicy here or not. On and on and on. Well past when others are done we still are thinking through every little thing.

Difficulty Planning: Without time blindness and with the ability to more readily form a long term plan someone who does not have ADHD may feel confident in deciding one thing in relation to others, reasoning that this falls in line with their long-term goals or for smaller day-to-day choices deciding that next week they’ll get the other option. ADHDers often live more in the moment, but we are aware of the future. It’s What do I want most now?… I want to go with what makes me happy, but what about the most practical option? What is the truly best option for me and how do I even tell? Thinking this through doesn’t come as naturally to me.

Low Self-Esteem & Self-Doubt: ADHDers almost universally have issues with their self-image from years of being judged for being different than everybody else. Naturally we begin to doubt ourselves and thus our choices. And many of us cope by trying to pretend we don’t care or by trying way to hard to please someone else, or both. This leads us to trouble choosing too. I’m so worried I’ll make the wrong choice and ruin everything like I always seem to do. I don’t trust myself so how can I make a decision?... What makes the most sense in order to fit in with the culture? I have trouble figuring this out sometimes. Will I look silly if I do what I love?… I want to make everyone else happy, everyone has their own preferences, but deep down I want something totally different. I’ve got to make sure everyone is pleased with me I hate being a disappointment. I’ve got to make the absolute best choices for everyone on everything. I’m stuck because it’s nearly impossible. And what about that thing I like just this once, but no. Or maybe. Well I guess everyone likes this generic thing. Wait no, Dave said he thought it was gross. Ahh! This choice reflects on me and I must make sure it is excellent.

All of that is plenty stressful without having to deal with emotional dysregulation and low stress tolerance. But ADHDers frequently deal with those symptoms as well.

like, i hate the “flexibile schedule” of my retail job because it doesn’t allow me to get into a set routine where I have the same days/times free to be spontaneous. It actually feels like it it limits my ability to be spontaneous and enforces 

Sex, when you have ADHD can be difficult, particularly before you are diagnosed. 

Being turned on (sexual arousal) is a mental state and when you have ADHD, its can be difficult to enter and maintain the state, cause of our attention problems. And since sex is more mental than physical, this can cause issues.

I know this from personal experience. It would take me a long time to get turned on when trying to have sex and it would take me hours to ‘finish’ (if at all) because I would get distracted.

So here’s a tip: Focus on your partner and how you feel about them. Forget about yourself cause if you start thinking about yourself, you will get distracted (or, possibly over stimulated). 

Focus completely on your partner and understand that sex isn’t just the physical activity, its also being PRESENT with your partner. It’s as much about (and much more) about the intimacy than the physical act.

Hyposexuality can be mistaken for asexuality.

my brain: you cannot

me: why

my brain: you are feeling moderately upset, any attempt at productivity is futile

me: i don’t see how-