ā.Ė š¼ ā adcmsahin - a dependent roleplay blog for CASCADECARP penned by anna
ADEM ÅAHIN ā he/him, 30, marine biologist + conservationist bio ā threads ā visage ā musings ā pinterest

if i look back, i am lost

ā
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@adcmsahin
ā.Ė š¼ ā adcmsahin - a dependent roleplay blog for CASCADECARP penned by anna
ADEM ÅAHIN ā he/him, 30, marine biologist + conservationist bio ā threads ā visage ā musings ā pinterest

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Ellie was stunned, to say the least. It felt like the whole table was aware of this setup, and all eyes were subtly diverting towards her end of the table for the entirety of the dinner. Laying eyes on him for the first time in years, coupled with hearing her name roll off his tongue, sent waves of emotions and flashbacks. There was nothing inherently wrong with their relationship. In the eyes of many, it was as perfect as one could be. There was no love lost, but life directed them onto different paths. It was bittersweet.
"Yeah...it's good to see you too," she nodded before reaching for her wine glass. She kept the conversation to a minimum on her end, especially with him, inquired about everyone else, and simply shared the latest in her own life. Thankfully, Penny drove most of the conversation, with side convos happening here and there. As dinner wrapped up, she said her goodbyes before catching Adem on the way out. "Sorry... I wasn't trying to come off cold, I just wasn't expecting to see you tonight. Is it too forward to ask you if you want to grab a drink to talk?"
all throughout dinner he'd found his gaze drifting to the seat across from him, taking in ellie in small, hopefully discreet, glances. trying to piece together the version of her he'd known, with who she seemed to be now. a bit more reserved - although likely that was due to his presence, and he wondered how she felt about seeing him once more, if there was still hurt or blame that lingered. it's a surprise when she catches up to him, he'd half expected her to run out before they're forced into another conversation, although his brow furrows at the apology, head shaking almost immediately. "that's alright... i wasn't expecting it either. it would seem we've got quite nosy friends." maybe he should be thankful for them intervening, giving him a push to confront what he'd been attempting to avoid. because while the breakup had been amicable, it'd also been devastating - the regret lingering long after they'd both left cascade to find their own futures. he'd wondered, if ellie blamed him for ending things, if he'd hurt her past the point of forgiveness - and there's a flicker of hope that perhaps he'd been wrong in assuming that was the case that sparks in his chest at her question. "i could do with a drink. pb's like we used to? or do you want to try something a little more classy and less likely to be overrun with college kids?"
Cujo tore up gravel as he raced back towards him, circling Scott with excited leaps as if their reunion was a total coincidence of fate. "Trust," he started with a breathless laugh, nudging Cujo's muddy paws off his knees to crouch and slip his collar back on, "you would have a way easier time dognapping him back at the house. Around here he's liable to lead you off trail and straight into Bigfoot's lair." Scott's gaze lifted to grin at Adem, palm slicking down Cujo's coat with a few solid pats to calm the dog before he was standing straight again. He gesture ahead, back beyond the other while asking, "Were you still headed up before he caught you, or going back down?" Leash firmly in hand, he was suddenly in less of a rush, never one to be outshone in athleticism. Scott liked to pretend he didn't have a competitive streak, but Adem had probably picked up on it after all of their 'casual' runs together.
a smile lifts his features as he watches the reunion, amused at how quickly cujo seems to be forgiven for his adventuring ( not that adem can blame scott, he's sure that if the positions were reversed, he wouldn't find it in his heart to scold the pup either. ) "this little guy? nah, i think he only has it out for you - he led me right back to you." he teases even as his head tilts, glancing around the grove of redwoods surrounding them and the mossy under-bush in consideration. "unless you suppose we're standing in bigfoot's lair?" a smile plays on his lips, the question uttered in nothing more than a jest. yes, with the mist moving in and how worn their trail is, it does look like something that could come out of a horror movie and he's well aware of the supposed bigfoot sightings - blurry pictures and jerky videos. but until he sees the evidence for himself, he'll keep his skepticism alive. "headed up if you want to join me," and because he knows it'll likely leave scott unable to resist, he adds on, "you're not too tired from running after cujo, are you?" his runs are typically for relaxation, to take in the fresh air and feel the earth beneath his feet, but adem has picked up that when it comes to running with scott, there's the temptation to outdo the other that he'll admit makes him push himself a bit harder.
theĀ approachingĀ carĀ slows,Ā andĀ linusĀ feelsĀ hisĀ shouldersĀ relax.Ā he'sĀ notĀ stuckĀ tryingĀ toĀ hikeĀ back.Ā heĀ couldĀ findĀ hisĀ ownĀ wayĀ backĀ ifĀ needĀ be,Ā andĀ inĀ decentĀ enoughĀ time,Ā butĀ withĀ theĀ minimalĀ treeĀ coverĀ alongĀ theĀ roadĀ he'dĀ probablyĀ beĀ sunburnedĀ untilĀ augustĀ ifĀ heĀ did.Ā andĀ heĀ reallyĀ doesn'tĀ feelĀ likeĀ hearingĀ aboutĀ itĀ forĀ thatĀ long.Ā it'llĀ beĀ badĀ enoughĀ explainingĀ whyĀ theĀ truckĀ isĀ downĀ andĀ outĀ again.Ā āifĀ it'sĀ notĀ tooĀ muchĀ trouble,āĀ heĀ answers,Ā glancingĀ overĀ hisĀ shoulderĀ atĀ theĀ truck.Ā hoodĀ stillĀ proppedĀ openĀ āĀ heĀ assumesĀ theĀ problemĀ isĀ underĀ theĀ hood,Ā anyway.Ā heĀ shouldĀ probablyĀ learn.Ā notĀ likeĀ theĀ oldĀ thingĀ doesn'tĀ provideĀ learningĀ opportunityĀ afterĀ learningĀ opportunity.Ā heĀ turnsĀ backĀ toĀ theĀ kindĀ strangerĀ behindĀ theĀ wheel.Ā āyouĀ andĀ meĀ both,Ā bestĀ iĀ canĀ doĀ isĀ pourĀ oilĀ intoĀ it.āĀ andĀ evenĀ then,Ā heĀ needsĀ directionsĀ toĀ findĀ whereĀ itĀ goes.Ā ālemmeĀ grabĀ myĀ keys?āĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ waitĀ forĀ anĀ answer,Ā turningĀ onĀ hisĀ heelĀ toĀ pullĀ theĀ keyĀ fromĀ theĀ ignition,Ā grabĀ hisĀ bagĀ fromĀ theĀ passengerĀ seat,Ā andĀ closeĀ theĀ hood.Ā pattingĀ itĀ andĀ tellingĀ theĀ truckĀ toĀ ābeĀ good,Ā don'tĀ move.āĀ onĀ hisĀ wayĀ backĀ toĀ theĀ carĀ onĀ theĀ sideĀ ofĀ theĀ road.Ā heĀ wipesĀ theĀ carĀ greaseĀ fromĀ hisĀ handĀ ontoĀ hisĀ pantĀ legĀ beforeĀ offeringĀ it,Ā figuringĀ heĀ shouldĀ probablyĀ introduceĀ himselfĀ beforeĀ gettingĀ inĀ someone'sĀ car.Ā ālinus,Ā byĀ theĀ way.ā
his head gives a quick shake, "nah, not at all. if you want, i could even drop you off right by merc's auto. it isn't out of the way for me and i've been meaning to schedule my yearly check-up anyways - gives me an excuse to stop by before i forget about it again." maybe he's been too effusive with what he's offering, but the last thing he wants to do is give off serial-killer vibes. allah knows he's heard enough podcasts to know that trusting strangers doesn't always end well for people, and with the amount of superstitions and lore that people believe in around these parts, he wouldn't be shocked to find out there are stories of ghosts haunting the lone stretches of road or specters that signal impending death. "here's hoping a little oil is all it is. did you notice anything odd as you were driving?" although if he's being honest, the car looks like it's about to fall apart. giving the other's hand a shake he waits until linus is buckled up before starting his own car and starting to drive back towards civilization. "adem, it's good to meet you. i'd offer to let you phone a friend, but i'm not quite sure when service kicks back in." he's not sure what kind of conversation you're supposed to make with a stranger who you're offering a lift, so he lets the silence stretch for a couple beats before asking, "...have you had that truck for a while?" it looks old, like it's at the very end of it's lifespan and still barely, miraculously clinging onto life. he'd had a car very much like it back when he'd first moved to cascade, barely holding together but his.
featuring: micah sebastian @micah-sebastian location: santiago's beach
it wasn't illicit - at least not anymore, but despite weed being perfectly legal in california, he could remember being freshly eighteen, away from home - with a whole world of possibilities before him, including ones that he would have never considered back in high school. micah had been the first person to show him how to roll a joint, when to know that he'd taken enough to be pleasantly buzzed without paranoia settling in, even how to take a puff without coughing up his lungs - although he doubted he looked very cool. still, he enjoyed the feeling of the high - enough so that whenever exam stress got to much, micah would be his call, reliable and steady - even if he never purchased anything more than a dime bag. it was enough to keep him from considering other sources, even after returning to cascade, always shooting off a text to meet at their regular spot when he needed a bag. "forgive me for likely being your most sporadic customer?" a sheepish grin lifts at his features as he sees her approaching, hand darting up in a wave of greeting.

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featuring: darrow hawthornes @darrowhawthornes location: devil's mouth
"you think parents would sign a waiver to let me take the kids out here?" it was perhaps not his best field trip idea - safety reasons and parental concerns considered - but adem had always been fascinated by the way the rock formation behaved. the erraticness of the waves at high tide, how they burst forth from the mouth of the caves as if they truly were the opening to another dimension ( perhaps this was one superstition from people around town that he was willing to entertain - even if he knew that it was nothing more than the rush of water forced through a small opening. ) what was perhaps even more interesting, but often overlooked, was what was uncovered when the ocean swept back during low tide - the tiny creatures that had found a home in such precarious living conditions and thrived - definitely enough to build a lesson around. "when we've got things like this in our backyard - it's a shame not to use them, right?" perhaps darrow wasn't the best person to ask, likely an overly-cautious mom would fit the bill better, but they weren't here at the moment.
WHO: Adem Sahin ( @adcmsahin ) WHERE: Black Bart's Cut
"Hi guys!" she says, greeting the group. "I'm so sorry, I'm late. The traffic coming up from San Fran was ridiculous," she explains as she quickly says her hellos and makes her way to the empty seat. Her friend Penny from undergrad loved gathering everyone around for dinner. Granted, those days were spent between The Hole in the Wall, PB's, and the diner. Seemingly, they all upgraded in life and could dine at the nicer spots in town, and with Penny's return came this last-minute dinner with people she's hardly spoken to since they graduated. As she gathered her bearings, taking her seat, Ellie greeted Cindy, a poli-sci major to her left, before locking eyes across the table with her ex. Shit. "Adem."
in the midst of a conversation, rambling on about marine bio-diversity, he almost misses the arrival of someone new. he recognizes her voice before anything else, like a distant memory unfurling, eyes darting up to spot familiar blonde curls and a face he'd done his best to erase but never could. there's the instinct to duck, make himself smaller in the hopes of disappearing amidst their friends, but he fights against it. after all, avoiding her couldn't last forever - even if he's been dragging it out ever since returning to cascade, unsure of how to approach someone who'd once meant the world to him. truly, he ought to have known that this wasn't an innocent get-together, should have remembered penny's tendency to meddle and the way she hadn't quite answered him when he'd asked who was coming. but he'd been caught up in writing a research paper, mind unfocused on her lack of response, and hadn't thought twice about it. so he supposes now has to be as good a time as any, even if he wishes he ( and by the surprise on her features, ellie too ) hadn't stumbled into this blindly. "hey ellie," the nickname slips from his lips before he has the chance to wonder if she should be eleanor to him now. "it's good to see you." it's the truth, even if he wouldn't have chosen this particular moment, even if the words don't feel like nearly enough, but he doesn't know what else to say that wouldn't feel out of place in the midst of everyone else attending.
open starter with @cascadestarters | where: holy sheet | when: a hot summerās day
lucyĀ Ā staredĀ Ā downĀ Ā atĀ Ā theĀ Ā whirlingĀ Ā ofĀ Ā herĀ Ā clothes,Ā Ā holdingĀ Ā herĀ Ā breathĀ Ā inĀ Ā suspense.Ā Ā sheĀ Ā couldĀ Ā feelĀ Ā theĀ Ā rapidĀ Ā flutterĀ Ā ofĀ Ā herĀ Ā chest,Ā Ā upĀ Ā andĀ Ā down,Ā Ā erraticĀ Ā andĀ Ā nearlyĀ Ā onĀ Ā theĀ Ā vergeĀ Ā ofĀ Ā happyĀ Ā tearsĀ Ā toĀ Ā seeĀ Ā herĀ Ā spin.Ā Ā āohĀ Ā myĀ Ā god,Ā Ā itāsĀ Ā working!āĀ Ā sheĀ Ā beamed,Ā Ā eyesĀ Ā brighteningĀ Ā withĀ Ā hopeĀ Ā beforeĀ Ā sheĀ Ā heardĀ Ā theĀ Ā clickĀ Ā ofĀ Ā theĀ Ā machineĀ Ā inĀ Ā frontĀ Ā ofĀ Ā her.Ā Ā lucyĀ Ā feltĀ Ā herĀ Ā faceĀ Ā fallĀ Ā immediately,Ā Ā meltingĀ Ā intoĀ Ā anĀ Ā expressionĀ Ā thatĀ Ā couldĀ Ā onlyĀ Ā beĀ Ā describedĀ Ā asĀ Ā defeat.Ā Ā āno,Ā Ā no,Ā Ā no,Ā Ā noā¦āĀ Ā sheĀ Ā stoodĀ Ā upĀ Ā straight,Ā Ā fingersĀ Ā curledĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā theĀ Ā edgeĀ Ā ofĀ Ā theĀ Ā washingĀ Ā machine.Ā Ā lucyĀ Ā watchedĀ Ā asĀ Ā itĀ Ā slowed,Ā Ā herĀ Ā eyesĀ Ā burningĀ Ā withĀ Ā angerĀ Ā asĀ Ā sheĀ Ā allowedĀ Ā herselfĀ Ā toĀ Ā takeĀ Ā actionĀ Ā beforeĀ Ā thinking.Ā Ā withĀ Ā oneĀ Ā swiftĀ Ā kick,Ā Ā theĀ Ā machineĀ Ā whirledĀ Ā backĀ Ā intoĀ Ā action,Ā Ā butĀ Ā lucyĀ Ā nearlyĀ Ā fellĀ Ā onĀ Ā herĀ Ā ass.Ā Ā āouch!Ā Ā fuck!āĀ Ā herĀ Ā kneeĀ Ā shotĀ Ā up,Ā Ā handsĀ Ā clingingĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā herĀ Ā footĀ Ā asĀ Ā sheĀ Ā bouncedĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā forĀ Ā aĀ Ā moment,Ā Ā attemptingĀ Ā toĀ Ā stabilizeĀ Ā herself.Ā Ā āohĀ Ā myĀ Ā god,Ā Ā didĀ Ā youĀ Ā seeĀ Ā that?!Ā Ā theĀ Ā littleĀ Ā shitĀ Ā workedĀ Ā forĀ Ā aĀ Ā wholeĀ Ā minuteĀ Ā thenĀ Ā stopped!Ā Ā andĀ Ā nowĀ Ā iāmĀ Ā hurt!Ā Ā iĀ Ā hateĀ Ā thisĀ Ā stupidĀ Ā machine!āĀ Ā sheĀ Ā huffed.Ā Ā āpleaseĀ Ā tellĀ Ā meĀ Ā youĀ Ā sawĀ Ā thatĀ Ā soĀ Ā iĀ Ā donātĀ Ā lookĀ Ā crazyĀ Ā bouncingĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā likeĀ Ā this?!āĀ Ā
he sees the disaster about to commence before he's able to step in and stop it from happening. the first couple times he'd gone to holy sheet, back when he was still in college, back when it only had ten washers and dryers - all ancient and on the verge of malfunctioning on any given day, he'd made similar mistakes, not knowing which ones were finicky and necessary to avoid until some local had taken pity on him. now it seems a bit smaller, with ten new ones squeezed in - ones that anyone who has gone more than a couple times knows to use instead of the ones that were likely older than they were. it's not a surprise when the machine gives out, although the girl's reaction is - eyes widening as she attacks and he's half tempted to retreat and not offer the advice that had been so helpful to him before she starts stumbling. "are you alright?" he's quick to make his way over to her, flinching at the way she grabs her foot and hoping she hasn't broken anything. although her jumbled reply sounds coherent enough, words spilling over themselves in a way that he doubts she'd be able to muster if he needed to call a doctor. "i... i did see it. honestly, i'm surprised you got it working. that's one of the old ones - they're... temperamental at best. but they have put in ten new ones - those shiny ones over there. you might have to wait a bit before using them when it gets busy in here, but at least you're not risking breaking your foot."
with:Ā open, feel free to assume connections!Ā ( @cascadestarters ) where:Ā theĀ sideĀ ofĀ theĀ road,Ā somewhereĀ betweenĀ neighborhoods
someĀ days,Ā theĀ truckĀ justĀ wakesĀ upĀ onĀ theĀ wrongĀ sideĀ ofĀ theĀ bed.Ā andĀ today,Ā linusĀ isĀ becomingĀ increasinglyĀ aware,Ā isĀ oneĀ ofĀ thoseĀ days.Ā pleadsĀ forĀ itĀ toĀ atĀ leastĀ crapĀ outĀ somewhereĀ populatedĀ fallĀ onĀ deafĀ ears,Ā withĀ theĀ engineĀ makingĀ aĀ concerningĀ enoughĀ noiseĀ toĀ finallyĀ makeĀ himĀ pullĀ over.Ā fantastic.Ā amazing.Ā muttersĀ somethingĀ aboutĀ aĀ "fuckingĀ stupid,Ā useless,Ā hunkĀ ofĀ junk"Ā asĀ heĀ climbsĀ outĀ ofĀ theĀ truckĀ andĀ popsĀ theĀ hood.Ā asĀ ifĀ heĀ hasĀ anyĀ ideaĀ whatĀ he'sĀ lookingĀ atĀ āĀ itĀ allĀ justĀ looksĀ likeĀ engineĀ toĀ him.Ā heĀ fiddlesĀ withĀ anythingĀ thatĀ looksĀ likeĀ itĀ mightĀ move,Ā tryingĀ toĀ lookĀ likeĀ heĀ knowsĀ whatĀ he'sĀ doingĀ forĀ anĀ audienceĀ of...Ā well,Ā noĀ one.Ā great.Ā heĀ stepsĀ backĀ andĀ kicksĀ theĀ frontĀ tire.Ā hard.Ā lookingĀ upĀ fromĀ theĀ innardsĀ ofĀ theĀ truck,Ā heĀ seesĀ aĀ carĀ approachingĀ inĀ theĀ distance.Ā wouldĀ itĀ beĀ cliché toĀ standĀ onĀ theĀ sideĀ ofĀ theĀ roadĀ withĀ hisĀ thumbĀ outĀ likeĀ aĀ hitchhiker?Ā heĀ doesĀ itĀ anyway,Ā squintingĀ atĀ theĀ approachingĀ vehicleĀ andĀ gesturingĀ toĀ hisĀ brokenĀ downĀ truckĀ onceĀ itĀ gotĀ closeĀ enoughĀ forĀ it'sĀ occupantsĀ toĀ seeĀ himĀ clearly.
it's not that he hates driving, there are days where he doesn't mind it - with windows rolled down, the breeze whistling through the car while he sinks into his thoughts. there are others when adem wishes he could just walk, feel the earth beneath his feet and the sun against his skin. at the moment it's not too bad, his fingers drumming to the beat of the song playing on the radio and his gaze focused on the road stretching on before him, until the slight snag of something that's not supposed to be there registers. it takes him just a moment to identify a truck, another to notice the person beside it - thumb stretched out and a hopeful expression on his features. he's typically wary of strangers, slow to greet, slow to get to know. but he knows his conscience wouldn't let him pass by knowing that he'd left someone in need out on the road alone. with spotty connection in this part of town and not many people on the road - who knows how long it might be before someone else took pity on them? so he pulls up alongside them anyways. "hey, you need a ride back into town?" his eyebrows crease as he steps out to consider the truck, old and run down - but while he could tell you all the internal workings of starfish or octopi and might even be able to change a tire if need be - the various parts and mechanisms of an engine are a mystery to him. "i'd offer to help you fix it up, but i think this is a bit beyond what i know about cars."
with: anyone! / @cascadestarters location: false cascade trails when: a sunday, early afternoon
"Cujo!" His windbreaker swished with his every step, taking long strides along the trail as he tried to catch up with his dog. Well, not his dog. Technically, Cujo belonged to his dad, which felt like a cruel punchline after surviving a childhood where he wasn't allowed so much as a goldfish. He'd gotten the beagle almost five years ago, but Cujo had somehow retained his too-big paws and floppy ears, making him that much harder to ever say 'no' to. After slipping his collar and extending this hike an extra twenty minutes? Scott didn't think those literal puppy dog eyes would be working on him for a long while. He sighed, squinting up at the sky that'd gone gray, a fine mist of rain just starting. "Cujo, where you at, boy!"
he'd heard the excited yips of cujo before even seeing him, a fond smile crossing his features as the small dog came running up to him, ears flopping and tongue wagging. it didn't register until he was already on his knees, fingers scratching behind his ears in greeting, that his owner was missing, no sign of scott alongside his supposedly faithful companion - although, as the fog settled along the tree-line, he could hear faint yelling. "guess you got a bit too enthusiastic, didn't you?" his eyes rolled fondly, head shaking in amusement as he led the dog towards what he hoped was scott's voice - not wanting to extend his worry any more. it didn't take long until the other man came into view, his own concern eased as cujo bolted back towards scott as if he'd never abandoned him in the first place. "i swear i had no intentions of dognapping - he just came barreling up to me."

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ADEM ÅAHIN. 30 YEARS OLD. CIS MAN. HE/HIMĀ is here! Theyāve lived in Cascade forĀ 13 YEARS (on and off)Ā and currently reside inĀ TULE BAY.Ā ADEMĀ is aĀ MARINE BIOLOGIST & CONSERVATIONISTĀ and frequently hears that they look a lot likeĀ DENIZ CAN AKTAÅ. Funny, huh? If ever caught by Letterboxd, theyād sayĀ FINDING NEMO is in their Top 4 and the theme song to their lifeās soundtrack would beĀ ENDS OF THE EARTH by LORD HURON.