Adam

“I knew what I had, I never would have left you for anyone. I know I’m not with him anymore..and maybe that’s the reason I’m so okay with telling you this now, but I never wanted you to let me go. I would of gone down fighting for you, Adam. We wouldn’t of had to go through years of pain. I never will stop loving you either.” She spoke as she let her lips linger against his for a while. Knowing that for the first time in years, she felt like she was right where she belonged. “I love you too, Adam.”

“I don’t know why I let myself believe that you would ever want to be with anyone that wasn’t me.. when I think about it now, it all just seems incredibly foolish.” He spoke against her lips as he kissed her in return, his hand moving to rest on the back of her neck as he pulled her closer to him. “I don’t know what this means for you and me, but I can tell you that I don’t want it to stop, I’ve done nothing but miss you and wish that we could be back to where we were years ago.. we probably would have had kids by now..”

“I might of been lying to myself when I told you I could be just friends with you. I love Sebastian..but I’ve always been head over heels for you. I think that was obvious with our night together at that bar. The innuendos we both sent each others way. You’re the only person of the face of this earth that could have taken me away from him. I mean you were my fiance..I didn’t want that to end. We wouldn’t of ended if you would have just believed me when I told you I wasn’t cheating on you. I wouldn’t be hurt over Sebastian, I wouldn’t be wondering why he didn’t want to put forth the effort in our dates or even our relationship..I could have been married to you a long ass time ago.”

“I hate that you’re hurting over him and I know I fucked up by not believing you when you told me you were faithful. That’s something that I’ve lived with all these years. I will never stop loving you, Adelaide, it’s just not something that’s possible. And I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better because fuck.. I love you..”

“You made me feel like it doesn’t matter. You literally just told me how you spent years getting over what happened between us, yet just yesterday you were flirting with me. You wanted to all but steal me away from Sebastian. So you doing a complete 180 threw me off. It shouldn’t matter though..it doesn’t matter…That’s obviously in the past.”

“Do you not remember who started flirting? All I did was go along with everything you were saying to me. And yeah I did want to steal you away from him. I told you that it took me years to be okay, I never said that I was over you. I never got over you! I- you don’t write songs about someone you’re over. I just became okay with the fact that we weren’t together anymore and that you moved on. I forced myself to accept that we weren’t going to be together, I never forced myself to get over you. There’s just some shit that you can’t get over, and things that I will never be over and that’s you. So, the next time you decide to say that it doesn’t matter when you bring this up, remember that this is the exact reason that I didn’t want to talk about it. I knew that it would all come flooding out again and there would be nothing I could do to put a lid on it”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then I’ll respect your choices. I just figured since you..it doesn’t matter. Consider it forgotten. How about we just talk about something else, because I feel like I’m going to end up falling apart if I stop talking and just be alone with my thoughts.”

“Don’t start that shit Adelaide. You know how that ‘it doesn’t matter’ shit bugs the life out of me. If you have something to say than just say it, don’t, don’t beat around the bush because you’re afraid of hurting my feeling or making me feel some kind of way. I’d rather feel some type of way than be frustrated at you for saying it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m really sorry for how I treated you. It might be to late to fix things between Sebastian and I, but at least I have the chance to repair our relationship. Our friendship. I suppose my flirtatious nature has gotten me in a lot more trouble than I care to admit. You were always a wonderful fiance. I just want you to know that.”

“Can we just not talk about it right now? You have absolutely no idea how hard it was for me to even get to the point where I could talk to you without crying. I just wanted- No! See, you’re gonna get me talking about it all and I’m going to start crying so I’m gonna pass.”

“Which is something I really don’t want to do. I don’t want to be the reason I cause you any amount of pain. That’s not something you deserve. Are you okay though? Now? Or do you still struggle?”

“I still struggle from time to time. It’s not something that I really sit down and talk about, or really think about. The more I think about it the harder it is to really keep moving forward, but I’m alive, I’m well. I didn’t die.. no matter how much I felt like I was going to.”

“Maybe I’d rather talk about you though. Maybe I’d rather focus on what you’ve always handed me on a silver platter, because that I can understand. That I’ve never had to question. It’s a break from my own head.”

“It may be a break from your own head, which I agree is a good thing, but it also takes me back to a very shitty time in my life and it took me a very long time to get to a point where I could even pretend that I was okay.”

“You’re the king of fighting like hell to keep me. I mean let’s be real for a moment. You all but stalked me. Half, if not all of your songs have been about me. About how you wondered if Sebastian was better than you when it came to loving me. Being with me. You’re right though–I need to stop holding onto this pain. I need to move on, but how do I do that when I’m still so desperately in love with him?“

“We’re not talking about me though, we’re talking about you and him. Only you know the answer to that Addie.. If I could tell you I would, but here we are.“

“I really did love Sebastian..I just wish it didn’t feel like I was the only one trying after a while. I’m not sure if I did something wrong or not, but I didn’t want this to be the outcome for us. I just feel like I failed him, you know?”

“I know you did. You can’t keep sitting around asking yourself what you did wrong. You can’t make yourself take all the blame.. it will drive you absolutely nuts, trust me, been there done that. Did you fail him? Or did he fail you? Really think about that.. because if he loved you the way he made it seem like he did then he would have fought like hell to keep you.”

“I just feel so badly about it all. How could I ever let him question that I wanted anyone other than him? I know you and I have a long history..to long if you ask me, but I never should of let him doubt the way I felt. I hurt him..I know I did. All because I couldn’t help myself from flirting with you. What does that really say about me?”

“It’s not your fault that he questioned everything. No matter who you were or weren’t flirting with he never should have questioned that he was all you wanted to be with. If there’s faith in the relationship than there’s not much that you have to worry about. Trust, is the key. Just because he got insecure doesn’t mean that you have to walk around blaming yourself.”

“No–I don’t..I don’t want to talk about it Adam. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I can’t do this. I feel like my heart has been shattered into a million pieces.”

“Addie, would you just stop for two seconds. Listen to me. I know it hurts, trust me, I’ve been there before, but nothing is going to make you feel better right now especially avoiding it all, you know that.”

“If you trust him so much, fine. It’s not something I’m willing to argue about with you. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to have his girlfriend over here anyways, so alright. You can plan this vacation though. Let’s see what sort of surprises you can come up with.”

“Wow, alright Addie, sorry that I didn’t want to tell him something I didn’t agree with. Just fuckin’ bring him with, it’s no big deal. Fuck.”

“I can;t be the only one who has these conversations with him, Adam. I need your help. You want this to be just us, help me with the parenting, I don’t always want to have to be the bad guy.”

“You’re the only one that’s having these conversations with him because you’re the only one that wants it this way! He’s sixteen, Adelaide, let him mistakes that’s how he learns that’s how he grows up. I just wanted to leave him at home for the summer, you’re the one that wants him to have supervision so you’re the one that’s going to tell him that, not me, I refuse to tell him what I don’t want in the first place.”

“I know he’s sixteen, I remember having him. I think I’d know how old he is. I just don’t think he should be left alone all summer long. I mean I trust Kandy with him, so I don’t mind them taking care of him if it came down to it, but I just don’t want him here by himself. Call me protective.”

“I don’t blame you for being protective of him and I will respect any decision you make, I just don’t want to be around when he’s told that he’s going to have a baby sitter all summer.”

“Oh? Yeah okay, I wouldn’t mind that. What about Nathaniel though? I mean we can’t really just leave him home alone. Not that I don’t think he can handle it–but I’m not Andy and KJ. I don’t like the idea of leaving our sixteen year old alone for that long. So who can we leave him with? Because I love the idea of being able to be just your wife, and not a wife and mother.”

“He’s sixteen Addie, he’s more than old enough to be by himself for the summer. I mean, it’s not like we have to worry about him running away, he has it made, where would he go? You think Andy and KJ were wrong for leaving Scarlet alone? If you don’t want to leave him alone, it’s your job to tell our sixteen year old son that you’re sending him to the babysitters, I’m not touching that, he’s gonna explode.”

“Okay, but I hope you know it’s going to be nearly impossible for us to get our son to leave his girlfriend while we go on vacation, because I don’t want to leave him here. So what are we going to do about that?”

“Oh well I was kind of hoping that it could be just you and me. I know that I have some work to do with Nathaniel, but I would have liked to start with getting back to us first. But it’s okay, yeah, we’ll find something we can do as a family.”

“Rekindle? I wasn’t aware you and I were having issues..I mean yeah, I wouldn’t mind taking a vacation. I mean I miss you something terrible, so I’d be more than willing to plan something for us.”

“Maybe I used the wrong words. We don’t have to rekindle, we have to reconnect. I’ve been away for so long I think it might be great for the both of us.”