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DEAR READER
Peter Solarz
cherry valley forever

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todays bird
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shark vs the universe
NASA
YOU ARE THE REASON

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styofa doing anything

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tumblr dot com

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
art blog(derogatory)

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@adashboardtheme
meow?
meow
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Dashboard Diving
It is as true as ever that when you stare into the dashboard, the dashboard stares back. And Tumblr’s love of introspection is well documented, mainly, it must be said, by Tumblr itself. Welcome. This is your 2022 dashboard dive.
One genre of Tumblr post that is always a hit is the type of post that makes you think, “man, I’ve been on this website a while.” At the beginning of 2022, @andthentheywilleatthestars wanted to set the record straight regarding what being on Tumblr was like in 2014:
overanalyzing Captain America: The Winter Soldier and that one website that let you play Cards Against Humanity online. And it slapped.
For all of those who remember those good old days, @voidandradiance kicked off a 100k+ notes reblog chain with an anecdote about how they were recognized as a Tumblr user by their vocabulary alone: getting asked, “were you on tumblr in 2014?“ is surely enough to strike a simultaneous mix of pride and fear into one’s heart, as you experience the mortifying ordeal of being known. And in October, the dashboard celebrated a decade of blogging on the tenth anniversary @apjvff’s iconic post: “In 10 years this will all be a memory.” And yet, we’re still here!
Another iconic post that draws attention to the many magical powers and phenomena of the dashboard is @ponyoisms’s observation that “one hyperfixated tumblr mutual has the power of six hundred thousand ad campaigns.” On Tumblr, earnestness and irony live in sometimes not-so-peaceful coexistence, and nothing is more demonstrative of that than a screenshot to two posts by @baphonnicula that came up one after the other on their dashboard: one a heartfelt love letter to Tumblr, the other simply reading “suckingham phallus.” Beautiful, beautiful [sheds a single proud tear].
Fandoms of Yore
If there’s one thing you can always find on Tumblr, it’s a love of old things. This year, the outrageous success of Dracula Daily drew Tumblr’s attention again to the archaic: classic literature, archaeology, mythology, Medieval poetry, Renaissance art, and more. Basically, it’s the most concentrated collection of history nerds this side of dark academia, and we’re obsessed—so let’s take a look at some Fandoms of Yore.
Tumblr’s most ancient fave is probably Ötzi the Iceman, who lived nearly five thousand years ago in the Swiss Alps. @dyatlovpassingprivilege brought Ötzi’s era to life with some highly evocative ‘Ötzi posting:’ “more venison and wheat? good morning followers” is definitely the sort of thing Ötzi would have said.
Tumblr’s next oldest obsession after Ötzi is Ea-Nasir, the Sumerian copper merchant from the 1700s BCE, whom Tumblr absolutely loves to hate. So much so that @oylmpians warned their followers to check their Halloween candy in case they find some of Ea-Nasir’s inferior quality copper inside their KitKats.
It would be an understatement to say that Tumblr loves its classic lit. @cishetgreg came in hot with the following scenario:
(trying to get notes on tumblr in 2022) Franz Kafka isn’t even a writer to me he’s like um a girl mutual who brushes my hair.
And, true to form, got nearly 30,000 notes out of it. Because, of course, Tumblr loves the inventive, depressive, highly relatable Kafka: This year, like every year on July 1, the dashboard celebrated that day when he was simply “too tired.”
Not just authors but classic books and characters are beloved on Tumblr, too. With regards to Tumblr’s favorite pastime, @brownsugarteathoughts pointed out that shipping characters from classic literature just hits different.
You can find many excellent posts in the #frankenstein tag, such as these custom booty shorts for you and your creature from none other than @victorfrankensteinsuggestions. In the #dracula tag meanwhile (the 2nd most popular book tag in 2022, second only to Percy Jackson), you will encounter the genius of Dracula Daily readers like @citizen-zero, who pointed out that:
the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl.
And, of course, Tumblr has been home to the Shakespeare fandom for as long as anyone can remember: @benvoolioo even wrote Horatio’s assignment extension request.
As @lemonysnicket so aptly put it, “die girlies auf tumblr are thriving and having a ball going about as if media stopped happening post 2010.”
Eyes on the price.

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Sweep sweep sweep!
Pretty Guardian who fights for love and for justice ✨🌙💖
Sweep sweep sweep!
I go outside regularly
no you don't
okay fine I go outside weirdly

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Eyes on the price.
Sushi Bounce
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I'm still in the process of adding support for all legacy post types, but this is now fully supportive of NPF and image posts !
and you can add the blog names in the theme options:
So that it can be used in more than just dashboard inspired themes, I'm gonna make the styling pretty customizable too.
How Post Content is Stored on Tumblr
We’re currently rolling out an opt-in beta for a new post editor on web which will leverage the Neue Post Format behind the scenes. It’s been a very long time coming – work on the Neue Post Format began in 2015 and was originally codenamed “Poster Child”, and it was borne out of a lot of things we learned dealing with the previous new post editor we released on web around that time. Over the years, the landscape of how people make posts on different platforms across the internet has changed dramatically. But here on Tumblr, we still want to stay true to our blogging roots, while giving access to a wide creative canvas, and the Neue Post Format reflects that work.
With literally billions (tens of billions!) of posts on Tumblr, how do we move this churning engine of content from one format to another without breaking everything? It took many phases, and releasing the new editor on the web will be one of the final pieces in place. To understand how far we’ve come and the challenges we’ve had to face, you need to know the deep dark secrets of how we store post content on Tumblr. This hellsite we all love is held together by duct tape, good intentions, and luck, and we’re constantly working to make it better!
A post is seemingly a very simple data model: it has an author, it has content, and it was posted at a certain time. Every post has a unique identifier once it’s created. In the case of reblogs, they also have the “parent” post and blog it was reblogged from (more on How Reblogs Work over here). In a standard normalized database table, these columns would look like:
Post identifier (a very big integer)
Author blog identifier (an integer pointing to the “blogs” database table)
Parent post identifier (if it’s a reblog)
Parent blog identifier (if it’s a reblog)
When it was posted (a timestamp of some kind)
Post content (more on this in a minute)
Before the Neue Post Format, posts had discrete “types”, so that’d be a column here as well. But once you have these discrete “types”, you have to determine how you want to store the content of each “type”. For photo posts, this is a set of one or more images. For video posts, this is either a reference to an uploaded video file, or it’s a URL to an external video. For text posts, it’s just text, in HTML format. So the actual value of that “post content” column can change depending on what type it is.
Here’s a simple example, note how each post type has different kinds of content:
As Tumblr grew, its capabilities grew. We added the ability to add a caption to photo, video, and audio posts. We added the ability to add a “source” to quote posts. We needed somewhere to store that new post content. Because Tumblr was growing so rapidly at the time, this needed to happen fast, so we took the easiest path available: add a new column! That first “post content” column was renamed “one”, and the new post content column was named “two”. And as Tumblr grew more, eventually we added “three”. And each column’s value could be different based on the post type.
Needless to say, eventually this made it very difficult to have consistent and easy to understand patterns for how we figure out things like… how many images are in a post? Since we added the ability to add an image in the caption, it’s possible there’s images in the “one”, “two”, or “three” columns, but each may be in a different format based on the post type. Reblogs further complicate the storage design, as a reblog copies and reformats post content from its parent post to the new post. The code to figure out how to render a post became extremely complicated and hard to change as we wanted to add more to it.
Further complicating this was the fact that most (but not all) of these post content fields leveraged either HTML or PHP’s built-in serialization logic as the literal data format. Before PHP 7, HTML parsing in PHP (which is what Tumblr uses behind the scenes) was extremely slow, so rendering a post became more of a struggle as the post’s reblog trail grew or its post content complexity increased. And HTML and PHP’s serialization logic isn’t easily portable to other languages, like Go, Scala, Objective-C, Swift, or Java, which we use in other backend services and our mobile apps.
With all this in mind, in 2015, two needs converged: the need to have a more easily understandable and portable data format shared from the database all the way up to the apps, and the need for more types of post content, decoupled from post type. The Neue Post Format was born: a JSON-based data schema for content blocks and their layout. This has afforded us the flexibility to make new types of content available faster, without needing to worry necessarily about how we’ll store it in HTML format, and has made the post content format portable from the database up to the Android app, iOS app, and the new React-based web client.
Going back to the standard, normalized database table schema for posts, we’ve now achieved the intended simplicity with a flexible JSON structure inside that “post content” column. We no longer need post types at all when storing a post. A post can have any and all of the content types within it, instead of being siloed separately with a myriad of confusing options depending on the post type. Now a post can be a video and photo post at the same time! When the new editor on the web is fully released, we can finally say that this format is the fuel powering the engine of content on Tumblr. It’ll enable us to more quickly build out block types and layouts we couldn’t before, such as polls, blog card blocks, and overlapping images/videos/text. Sky’s the limit.
- @cyle