A Bi-product of my Environment

On the one hand

Delicious crumbs

On the other

My semi-chronological observations of TADC Ep 9 that I found neat Part 1

I straight up abandoned that fic and tbh I’m still debating on whether or not to pick it up again or just sew up the open cavity and leave it at officially four chapters because I pretty much already accomplished what I had set out to do with it and that’s have Pomni and Ragatha finally confront each other to release that lingering tension that they had at the end of the episode.

I wanted to see them becoming friends and so the motivation was successfully fulfilled

Which is why I ended up writing more fics about them being friends and/or making out

It’s still a lot of fun going back to see how much I got right and where I missed the mark on some of the characterization for the cast and the overall tone of the series.

Learning that Pomni was originally written to respond with more anger in unsavory situations is especially validating.

In light of recent confessions from Gooseworx, I definitely get why this project was so draining on her, because I got burnt out with just writing 4 chapters of a multi chapter story (my toxic trait is thinking I could write a book in one go) where I was planning on making my what was essentially my own version of the show because I was too impatient to see where the story was going with these characters. I can’t begin to imagine writing 9 20-40 min episodes that covers every idea I put into place in an equally satisfying way.

I’m gonna be frank, I really wanted to write something good, but more importantly I wanted to write what I wanted to see in the show, and that was gonna come at the expense of all the other characters that weren’t Pomni and Ragatha. Because at the time, I genuinely did not care enough about the rest to think that far ahead.

Which is why after reflecting on that process, I’ve decided to give Goose some grace on where all the attention ultimately settled on, because her priorities for character focus simply did not align with my own expectations that I made on just my first viewing of this show.

I didn’t have the whole story, and it’s very likely that neither did she. But like most amateur writers, I think there was a specific goal she had in mind that she wanted to get to in the story she created, and everything around it (character interactions, story beats, and lore threads, etc.) was built to justify it.

And it’s an exhausting process.

I don’t think people understand just how much energy it takes to not just write something you want and write it in a set amount of allotted time, but also get it to a standard that you deem acceptable while doing it all on your own.

They pretty much put all of the writing decisions on Goose and that’s asking a fucking lot from someone doing their first major project with an independent animation studio. And one that they weren’t expecting to get so popular so quickly.

And writing fanfics does not even compare because on top of the writing aspect of making a show, the director and producer has to be conscious of the animators, sound designers, voice actors, scheduling, budgeting, etc etc. It’s a lot of fucking pressure.

I’m not saying the writing of TADC is above criticism (because it’s definitely not) due to all of these factors, I’m saying that I get the exhaustion with trying to write something you want. I only felt it for a couple of months and I was already spent. And it wasn’t for a job, that was just on my free time (but I still paid with lack of sleep and additional stress)

I’m not gonna do it

But just saying, I think it would be kinda neat if an actual Jax fan made some kind of animatic for her set to the first minute of This is What it Sounds Like from KPOPDH

Pomni not having anything resembling a life outside of the Circus (at least from her perspective) is probably the reason she became so resigned to her fate so quickly compared to the others.

There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with her life. She had a stable job, enough freedom to indulge in personal enjoyment, but it’s clear from how she talks about it that she wasn’t exactly happy about it.

“If it has to be my home…”

This line from Pomni from ep 2 was always so telling to me because just the way she casually describes what’s essentially her imprisonment gave me the impression that she really didn’t have anything she was striving to go back to.

Yes, she was desperate to leave in the Pilot, but I think that’s a very natural reaction. Especially if the place she suddenly found herself in is incredibly overwhelming and existentially horrifying.

But after all of that panic wears off, when the confirmation of no escape sinks in, what’s left is just…resignation. Because what exactly was there for her to mourn?

No friends and no family to wonder or worry about her. All she truly lost was her reality, her identity, and her name.

Pomni also doesn’t strike me as someone with actual life goals like Gangle or Zooble. Or someone aiming for a chance to get out of a bad situation like Ragatha. Or part of a career she’s genuinely passionate about like Kinger. Hell it doesn’t seem like she has general passion for anything outside of…documenting places that have been abandoned.

And that’s why I think her mood improves upon realizing she can still try and be someone to someone else. Why just having a friend would be enough to help her endure this new kind of monotonous horror she has to live in. Why she’s so keen on building some kind of community with people she has no choice but to be stuck with.

And her lack of meaningful connections in the real world explains why she’s honestly kind of bad at it.

And Y’know what? I genuinely love that about her.

I love that we get to see how Pomni is not that great of a friend in the series, because of course she would be. I love that she struggles with doing the right thing, doesn’t think things through enough, makes the wrong choices, is late with apologies, has awkward interactions, and bets on losing dogs.

Her social life was practically nonexistent, you really think this girl knows how to be a therapist of all things? She’s just trying her best, and her best is not always gonna look good.

But the important thing is that she keeps trying. Keeps trying to be a better friend, even to people who feel like they don’t deserve her friendship. Pomni’s fear of being forgotten has always aligned with her inherent desire to create connections. It’s why she’s so adamant about getting these people to just talk to her, because how else is she gonna understand them better? How else can she figure out the best way to connect to them?

Idk maybe I just like the fact that Pomni isn’t a perfect protagonist. Her being very passive most of the time feels on brand for an adult who’s so bored with life but not actively doing anything to improve it. And when she does try to do something to improve it, and it ends up not working out the way she was hoping for, she would take it incredibly personally. Hence her breakdown in the finale after her plan to help everyone failed. She wasn’t crying for herself, she was crying for them.

LISTEN, no LISTEN! The fact that Gangle and Zooble’s first abstraction experience was Kaufmo because Ribbit was the last abstraction before him and Gangle showed up a little while after. What the HELL did Ragatha-how the HELL did she even approach them with the idea of holding a funeral for him???

“Heeey, Zooble. Soo I know you’re probably gonna skip out on tomorrow’s adventure. And that’s ok! Totally fine! Buuut, if it’s not too much trouble, could you do me a big favor and help me set up a funeral for Kaufmo while we’re out? I know it’s weird but I think it would help a lot with processing everything. Please, I just really need some help with this since Pomni needs someone to help show her the ropes. I know it’s a lot to ask and normally I’d take care of it but it would mean so much if you could. I’m sorry to even have to ask 😣”