Roy wouldnāt let go of him, not for a moment, letting him sob it all out if need be. Heād seen how hard things were on Ed, questioned to himself why he put himself through so much. Of course heād had his suspicions but heād never felt it was his place to ask⦠even now he didnāt think it was⦠not until Ed started mentioning āheā and āhimā and how he wasnāt around, how he hadnāt come home⦠hadnāt since he was twelveā¦
The pieces started to click. All of the time Ed spent working when most his age couldnāt be bothered⦠how he doted and worried over his brother⦠Why he always looked so tired.
Still not letting him go, Roy only allowed himself to pull back enough to look at Ed. āWait⦠are you trying to tell me that you and Alphonse have been alone there for the last five years?ā The shock was almost as prevalent in Royās voice as the concern. āEd⦠why⦠why? Why havenāt you told anyone? Why do this to yourself?ā
Royās heart broke even more. He remembered how it had been for his father and he was an adult. Even he hadnāt been able to handle it⦠how had Ed done it all of this time? There was no way that Roy could let him keep doing this to himself, but what could he do? He was only a college student himself, not much older than the blond now breaking in his arms. He hadnāt even been able to keep it together without years of therapy when his parents had⦠when⦠when⦠when his father had killed his mother and then himself. What good would he be to Ed? Roy didnāt even know where to begin to try and figure any of this out.
āEd⦠I⦠Iā¦ā he stammered, tripping over his own tongue. He wanted to tell him that he didnāt have to do it alone, wanted to tell him that heād help him⦠but he didnāt know if even he could, despite his best intentions and desire. He hated seeing Ed like this, hated knowing that so much was resting on those shoulders⦠and there wasnāt a damn thing he could think of to do about it except just hold him while his world seemed to be falling apart. āI⦠I want to help⦠I donāt know how but⦠pleaseā¦ā
For a moment, Ed held on tighter and felt scared feeling Roy move back. Even just slightly, and eased up to sit himself and let the other pull away that small bit, not feeling brave enough to look up. Not strong enough. It was out in the air now, he told someone. Someone new. Maybe not directly but pretty straight forward enough to not have it be hidden or danced around. Not a lie or a brush off ofĀ āheās working lateā orĀ āheās at some fancy meeting a few cities over for a conferenceāĀ
Ed didnāt know if heād ever told anyone else about Hohenhiem being as out of the picture as he really was.
āā¦ā¦ā¦.why would I?ā he asked, voice weak from crying and just knowing heād opened a box heād never get a lid back on. Not here anyways,Ā āMom died when I was nine, heās never around nowā¦..I know what it looks like. Itās neglect and reckless child abandonment and whatever other word they want to use to say heās unfit as a parent. And theyāre rightā¦.and then theyād come take us away from home.ā
Away from home, away from where their mom had raised them, given him and Al such precious and important memories. Taken away from the Rockbells and maybe even from their schools, the few friends they had there,Ā āWeād go in the system, right? Or a court case would happen to figure it out, Hohenhiem brought on charges, a whole big thing, yeah? That sounds great. While weāre at it, I can say Iāve never been to therapy that was ordered for me, or that I work full time in high school, or maybe that I forge his signiture when I see the doctor so that they donāt think anything is wrong when I show up there again from exhaustion.ā
He looked up at Roy finally, still crying, voice shaking. Not even a bitter smile could be pulled up. Every fear he had over the last five years rushing out because finally, finally, he had someone in front of him he was willing to trust enough to let listen to it all,Ā āWhat then, we go into foster care? Maybe some nice couple comes along and wants to try and adopt us or something? Parents donāt always want two kids, foster families canāt always keep both siblings. You think I didnāt look into it? When things first started getting bad, before I knew the checks werenāt enough anymore and I needed to do something more to make sure we were okay⦠I couldnāt do that. I couldnāt stay somewhere wondering where Al was, or what happened to him, if heās okay. Heās all the family I have.
āIt scared both of us, so we lied. We still lie. The school thinks he works late and leaves early, doctors have Pinako down as another emergency contact weāve kept up since Mom first asked if sheād do it in case anything ever happened when we were kids. Because as soon as someone finds out we have, as soon as they know what it actually is at home-ā
He and Al would be taken away. Theyād be dragged to court, put in the system, maybe even separated from each other. From the people and things they knew and cared about. Ed just had to grit through and bear it. Just a little longer, just until Al was eighteen too. Then theyād be legal adults, and it wouldnāt matter if Hohenhiem got called out on his bullshit. Until then, Ed just had to push though. He had for this long, what was another year and a half or soā¦?
He felt exhausted again, the tears came back again. It was still so much though, so far away, like it was teasing him. Break down just a little more, wear a little thinner, get a little more sick, he hated himself for feeling so burnt out. He had to keep going and he wasnāt sure he could anymoreā¦.Ed leaned back in against Roy,Ā āā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦just donātā¦..donāt treat me different now. Okay? Please? I canāt take that, I canāt handle someone treating me like Iām broken upā¦ā he choked out,Ā āYouāre helping, you are justā¦.donāt treat me different now that you know. Please, Royā¦ā