TJ ‘Henry’ Yoshi

hi can you direct me to the nearest hospital

one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method

Tumblr users will see a post mentioning a day if the week and just fucking black out and reblog it

Official Post of Massachusetts

I had a dream I was watching keeping up with the kardashians and Kylie had gotten cyborg legs like they had taken the legs of an AT-ST from Star Wars and put them on her lower half so she was like 11 feet tall and Kim was like “I think Kylie’s new legs are SO fun..”

I literally think about this post every day

at Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville rn and i’m wondering why more musicians don’t have their own restaurants. i would eat at Trent Teznor’s Tavern of Terror

i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem

You go to a gentrified artisan burger joint and there's a burger called "The Budd Dwyer" for 14$

And if you don’t say you want it with “the works” they give you nothing but a crusty burger on a brioche bun that’s mashed to atoms with your first handling of it. Now, I ain’t one of them fancy-ass city folk you youngin’s are talkin’ about but I think I might know a thing or two about good country cookin’ and that just ain’t it. Keep your brioche. Keep your Dwyer. I’ll just take a Bud and head on down to the pasture, gnaw on a cow down there. That’s good country livin.

Love where you're taking this joke, but you should Google Bud Dwyer.

I’m tired.

At least he was an organ donor.