ceaseless watcher

Mind clouded with emotions too strong to be smothered, Wade only barely registers the name, and is even less successful in recognizing it. He makes an attempt, however, to think of evil old men with too much money and too much hatred. It’s a safer train of thought than the one he was so helplessly strapped to. 

The more she speaks, the more he feels his face and hands and chest heat up, warmth beginning to ignite under his skin. Suddenly, it’s far too easy to be cruel. Suddenly, the only words Wade can think to say are deadly sharp, laced with poison.

❝ You sure it’s not too soon in the relationship to meet your ex? ❞ He has to restrain himself from saying. As if Vanessa would entangle herself with some rich creep. As if Vanessa would sleep around with just anyone. She’s hurt him, sliced his heart apart, but he’s not angry enough to want to deliver sharper blows. 

He turns away from her, throat tight as he struggles to swallow, to clear the lump in his throat. Anger and exhaustion and pain and confusion war within him, and exhaustion takes the lead as he rests his elbows on the table. ❝ Haven’t decided if I was going to join the X-Men, the ninja turtles, or Paw Patrol. How much is Toblerone willing to be bled dry? ❞ 

“Ninja turtles, huh? So they’re finally seeing your talent?” Vanessa jokes, trying to lighten the mood between them. Things were never meant to be this strained. Even when she hoped he might not recognize her - and when she was hurt that he didn’t - she never expected his mood would have gotten so dark. 

’You did this,’ a nagging little voice in the back of her head whispers. She knows it’s right. She had been so caught up in what her life became and playing the role that Tolliver wanted her to play, and she’s hurt the person she loved in the process. 

“He knows you wouldn’t come cheap, but he’s willing to pay. I don’t think he cares how much you could bleed him dry, as long as you get the work done.” As she speaks, she struggles to force down one of her own walls. To reach out - as much as it scares her to touch another person when she still struggles with her powers - and rest her hand lightly against his arm. 

The power she feels working its way up her arm is familiar. The first she felt upon waking up. His regeneration had still been in her system when she came to, and feeling it once more is like coming home. It takes concentration not to be swallowed up by it. 

Jaw clenching once more, he finds himself nodding to the unsolicited advice. What could he say to that? He can’t tell her that he’s run on autopilot since he watched her die. He can’t let her know how lifeless life has felt since he watched the color drain from her face. She can probably guess as much with how well she reads him. She always knows too much about him, but never before had that been used against him.

❝ Fine. ❞    He says, and fresh hurt makes his tone cold.     ❝ Go on and tell me just how important and interesting this job is that you decided to call up your old buddy Wade. ❞ 

He wants to forgive her. He wants to sweep her into his arms and tell her just how much he’s missed her. How sorry he was that she got hurt because of him. That even if she’s ready to give the X-Men a run for their money, he wants nothing in the world more than to protect her and keep her safe. 

But she’s made this a game, and she was the one to decide the rules. She’s given herself the upper hand, and all he can do is react and protect himself.  

It’s hard to keep up her walls when his tone is so cold. Hard to keep that distance when all she wants is to wrap him in her arms and warm him again. But that’s not an option right now. Maybe later, maybe after she’s secured his services for Tolliver, maybe there will be time for them. 

“Have you heard of Tolliver?” she asks, studying his face for any reaction. Her employer has his fingers in many pies, but he keeps himself hidden in the shadows. That’s why he needs people like her. People like Wade. Mercenaries who can do what needs to be done and who don’t mind too much that they answer to someone they can’t entirely trust. 

“I’ve been doing some work for him, and he needs more muscle. It’s a good job. He pays well, doesn’t ask too many questions as long as the work gets done.” 

Lead with what’s good about it before bringing the personal shit into it. It won’t help if he knows she doesn’t trust her employer, and she doesn’t need him trying to save her just yet. Not while there’s still money to be made. 

NTW has not been added because of lost promo file difficulties, but her blog has made a return.