Acherontia

Hey guys,

I am really hoping you are having some time to read the following words, it would mean a lot to me.

I know it's been a little while since I last posted. Or a little more of a while, guess about one year ago. Time runs so fast, things changed in seconds and for the past year I live on the very fast lane. Tried to stayed sane betweem studying for a good GPA, a sidejob, fitness, friends, trying to live to the fullest, daily tasks - you know the shit we all going through and and the shit which the society made us going through. I was happy when I could sleep maybe three hours a night and don't forget to eat. This was extremly unhealthly, but I was young and being so busy was normal, wasn't it? The clear and short answer: no. I know I am not the only one with such a lifestyle and this is the only reason I share my story here, hoping to reach out to some hopeless perfectionists, who don't know their borders and somehow open their eyes.

Three months ago I had a stroke, five days after my prom. I was at vacation when I wake up, left side paralyzed, unable to speak, like my body wasn't my body at all. It follows a time which wasn't that easy. First a week on the stroke unit at our local hospital, then three weeks rehab with strength trainig and exercises for the speech. My body, thankful to my age, was fit very soon. The trouble was my mind. This all happened in the month when I wanted to search for aparments when I go to college in october, I had to delay my intership which I needed for my University, my life seemed to became a complete chaos and everything was out of control. At the same time the docs told me that probably the biggest cause for the stroke was simple stress, a too rushed lifestyle and that if I didn't want another one in the next few years I had to change my routine. That was the point when I had to learn to calm down, even in such an awful situation, I had to learn to remodel my way of thinking, trying not to overthink everythink.

And what I really learn is that this brings you so much. You just learn that things will fall into places, you learn to make a to do list work it of and just relax after it and forget about it, you learn to forgive yourself when you can't do this one point of the list, you learn what the priorities are, you learn who your true friends are, on which you can lean on, no matter what, when you calm down you learn so much more about yourself in this silence , in this moments of rest, you learn what you want from life and with whom you want it, you learn what you want from yourself, and who yourself are, and how strong you are and most importly you learn that no expectations or ideals or grades or whatever are as imporant as your health and your life.

“And we are just like crushing waves in a painting that still hasn’t dried.”