AcesAreCool

@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

reblog if, to you, sherlock holmes is a pining gay giraffe

Woke: “This character is a bad person” and “this character is still a person” are two statements that can, should and do coexist and admitting that they exhibit nuance and depth and are more than just their bad actions doesn’t immediately excuse or condone their bad actions or mean that you’re ignoring or trying to soften the canonical version of the character.

Bespoke: That’s the whole point, that’s always been the point, to be made to empathize with horrible people so you can understand that they can be anyone, that bad people can be likeable, can be interesting, can be human, are human, and it’s scary to think about all the ways they’re just like you and all the ways they’re just like everything you hate, forcing the use of critical skills in media analysis, forcing a confrontation of the duality of man.

because of this most dark mages tend to work in very brightly-lit areas (either artificial light or outside in the daytime) to fuel their spells and wear and use lightly coloured clothes and tools so that they’re easier to see in the dimness their spells create, whereas light mages wear heavy, sometimes leaden robes (depending on the work being done) and the magical equivalent of welding masks to protect themselves from what can be an extreme amount of light, and sometimes other kinds of electromagnet radiation!

I have been informed that Philbert (anomalocaris) is not from the Precambrian Era.

they are instead from the Cambrian Era, they are one of the many lovely creatures we were given after the Cambrian Explosion.

It is with a heavy heart that I must delete this post, as I simply cannot stand to spread inaccurate information about Philbert, whom I love.

This post will be deleted in 24 Hours,

5:13 Eastern Standard Time

decades of life experience

boredom-fueled busybody shamelessness

access to the most gossipy next-door-neighbors in existence

"I am too old to be arrested and/or give a shit" attitude

#their sidekick/Watson/pet hacker is a 15 year old grandkid who hangs out with gram gram on the weekends. her only power is that she has above average search engine skills and flexible knees--which is completely sufficient to round out the group's skill set.

#they involve her in heist style operations. on the rare occasion she gets caught housebreaking she explains her grandma locked herself out of the condo and asked for help getting in. then this sweet slightly addled old lady shows up and explains she got the address mixed up, it's so confusing when you're old & all the houses look alike and oh she's so sorry to have caused so much trouble!......and meanwhile the teenager is rolling her eyes bc she's aware gram gram was a highly successful career criminal & con artist for 50 years.

the thing about owning & operating a clown meat deli is that for some reason i was required to hunt the clowns myself, which required a hunting permit. 

I was so full of shit I should have burst like a balloon, but I said it with such conviction that everyone hesitated and took a step back.

I stood in that hot, damp courtroom, surrounded by reporters, detested former customers, and my Texan lawyer in his silly white suit-and-mustache, and I listen in awe and occasional nausea as a New York City Coroner recounted to a shellshocked jury that one of the most common forensic issues that law enforcement encounters in new york is when bodies are pulled out of the harbor–in particular, severed body parts, which are a fine new york harbor tradition. 

Here is the secret. Here is the secret I never told anyone. Not any of those scientists or priests or reporters. Not my lawyer or that coroner whose testimony probably saved my life.

I spent decades butchering and selling clown meat, so I knew without a doubt that dead clowns are in fact very easy to distinguish from human corpses. Oh they look the same all right, but any clown butcher worth their salt can tell you the unique thing about clown meat–the reason that clown meat is so much easier to clean and cut and dress than any other type of animal flesh.