Ace Problems

At the moment it’s more than likely that this is going to remain an archive, but I’m not going to rule out the possibility of me doing something with the blog in the future. As it stands right now I have a lot on my plate with university and transitioning and other stuff (like moderating discords) so I don’t really have the time to dedicate to the blog. Thanks to everyone who follows though for all the support and interaction and fun, it’s been great to have the experience of helping people out and feeling like an active part of the community. I might do something similar at some point with a different blog, or come back here but right now I wouldn’t expect any new content.

You might have noticed that I’ve not been particularly active over the past few months, this has been due to exams and preparation for them however my actual exams are all this month so I have a plan to become more active, maybe take the blog in an interesting direction and just generally post more after this month is over. I might post a few things here or there this month but don’t expect a lot (not that you would be anyway aha). Sorry for not being very active, I’ve been quite busy!

While personally I think that doing something like that would be a bit more than I’m capable of at the moment, I have been an active member of an asexuality chat (formerly on chatzy, currently on discord) for approaching 2 years now. From this I have a multitude of friends who are ace, it has about 500 members as of right now!The chat is available through @theasexualityblog and has a blog for all news related to it at @acespacenewsI’d highly recommend people check it out as I’ve had a great time on it (plus you’ll get to meet me, potentially)

I feel that, my romantic orientation is a complete mess. Romantic attraction, at least for me, is harder to figure out than sexual attraction (but maybe that’s because I somewhat feel romantic orientation and feel no sexual attraction).Either way, your identity is valid (even if you’re not 100% sure what it is).

If the label fits and you like it, go ahead. However it kinda sounds like you might wanna question if you feel sexual attraction after an emotional connection is formed or you’re just more comfortable with people that you know well. Just something that might be worth asking yourself, hope this helps.

Thinking about sex doesn’t make you not asexual, having sex doesn’t make you not asexual. Being asexual is about sexual attraction, or a lack thereof. Hope this helps :)

Also uh, the masterpost is for lore stuff so nothing actually useful aha.

I discovered I was ace when I was 15ish, I told my girlfriend at the time. She broke up with me and it hurt, it hurt a lot. I was broken up for about a week, I felt like she only wanted me for sex and she didn’t care about me. For her it was pretty true but not everyone who requires sex in a relationship is like that. Some people just do and that’s fine and you’re not gonna be compatible with them.It’s a hard lesson to learn and it does narrow down potential relationships a bit but every relationship I’ve had since has been more fulfilling and more comfortable to me and that’s what’s important. At the end of the day, you might lose your SO and that sucks, it really does. Breakups suck for any reason, I recently had one end due to distance and it hurts but you just have to take it in your stride. Not everyone needs sex, loads of the ace community don’t like it, quite a few allosexual people don’t want/need it. It comes down to what you want from a relationship, you want (and deserve) to be comfortable, and forcing yourself to be sexual when you aren’t comfortable with it can be very damaging. Being honest about this kind of stuff is hard but it’s for the best. It’s not that you’re “too awkward”, if they leave you it’s because you’re not meant to be together. I hope this helps, again breakups really are shitty and if it happens (not saying it will) then it’ll hurt but you have a long life ahead of you full of people you don’t even know yet. I got a bit rambley in this one (don’t I always) aha, hope it was somewhat useful, for you or anyone else who feels similarly.

It comes easier to some than others, for me it took a few weeks of introspection. I started with questioning whether or not I was bi (as I suspected so because I didn’t particularly feel more sexual attraction to any gender, turns out that was because I don’t feel any sexual attraction aha) and I used a few quizzes and shit but mostly it was me thinking to myself and looking at my experiences and coming to the conclusion that I didn’t/don’t feel sexual attraction. At the end of the day there’s no harm in trying on the label for a bit to see if it fits if you think it applies to you. If you end up changing it later then that’s valid and not an issue. I hope this somewhat helps I think I’ve rambled a little.

You can want to have sex and still be asexual, a conscious want doesn’t define sexuality. What makes someone asexual is a lack of sexual attraction (which from what I’ve heard is a subconscious feeling of “I want to have sex with this specific person”) so wanting to have sex to make someone happy or strengthen the relationship doesn’t make you any less asexual.

As for different types of attraction, I’ll list a few:

Sexual Attraction: the subconscious urge to have sex with a specific person (never felt this so I’m going based on what others say)

Sensual Attraction: like touching and kissing and stuff, not necessarily sexual but can have some overlap

Aesthetic Attraction: liking how someone looks

Romantic Attraction: like sexual attraction but with romance

Platonic Attraction: the type of attraction involved in like friendships and stuff

I think there are more but those are what come to mind, I have some trouble differentiating between platonic and romantic (due to me being quoiromantic).

Any way of kissing can be whatever the two people feel it is, kissing isn’t inherently sexual/romantic but it can be considered so. In short, yes you can french kiss your friend for however long and have it still be platonic (but for 3+ hours you might wanna stop to breathe a few times).

I believe so? From what I’ve heard it’s like an automatic “I would like to have sex with this specific person” (as opposed to libido which is your body saying “I want sex in general”). I have however never felt it so I’m going of what allos have said.

Just be honest with her, direct her to sources and explain the difference between sexual and romantic orientation. If she’s fine with you being ace I doubt she’ll have a problem accepting your romantic orientation, although there’s always that possibility. If she has further questions you can always direct her here or to other asexuality blogs.

First things first, no you’re not too young to be able to explore your sexuality and describe yourself with labels. One of the most used arguments by people who say people are too young is that your sexuality might change but it’s a flawed argument because it derives its basis from the idea that sexuality is unchanging when it isn’t. Sexuality is fluid and if you end up not being asexual in the future then that doesn’t mean you’re not asexual right now, it’s not about your past feelings or future feelings it’s about now.Also in reference to the love thing, you could very well be aromantic if you do not know what romantic attraction feels like, or you could be somewhere else on the aro spectrum (such as quoiromantic) but if you feel like aromantic fits you then use it.

Gatekeeping based on age, be it related to sexuality or gender, irritates me to no end and is based on flawed arguments. I hope this helps!