your fav is ace

You are not getting pushback from the older segment of the queer community because you are young.

It’s because you came into the spaces we built for you and instantly tried to kick us out.

It’s because we opened the doors for you and you walked in and demanded that everyone you don’t like leave. You demanded that the kinksters, the crossdressers, the freaks and the weirdos, the non-binary trans folks, the people with conflicting identity labels, the people who apparently don’t enjoy their smut “the right way” leave.

It’s because you have thrown yourself into queer spaces with all the fucking audacity of a straight white woman raging at a rainbow flag in a grocery store, wailing about how it’s not appropriate for children.

It’s because you apparently think that you have some right to tell us, and other queer people your age, HOW to be queer.

It’s because a SCARY number of you think that using the word queer is bad in the first place.

It’s because so many of you have come here drowning in radfem rhetoric, and your response to being corrected is to scream “pedo!” At any queer peer who disagrees with your puritanical approach to kink and fantasy.

It’s because so many of you think that being LGBT+ means you can’t possibly hold onto the conservative values you grew up with, and when you’re called on it you attack anyone and everyone in your way.

Us queer elders aren’t hating on you because you’re young. It’s because you have come into the space we built- a space that we built on from what OUR queer elders built. Which was built on what THEIR queer elders built. And so on, all held up by a foundation of fucking blood of the queers who did not fucking survive, who we lost before I was born, and continue to be lost.

I'm assuming you mean this post (I haven't been on Tumblr most of today, and had a post queued, so just making sure.)

What I meant with that post was to say that you don't need a reason to not want to have sex/date and that you're allowed to say no, even if you have no reason. Basically to say these things are optional, and some people don't want them (either in a specific moment or generally), and can't explain why, or don't have a reason to feel how they do. No's always an option.

This isn't meant as a post for just aces and aros, this for anyone who feels this way regardless of identity. But I think still appropriate for this blog because it's something that effects a lot of aces and aros.

To a point though you can choose to be ace in the sense that you do choose your identity, and you do choose if you want to adopt a label or not. So ace could describe someone's experience, but they may still decide it's not a useful label for them and choose not to use it. For the most part allosexual people just won't be interested in ace as a label (there are exceptions, but generally speaking, people are drawn to ace as a label are drawn there for a reason.)

So hopefully that makes sense, but let me know if you still have questions. And especially let me know if I got the post you were referring to wrong.

That doesn't automatically make you ace.

Aka: public displays of affection vs performative displays of affection

I was talking to me mom today about PDA and, we got on the topic about how there really are two types of PDA: the first is really just displays of affection where you just happen to be in public and the second being where you are engaging in displays of affection specifically because you are in public.

I don’t know if I’m, exactly, explaining this right but like: sitting close next to a SO on a couch at a coffee shop because you enjoy sitting close to the person would be a public display of affection while, like, making a post on Facebook about how much you love your SO even though your SO doesn’t use Facebook and will never see it would be a performative display of affection.

And, I mean, there is kinda, probably, an overlap between the two but, I did decide to look it up and found this:

Although a number of people said they participated in PDA, 32% of people who identify as women and 37% of people who identify as men said that they had engaged in PDA in a strictly performative way. So it really wasn’t about being caught up in the moment with their partner — it was about grabbing other people’s attention.

this is for loveless aros who struggle with their faith and/or orientation, or who feel guilt about it, because of the importance put on by God being Love

Many sex repulsed aces grow up feeling like outcasts because everyone around them is interested in sex while they are uncomfortable, even disgusted by it. They feel like they are alone until they come across asexuality and hey, that sounds like me! They are now relieved because they’re not the only ones in the world who don’t want sex. There is nothing wrong with them after all. Then, they see an influx of posts about how you can be asexual and still enjoy sex. So now they feel like they’re being pushed aside in favor of aces who like sex. Because to them, everyone else in the world likes sex so wtf.

On the other end, correct me if I’m wrong, but many sex favorable aces grow up feeling like they don’t quite fit in either. Something is missing. They spend their whole lives wondering why they are the way they are. They come across the asexual label, assume it’s about “not liking sex” so they quickly abandon it and continue not knowing why they are the way they are. It’s not until they read one of the posts about how asexuals aren’t all sex averse that they actually start questioning if they’re ace. To them, it’s important that people know that asexuals can be sex favorable and enjoy sex, because so many aces go through life not knowing what they are because aces are stereotyped as not liking sex. They want to break that stereotype.

Both sex repulsed and sex favorable aces deserve validation. Both deserve their own, special posts. Both belong in the ace community. 

Sex repulsed aces, understand that sex favorable aces need that validation because they spent so much time lost and confused because of the assumption that asexual = disliking sex.

Sex favorable aces, understand that sex repulsed aces need that validation because they spent so much time lost and confused because everyone seems to love sex and they feel alone because of it.

In honor of a sweet new year, as well as Loki's complex multiversal relationship with candy, this week's prompt is:

Sweet

You can interpret the prompt however you like. There is a soft limit of 1,000 words per work, though you can write as many as you want for a given prompt.

You have the choice to post your fic in the AO3 collection and/or on tumblr or any other site; if you aren’t using the AO3 collection, you can send a submission with a link to your story so that others can find it here.

I’m curious to know: have any of y’all ever had a crush on someone without getting butterflies?

If so, what did that feel like? How did you know it was a crush?

Does their presence cause a noticeable shift in myself? (a "shift" can be a shift in emotion, like feeling happier or more curious about them, or behavioral like immediately talking to them or drawing closer to them subconsciously)

(Not a checklist thing but a huge tell for me is that if it's a crush I can no longer look them in the face without feeling shy lol, and starting to go out of my way to see/talk to them whenever possible)

If I found out they already have a partner or otherwise wouldn't be interested in one with me would I feel disappointed? (If yes then, in tangent with thinking about shifts in my feelings/behavior, I start considering it to be a crush)

Do I want something other than what our current relationship is giving? ("something other" to me usually means wanting more special attention from them given to me, or physical things like holding hands)

How strongly do I want "something other" from this person?

Can I get what I'm currently getting in this relationship with this person with someone else? (i.e. I feel a close bond with person A, but I would also be just as satisfied if I had had ended up in a similarly close relationship with person B)

If no to the above question, what is it that makes this particular current relationship feel special to me?

If I were to bring up my feelings to them, how ok would I be with the relationship shifting? (not necessarily in a good or bad way, just any kind of shift)

Which is stronger, my want for "something other," or for simply strengthening and maintaining the current relationship?

wow that's really long lmao and imo asking yourself every question and psychoanalyzing yourself is kinda counterintuitive..... if you think you're developing romantic feelings for someone and enjoy their company enough to be thinking hard about it then at the very least if you feel it's appropriate it's worth having a conversation about it with them and seeing how it goes (doesnt even have to be a "confession" just like. check in and see where they're at lol)

sometimes there’s a little giddy heart hiccup-type thing, and maybe other people are different but for me that’s always romantic

I look at romantic attraction as being a pull to want to do things you find romantic with the person. So I’ll want to hold hands or kiss or whatever.

Suddenly their face is endlessly fascinating. I’m allosexual so this isn’t a shift in sexual attraction; it’s purely a romantic thing. I’m happy to stare at hot people any time but this is different. Every expression is interesting because you want to know what they’re thinking and feeling. You find yourself staring at their features and not really focussed on how hot they are or anything: it’s more a heart-eyes kind of thing of admiration and fluffy joy at being in their presence.

I’ve also sometimes had the classic thing where you feel physically nauseated from a crush (origin of the term “heartsick,” yes that’s based on an actual thing and isn’t more allo nonsense XD ). I don’t think I’ve actually had it since the first time I experienced romantic attraction and that was a Lot of Feeling that I was completely unfamiliar with so maybe the newness of it was a factor. It is sort of mixed in with giddiness generally and isn’t unpleasant. I’d advise to move on if your attraction is ever not bringing you joy. Marie Kondo that shit.

wanting and not wanting at the same time

in fact i think a lot of aro-ace people really hate that part of themselves, hide it, and struggle for a long time to ‘accept’ who they are and feel any sense of ‘pride’. that’s the feeling i wanted to capture here. the disappointment, the loneliness, upon realising that you can’t feel what is such a wonderful thing. the embarrassment of not being ‘normal’, of being some random sexuality that nobody irl has heard of, and letting down those around you because you can’t be who they want you to be. how desperately you want to change, how desperately you want to feel. but you just can’t.

i know not all aro-ace people feel like this. i know lots of aro and/or ace people feel able to be in relationships, to feel closeness and have partners in other ways. but i think it’s important to be aware that some aro-ace people do feel like this.

the comments on this comic have mostly been great but a few have been very frustrating. a comment it got a lot was along the lines of ‘aw!! you don’t need to have sex to be in a relationship!’. you completely missed the point, hah. this is not a comic about sex. it’s about a lack of feeling, the lack of something beautiful other people seem to have. another comment that popped up a few times was ‘maybe she’s a lesbian’. well maybe lesbians and aro/ace girls have more in common than people think - maybe they both often struggle to accept that they feel no attraction to men, even though society has conditioned them to do so, sometimes spending years trying to force themselves to like men in that way, when they just can’t.

this comic is called ‘wanting and not wanting at the same time’ because she wants to love. but when it comes down to the reality, she can’t fulfil the requirements of that. she wants to love someone forever, to get married and have children and grow old with her soulmate, but she doesn’t want it with this person. or that person. or anyone she meets or will ever meet. a sort of catch 22, i guess.

Yes, some people experience attraction only during a certain part of their period cycle. This is a thing, and it's not just you. Periods have a huge affect on a body's chemistry and affects a lot of things, especially around hormones. And attraction is really complex and involves a lot of factors and can definitely be affected by that.

So yeah, definitely possible, and something I've seen a few discussions on in a-spec spaces, so it's not too unusual.

Welcome to the sixth edition of #AggressivelyArospecWeek!

#AggressivelyArospecWeek (#AAW) is a week-long event promoting the creation of arospec fancontent by arospec creators.

Our event aims to create a space where arospec creators are free to explore their identities through fanwork. We believe that fandom is a great way to share our passions, our interests and to empower one another in our arospec identities. All while having loads of fun!

Please join us from June 20 to June 26 2021 and enjoy a small explosion of arospec fancontent. You’re welcome to submit any type of content for the event, whether it be fanfic, headcanons, mixtapes, fanart,… Anything goes!

Any content you submit has to be centered around a character’s arospec identity (whether that character is canonically arospec or you headcanon them as so.) Content can be about any fandom whatsoever!

To submit, please make a new post during the event week and tag it as #AggressivelyArospecWeek, or submit your work directly to our blog through the ask and submission boxes. Your post will then be reblogged on the Aggressively Arospec blog.

We also have a Twitter account, so use the hashtags #AggressivelyArospecWeek and #AAW21 if you tweet about your work on there. You can also mention us in your tweet to be sure we don’t miss it and can retweet it. Do submit through tumblr if you can, however, since that is the best way to get your contribution archived with all the others.

Lastly, a collection will be opened on Archive of our Own to round up all the fanfics posted on there.

We can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!

59 asexual vs 19 aromantic

59 sounds like kinda a lot but when you think about how that’s spread over tv, film, animation, video games, literature, web comics, graphic novels etc its almost nothing.

And then only 19 aromantic characters, with only 1 of those listed NOT also identifying as asexual (aka 18 are asexual aromantic).

Obviously there might be more ace and aro characters than this, these numbers are just what’s listed on the respective Wikipedia pages, but either way the lack of ace and aro rep in the media is just not good enough.

Ace and aro people deserve to see themselves represented in the media.

Asexuality and aromanticism are not intrinsically linked, one can exist without the other.

Um, yeah they do. They may not experience public harassment as much as those attracted to the same gender or those who don’t present stereotypically for their AGAB, but they still experience oppression.

A definition of oppression is “mental pressure or distress” (definition from Oxford Languages). And anyone who’s living through this continued dearth of representation for same-sex couples and trans/non-binary people knows what that feels like. But there’s much less representation for aspecs. Romance is considered central to the YA genre, and many novels, shows, and movies, especially those for adults, contain sexual content. The idea that everyone must date, marry, have children, and experience sexual desire is even more ingrained into Western society, and cultures around the world, than heterosexuality. Parents expect it, friends expect it, and by some, desire for sex and romance is seen as what makes us human (which is obviously completely untrue), or what common thread the LGBTQ community has with people who are cisgender, heterosexual, heteromantic, and non-intersex.