When they got jealous of your Christmas gift (MATZ + YUNHO)
You keep distancing yourself (Hyung Line)
When they reject you... but it wasn't a confession (MATZ)
When they reject you... but it wasn't a confession (WOOSAN)
You're hyper independent (Hyung Line)
You're hyper independent (Maknae Line)
-> ONE SHOTS
... meet cute? - poly!ateez
To meet the legend campus himself on a random day was not on your Christmas bingo card this year.
-> SERIES
The "u" in "us" - an OT8 ateez series
-> PARK SEONGHWA MASTERLIST
Birthday Miracle (F)
Park Seonghwa was shy guy, what an understatement and you aren't that far from it, so what kind of miracle is going to finally change your relationship for the better?
Picnic Date (From the 300 followers event)(F)
You and Seonghwa went out for a special date you've been planning for a long time now. After such a crazy year, you both deserved a calm day to yourselves.
The Cat and The Fox (F/A) I II III
You never even considered adopting nor fostering a cat in all the 25 years of my life, so why do you have a gray cat laid down on your couch, licking his fur without any worry in the world, as if that was his rightful place since the start?
-> KIM HONGJOONG MASTERLIST
You and his work (F)
Or a series of things he does to spend more of his time with you.
Written in the stars (From the 300 followers event (F)
In a world of soulmates and gifted beings, every time a couple found each other it was a very interesting sight to see. Now it was Hongjoong's turn, and it wasn't going how he expected to be.
Safe and Sound (From the 100 followers event) (F/A)
Prompts used: "rough day? I can make it better" - "you don't have to be strong all the time" - "do you want a hug?"
Pretty Boy (F)
The night seemed perfect to tease the hell out of Hongjoong, but he didn't care a single bit, since you called him pretty.
A MOMMA'S BOY (A)
You made the mistake of falling in love with a momma's boy, and, well, this is the consequences of your heart's actions.
-> JEONG YUNHO MASTERLIST
Different as black and white (From the 300 followers event)(F/S)
You both had always been so different from each other, anyone could easily tell, everyone made a point to always comment on it, but you always held the tinniest hope that this wouldn't stop Yunho from liking you someday... the thing is, it never did.
Payback (F) I II
Yunho decides to host a little watch party of the first episode of your new drama on Netflix together, but he doesn't share with you his secret agenda for the day.
Hype Boy (F)
Your boyfriend hypes you up before you go to the nail salon.
-> KANG YEOSANG MASTERLIST
So this is love (F)
With him, you're able to experience what love actually means.
To be better for you (F)
Yeosang isn't one to express his love through words, and thereโs nothing more he wants than change that
-> CHOI SAN MASTERLIST
Little Things (F)
You don't accept expensive gifs on your birthday, and San doesn't question it until you say you didn't want any gift at all this year. Now that's... that's something he can't let it go.
Kind Eyes in an Intimidating Face (F)
Or the iconic moment you, an established idol in the industry, got San flustered for all the internet to witness
-> SONG MINGI MASTERLIST
Baking a happy birthday (From the 300 followers event) (F)
Mingi didn't really care for his birthday, but he still got the best present he could ever ask for, you.
-> JEONG WOOYOUNG MASTERLIST
Better than words (From the 300 followers event) (F)
Wooyoung considered himself a very straight-to-the-point kind of person, but what can he do when you make him so damn nervous all the time?
The Cat and The Fox (F/A) I II III
You never even considered adopting nor fostering a cat in all the 25 years of my life, so why do you have a gray cat laid down on your couch, licking his fur without any worry in the world, as if that was his rightful place since the start?
-> CHOI JONGHO MASTERLIST
Jongho as a bear hybrid (F)
This is a special HC for Jongho's birthday last year with my favorite trope of all time for him โก
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genre: poly!surfers!ateez x fem!reader, childhood best friend!san, sort of college!au, slice of life and coming of age, slow burn, fluff, angst
length: 38.7k
c/w: surfer!ateez (deserves a warning), explicit profanity, hella angst, mentions of alcohol, themes of sexuality and homophobia, arguments, implied toxicity (not the boys), miscommunication, kissing, m x m interactions
synopsis: when you move away from your hometown at the age of six, you discover that summer in namhae takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding handsโ choi san. but as the summers go past and he goes to seoul for college, bringing back new friends each year, you start to develop feelings that run deeper than just friendship. will your summers of youth become ones of love and dreams, or will they end in pain and heartbreak?
a/n: i owe the biggest thank you to yumi @sorryimananti-romantic for making this fic possible and for all the support she's given me in the last three months. this fic has quickly become one that i hold dearly in my heart because of how healing it has been to write, so i hope this is also healing to read โก
itโs the first day of summer when you move to namhae.
the houses and trees flicker past and eventually peter out into vaster fields, mudflats and stretches of beach as your father drives through the countryside from yeosu to namhae. you idly wonder if summer in namhae will be like what it is back in your hometown.
it isnโt very comfortable wedged between your parents in the middle seat of the mini-truck, especially when some of the roads become unpaved as you arrive closer to the village. but youโre wearing your cute, yellow sundress with bumble bees across the front pocket, which is your big-girl dress, so you can deal with the bumpiness a little longer without complaining. the truck sounds like itโs going to give out as it groans and sputters to a stop in front of what will be your new home.
tentatively, you hop out and look around. itโs a quaint beach house that rests along a modest coastal embankment. when you walk closer to the edge of the port, you see that thereโs a stretch of sand that leads to the ocean, and a little further down the coast is another beach houseโ your new neighbours.
the rattle of your truck must have alerted them to your arrival, because they come out with warm smiles and even warmer greetings. they exchange handshakes and hugs with your parents, then the attention falls to you. thereโs a boy who peers out from behind his motherโs legs as she compliments your dress, his round eyes brimming with curiosity at the sight of a potential playmate other than his sister. you cling onto the side of your motherโs dress and the adults share a laugh.
the boyโs mother gently nudges him forward. โgo on, sweetie. say hi.โ
with another nod of encouragement, the boy shuffles closer to you with an impish grin. you realise heโs shorter than you are. โhi, iโm san. iโm six years old and i like the sea!โ
the grip you have on your motherโs dress loosens a little as you mumble shyly in return, โiโm y/n. iโm six and i like the sea too.โ
his smile grows impossibly wider, and his eyes and remaining reservations disappear at your words. reaching out, he grabs your hand in a physical declaration of friendship. your other hand falls away from your motherโs dress.
โweโre going to go play at the beach,โ he announces, because youโre his friend now and friends play together.
on your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.
โsannie!โ you skid across the wooden floorboards of his living room in your sock-clad feet, startling his father who is sitting on the couch with a newspaper.
he peers at you from above his glasses with the smile that stays consistently warm, be it from him or his son. he chuckles, โhello, sweetheart, here to play with san again?โ
you bow slightly in greeting and nod before you whiz off once more in the direction of sanโs room. summer vacation has only just started and you and san have already spent seven summers together, but there are crabs to chase and waves to splash and sandcastles to build so thereโs not a day to be wasted.
โchoi san!โ you holler again, thundering up to his door. youโre about to yank it open when san opens it from the opposite side, excitement already plastered across his face as he starts to yell your name too.
the moment he appears, you hurtle into his chest for a hug that ends up knocking you both off-balance. he stumbles backwards with you in his arms and rebounds off the edge of his bed, sending you both sprawling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. youโve become familiar with the way his bedroom floor feels from these exact moments, and youโve also become familiar with the way sanโs arms feel around you from being wrapped up in his tight cuddles. you may love the sea, but you love being with san just a little more.
โdo you have your bucket?โ you ask, still tangled together on the floor in a mess of limbs and untamed hair.
san props himself up on an elbow and reaches behind you to reveal a large, plastic bucket. itโs purple with a white handle and it matches yours; blue with a white handle and still lying on its side from when you dropped it in favour of hugging san.
you sweep up your bucket with a cheeky grin, โrace you to the beach!โ using sanโs chest as leverage to stand up, then pushing him onto his back again by his shoulders for good measure, you take off for the door.
โthatโs cheating!โ he yells after you.
you sprint with glee back through the living room, barely managing to brake in time to avoid running headfirst into his mother. you greet and farewell her in a single breath before youโre off again, forgoing your sandals when you hear the thundering of sanโs footsteps and a warbled bye mum! bye dad! catching up behind you.
the pavement is hot under the bare soles of your feet but soon enough you leap off the sidewalk, bucket clattering in your hand, and the ground turns cool and soft as you run across the sinking sand. san jumps after you with a battlecry of his own and you scream when you feel him right on your tail. he catches up as you near the waves and with a final burst of energy, he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him.
your grip on your bucket is lost once more when you yelp and focus on keeping up insteadโ sanโs only got an inch on you now but why is he so much faster than you? the wet sand starts to grow colder, salty water splashing everywhere the further you sprint. neither of you slow downโ not that you could with san dragging you along right into the thick of the crashing waves as he whoops.
you dread the day san will actually be tall enough to pick you up and toss you into the water, but for now, you give him the satisfaction of pretending. you wait for him to bend down a little, then you kick the water right into his face. he splutters indignantly and blinks the sting away until he can see the wide smirk on your face. his tongue pokes his cheek as he gives you a scandalised smile, before he cocks his head and sniggers, โyour turn.โ
you take that as your cue to run. san dips his bucket into the water, scooping it up full to the brim, then starts chasing you with faux anger that makes you shriek in delight. you yell breathless apologies over your shoulder in between giggles but they all fall upon deaf ears as he continues streaking after you, bucket held high like a madman with an axe.
you end up slowing down because itโs hard to run through water, and youโre met with the icy downpour of water over your head. san laughs triumphantly when you look at him with the ferocity of a soaked kitten. you eye his bucket and weigh up the odds of snatching it out of his hands versus dunking him headfirst underwater through sheer force. realistically, you have no chances of doing either. plus, san knows you too well.
โuse your own bucket, you loser,โ he banters as he hides his. and yet, he walks back to retrieve your bucket for you before itโs swept out by the waves.
โare you cold?โ san asks whilst passing it to you.
thereโs vigour and liveliness thrumming through your every vein. โno,โ you answer, โโm not cold.โ never with you.
he nods, โlet me know if you do get cold, okay? iโll grab you a jacket or something.โ
โmy house is literally next to yours. i can get one if i need to,โ you chuckle.
โi know, but itโs the principle of it. just shut up and let me have my chivalrous moment.โ san sits with the characteristic huffiness of a teenager who thinks heโs all grown up now that heโs in high school. but itโs not very convincing when he immediately starts to shovel sand into his bucket with the enthusiasm of a puppy.
โokay, thank you, sannie. iโll let you know if i so much as shiver,โ you dotingly appease him.
he nods diligently, then pats the sand next to him for you to sit down too. you join him in filling up the buckets with sand so that you two can make your thirty second attempt to build a five-tiered sandcastle pyramid. so far, youโve only ever gotten to the third layer before it starts to crumble apart.
โwhatโs wrong?โ you ask when san stops packing the sand into his bucket.
you realise heโs distracted by something in the distance and you follow his line of sight to find a lone surfer riding a wave in the horizon. san watches as the manโs body becomes an extension of the oceanโ a dancing duet with the rolling waves as he stands steadily on his board with powerful elegance. when the board glides towards the shore, the man spreads his arms like an eagleโs wings and lets himself fall backwards into the sway of the water.
san is suddenly filled with yearning to learn of the seaโs choreography. he declares, โi want to become a surfer.โ
โwhat happened to becoming a dancer?โ you raise an eyebrow. because if thereโs one thing that san loves just as much as the sea, then itโs dancing.
โbecoming a dancer is still my dream. i meant surfing as an interest,โ he breathes out. โjust look at him. he looks soโฆfree.โ
you can see it in the way sanโs eyes follow the surferโs movements and sparkle with wonderโ the moment he falls utterly and hopelessly in love. โthen try it,โ you encourage, โwhatโs stopping you?โ
san tears his gaze away from the ocean to look at you instead. the same, loving gaze stays on his face. โnothing,โ he proclaims with a growing smile. โabsolutely nothing.โ
san has all the summers in the world to surf. and youโll be there with him for every single one.
you watch as san fixes his surfboard to the top of his black jeepโ the last of his luggage to be loaded.
โi donโt get why youโre taking that with you. thereโs probably nowhere to even surf in seoul.โ you know you sound like a snobby six-year-old and not the eighteen-year-old that you are, but you donโt really care right now. not when san is leaving and you wonโt be able to attend college together like you thought you would be.
tugging on the straps once more to check that theyโre secure, he chuckles, โdoesnโt hurt to take it just in case.โ when he sees the forlorn look on your face he adds, โiโll be back every summer, yeah?โ
โit wonโt be the same. who am i going to hang out with every day?โ you grumble.
san laughs endearingly, โitโs only until i graduate.โ
โor you find a job or a girlfriend and then youโll stay in seoul forever.โ you cross your arms defiantly as san steps closer and reaches out to ruffle your hair. where you had stopped growing at fifteen, san is still growing and he now towers almost half a head over you.
โjust four yearsโno job, no girlfriendโand then iโll be back. i promise.โ he opens his arms a little, โnow, do i get my goodbye hug or do i need to tickle it out of you instead?โ
you huff before uncrossing your arms and sinking into his warm embrace. he folds you into his chest as your arms wrap around his waist. closing your eyes, you memorise the feeling of his back muscles flexing under your hands while he gently rocks you side to side. you soak in his body heat that swaddles your entire being in safety and home. you breathe him in one last time when you bury your face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling the steady pulse that beats there.
โiโll miss you,โ you whisper, because you donโt trust your voice not to crack if you speak any louder.
san presses a soft kiss against your hairline and admits, โiโll miss you more.โ
you bite back the urge to respond with โthen stayโ, cherishing the moment for a little longer instead, before you step away so that he can say his goodbyes to his family. he hugs them one by one; his father, his sister, haneul, and lastly, his mother. sheโs discreetly wiping at her tears and you have to look away so that you donโt start crying too. because if you start crying, everything will become blurry, and you canโt afford that when this is the last time youโll see san until next summer.
you all gather around the driverโs window thatโs rolled down to the very bottom when san is finally seated. seeing him buckle his seatbelt ready to leave overwhelms you with a sense of finality and your eyes well up before you can blink the hotness away. san stretches a hand out to thumb away your tears and makes a sad noise, โdonโt cry, please? we can call whenever you want.โ
you sniffle, โcall me when you arrive?โ
he nods with that dimpled smile you are already starting to miss. and then just like that, your best friend is gone. you stand outside his house for a stretch of time, even after the outline of his jeep has long since disappeared into the distance. it may be the last week of summer, but it feels like itโs the middle of winter today.
sanโs eyes flick upwards to look in the rearview mirror, even though he hasnโt been able to see your reflection the last three times heโs looked. he had tried to appear as collected as he could to avoid making it any harder for you, but now he regrets not holding your hand a little longer; a little tighter. and if san tears up a little as he starts the four-hour drive up to seoul, then thatโs between him, the car, and the playlist you made just for him.
you absentmindedly tug on a crease in your bed sheets as you laze on your bed, phone on speaker so you donโt have to hold it. โwhat was that?โ you pull your device closer to your ear. โare you going somewhere?โ
there it is againโ the beeping sound of a car in reverse. the warning signal stops as san answers vaguely, โhome.โ
you jolt up into a sitting position, a growing sense of excitement making its way across your face as you dare to ask, โhome?โ
โyeah, home,โ san confirms, and you can hear the smile in his voice this time. โi told you iโd see you soon, didnโt i?โ
โi didnโt think you meant in five literal minutes,โ you almost trip over your own feet in your hurry to slip some shoes on. โoh my god, is that why you said you couldnโt facetime me?โ
you can hear his answer this timeโ not the scratchy voice that comes from your speaker, noโ the smooth deepness of sanโs voice close by. and there he is. after almost a year of freezing days, absent dimples and longing calls, choi san is finally back in namhae for the summer.
in quick succession, you notice three things. one, san has returned from seoul with triple the number of surfboards that he left with, strapped to the top of his black jeep. two, said man is now almost a whole head taller than you as he watches you with a smirk and disconnects your call. and three, heโs not alone.
if you think that san is tall, then the two guys that hop out of the jeep after him are even taller. one of them runs a veiny hand through his dark brown locks, which fall back down to softly frame his face. the other turns in your direction after closing his door and you realise youโve seen him beforeโ both of them, actually.
on top of your spontaneous calls with san, you facetime him every friday afternoon after your own classes have finished. heโs usually in one of the universityโs dance studios because, as a dance major at kq university, the studio is basically his second home. san mentions his friends every now and then and theyโll appear behind him to say hello to you or youโll be able to hear them in the background of the call.
quite frankly, the crusty quality of sanโs front camera hardly does them justice because wow. theyโre hot. and tall. theyโre not letting you forget that fact when the three of them step away from the jeep and closer to where you and sanโs family are waiting to welcome them.
san greets his parents with a hug before he gestures to his friends one by one, โyunho, mingi. the friends i was telling you about.โ
yunho and mingi thank sanโs parents for letting them stay the summer and apologise in advance for the inconvenience. but from the way theyโre immediately told that their extended stay is more than welcome and that hopefully the drive down from seoul wasnโt too tiring, you know sanโs parents have already adopted the two well-mannered boys as their own sons.
โhey, pipsqueak,โ san sidles up to your side whilst his parents fuss over his friends.
you look at him, appalled by the sudden nickname, and even more so as you swat his hand away when he playfully ruffles your hair to tease, โlooks like youโve been busy doing everything but growing.โ
โon second thoughts, maybe i donโt really miss you.โ
san laughs, the tinkle of the sound like the crisp smell of the ocean during sunrise. he pulls you into him and thatโs all it takes for you to melt in his embrace. despite your earlier quip, youโve missed san terribly. it finally feels like namhae now that his familiar arms are around you again.
the rumble of sanโs chest is soothing as he says, โwell, i miss you. itโs good to be back home.โ
you pull back a little to look up at him and god, heโs gotten so much taller. โitโs good to have you back home, choi san.โ
the sound of approaching footsteps breaks your hug apart and you give the two boys a friendly smile as san roughly introduces your names, โbut you all already know that, considering you guys basically see each other every week.โ
โon top of the fact that san doesnโt shut up about you,โ mingi jokes.
san punches him in the arm and mingi amends himself with a laugh, โnamhae! he doesnโt shut up about namhae!โ
yunho snorts, then offers you a small hug as he properly introduces himself. he leaves enough space between your bodies for the holy spirit to boogie when his arms encircle you, and you honestly find his courtesy extremely endearing.
โare you two also dance majors?โ you ask.
โyeah, so we share some classes together,โ yunho explains. โmingi and san are in the department of dance performance though, whereas iโm in choreo, so they have all their classes together and i only share the core ones with them.โ
โgood thing, too,โ mingi joins the conversation and rests an arm around the otherโs shoulder. โiโve known him since high school and i was honestly starting to get a little sick of his face.โ
he earns himself a jab to the side and he keels over with a dramatic groan. both san and yunho ignore him in favour of stepping back towards the jeep to unload their surfboards. you eye the boards with curiosity, recognising the white deck with the yellow and blue tail to be sanโs. the design is simple, but san had used his own money to purchase it as his first transition board after the beginner-level mini malibu his parents had gifted him, so itโs his baby.
โare these all yours?โ you question as san rests the tail of his board on the ground.
he shakes his head with a flustered laugh, โthe guys brought theirs along too.โ
mingi reaches for his board after yunho takes his and your jaw drops to the ground. โyou all surf? wait, so you can surf in seoul?!โ
โno, you were right. you canโt,โ san chortles in embarrassment. โbut there are a couple of indoor surfing places that we can go to.โ
mingi hikes his surfboard against his hip, โdoesnโt beat the real thing, though.โ
โnope, which is exactly why weโre crashing. sorry, by the wayโwe probably shouldโve asked you whether we could come,โ yunho scratches the back of his neck.
you frown, โof course you can. itโs not like iโm the town head of namhae or anything.โ
โbut they know we spend our summers together,โ san lightly bumps you with the side of his hip.
โoh,โ you can feel heat creeping across your cheeks, so you force it away by jumping on the opportunity to tease, โyou know what? mingi was right. you donโt shut up about me, do you.โ
mingi hollers at the ammunition you have just given him for future use and even yunho slaps his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. itโs amusing to see san flustering so easily now that thereโs a new dynamic of friendship between you and the other two boys, and san resorts to giving both of his friendsโ asses a good-natured kick in the direction of the beach.
as they lumber off with their boards sniggering, san effortlessly hoists his own board up and sideways and beckons, โletโs go.โ
โyou know i canโt surf, san.โ
he flicks your nose fondly with his free hand, โnot to surf, silly. letโs go get our buckets.โ
your eyes widen and you stand on your tiptoes with excitement, โbuckets?โ
โof course,โ san waggles his eyebrows up and down with his dual dimples. โweโve got some serious sandcastle-building to show off.โ
half an hour later, all three surfboards are tossed to one side in the wet sand as you share the buckets for an intense showdown between the โnamhae ninjasโ and the โhighschool homiesโ. san had shot down your suggestion to alliterate your team name with the word โneighboursโ, claiming it was an insult to the bestfriendshipness between you two, but hadnโt been able to come up with a much better alternative himself.
san holds his breath as you upturn another moulded bucket of sand onto the third tier of your sandcastle pyramid. with little surprise, the foundation starts to crumble and triggers a chain reaction that topples it all over. as always, some things just donโt change, even over time.
mingi laughs at your sandy ruins with an awful lot of audacity for someone who had watched yunho build most of their sandcastle, only to then add a little stick at the very top as a finishing touch. he grabs his phone from where he had left it on the safety of his discarded towel and holds up the front camera to take a photo of you all.
where there used to be two sandcastles between two friends, there are now two sandcastles between four. mingi snaps the photo, eternalising the moment. some things do change over time, and sometimes, change is just the beginning of a new chapter.
โwhich one do you think looks better?โ
your mother takes a step back to scrutinise yunhoโs pick. โthis one,โ she points, โthe other colour palette clashes too much.โ
san nods solemnly in agreement and mingi squints at his own choice from beside. with the seriousness of their expressions, one would think that theyโre discussing investment properties. in reality, youโre watching your trio of friends and your mother earnestly matching and colour-coordinating the floral prints of your fatherโs flowy farming pants to their button-up shirts.
noticing the dubious frown on mingiโs face, your mother nonchalantly skims her fingertips over the pants heโs holding. โthis is one of my favourites because it has little leaves on it,โ she remarks, before dropping her voice to a whisper so that only mingi can hear her next words. โit matches your shirt. i think youโll look the best in it.โ
he immediately perks up and you canโt help but compare him to a sunflower that thrives the most under a loving hand. itโs incredibly cute and you can also tell that your mother feels the same, if not obvious from the way she has been giving him extra hugs and compliments all summer.
you rejoin the boys after you have all changed into your pants. it takes a lot of self control not to laugh when you see how seriously they are taking their get-up; rubber boots hiked up to their knees over their floral pants, and their straw hats secured snugly with the chin straps. even as disinterested as your father originally was when the trio had first arrived at the beginning of summer, he now lingers behind the sliding glass doors to watch you and san attempt to teach the tall boys how to plant rice seedlings in the paddy field.
yunho grabs a small, prepared bed of seedlings and turns to look at you cheekily. โwant to be a rice friend and show me how to plant these?โ
you level him with a stare that makes him chuckle and apologise, โsorry, i wonโt say that a-grain.โ
he looks awfully pleased with himself, so you turn on your heels in pretence to ditch him for mingi instead. you let out an involuntary yelp when yunho prevents your escape by quite literally manhandling you back next to him. he dares to up his charm by using his wide, sparkling eyes on you as he thrusts the seedlings into your hands, like a child waiting for you to open a bag of snacksโ how could anybody say no?
you talk him through your demonstration, separating a small cluster of seedlings from the seedbed before transplanting it into the field. once he seems confident, you let him take over. itโs mesmerising to watch yunhoโs hands as he deftly carries out each stepโ the way his long and slender fingers move with coordination and grace. despite it being his first time, he works skillfully like someone with years of experience. youโve come to realise that yunhoโs good at doing things that involve physicality, like dancing, surfing, and now farming.
โhow did you start surfing?โ you wonder.
yunho stills momentarily, before he separates another cluster of seedlings and runs his fingers through its green shoots. โi actually started surfing because mingi wanted to try,โ his voice is fond. โitโs been four or five years now.โ
โthatโs really sweet of you.โ
he ducks his head bashfully, then asks, โwhat about you? how come you donโt surf?โ
โsan roped me into his first few lessons, but i never got the hang of it so i stopped,โ you reveal. โi prefer watching, anyway.โ
โmaybe you just didnโt have a good teacher. i could teach you one day?โ
you donโt doubt that he would make a good teacher, but you would most definitely be a terrible student. the shirt and board shorts that leave very little to imagination when heโs soaked, and the water that drips from the ends of his hair down his jawline and neck are distracting enough as they are from a distance.
you chuckle, โyouโre going to need a lot longer than just a few days to turn me into a surfer. you guys leave this weekend, donโt you?โ
โthatโs true,โ he hums. โbut thereโs always next summerโฆif youโd like that?โ
at his words, you suddenly donโt know where to look. the rosiness that starts to colour your cheeks makes a small part of you hope that there is an underlying hint of flirting in his question. before you can answer though, youโre interrupted by san peering over your shoulder to look at yunhoโs progress. โof course youโre good at this too.โ
you crane your neck to look around san, where you find mingi squatting and planting seedlings in the rows that are within armโs reach.
โhowโs he going?โ
san glances back, โheโs, uhโwell. heโs trying.โ
โmy hardest!โ mingi yells across the field.
with a laugh, you stand up and slowly make your way towards him, leaving san and yunho to lay down the rules to see who can plant the most seedlings in the next half an hour. because apparently, everything needs to be a competition between them.
the seedlings that mingi has planted donโt look that bad, honestly. theyโre a little lopsided, the spacing and height of each seedling a little inconsistent, but for his first time it really isnโt all too bad. you tell him such and squat down beside him. โhere, let me show you.โ
you gently remove one of the seedlings from the watery mud whilst talking, โthey may just be plants, but theyโre like people, too. if you treat them with love and care, you can see the same reflected in them.โ you neaten the sides of the hole as you add, โyou know, itโs kind of like how yunho loves and cares for you.โ
having spent all summer with the pair, you notice all the times yunho subtly perks his head up to locate where the other boy is. all the times yunho brings him into conversation or back into the little huddle youโre all standing in. all the times yunho will wait for mingi to say what he wants or thinks before saying the same thing himself.
your fingers ease the seedling into the hole, then you fill it with soil and pat it down firmly to give the shoot the support it needs. โyunho told me he started surfing because you wanted to.โ
at your words, mingi nods with a wistful smile; completely different from his characteristic cheerfulness. even the brightest of stars have moments where their twinkle dulls. โi was going through a rough time at home and i wanted something to distract myselfโฆgive myself a reason to get out of the house, even if just for a few hours,โ he reveals. โsometimes, yunho and i skipped our morning classes and he would take me on long trips to the beach just so that we could surf.โ
โiโm glad you had him to help you through that.โ
โyeah, heโs helped me a lot,โ mingi agrees. โhe still does. sannie too.โ as he talks, mingi attempts to plant another seedling the way you have shown him, and this time, it stands tall and proud amongst the other shoots beside the one you have planted.
โhow are things at home now?โ you ask.
he shrugs aloofly, an indirect answer that tells you everything you need to know. his gaze settles on the other half of your little summer quartet, who are now in heated debate over the winner of the planting competition. โboth of them knew that i didnโt want to go back to my hometown over summer. thatโs why san asked if we wanted to come here with him. thanks for letting us stay this summer, y/n. itโs meant a lot to me.โ
your heart breaks a little at his words and you nudge him playfully, โstop treating me like iโm the head of namhae. thereโll always be a place here for the both of you.โ
he lets out a laugh, a glimpse of his usual self. โwe just know how much summers mean to you and san.โ
โand meanings can always change for the better,โ you counter with a smile.
mingi feels warm from the very inside. for a moment, only you and him exist in this bubble of comfort as you simply gaze at each other. and it doesnโt go unnoticed. yunho stretches his back with a satisfied exhale at sanโs admittance of defeat before glancing at the two of you looking nice and cosy in the exact same corner of the paddy field you were working on half an hour ago.
โhave you two just been sitting there this whole time?โ yunho narrows his eyes as his words draw sanโs attention.
โno?โ you flimsily say, at the same time mingi confidently declares, โyes.โ
the man beside you is back to his usual antics as he giddily fans the fire by gloating, โwhat are you going to do about it?โ
yunho and san glance at each other and you start rising to your feet at the foreboding of danger. they nod.
thatโs all the warning you get before they lunge in your direction. as dorky and harmless as the two of them look in their styled outfit of farming pants and straw hats, they are anything but that as yunho and san take frighteningly large steps through the rice paddy with their long legs. and just as your luck would have it, yunho is the one who is closest to you out of the two predators. you hardly think that itโs a fair chase between the tallest and the shortest.
โyun, we can talk this out like adults,โ you try to distract him.
whilst youโre struggling for your life to pull your boots out of the squelching mud as fast as you can, yunho easily moves towards you with a devilish grin. you see his outstretched hands, covered in mud, and you decide right there and then that youโre not above begging.
โdonโt come any closer! please, iโm sorry! iโmโโ your pleads are cut off when he grabs you by the waist and hauls you over his shoulder.
for a brief second, you almost slip right over him face-first into the mud from the momentum and your life flashes before your eyes. but then yunhoโs arms flex as he steadily grips your thighs and readjusts your weight, and you resign your fate to his shoulder and his prettyโ but grubbyโ hands.
you twist your head to the side when a husky screech alerts you to victim number two and you find mingi at the mercy of sanโs headlock. he rapidly taps the latterโs forearm, yelling mercy as you all burst out into laughter. very soon, the field turns into a playground of childish liveliness as all intentions of farming are tossed to the wind.
mingi was right in saying that summers mean a lot to you and san. but as you all chase and run away from one another around the muddy field, smearing loving handprints of dirt over each otherโs faces and clothes, sounds of happiness loud enough that your parents can hear it from back inside the house, summer takes on a new meaning in the shape of you four.
in hindsight, it makes a lot of sense now why sanโs parents had knocked on your door earlier this morning, entrusting you with the spare key to their house and waving goodbye as they drove away in their rented campervan. they had let you know that they would be going on a road trip along the coast this summer so that san and his friends could have the house to themselves.
you hadnโt thought much of itโ just excitedly counted down the hours until the reunion of your little quartet. yunho had been texting you updates as he, san and mingi finally made the four-hour trip down to namhae now that they were on summer vacation. one of the last texts you had received had been a picture of mingi in the backseat, head lolling and mouth open in deep slumber, with the caption, โgonna need to wake sleeping beauty up soon XD weโll be there in about twentyโ.
this time, you had opted to wait for their arrival by sitting on the embankment outside your houses. your legs had dangled off the ledge as you looked out towards the beach, and at the telltale noise of their arrival, you had excitedly hopped up to your feet, only to be met with a sight that had your steps halting in fluster. and oh, this is why sanโs parents had decided to yield the house. because this time, not only have the number of surfboards doubled, but so have the number of cars and boys that are suddenly in front of you.
as san turns off the ignition to his jeep, youโre dazedly swept up into a sandwich of hugs between yunho and mingi as they greet you eagerly. itโs good to see them again in the flesh instead of their measly five-inch-tall selves over facetime, and youโd be a little overwhelmed by their height on either side of youโ having forgotten just how tall they really areโ if your attention isnโt distracted by the opening doors of the banged-up ute behind sanโs jeep.
either seoul has water thatโs doped with something, or birds of a feather flock together, because each of the three boys that step out are equally as good-looking. youโd be lying if your heart didnโt skip a beat at the sight of them. youโre a simple girl with hormones weak for eye candy, after all.
yunho slings an arm around you and walks you a little closer as the new faces turn to look at you with friendly smiles. โthis is y/n,โ yunho introduces. โand these are our friends, jongho and yeosang.โ
you notice that he skips over one of the boys, who starts to open his mouth in complaint, but then yunho continues on, โand this short one is hongjoong. we keep him as our mascot.โ
hongjoong gives the taller his middle finger with practised ease and counters, โand we keep you as our tall circus freak.โ
the way everyone snickers, yunho and hongjoong included, tells you that this is just about as average an interaction can be. after the boys properly greet themselves and pleasantries are exchanged with you, they decide to unload all their luggage so that they can rest for the afternoon. you walk over to the open boot of the black jeep, reaching for the last duffel and hoisting it into your hands.
before you can so much as take two steps, thereโs a hand carefully taking the bag from yours. when you tilt your head up, itโs sanโs kind eyes that are gazing back at you. โhere, let me do it,โ he casually tells you and then he walks towards the open doors of his house.
left with the outline of his back, you have a clear view of his shoulders flexing under his white shirt and you wonder when he started to fill out his clothes with muscle. you become conscious of the way youโre subtly ogling at your best friend, so you shake your head and walk over to the back of the ute instead where there are still a few bags left in the open bed.
thereโs a small duffel that looks relatively light. as you drag it closer, you quickly realise itโs heavier than it looks. โwhat the hell is in this? weights?โ you mutter to yourself.
thereโs a giggle beside you, โsorry, thatโs probably yeosangโs bag. he brings his supplements with him everywhere.โ
itโs jongho this time, with his gummy smile and crescent eyes, who takes the bag handles out of your hands. he extends a brown paper bag out to you instead. โwe can trade. this is much lighter.โ
he easily picks up the bag of supplements and then reaches for a second bag to sling over his shoulder. for the amount of adorableness he exudes from his smile and laugh, the strength that he seems to have is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. as he walks away, thereโs the crunch of approaching footsteps and you see that itโs the short boy, hongjoong. heโs only short relative to his friends, because when he comes to stand beside you heโs still easily taller than you.
โmaybe you could help me hold this, too.โ heโs holding his closed fist out, making it impossible to discern whatโs in his hands.
โwhat is it?โ you ask as you open your hand, palm upturned for him to drop whatever he is holding into yours.
except he simply uncurls his fingers and intertwines them with yours, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. a laugh erupts from your throat, only growing in volume when yeosang appears and interrupts by stepping between the two of you, forcing his friend to let go of your hand.
as yeosang grabs the last suitcase and closes the tailgate, he deadpans to the other, โsanโs going to chop your hand off when he sees,โ then he slings his free arm around hongjoong and ushers the both of you back into the house.
โitโs okay, i wouldnโt let san do that to you,โ you reassure.
hongjoong smirks triumphantly at yeosang, only for you to wipe the expression off his face when you finish, โbecause thatโd be animal abuse.โ
โitโs been five minutes and youโve already picked your side,โ he laments dramatically, before nodding. โi see how you play. i like you.โ
โitโs a shame i donโt,โ you quip back immediately.
โfuck, did i just get rejected?โ
yeosang shoves his friend through the doorway, โstop digging yourself a deeper hole.โ
you all laugh as you shut the front door behind you to stop the cold of the air conditioner that san has turned on from escaping. youโre definitely starting to see the appeal hongjoongโs friends have in teasing him.
you take the bag of snacks still in your hand to the kitchen and you set it on the counter where san is drinking a glass of water. heโs watching the rest of the boys play โscissors, paper, rockโ over room allocations now that all their luggage has been piled up in the living room. he raises an arm and you easily slot yourself into his side and slide an arm around his waist. relaxing into the touch of his hand slowly rubbing up and down your arm, you also watch as the boys grow increasingly rowdy with each emerging winner.
youโve had the fleeting thought before, but now that youโre seeing all the boys together, you realise just how attractive they all well and truly are. even san, youโre slowly starting to notice, does not lack in the face or body department.
โdo you guys have a rule where you have to be attractive to be friends or something?โ you ask, only half-jokingly. even though you had directed the question at san, itโs not him who answers you.
โaww, stop. you think weโre attractive?โ of course hongjoong would be the one to overhear.
immediately, the feistiness in you appears. โyeah, and iโm wondering why they made an exception for you.โ
he takes on the jest easily, โgod, youโre obsessed with me.โ
โyouโre right, iโm a little crazy for dogs,โ you shoot back, and you can feel the shake of sanโs chuckles from next to you.
โgood thing iโd bark for you, then.โ
โwhat the fuck, guys?โ mingi interrupts, โget a room.โ
at that, san steps forward protectively and shoos his friends away, โhurry up and put your bags in the rooms so we can go surfing.โ
yunho and yeosang take their bags towards the small guest room down the hall, whilst the remaining three head for sanโs room. you turn to san incredulously, โyouโre fitting four people in your room?โ
he shakes his head, โof course not. iโm going to sleep in haneulโs room. sheโs on a trip with her friends for most of the summer.โ
โshe can stay at mine when she comes back. until you guys have to go back to seoul,โ you suggest.
โoh, thatโs right. your parents are in yeosu now, arenโt they?โ
you nod. you had told san a couple of weeks ago that your parents had moved back to your grandparentโs house for the meantime. theyโre not sure how long they will be staying in your hometown for, but considering the deteriorating health of your grandparents and the fact that you are independent enough to take care of yourself, itโll likely be for a while.
san doesnโt tell you, but thatโs part of the reason why he has brought so many of his friends back this summer. he knows that youโre silently struggling to adjustโ even if his parents take care of you like their own daughterโ so he hopes that he and his friends can fill in some of the silence, even if just for the summer. he wishes it didnโt just have to be summer.
โdo you need to change into something else before we go?โ he asks you.
you look down at the t-shirt and shorts that youโre wearing. you donโt mind getting them wet, but you canโt say the same about your underclothes. โyeah, iโll quickly go and change first.โ
he nods and watches as you head towards the door to toe on your sandals. when you pull the door open, he gently calls after you, โitโs good to see you again, pipsqueak. iโve missed you.โ
you smile, โiโve missed you more.โ
even after the door closes behind you, sanโs smile stays on his face. โiโve missed you the most.โ
no matter how many times you experience the thrill of getting tossed into the ocean, you still cannot fathom the fact that the once short, skinny boy who used to pretend to pick you up is now tall and strong enough to actually do it.
โyou cheater!โ you screech when you feel sanโs arms snake around your waist from behind, lifting you up off your feet. โyou said youโd give me a ten-second head start!โ
his gleeful laugh rings in your ears as he ignores your flailing limbs and teases, โi did! your little legs are just too slow.โ
you start to feel the coolness of waves splashing your ankles and toes the further san carries you out away from shore and your grip on his forearm tightens in anticipation. with a slight swing, he lets go of your waist and tosses you into the water. the next thing you know when you regain your balance and wipe the water from your face is the sound of sanโs yelp as he disappears underwater. jongho grins from above, having leapt onto the olderโs back, who in turn has crumpled under the unsuspecting weight.
san emerges with a hulk-like roar absolutely soaked to the bone, his black t-shirt clinging to his torso. the clear outlines of his chest and broad shoulders set off an unfamiliar skip in your heart yet again, and san lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his faceโ revealing his abs in all of their wonderโ does the complete opposite of calming you down.
you're fucked. there's no way you're attracted to san like that. in the form of petty revenge, said man brings his hands down to slap the surface of the water, splashing it right in your face and jonghoโs andโฆyeah, that flutter of butterflies is gone.
san is caught right in the middle of the crossfire as you and jongho splash him, drowning his figure in torrential rain. the sounds of his choked laughter draw the attention of everyone else too, who have no idea why san is the target but are more than willing to join in. but with the plethora of water being splashed and the chaos of hands coming from every possible direction, the three of you end up drowning under the attacks.
hongjoong quickly loses motivation when his arms grow tired from doggy-paddling the water and yunho and yeosangโs attempts also slow down. they snicker at the aftermathโ your trio absolutely drenchedโ and then rapidly skitter away before any of you decide to retaliate in vengeance.
at their cowardice, san bites the bait and goes hollering after them, leaving you with the youngest of your group of friends. jongho beckons towards the shore with his head and youโre momentarily distracted by his wet bangs falling over his forehead and eyebrows.
โup for more surfing?โ he grins at you. and if thereโs one thing youโve learnt over the summer, itโs that you would kill for jongho if he asked you with his gummy smile.
jongho is a surprisingly good surfer. as the only one in the group who grew up in seoul with limited exposure to the beach, you can hardly tell that heโs a relative beginner in comparison to the rest of the boys unless you were a surfer yourself.
once they had become their close-knit group and they realised that most of them had a shared love for surfing, they had colloquially formed their own little surferโs club, knighting jongho as their honorary member. he learnt to surf in indoor centres, during the occasional beach road trips they would make and through the experienced guidance of his friends.
of all six surfboards they had brought to namhae, jonghoโs softboard is the one that is the most ideal for you to learn with. true to his words, yunho had attempted to teach you how to surf but on his own boardโ a shortboard great for experienced surfers to catch steep and aggressive waves, but terribly hard for a beginner to control. jongho had offered his board and so under his and yunhoโs careful hands, you had spent your summer practising on the beach before slowly transitioning into the water.
which is where you find yourself now, on your stomach as you slowly paddle out. jongho stands close by and waist-deep in the shallow waters of the spot that he has led you to where the waves are few and calm. just a couple of metres away, yeosang idly straddles his longboard as he watches in support.
โyou remember how to push through the waves?โ jongho checks and you nod, gripping the rails of the surfboard and straightening your arms to lift your torso upwards.
โyeah, hang on,โ he says, moving closer. jongho rests his hand gently on the small of your back to steady your body and you have to focus on what heโs telling you instead of the feeling of his warm hand. he taps the sides of the board a few inches in front of where your grip currently is.
โhold it here, otherwise your centre of gravity is too far back,โ he explains as you shift your hands forward. โthe board might end up tipping backwards when you go through the wave.โ
you retry the movement with the new positioning and jongho nods in satisfaction, removing his hand and stepping back again.
โthereโs a wave coming in we could try,โ yeosang suggests.
the slight swell of a forming wave starts to appear in the horizon. it doesnโt increase much in size the closer it gets, but as it reaches its peak height, the top breaks and turns into a whitewater wave. yeosang is out a little further and so he demonstrates how to push through first, lifting his torso above the break as his surfboard cuts through the wave.
โokay, ready? hold steady, steady,โ jongho encourages, helping you time the movement, โand push up!โ
you follow his call and straighten your arms to lift your upper body out of the waveโs trajectory, guiding the nose of your surfboard through at the same time that jongho dives under the wave. although your face still gets splashed with some water and your board trembles slightly in your grasp, you make it through the wave without tipping over.
โi did it!โ you yell, shakily sliding yourself further up your board so that you can straddle it.
โyou did it!โ the boys respond excitedly.
jongho jumps up and down beside your board, prompting yeosang to slide into the water to join your side. you laugh brightly at the sense of achievement and at the sight of the two boys bobbing around you in a merry-go-round of exuberance.
โjust a little more practice and youโll be taking on the monster swells in no time,โ yeosang declares. you know heโs exaggerating, but it makes pride bloom in your chest regardless.
somebody calls out your names and you all turn to look. itโs san standing near the waters, gesturing behind him as he yells, โweโre going to walk to the mart to get some ice cream. do you guys want to come?โ
โyes!โ you shout back, โwait for me!โ
ungraciously tumbling off your surfboard in a hurry so that you can pull it back to shore, the boys chuckle at your eagerness. jongho grabs his board from out of your grasp so that he can carry it instead and the boys all trail behind you as you bound past san towards the pile of your belongings on the sand. while you sift through the heap for your sandals, your other hand subconsciously peels your clinging shirt away from your body. you feel the presence of someone coming up behind you and assuming itโs san, you straighten your back with a phone in your hand.
โsan, you left your phโโ you start, except itโs yeosang, who bends down to pick up his towel and drapes it around you. itโs warm from the hours itโs spent in the sun and you canโt help the pleasant shiver that runs through your body. yeosang tugs it snugly over your shoulders and then takes the phone from your hand.
โhere,โ he tosses it to its owner, who falls into step behind you.
san nods his head in thanks and rummages under a towel where your sandals have been hiding before placing your shoes by your feet. โthe groundโs pretty hot,โ he says as he offers you his forearm to steady yourself with, patiently waiting for you to do up the buckles around your ankle.
โwait, i forgot my wallet,โ you tell him once jongho and yeosang rejoin you after putting their surfboards away.
โdonโt worry about it,โ san reassures, โhongjoongโs buying.โ
your ears perk up and he laughs because he knows exactly what youโre thinking. โyes, y/n. bleed him dry and order whatever you want."
"even a doubleโno, even a triple scoop?" you exclaim scandalously.
san's eyes drip adoration, "yes, even a triple scoop."
you run ahead with a cheer, blabbering jonghoโs ear off about how if you get three different flavours and he also gets three different flavours, then you guys get to share six flavours, before yeosang joins in with excited chatter about how you guys can make it nine flavours if he does the same. you catch up with the rest of your friends and somehow, like a devilish cult, you all start to chant, โbleed hongjoong dry! bleed hongjoong dry!โ
the oldest jokes that he only offered to pay for yours, not everybodyโs, so mingi starts to tell you what he wants so that you can order in his stead, setting off a chain reaction as everyone else places their orders through you. they surround you, happy jostles and raucous snickers as you disappear in the middle of the group.
from behind, as san watches you grow closer and closer with his friends each summer, he canโt help but feel like heโs going to burst from affection and pride. he knows it will be a while until your parents move back to namhae, as is the same for himself until he graduates. but between his group of sixโ which will hopefully become the full eight next summerโ and the group chat that you all made within hours of meeting each other, san is confident that youโll never feel alone.
โif only wooyoung was here, then weโd have someone to grill the meat properly,โ yeosang muses as he watches jongho flip and examine the packaging of the beef. โheโs the best cook out of us.โ
โtrust him to be a good cook, too,โ you comment.
when you had first met yeosang, jongho and hongjoong, they had told you that there were two other friends who werenโt able to make it to namhae with the rest of them this summer. one of them was wooyoung, who naturally became part of the group after attending the same dance club as yunho, mingi and san. wooyoung had then been paired up with jongho during an inter-department project between the department of film & multimedia and the department of drama, growing close to the younger and by extension, to hongjoong, a senior in jonghoโs drama society.
their other friend was seonghwa, they had told you; the oldest in their group and also in the year above like hongjoong. however, seonghwa attends a completely different university along with yeosang, the both of them undertaking a degree in education at seoul national university. they share some senior classes together, as yeosang had transferred from a law degree and had some of the credit prerequisites to jump ahead. and since yeosang is a close family friend of wooyoungโs, the three of them gradually became well-acquainted with each other.
itโs a running joke that you donโt need to remember how everybody knows each otherโ you just need to know that wooyoung is the common factor between them all, the person who decided that all of his friends should be friends with each other. so not only is wooyoung a social butterfly, seemingly charming and witty with good looksโ should the boysโ track record stay trueโ but apparently heโs a good cook too. some people really just have it all.
โwhat else do we need?โ jongho asks, haphazardly placing a few packets of the meat into the shopping cart heโs pushing.
โmingi said it would be good to make smores at the end of the night,โ you answer.
last summer, during the final week that mingi, yunho and san were in namhae, you had all decided to have a barbeque feast and then spend the rest of the night huddled around a small campfire on the shores of the beach. it had been one of your favourite memories, simply basking in the peaceful buzz of summer and slowing your lives down just for one night to do nothing. you had suggested turning it into a tradition, and now that the final week of this summer has arrived, youโre all at one of the few grocery stores in namhae to stock up on food, snacks and drinks for the night.
โletโs see if they have marshmallows, then,โ jongho makes a move to walk away.
hongjoong suddenly interrupts the conversation, appearing with an empty trolley in front of him. โget in,โ he tells you.
yeosang helpfully points out, โthat sounds like something a man with a tinted white van would say,โ at the same time you question, โare we even allowed to do that?โ
he beams, โi like to think that until somebody tells us weโre not allowed to do something, we are allowed to do it.โ
โi can think of fifteen different reasons right now why thatโs terrible life advice.โ
the man simply nudges your side with the end of his trolley and you half-heartedly frown, โiโm really hoping this seonghwa friend is more responsible than you are, seeing as heโs older.โ
โi hate to break it to you, but seonghwaโs worse,โ jongho grimaces. โmaturity ages backwards in this group, unfortunately.โ
at jonghoโs words, you turn to look for yunho, hoping that as the next oldest down the line he can talk some sense into hongjoong. only youโre met with the sight of the overgrown man pushing his own shopping cart with a very cramped but happy mingi sitting inside.
you sense defeat when hongjoong nudges you once more. โi canโt believe iโm doing this,โ you mutter to yourself as he holds it steady for you to climb into. after all, you think, whatโs life without breaking a few rules?
except nothing prepares you for the absolute madness that unfolds the moment your bottom touches the cold, metal gridding of the trolley. hongjoong quite literally revs the handlebar with engine sound effects, before charging through the aisle at full speed in an apparent race against yunho and his passenger princess. you hold on to for dear life, thinking that this will be over once you reach the end of the aisle. but both racers show no signs of stopping, instead drifting with sharp cornering into the next aisle as you screech. half of you is terrified, but the other half of you is starting to seek the thrill.
โfaster, joong! faster!โ you goad when you can see san standing at the end of the frozen section, waving an imaginary chequered flag.
both carts rattle past him in a close match, and as opposed as you were to the idea at first, you argue passionately against the honorary referee and the rival team over who won first place. even jongho and yeosang pick a side and claim that their eyesโ from three aisles overโ are as trustworthy as VAR playback.
itโs no surprise when the ruckus youโre all making gets a store manager sent your way. but by some saving grace, most likely the begrudging understanding that everyone has done this exact thing at one point or another growing up, the store does not kick you out. they let you finish shopping for the supplies you need, but not without the glares of the retail workers following you and your friends regardless of which aisle you try to duck and disappear behind.
with hushed giggles and not-so-subtle elbows in each otherโs sides, your group hurriedly pays and places the multitude of plastic bags back into the trolley. san and jongho take one of the trolleys each and you all walk back to the cars to load the shopping. you would think that a scolding would deter any further misbehaviour, but when you all see the relatively empty parking lot, thereโs only shared smiles of deviousness and glints of mischief.
if anyone were to look at the parking lot outside the grocery store that tuesday morning, they would see a group of seven friends, clad in an eyesore disarray of sweatpants, shorts, pajama tops and slippers, pushing each other around in shopping carts like bumper cars with shrieks of joy, circling around the dusty jeep and banged-up ute that has become an enabler of their connection and happiness.
you may all be doing the very things that your older selves will look back on with exasperated smiles and disapproving head shakes in ten years. but in the moment, you are unafraid; uncaring of what others think, because you have your friends by your side. and this, you think to yourself, is the essence of youth and summer.
you wish you were older. because being older means that youโll have graduated, and being graduated means that you wonโt have to fucking study for your fucking exams. you let out a groan and drop your head onto the table, making an audible thump when your forehead misses the thick textbooks and scattered notes, and hits the solid surface instead.
โhey, you need those brain cells,โ someone gently chides. haneul stands at the doorway to your bedroom, watching your misery with a fond smile.
โcanโt lose what i donโt have,โ you mumble back.
โtake a break,โ she suggests. โdo you want me to get you something from the bakery?โ
haneul laughs when your head immediately turns to look at her, your left cheek pressed against the table by the cheeky smile that adorns your face. she chuckles again, โgot it. iโll be back.โ
you absent-mindedly listen as the lock of your front door clicks shut and then let out a deep sigh at the silence that follows. itโs been a few hours since you first sat down and started studying but it feels like youโve been reading the same sentence over and over again with no progress. pressing your forehead into the table again, you groan in frustration.
your ringtone goes off and your hand blindly fumbles around for your phone, sliding what youโre relatively sure is the answer button. โyeah?โ you say into the receiver.
โsomeoneโs a little grumpy today,โ a teasing voice sounds.
โhwa?โ you sit up instantly, looking at your phone properly.
it is him, not only blessing you with the deep richness of his voice but also the visual of him in a black tank top as he looks amusedly at the facetime you have answered. โare you still studying?โ he asks.
you deflate a little, reminded of why youโve been creating a crater in your table with your head for the past ten minutes. โmhm,โ you hum affirmatively. โexcept nothingโs going into my brain anymore.โ
โsounds like you need a break.โ
โthatโs exactly what haneul said,โ you grumble, although youโre not entirely sure why youโre so opposed to their suggestions to stop studying.
โbecause weโre right,โ he quirks his eyebrow. โwhatโs haneul doing at yours, anyway?โ
โtaking advantage of my netflix while i slave away to pass my exams. but sheโs forgiven since sheโs buying me snacks.โ
โthen take a break until she gets back and you finish eating. itโll only be an hour, tops,โ seonghwa convinces. โiโll even set an alarm to let us know when time is up and iโll keep you company when you study.โ
you sag a little into your chair, shoulders relieving of their tension as you concede, which makes him smile sympathetically, โjust a few more weeks to go until summer and then youโll be free.โ
โare you taking up summer school again?โ you ask.
after san had added you and all the boys into a combined group chat, you had made friends with the two that you didnโt get to meet. you discovered seonghwa hadnโt been able to make the trip to namhae last year because he had chosen to take summer school instead. he had wanted to complete some of his degree requirements earlier in hopes of working part-time during his final year to gain practical experience. wooyoung, on the other hand, had had a portfolio due for his film class that required the majority of his summer if he wanted to complete it in time.
seonghwa grimaces at the memory, โno, not this time. it was a mistake, honestly. i burnt out so fast the first semester back that i didnโt even end up applying for any jobs.โ he points a stern finger at you and warns, โdonโt ever think about doing summer school.โ
โtrust me,โ you laugh, โi have no intentions of ever doing that.โ
you appreciate his advice regardless, because as immature as the other boys had made him out to be, seonghwa really does look out for all of you as the oldest of the group. and more often than not, you find yourself gravitating towards him when you need comfort or reassurance. โdoes that mean iโll finally get to meet you?โ
seonghwa nods, โwoo as well.โ
the screen of your phone suddenly splits to make room for an additional video as somebody joins the call. you hear his voice before his video even buffers. speak of the devil.
โoi! why are you all calling without me?โ wooyoung complains.
contrary to the roll of your eyes, a smile makes its way across your face as you respond, โweโre literally calling from the group chat. no oneโs leaving you out of anything.โ
and as if his appearance is some sort of talisman, more of the boys start to join the call one by one. even hongjoongโs profile picture appears, camera off and on mute, wanting to feel included even if heโs in the middle of class. yunho and mingi pop up from behind wooyoung, so youโre guessing theyโre busy practising in the studio. you wonder where san is.
someone asks you a question about how your exams are going, but youโre momentarily distracted by the buzzing notification of a text. โhang on,โ you mumble, โlet me justโฆreply to this.โ
itโs one of your classmates, johnny, asking whether youโre home right now. you had accidentally slept through one of the review lectures earlier in the week and he had offered to give you a copy of his notes. from his text message, it appears heโs close by and able to drop them off now. you reply an affirmative and then click back into the video call, asking, โsorry, what were you saying?โ
the drone of shared chatter about exams and the upcoming break fills the silence of your bedroom, like the fluttering breeze of a pleasant spring day. if they were not already so closely correlated to the warm, golden rays and salty spray of the summer ocean, your friends would be springโ the season of fresh air, blooming flowers and thriving vitality.
โsomeone looks happier. who are you talking to?โ haneul emerges in your bedroom having come back from the bakery, holding a pastry box.
you didnโt even realise you were subconsciously smiling. โiโm facetiming the boys.โ
she smirks, eyes glinting with mischief as she waggles her eyebrows suggestively and drags out her words, โi see. so who is it that you like? or is it all of them?โ
โquit it!โ you pretend to shove her. โwant to say hi?โ you turn the screen of your phone in her direction and thereโs a chorus of obedient hi haneulโs as you turn up the volume.
she waves and peers at wooyoungโs video. โwhereโs the baby brat?โ
from somewhere within the call, san yells out indignantly, โstop calling me that!โ thereโs a slight rustle as he walks closer to take the phone out of wooyoungโs grasp and when you peer to have a look, you can see that heโs sweaty and red-faced from finishing up a routine.
โyou still respond to it, so,โ haneul shrugs.
she disregards her brotherโs continued complaints to drop the box onto your table along with a neatly-stapled stack of handwritten notes. โi bumped into johnny outside and he said this was for you,โ she explains as you take it gratefully.
at the mention of a boyโs name, wooyoung shoves his nose towards his front camera. he rapidly asks, โwhoโs johnny? is he haneulโs boyfriend or what? whyโs he giving you something?โ
even hongjoong flicks a message into the group chat to ask, โwho tf is jonnyโ.
you hold up the paper to show the boys and laugh, โheโs my classmate, guys. and he gave me notes because i missed the lecture.โ
wooyoung frowns at your answer, clearly dissatisfied as he complains, โwhy is he giving you notes. andโwhat the fuck? did he hand write them? what a pretentious prick.โ
you ignore him in favour of opening the pastry box to see what else haneul brought back for you. โhow did you know i love these?โ you exclaim.
she gives you that same, mischievous look from earlier and as she starts to exit your bedroom to leave you to your call and sweet treat, she vaguely answers, โhow do you think?โ
from over your phone, the others start to ask what youโve got in the box, allowing a certain boy to easily slip unnoticed into the background. but it doesnโt take a detective to work out howโ or perhaps you should say, whoโ told haneul about your recent cravings.
because if thereโs one person who knows you the best, one person who takes notice of even the littlest of things, then it would be him.
hongjoong lightly slaps your thigh in retaliation as your laughter jostles his head thatโs resting on your stomach, which only serves to make you laugh even harder. he lifts his head to grumble, โstop encouraging him, y/n. heโs going to think heโs actually funny or something.โ
with a shaky exhale, you wipe a stray tear away, because you donโt think youโve ever laughed this hard in your entire life. now that you see their whole group dynamic in action with the complete eight of them, itโs like watching a live sitcom.
wooyoung looks at him with a smug expressionโฆthen proceeds to yank the olderโs sock right off his foot before throwing it into oblivion. hongjoong jolts up and dives for him and they immediately tussle about on the floor of sanโs living room. amidst all of the commotion, san sneakily goes for seonghwaโs socks and youโre glad that you had peeled yours off the moment you had walked through the front door because suddenly everyoneโs socks are a target.
the successful harvests that are tossed away are immediately snatched up by mingi, who hurls them under the table, behind the couch and on top of the television. you think you can see one dangling off the lights too, but youโre not about to snitch. jongho joins the corner you have taken refuge in and yeosang follows soon after, content to stay far away from the havoc that has quickly turned into wrestling. unfortunately, wooyoung is unable to let the three of you watch the world burn peacefully. he yells at the boys, who choose this to be the time to actually listen to him for once, and youโre all left scrabbling in different directions when they dive for you three.
itโs only the first day of summer and the second hour of officially meeting the boys as their full group of eight, but you can already tell that the next few months are going to be filled with absolute chaos and mayhem. and so the summer that marks sanโs third visit back to namhae passes by quickly as you and the eight boys fall into an easy routine. hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. summer revolves around each other and there is never a moment spent apart.
you join the boys at dawn every day, clad in only a pair of shorts, a tank top and a light cardigan to shoulder because thereโs still a slight nip of the early morning before the sun appears. you watch contentedly as they dance with the ocean on their surfboardsโ a duet of paddling out into the deeper waters and catching the breaks of the swells back towards shore.
the more you watch them surf, the more you start to realise just how much san has improved. you still recall the day san had fallen in love with the way the surfer used his own body and surfboard as an extension of the ocean, and you still have early memories of sanโs lanky limbs flailing as he lost his balance over and over again, trying to replicate the same gracefulness. now, san is not just a dancerโ he is the choreographer; the one who controls the ocean under his board.
as the early morning wears on, the serene crash of waves and intermittent squawk of the soaring seagulls are gradually interspersed with the boysโ rings of joy as they become more interested in pushing each other off their boards and splashing each other, rather than surfing itself. the strongest trio easily overpower everyone else and you shake your head fondly when the others donโt learn their lesson regardless of how many times they are suplexed underwater.
when the sun starts to wake up, they join you on the sandy shores, surfboards placed in a rough row so that you can all share them like seats. you lean against whoever is sitting beside you and watch the sunrise until your stomachs start to growl for attention.
greasy takeaway is always the foolproof solution. you share hearty burgers that are too tall to bite into and salty fries that are slathered in dipping sauce, sprawled out on the cool floorboards at sanโs or yours, soaking in the refreshing coldness of the air conditioner on high without a care in the world for the electricity bill that is racking up.
afternoons are for the second round of the meal; bingsoo from the cafe, pastries from the nearby bakery or cheap ice cream from the mart. and after all the food, the best way to digest before you go out again at dusk to catch some of the waves is to take a nap.
the giant puppy pile of tangled limbs and human pillows is arguably your favourite part of the day. even if the ends of jonghoโs hair tickles your nose and your arm goes a little numb from the way san hugs it and your neck feels cramped from resting on seonghwaโs shoulder, you wouldnโt have it any other way.
sometimes, when youโre all feeling rejuvenated, youโll clamber into their three cars or happily pack yourselves into two and drive down the coast to one of the other beaches. the drive there is music blasting and scratchy singing at the top of your lungs with the windows rolled down, your flyaway hairs caressing the cheeks of the boys beside you. itโs rest stops to fill up on drinks and dessertโ any excuse for more ice cream and a chance to make hongjoongโs wallet cry.
the trip back, on the other hand, is quiet, the designated drivers pressing softly on the pedals and turning with care so as not to jostle the sleeping passengers. youโre all exhausted and passed out against one another, faces pressed against a shoulder or the crown of someoneโs head. slow music plays lowly in the background as the streetlights start to turn on like a warm greeting to welcome your group home.
and just as yeosang had once said, wooyoung is a good cook. dinner time becomes a bonding activityโ as if every second of summer isnโt already a bonding momentโ where you all experiment with different and increasingly complicated recipes. it usually ends up with him and seonghwa actually doing the cooking whilst everyone else eats the ingredients and tries not to accidentally stab someone with the knives, and dinner doesnโt usually actually become dinner until eight or nine oโclock.
but it doesnโt really matter when, half the time, the post-meal conversations turn into a slumber party after time slips away. if you retire early, youโll sometimes be joined by haneul in your bedroom, who has stayed in namhae this summer. sheโll spill her workplace tea and youโll gossip about your college peers late until the stars have long started to twinkle in the sky.
there are no scheduled bedtimes, no proper mealtimes, no time limits to complete things nor niggling guilt not to complete thingsโ there is no formal routine. but when spontaneity and carefreeness become the everyday occurrence, that becomes the routine.
and as with any sort of routine comes the familiarity. familiarity finds itself in the way san sing-songs wake up, sleepyhead whenever you accidentally sleep in, and instead of shying under the covers at the sight of him in your bedroom, you whine for five more minutes. familiarity finds itself in the way yunhoโs hands hover around the small of your back whenever youโre all walking to the mart for snacks and in the way wooyoung immediately reaches for the flavours he knows you like.
familiarity finds itself in the way you and hongjoong will bare puppy teeth at each other one moment then naturally use the other as a human pillow the next. itโs in the way jongho hides you when san tries to throw you into the water; the way mingi tucks your head into his shoulder when he spins you around in a hug; when seonghwa reminds you to reapply sunscreen whilst dotting the lotion along your cheeks and when yeosang quietly drapes you in his jackets after you get out of the water.
but the thing with familiarity, though, is that itโs easy for it to overshadow other things. rather than realising that there is a shift in dynamic or a change in heart, other growing feelings can be mistaken for familiarity instead. and you donโt understand this until you least expect it.
your hands fumble to catch the bottle of sunscreen that yunho has thrown in your direction before it ends up landing on yeosangโs face. heโs taking a nap on the towel next to you, disputing against everyone elseโs remarks that he should take the opportunity to surf considering youโve all made the two-hour trip to dadaepo beach.
you adjust the small umbrella that he brought along so that it covers his upper body, then uncap the bottle and lather the sunscreen over your arms and legs. itโs when you get to your back that you realise you wonโt be able to reach all of your skin. san or seonghwa are usually around to help if you decide to forgo a cropped shirt over your bikini top, but theyโre already running far along the shore and you canโt be troubled to yell out for one of them.
youโre starting to wonder whether you can get away with not applying sunscreen on your back if you just make sure you lie on it the whole time when hongjoong spots your plight in the form of a blank stare and squeezed lotion in the palm of your hand.
โyour short arms canโt reach your back, can they?โ
you imitate his laughter with an exaggerated tone, โwho was it that needed my help yesterday putting sunscreen on his back?โ
โmaybe i just didnโt want you to feel too bad about yourself,โ he shrugs and walks over to swipe the glob of sunscreen out of your hands. you roll your eyes, knowing fully well heโs incapable of taking care of you without pretending to cover it up with an insult.
โstop squirming,โ he chides. the contrasting cold of the lotion and warmth of his hand sends a shiver down your spine and you try not to dwell on his gentle rubs for too long. heโs meticulous in making sure he doesnโt miss a spot, but heโs also careful and deliberate with his touch around the knotted strings of your top so that you donโt feel uncomfortable. hongjoong and the word โuncomfortableโ could never be in the same sentence though. but he doesnโt need to know that.
โthere,โ he pats your back twice like a mechanic would with the hood of a fucking car to signal that heโs finished his job and then callously walks away.
you decide to let him off the hook and settle down on your stomach to rest your eyes for a bit. yeosang knows what heโs doing, because the combined warmth of the sand beneath your towel and from the overhead rays makes you drowsy almost immediately.
youโre flicking your salt-crusted hair out of your face when a voice interrupts, โhi, iโm sorry to bother you.โ
lifting your head up to look, youโre met with the sight of a girl around your age, timidly fiddling with the popsocket on her phone. you sit up and give her a polite smile, โthatโs okay. can i help you?โ
โum, i was just hoping to ask if he has a girlfriend?โ
the boys are all scattered along the length of the beach, save for yeosang next to you, so youโre not entirely sure who the girl is referring to until you follow her finger. sheโs pointing in the direction of hongjoong, whoโs joined some of the others along the shore.
โthe short one?โ you clarify, smile fading a little as you shrug, โiโm not too sure, sorry.โ
the girl shakes her head, โoh, no. i meant the boy on his left.โ
choi san. you now fight to keep the smile on your face friendly when you reply, โnot that i know of.โ
the girl thanks you excitedly, walking off back to her group of friends who immediately huddle around her to hear your answer. you look away.
you donโt realise youโre staring at san until he turns in the distance and makes eye contact with you. his entire face lights up, eyes disappearing and shadowed dimples revealing themselves under the gleaming sun. wooyoung takes the opportunity whilst san is distracted to swing a handful of limp seaweed straight into sanโs face and a laugh escapes you before you can hold it in. your best friend looks more betrayed by your laughter than by wooyoungโs antics.
the younger turns to look at you with pride and when he sees that youโre laughing, he blows you an exaggerated kiss and sends it flying in your direction with a teasing flurry of his hand. yunho charges in from out of absolutely nowhere and pretends to tackle the kiss mid-air, throwing the imaginary show of affection into the sand where hongjoong immediately joins in and stomps on it with his foot, before sending you a flying kiss of his own instead.
chaos ensues and both hongjoong and yunho run for their lives as wooyoung chases them with his deadly seaweed whip. he quickly realises that the taller of the two will be impossible to catch, so he locks in on the easier target and hongjoong screeches in fear.
you canโt help but shake your head adoringly as you continue to watch, eyes landing on san once more when the cat and mouse go tearing past him in a whirlwind of sand. san holds your gaze with a fond smile of his own and you have to remind yourself that itโs normal for the boys to have suitors.
youโre not dating san. youโre not dating hongjoong. youโre not dating any of the boys, and theyโre certainly not yours. so then, why does it feel like they are? but most of all, why does your heart feel equally bitter at the thought of someone asking about any of the boysโฆnot just your best friend?
the sight of the tube of aloe vera gel in the fridgeโ likely placed there by seonghwaโ is a welcome sight. you had diligently reapplied sunscreen to your body with the boysโ constant reminders to reapply but you had carelessly forgotten about your face. youโre paying the price of your mistake now and the red skin across the apples of your cheeks and forehead is tight with a constant, dull throb.
grabbing the tube, you walk into the bathroom where hongjoong is currently blow-drying his hair, having callen dibs on the shower after the beach trip.
โhey, lilโ tomato,โ he jests before he gets a good look at your face. โwoah, that looks worse than it was an hour ago.โ
you hum as you peer closer into the mirror, โthis is probably the worst sunburn iโve ever gotten before.โ
hongjoong ruffles the back of his hair one last time under the dryer before unplugging it and setting it on the rack. he slips the tube of ointment out of your hands and then turns you by the shoulders to face him. thatโs how you find yourself between hongjoongโs front and the porcelain sink, the edge of the countertop digging slightly into your lower back as you watch him squeeze a generous amount of aloe vera onto the tip of his finger.
he murmurs, โhold still.โ with a light touch, he tilts your chin up so that he can see the angry skin of your face. the stark contrast between the characteristic roughness of his edges and the tenderness with which he applies the soothing gel on your face right now has you itching to tease him.
โadmit it. you like taking care of me, donโt you.โ
he rolls his eyes, โand you like being taken care of, donโt you. like when you needed your notes handwritten by johnny.โ
ever since that one incident, the boys have never let you hear the end of it. they may not realise it themselves either, but really, theyโre just trying to keep low tabs on thisโฆclassmate. even if the way they go about it reflects the emotional maturity of somebody half their actual age.
โi admit itโs nice to be taken care of. what about you, huh?โ you challenge, poking his side testingly. โyou like taking care of me, donโt you?โ
you giggle when he squirms and you try it again to elicit another response, until he suddenly grabs your hand by the wrist.
โand so what if i do?โ his words come out easily, but unlike the usual cockiness and flirtatiousness that he jokes around with, his tone is low and serious.
you donโt respond because you donโt know what to respond; youโre suddenly walking in uncharted territoryโ both in regards to his feelings and your own.
when his fingertips brush the area of your cheeks just below your under-eyes, you canโt help the instinctive flutter of your lashes. his eyes stare into yours and you swallow, noticing the way his gaze flickers down to follow the movement. thereโs hunger in his pupils and longing in your chest. you donโt move away when he moves closer in.
your eyelids flutter closed once again, except this time in anticipation. his hands still cup your cheek and hold your wrist and when he brings his face down towards yours, you can feel the warmth of his body surrounding and intoxicating you. but as his nose starts to nudge the softness of your cheeks, hongjoong pulls away.
โsorry, iโthis was a mistake. i shouldnโt be doing this,โ he stutters. and just like that, the moment shatters.
โthโthatโs okay,โ you awkwardly smile. โthis never happened.โ
he nods without looking at you, โthis never happened.โ
youโre glad your face is sunburnt because youโre certain your face would be glowing from the embarrassment and shame you are overwhelmed with. hongjoong turns around before you can say anything else and leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone.
quickly, you lock the door and then stand there stunned into a stupor. because hisโฆwhatever the fuck that was, has given you startling clarity that he is right. you shouldnโt be doing this. you shouldnโt be kissing him when you want san and your six other friends equally as much.
and most of all, it was foolish of you to assume that he actually wanted something more than friendship. if hongjoong, the most flirtatious of them all, doesnโt have any romantic interest in youโ or at the very least enough to want to pursue something moreโ then what makes you think you have a chance with any of the boys? what makes you think that any of themโ much less all of themโ would want you in the same way that you have now realised you want them?
in a way, your heart feels more at ease now. knowing that your feelings for the boys will be unfruitful one way or another, itโs much easier to ignore the now obvious lurch in your heart whenever they pull you into an easy hug or tell you that you look pretty. itโs easier to repress the longing you have for them when they help you put on sunscreen or surround your house with mischief and laughter.
you canโt tell whether hongjoong is actively avoiding you or whether he is conveniently busy with the other boys, but you suppose time apart right now is good for the both of you. after all, time is supposed to heal everything. and so even as the end of summer approaches and the much anticipated night of the barbeque and campfire tradition arrives, you keep your distance from hongjoong and he keeps his. simply two friends coexisting within the larger group of friends; nothing more, nothing less.
youโre all sitting on a patchwork of picnic blankets and beach towels spread around the small fire that san has constructed, now experienced from having made one three years in a row. haneul shares the towel with you on one side and yunho on your other.
dinner had been greasy meat grilled by wooyoungโs skilled hands paired with cheap alcohol that made you all wince when it went down. it had been finished off with skewered marshmallowsโ the most vital part of the night, as mingi had fervently reminded everyone.
someone had then suggested a round of โtruth or dareโ, which most definitely did not stop at one round. the flushed cheeks and tipsy slurs not only made the dares increasingly bizarre, but it made everyone daring enough to actually do them. as the night had continued on, the outlandish dares slowly trickled off and more of you picked to answer truth questions. with the mellowing ambience of the campfire and the clearing buzz of alcohol in your systems, it was only a matter of time before the night fizzled into calm.
โmingi,โ haneul directs her question at the taller, โ if you were to date one of us excluding me, who would it be?โ
his eyes dart from her to you and then to every single one of his friends. โiโd date you all,โ he shrugs. โbut if i had to pick one person, then probably yunho, since heโs been there for me from day one.โ
yunho knocks shoulders with him appreciatively whilst joking, โyour parents would love to hear that answer.โ
you spot san and wooyoung cringing at the thought and youโre reminded of snippets of a conversation about surfing as a distraction and escape from home.
moving the game on, mingi asks seonghwa when he picks truth, โif you had to pick between love and friendship, which one would it be?โ
seonghwa hums for a while, watching the dancing lick of flames. โi think it depends on the situation, because in the end, theyโre not that much different from each other. in love there is friendship, and in friendship there is love. itโs impossible to say that one is more important than the other.โ
thereโs a collective boo as he skirts around the question, but you all understand where heโs coming from. it still doesnโt stop san from retorting, โthe whole point is to pick one.โ
seonghwa chuckles and downs half a shot to appease the other of his apparent half answer, then tosses the same question at him. โwhat about you, then?โ
much to his disappointment, san actually has an answer.
โi would probably choose love. i think youโre right in saying you canโt separate love and friendship, but the thing that sets a romantic relationship apart is being in love,โ he muses. โitโs hard to find friends you love, but itโs even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, so i would probably hold onto that no matter what.โ
a few of you subconsciously nod along, words resonating with yourselves. haneul nudges you curiously, โwhat do you think?โ
you relax into her side as you slowly formulate a cohesive answer from your thoughts. โi think i would choose love, too. iโll admit itโs a much more difficult relationship than friendship and it often requires sacrifices to be madeโฆit can even mean having to let go of somebody completely.โ
hongjoong glances at you, guilt pricking at his chest.
โbut at the same time,โ you continue, โwhen you love somebody that much, sacrifice becomes something you want to give and are willing to offer to the other person, and you develop a depth of understanding, connection and intimacy strong enough to overcome anything that isnโt always possible with friendship.โ
โyou and san are both such gross romantics,โ haneul pretends to gag.
โyeah, shoot us for it,โ you poke her in the side. โwooyoung, truth or dare?โ
โsince everyoneโs picking truthโฆtruth.โ
โwhoโs someone youโre sorry towards or thankful for?โ
he whines indignantly, โwhy are we suddenly getting so personal,โ but proceeds to think about his answer seriously. โif iโm honest, iโm sorry towards everyone. i know there are times i fall short as a friend and make mistakes, but you all always forgive me and embrace my imperfections so graciously. sometimes it makes me wonder if i even deserve you guys.โ
there are immediate noises of protest and wooyoung smiles, waving away their words of objection because he knows that heโs wrong. itโs just that knowing doesnโt always stop him from feeling a certain way. โand of course, what iโm sorry for goes hand in hand with what iโm thankful for. but iโm also especially thankful for y/n,โ he reveals.
your body reacts instantly to his unexpected answer, blood rushing towards your cheeks and ears as he looks at you appreciatively.
โi havenโt known you for as long as most of the other boys, but iโve seen how happy and vibrant they are whenever they return to seoul or whenever they talk about you. and i can definitely see why, now. you make them happyโyou make us happy.โ
mingi clears his throat, jumping in to add to the youngerโs answer, โwhen iโm here in namhae with you, with everybody, it feels like home.โ
a home that heโs never really had until yunho, san, you, and the rest of the boys came along.
โso thank you for giving me a home here,โ mingi looks at you earnestly.
if he were sitting closer, you would reach over and squeeze his hand reassuringly. instead, you tell him, โno matter how many years go by, youโll always have a home here.โ
โand the rest of us?โ yunho jokes, lightly slapping your knee where your legs have slowly made their way into his lap over the night.
โyou all have a home here,โ you amend. because namhae is not the same without san, and namhae is not the same without the rest of your friends, either.
you continue asking each other questions, even after midnight has long ticked past and haneul has retired back to the beach house for some sleep. nobody wants the night to end, because despite already having been attached to each otherโs hips all summer, the time you are spending now around the campfire is different. life slows down and the nine of you are the only ones to exist along with the stars and the ocean waves.
โyou know what we should do?โ wooyoung pipes up when you are all quietly watching the fire. he grins, โwe should do that thing where we shout at the ocean.โ
โjustโฆstraight up scream?โ hongjoong frowns.
a smile starts to spread across sanโs face as he understands wooyoungโs vision. โno, like our dreams. regrets. confessions,โ san elaborates, making a move to stand and brushing the sand off his shorts.
seonghwa questions, โare we really doing this?โ and yet he stands up as well.
โwhen will we ever get a chance to do this again?โ
one by one, you all get up on your feet and wander down the beach closer towards the water. itโs silent, save for the crash of waves, while you eye each other and wait for somebody to start it off.
yunho clears his throat, then yells his next words from the very depths of his chest, โi want to become a famous choreographer!โ
there are shared giggles at the striking contrast in volume after hours of low, heartfelt conversation, but itโs enough to fill the rest of you with courage and desire to do the same.
โi want my parents to accept that i wonโt be a lawyer like they wanted me to be!โ yeosang calls out.
mingi takes a huge breath with his entire body, โi hope iโll win the lottery one day!โ
you all break out into laughter, happiness and vigour running high through your veins. it definitely feels a little silly and a little childish, but is that not the charm of living in the prime years of your youth and spending it with your friends?
reservations now completely thrown to the wind, the boys holler and yell both serious and unserious aspirations with their entire soul, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands to carry their voices further out across the waters. you watch them with deep affection and tenderness and your eyes suddenly start to well up with the intensity of your emotions.
thank you for showing me what love feels like. you can continue to love them as friends, and that is already more than you could ever ask for.
taking a deep inhale of the chill of emerging dawn and blinking away the blur in your eyes, you join the boys and yell your heart out to the ocean. your screams blend together into a symphony of dreams and hopes; the swell of the chorus and the pinnacle of the movie.
and even though youโre all half-delirious from the lack of sleep, hair ruffled and mismatched pajamas wrinkled, it feels like anything and everything is possible in this moment. from here on, itโs the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring.
youโve known johnny since you started attending namhaeโs provincial college. being from a relatively small cohort and the same degree no less, you share most of your classes together. thereโll be a few times throughout the month that youโll find yourselves sitting in the seat beside each other and maybe once a semester that youโll complete a group task together.
heโs easy enough to get along with, conversation sprinkled with terrible jokes and random puns that remind you of yunhoโs silly humour. you know for a fact as well that theyโre the same height too, which sort of makes you wonder whether being tall has something to do with the way their funny bone develops, considering mingiโs humour is just as questionable.
you and johnny arenโt exactly distant enough to only be classified as classmates, but youโre not exactly close either. so itโs a surprise when, after summer ends and it marks a new semester, johnny asks you out on a coffee date on the weekend. (except the more you think about it afterwards, the more your seemingly random interactions make sense. why he asks for your number even after the group project is over. why he offers to drop off handwritten notes for you. why he sometimes favours sitting with you as opposed to with his own friends.)
initially, you tell him that youโre not interested, any potential awkwardness dissipating the moment he dramatically wails that heโs been rejected, much like hongjoong had when you had first met him. but then a week later, johnny coolly slaps an envelope onto the surface of your lecture table and struts off without looking back. when you open it, you realise itโs a three-page handwritten essay detailing his pros and cons in an attempt to try and win you over.
it reminds you of wooyoung, when he had made a whole presentation on his laptop complete with photographic and videographic evidence to try and convince you that he was the best dancer out of himself, san, yunho and mingi. like your friend, johnnyโs efforts are honestly a little too hilarious and a little too endearing to reject for a second time, and itโs not like johnny has done anything to suggest that heโs a creep or murderer. so you let him take you out on the date.
he chooses to go to the small, quaint cafe thatโs about a fifteen-minute walk from campus. coincidentally, itโs the one that you and san used to frequent before he moved away to seoul. johnny tells you to try the chocolate hazelnut dacquoise slices, which you do even though you know you prefer the strawberry ones more. the sweet mouthful makes you think of san, always offering you the first bite of his chocolate dacquoise in hopes of converting you to the flavour.
johnny pays for your dessert and drink and you two end up sitting in the cafe long after your plates have been cleared and mugs emptied to their bottoms. it turns out he likes spending time at the beach just as much as you do and he tells you of his summer trip to the maldives for his casual modelling gig. youโre not entirely surprised to learn of his part-time endeavours, considering youโve never seen him dressed in anything less than loafers, chino shorts and a neatly-pressed button-up shirt. plus, johnny is objectively very attractive with his strong brows, chiselled jawline and dark locks of hair.
he offers to walk you home after your date, shrugging off his white button-up and passing it to you when you exit the cafe. itโs still warm enough in the afternoon to not need the extra layer, but youโre reminded of yeosangโs quiet yet perceptive gestures and it makes you smile nonetheless.
the weekend leads to a second date, followed by more time spent together. he finds reasons to see you throughout the weeksโ the sunโs out which means you two should take a walk along the beach; he fell asleep during yesterdayโs lecture which means you two should study at the cafe; he has a basketball match on the weekend which means you two should practise shooting hoops together.
and when youโre not physically spending time together, johnny likes to facetime you just so that he can โsee your pretty faceโ. the frequency with which he compliments you randomly throughout the call is almost on par with seonghwa, who always sweetly observes when you're wearing a new lip tint or different hairstyle.
johnnyโs laugh, be it in person or over video call, never fails to make you laugh with him. itโs boisterous when he doubles over with laughter and his eyes disappear when he chuckles. you canโt help but see jonghoโs own adorable giggles in him.
after several months of courting advances, johnny asks to make it official. you say yes, because you have fallen for him.
and so, like the dwindling campfire that had marked the end of summer, you snuff out the remains of the fire in your heart that has been burning for san, hongjoong and the six other boys, leaving the last of the embers to their fate. left alone, they will slowly die out, completely extinguishing the flames and leaving only ashen remnants behindโฆor the sparks will continue to fight unnoticed; until they rekindle and turn into an uncontainable inferno.
โwith all due disrespect, his parents donโt fucking deserve to be parents,โ wooyoung spits out.
yunho tucks the blotchy aftermath of mingiโs heartbreak a little tighter into the crook of his own neck, other hand softly tousling the ends of the youngerโs hair. the boys have only just managed to settle mingi into one of the beds in their shared dorm rooms after he had shown up at the dance studio barely holding it together by his last thread.
โi donโt think any of us had high hopes for them, considering the things heโs told us about them over the last few years,โ seonghwa sighs as he pulls the blanket over mingiโs shoulders.
โbut for them to just fucking disown him like that? do they even realise how much it took for him to come clean about us?โ
san gently pulls wooyoung away from the bed, lest he wake up the boy in question, and massages his clenched fist open. yeosang sidles up to the pair, โdo you think we could go down to namhae a few days earlier this summer?โ
โthat actually might be possible,โ san chews on his bottom lip and takes out his phone to text his parents. โitโll be a nice surprise for y/n, too.โ
โsheโs in for a few surprises,โ jongho comments before nudging the boy next to him. โhopefully you didnโt scare her off after what you did.โ
hongjoong scratches the nape of his neck at the jab, โyeah, i hope i didnโt fuck things up for all of us.โ
โyou still havenโt talked it out with her?โ san looks up from his phone.
hongjoong grimaces, โno, but how could i? she said to pretend that it didnโt happen.โ
โand you just took her word for it? god, thatโs literally the universal response anyone would automatically give in a situation thatโs utterly and mortifyingly embarrassing,โ wooyoung throws his arms up into the air. โi wouldnโt be surprised if she says no to us after all.โ
โlook, iโll talk to her when we see her again. the semesterโs nearly over, anyway.โ
san nods, โmy parents are fine with us going down a weekend earlier. and i agree with hongjoong on this oneโitโs probably something they should talk about in person, not over the phone. letโs just hope we havenโt missed our timing with this.โ
thereโs only a few more weeks left until summer, minus one week now that they have decided to make the trip down to namhae earlier for mingiโs sake. and regardless of what your answer will be to the question that theyโll ask youโ be it yes or noโ it still wonโt change the fact that everything will be okay once they get to namhae. because everything is okay as long as you are by their side.
thereโs a man standing by your side, and itโs not one of them.
itโs strange to see you holding hands with someone that they donโt know. of course, itโs inevitable that you would have your own friends in namhae and from college, and of course itโs inevitable that you would have friends of both genders. but the way you have your fingers interlocked with his looks anything but platonic.
the boys are familiar with the way their own hands feel with yours nestled in theirs; from when you squeeze yourself between two of them and happily swing your intertwined hands back and forth; when a large wave threatens to topple you over and you instinctively reach for them for support; when youโre curled up against them and absentmindedly fiddling with their fingers whilst watching a cheesy summer romcom. but right now, their own hands feel unfamiliarโ oddly empty and unable to make up its mind as to whether it wants to relax or tighten into a fist, even more so when you make eye contact with them standing outside sanโs house and freeze.
you havenโt told the boys about johnny yet, only that you had news you wanted to tell them in person once they came for the summer. but now that they are here, standing right in front of you and your boyfriend, you suddenly feel a prick of guilt that you hadnโt given them a heads up of some kind.
you slip your hand out of johnnyโs grasp under the guise of tidying your hair. if johnny notices, he doesnโt comment on it. instead, he asks, โyou know them?โ and settles his arm heavily over your shoulders. the action probably looks as territorial as it feels.
โyeah, theyโre my closest friends,โ you answer louder than you need to, because you feel like you have to defend themโ or yourself. โsanโs from namhae, too, and the others are from different provinces. they go to college together in seoul.โ
โoh,โ your boyfriend makes a noise, โitโs them.โ
hongjoong feels awfully smug at that comment, because it means that youโve talked about them before. he feels even more pleased when you slightly step out from under the manโs arm. but then your next words have his expression darkening again.
โi was going to officially introduce him to you guys on your first dayโฆi just wasnโt expecting it to be today,โ you gently place your hand on johnnyโs forearm. โthis is johnny, my boyfriend.โ
immediately, the boys recognise his nameโ how could they forget, when the name has never once left their subconscious since the moment he was mentioned. a fleeting thought enters hongjoongโs mind. if he had not pulled away that nightโ if he had kissed you instead of being a cowardโ would it be him standing by your side as your boyfriend right now?
and hongjoong is not alone in his thoughts. wooyoungโs teeth grit together as he wonders how different things may have turned out if only the older or he himself had been bolder with their feelings. if only any of them had plucked up the courage to make the first move. because you dating any of them would automatically put their heart infinitely more at ease than the literal fucking stranger who is standing by your side.
youโre about to tell your boyfriend the names of the eight boys in front of you when he raises an eyebrow at you, โyou didnโt tell me your friends were all guys.โ his tone isnโt accusatory, per se, but itโs definitely not cordial, either. this side of johnny is completely new to you.
seeing the flustered look on your face irks wooyoung in every way possible so he interrupts, โand why does it matter to you?โ
johnny levels him with a look for several seconds before smiling placatingly. โyouโll understand when you get a girlfriend,โ he dismisses.
immediately, thereโs a palpable spike in tension. โsorry?โ wooyoung scoffs.
san sets a firm hand on the back of wooyoungโs neck and you lowly murmur your boyfriendโs nameโ respectively scruffing the two men. you didnโt know what to expect introducing your friends and boyfriend to each other. but the start of what looks like it has the potential to turn into a fight was definitely not on the list.
in a lame attempt to change the topic, you comment, โyou guys are here early this year.โ
thereโs a beat of silence thatโs a split second longer than you deem comfortable and yunho clears his throat, โyeahโฆthings ended up this way.โ
the vague comment and pointed look in your boyfriendโs direction tells you that thereโs more to it than they are letting you onto right now. you make a mental note to talk to them once johnny leavesโฆif he ends up leaving. but the heavy weight that is still draped around your shoulder shows no intention of removing itself.
even though your instinct is to run up to the boys and receive all the hugs you have missed, and their instinct is to pull you away from the unfamiliar man and back into the intimacy of their group, the arm around you is a stark reminder to everyone that youโre not single anymoreโ that there are now boundaries to respect. instead, your friends are left to shuffle awkwardly on the spot with wavering gazes as if they have caught you doing something they werenโt supposed to see.
โdo you have classes today?โ san dares to ask.
โnot today. we were justโฆout,โ you reply. on a date, it goes unsaid.
โwell, weโre headed for the beach,โ san hates the fact that he even has to ask his next sentence, โdo you want to join us?โ
looking at johnny, you hate the fact that your immediate answer isnโt to say yes. he glances at you and then answers on your behalf, โweโll join. itโll be nice for us to get to know each other, since it seems like weโll be seeing each other often this summer.โ
โnot if you donโt show up,โ wooyoung mutters under his breath, but heโs not really trying to be quiet about his disdain.
you fake a smile and push your boyfriend towards the entrance to your house. โweโll get changed and then meet you guys down at the beach.โ you donโt wait for an answer before shoving the front door open and shut again in quick succession behind you.
โwait here,โ you tell johnny, โiโll get you a spare pair of shorts,โ then you disappear into your bedroom and let out a deep exhale, closing your eyes to clear your head.
you had spent the last few years embracing the changes in your relationship with san. every summer marked a change in your friendship groupโ a new chapter each year as you rewrote the group dynamics with additional people to love and be loved by.
this summer, like the others, also marks a change and beginning of a new chapter, but now youโre realising that not all chapters in a story will always be happy. instead, some chapters will mark the beginning of the complication.
it feels like an unusual mix between deja vu and an out-of-body experience as san straps the leash of his surfboard around his ankle. his gaze follows your form and he watches silently when youโre picked by the waist and tossed into the ocean. it looks all too familiarโ except instead of him being the one who brings the laughter out of your squeals, itโs that annoyingly tall and irritatingly jacked dude that is your boyfriend.
san canโt help the sigh that escapes his lips as he peels his eyes away. if johnny makes you happy, then objectively, san wants nothing more for you. but he cannot help but feel that you are undeserving of anything less than the entire world; something he and his boys are willing to give to you. but life is all about timing and it seems like theyโve missed theirs.
heโs distracted by the sight of you and johnny in his peripheral vision, even as he paddles out into the deeper waters with yunho. the taller is uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes repeatedly flickering back and forth between you and mingi. mingi needed this trip more than any of them combined, but thereโs an uneasy feeling in the pit of yunhoโs stomach thatโs telling him the appearance of your boyfriend is only just the beginning of a rocky summer.
regardless of their combined years of surfing experience, both yunho and san seem to continuously lose their balance on their boards today. and despite the saltiness of the sea water that flows into sanโs mouth each time he fallsโ no longer the graceful choreographer of the seaโ thereโs a bitter taste on his tongue that he cannot get rid of no matter how many bottles of water he drinks over the rest of the day.
it follows him even when the sweet fragrance of fresh pastries and syrupy drinks permeates the air the moment he walks into the bakery you so adore after your group walks from the beach. san pulls the glass door open for you, wind chime tinkling softly overhead, and he has to resist the urge to let go of the door handle when your boyfriend also walks through without so much as a word or glance of gratitude.
before san walks up to the counter, he instinctively turns around to check your order before he adds it to his own like he has always done. โstrawberry dacquoise and grapefruit ade?โ
youโre about to nod when johnny steps into place beside you and asserts, โshe likes the chocolate ones.โ
san keeps his voice as even as he can and refutes, โno, y/n prefers the strawberry ones. i would know, considering weโve been going to this cafe together since we were twelve.โ he emphasises the last word, clearly telling the other that he is the one who has known you since you were young and therefore knows you the best out of anyone, boyfriend be damned.
not backing down, johnny turns to ask, โis that true, babe?โ
you swallow uncomfortably, mouth suddenly dry. โi like both,โ you evade.
but your lack of denial says more than enough and johnnyโs frown deepens almost immediately. at his expression, you rush to amend, โi know you like the chocolate ones more. it makes me happy sharing them with you.โ
โyou shouldโve told me,โ johnny fusses. but opposed to disappointment at not having known your preference for strawberry, he seems more displeased at having discovered this fact through your male friend.
san notices how apologetic you start to feel and he absolutely despises how unfamiliar it looks on your face. if this is the type of boyfriend that he is giving you up to, then san is not prepared to let go of you at all.
โor maybe you shouldโve noticed,โ he shrugs nonchalantly in your boyfriendโs direction before smiling tenderly at you. โiโll order your food. go find a seat with seongโโ
johnnyโs voice is heated when he interjects, โno, you wonโt. iโll pay for my girlfriendโs food.โ
youโve never heard him talk with this tone before, much less seen him act this way, but his words suddenly strike you with clarity and reasoning. with a relationship comes adherence to mutual boundaries and expectations, and although san is used to doting on you, the reality now is that johnny currently fulfills that role as your boyfriend.
โitโs alright, san. thank you,โ you give your friend a soft smile. โjohnnyโs got it for me.โ
san nods, defeated. your boyfriend gently nudges you in the direction of the tables, โgo sit down. iโll bring our order over when itโs ready.โ
on edge, you walk to where some of the boys are already seated and slide in beside seonghwa, who has been watching the entire exchange silently. โy/n,โ he starts.
you plaster on a smile, โitโs okay.โ
seonghwa studies you carefully for a moment, then appears to make up his mind about something and returns your smile. except anybody can see that it doesnโt reach his eyes. โdo you want to swap seats with me? that way you and johnny can sit on the same side.โ
grateful for his thoughtfulness, you change seats and sit on his left just as wooyoung joins the table with an iced americano in his hand. he sets it down to drag a spare chair beside him, offhandedly commenting, โwhy are you even dating him? i donโt get what you see in him.โ
he hisses when seonghwa kicks his shin from under the table, shaking his head, and you just give the younger a tight-lipped smile in response. youโre distracted by the buzz of your phone in your pocket. a quick glance downwards tells you that itโs a text from san.
sorry for putting you between your bf and i
you look up in surprise and find that heโs already gazing at you from where heโs waiting at the counter. his eyebrows knit together in apology and you shake your head, mouthing that itโs okay. san has always been the bigger person in any situationโ with you, with friends and family, and even with people he doesnโt necessarily see eye to eye with.
your phone buzzes again, twice in succession, but this time the notifications arenโt from him. itโs johnny.
whatโs his problem, god
wants to get into your pants or sth
your boyfriend continues to tap away at his phone, expression marred with poorly concealed irritation. but he doesnโt seem to be referring to your texting exchange with sanโ you donโt think heโs even noticed. instead, heโs still hooked on the ordering incident.
slipping the phone back into your pocket and pretending you have not noticed the messages yet, you simply wait for johnny to grab the tray with your pastries and drinks before he slides into the chair next to you. and for the first time since dating, you find yourself comparing your boyfriend not to san, but against him.
it feels like you have spent the last two months treading carefully on eggshells. there are days you spend with both johnny and the boys and it becomes clear to everyone pretty quickly that theyโre not warming up to each other. despite your best efforts to bring them closer, there is unmistakable tension that underlies every interaction that they have and donโt have with one another.
then there are the days you spend with just your boyfriend. he doesnโt mention your friends and neither do you, but you notice the way his gaze flickers to your phone whenever it lights up with a notification. like a mutual taboo, he simply continues the conversation after a pause and you donโt point it out.
and then there are the rarer days that you spend with just the eight of your friends, like todayโ the ones that feel like the old summers that you have started to yearn. and yet, even with the familiar essence of the past, you start to notice them. the subtle differences.
itโs not obvious at first. the casual displays of affection that have extended beyond habitual touches and have just become who they are are still there. but thereโs something about the attentiveness with which seonghwa dusts the powdered sugar off of yeosangโs cheeks when heโs eating. or in the naturalness with which wooyoung moulds himself into sanโs side when they sit on the couch. something in the way mingiโs entire body relaxes whenever yunho gently thumbs the nape of his neck, and in the softening of hongjoongโs eyes when jongho speaks up in conversation.
maybe itโs because you find yourself no longer a part of their shared love, regardless of how platonic it may be between you and the boys. ultimately, itโs easier to notice things when youโre watching on as what feels like an outsider. and it makes sense that the dynamics of your friendship would change, considering how deeply embedded physical affection is within your group and the fact that you now have a boyfriend, but thereโs something more to their interactionsโ youโre sure of it. you just canโt put your finger on what exactly.
itโs that thought that reminds you of yunhoโs words when he and the rest of your friends had turned up a week before the start of summer. โwhat did you mean about things having ended up this way when you guys came down to namhae early?โ you suddenly ask, eyes looking away from the television screen where the round of their game has just ended. โand wasnโt there something else you guys had wanted to tell me about?โ
clearly not having expected your questions, yunho blinks as he formulates a response, โyeah, there is. justโmaybe talk to mingi first. youโll probably want to hear it directly from him.โ
and hongjoong needs to talk to you first, too, yunho thinks to himself. except, he wonders whether there is even a point to it anymore.
your heart sinks at yunhoโs words because you have a feeling it has to do with mingiโs parents. and his parents are never good news. right at that moment, mingi emerges through the doorway after his shower, a towel draped over his shoulders as he uses its ends to roughly dry his hair. he stops in his tracks when he notices you and yunho staring at him.
โi know iโm hot but you donโt have to make it that obvious,โ he jokes.
you snort and shake your head, getting up to your feet and walking over to him as yunho watches knowingly. โcome sit outside with me for a bit?โ you ask mingi.
he agrees, pulling the towel off and tossing it onto the back of a chair to dry. you catch a whiff of sanโs shampoo when he moves, the fragrance of cedarwood and bergamot that all the boys end up being scented with each summer filling your nose.
the two of you sit on the embankment just outside sanโs house, legs dangling off the edge of the port. you can just barely toe the start of the sand but mingi easily shuffles his feet in it, drawing lazy patterns in your company. after a few minutes of peaceful silence, he nudges you gently albeit playfully, โdid you want to ask me something?โ
you chuckle at having been exposed and nudge him back in response. he never budges, torso bigger and more muscular than you can move, but it doesnโt stop you from trying and him from laughing endearingly.
โi asked yunho why you guys came down earlier this summer and he said to ask you,โ you peer at him, treading carefully with your next words, โis everything okay?โ
he takes a breath, exhaling long and slow. โi came out to my parents,โ he reveals. โtold them iโm bi andโฆthey didnโt take it well.โ
mingi doesnโt need to elaborate for you to understand that his parents didnโt just โnot take it wellโ. you can only imagine the hell that broke loose. โoh, mingi,โ you sigh, eyebrows knitting together with hurt.
โi also told them that iโm datiโโ
the sound of the door opening and the call of your name stops mingi from finishing his sentence. itโs yunho with a ringing phone in his hand. โyou might want to take this call,โ he alerts you.
frowning, you make a stand to reach for your phone, asking, โwho is it?โ
he glances down awkwardly at the screen that is still on. โyour boyfriend.โ
youโre just about to slide the answer button when the call disconnects and you see that including the one that has just ended, you have four missed calls.
โoh, shit,โ you canโt help the curse that slips out of your mouth. four missed calls is never a good sign from anybody, much less your boyfriend, who has also sent you several texts asking where you are.
seeing the darkening of your expression, yunho misses the girl whose biggest worry was the number of ice cream scoops to scam hongjoong out of. he misses the girl whose smile was brighter than the reflected sun on sanโs surfboard. most of all, yunho misses the girl he has fallen in love with.
โy/n, iโm going to be honest with you,โ he hesitates slightly. โi donโt think heโs the right one for you.โ
you know that yunhoโs looking out for you and his heart is in the right place, but itโs not what you want toโ or need to hear right now. and perhaps, thereโs an inkling of you that already knows. still, you try to keep your voice even when you reply, โiโd know if heโs not.โ
you turn to mingi next and shoot him an apologetic look, โiโm sorry but i should probably call him back. weโll talk later, yeah?โ
mingi doesnโt know when later will be and neither do you. but he simply nods and lets you go, watching dejectedly as your form disappears back into your house at the same time san steps out of his. he had been carefully observing from the window the moment yunho had walked out with your incessantly ringing phone in his hand.
โguess he takes priority over us now,โ mingi sighs.
san looks at him bittersweetly, โthatโs what happens when you find somebody you love. like johnny is her priority, you are my priority and yunhoโs. in fact, youโre the priority of five other people as well.โ despite the fact that he is shorter, san still reaches up to flick mingiโs nose affectionately as he fondly states, โarenโt you lucky.โ
mingi scrunches his nose in retaliation and san diverts the topic, โnow come on, are you going to just stand back and let yunho win the game again?โ
the younger grins, light returning to his eyes as he cheekily suggests, โyou distract him while i cheat?โ
โiโm right here,โ yunho protests, but heโs shaking his head dotingly. together, he and mingi make their way back into the house, hands finding each other as they pass through the threshold.
san lingers behind and stares at the closed door of your house. for the longest time, you have been one of sanโs priorities, if not the priority. over the last few years, the number of his priorities have steadily grown and you now share the top of the list in his heart with seven other boys. your happiness is sanโs priority, as is the happiness of the others.
but what happens when interests start to conflict and your boyfriendโ and by association, youโ becomes a reason for unhappiness amongst the people he cares so dearly for? what happens if there comes a day where he must choose between his priorities and push somebody down the list, or worseโฆcompletely out of his heart?
youโre just as troubled when, half an hour after his missed calls and your subsequent response asking to meet up, you and johnny aimlessly wander the streets of the neighbourhood. the air is tense and despite the cry of cicadas, the silence from the lack of conversation is the only sound that you can hear. you can tell that heโs displeased by the fact that you had been with your friends, but youโre not exactly happy with him right now either.
you know an argumentโs brewingโ one that has been long coming, perhaps since the start of summer. you could have chosen to take the night to cool down, but it will eventually boil over one day, be it him or yourself. better to address it now than wait until itโs too late, and perhaps you can salvage it before it does boil over.
โwhy did you call me so many times?โ
johnny knows youโre not only asking about tonight, and definitely not only about his phone calls. and yet, your tone is not accusatory, only genuinely curious and open to understanding his reasoning and emotions. solely because he feels guilt starting to prick his insides at your question does he make an attempt to reign in his childish jealousy that has reared its head so many times in the last two months.
โi didnโt know where you were,โ he halfheartedly answers. โi thought something had happened.โ
you both know itโs a lieโ a pretty bad one at that. you had texted him just mere hours ago telling him that you would be at sanโs. at his excuse, you raise an eyebrow.
โi donโt like the way they look at you,โ johnny finally admits, partially showing his true colours. โespecially san.โ
you had guessed just as much and you can see why he might feel that way, but you want him to see where youโre coming from, too. โwe grew up together, johnny. weโre each otherโs best friend and he doesnโt like me like that.โ
warm breath ghosting over your lips and then disappearing just as fast flits across your memory. โnone of them do,โ you emphasise. โand iโve been transparent about hanging out with them when youโre not there, havenโt i? i literally texted you a few hours ago.โ
he hesitates, โi was busy playing basketball with my friends. i missed your text and then you didnโt reply or answer my callsโฆโ the way his voice drops off the more he talks is a good indicator that he knows the patheticness of his justification.
โand i was busy with my friends, too,โ you reason. โyouโre not glued to your phone, and neither am i.โ
you continue when he stays silent, โyouโre my boyfriend and i understand that it can make you feel uneasy when i hang out with so many guys, but you have to understand that theyโre my friends, and my closest ones too. i would appreciate it if you give me more space when iโm with them, but iโll also try to make sure iโm reachable on my phone so you have a piece of mind.โ
you look at him and search his eyes for any indicators that he has more to say. from the way his jaw clenches subtly, you know that heโs disgruntled at best. but to your surprise he does not protest, instead nodding and walking you back to your house. you canโt tell whether the silence this time is slightly better or just as suffocating.
when you reach your front door, the lights are still on in the neighbouring house and you can hear the muted ruckus of laughter. as you unlock your door and pull it open, your boyfriend surprises you once more by calling out, โi love you.โ
you learn a lot about a person simply from the things that they say, and sometimesโ
โi know,โ you reply gently, before shutting the door.
โyou learn even more about a person simply from the things that they donโt say.
itโs two weeks after your conversation with johnny when he runs into some of the boys at one of the beachside cafes without your presence.
with autumn just around the corner, youโre spending the day transitioning the rice seedlings, now almost at the height of your thighs, from the wet paddies to the drier fields since your parents arenโt in namhae to do it. only mingi, yunho and jongho are helping you out; you had discovered the hard way last summer that letting all eight of them help you was, in fact, counterproductive when there were more plants being trampled on than safely moved.
and so while the four of you are working in the rice paddy, the remaining boys sit on the cafe terrace that overlooks the beach about a ten-minute drive from your and sanโs houses. a hush suddenly falls over their conversation, elbows inconspicuously nudging one another and shoulders tensing when they spot your boyfriend making his way towards the cafe with a small group of his own friends.
a smirk graces johnnyโs lips when his gaze falls upon the five of your friends, ignoring the courteous nod of acknowledgement that seonghwa attempts to make on their behalf and instead walking closer onto the cafeโs terrace. itโs not clearly audible, but itโs definitely direct enough for the boys to make out the words when johnny walks past and mutters, โfuckinโ pussies.โ
wooyoung immediately reacts. โwhat the fuck did you just say?โ he growls threateningly as seonghwa squeezes his thigh in anticipation of him standing up.
johnny pauses to look at them with faux innocence, โi wasnโt talking to you guys, but i guess if youโre offendedโโ
itโs hongjoong who rises to his feet first, chair screeching as it slides out from under his knees along the wooden deck. โyou say one more fucking word,โ he starts, eyes thunderous and fists turning white at his sides.
โand youโll what,โ johnny sneers, โrun to my girlfriend crying? ask her to have a little talk with me?โ
at the mention of you, both san and wooyoung join hongjoong on their feet. โwatch what you say,โ san looks at him dangerously. โdonโt bring y/n into this.โ
the commotion is starting to attract the attention of the staff and other customers in the cafe. seonghwa slowly stands, preparing to step in before it can escalate into something physical as yeosang grips the seat of his chair.
johnny steps closer and scoffs, โthatโs bullshit. you guys canโt even take care of your own feelings so you have to hide behind my girlfriend like a bunch of pathetic losers. it makes no fucking sense for her to ask me to leave her alone when sheโs with you guys.โ
โand i bet itโs never fucking crossed your mind that maybe itโs an issue with something youโre doingโnot us,โ wooyoung reciprocates with his own bold step closer.
heโs suddenly jerked forward when johnny fists the front of his shirt and instantly everyone moves in towards the two. seonghwa wedges his arms against their chests to prevent wooyoung from getting dragged further forward, though the younger is fiercely standing his ground, teeth bared and eyes murderous. save for yeosang, who comes to stand protectively behind him, the remaining two boys are swept up into the beginnings of a scuffle as johnnyโs friends step in as well.
โlook at you, all riled up,โ johnny goads, ignoring the hands that are trying to keep him subdued. โand she tells me that you donโt all want to fuck her?โ
seonghwa inhales sharply as he attempts to overpower both wooyoung and hongjoong, who is now extremely determined to connect his fist with your boyfriendโs face. but to many of their infuriation, the fist doesnโt get a chance to hit its well-deserved target when thereโs a firm shout over the commotion.
the cafe manager harshly warns, โweโre going to have to ask you all to leave the premises, otherwise weโre going to call the police.โ
โwooyoung! hongjoong!โ seonghwa hisses. โitโs not worth the trouble. stop!โ
there are a few tense seconds of heaving chests and grinding jaws before johnny lets wooyoung go with a shove and hongjoong begrudgingly and slowly lowers his raised fist.
โyou bitches got lucky this time,โ johnny glowers. he beckons to his friends with a jerk of his head, still glaring at wooyoung, then kicks a chair out of his way as he leaves the cafe. in the wake of the confrontation, seonghwa turns to look at the manager and creases his eyebrows in apology, bowing multiple times to the other employees and customers too.
the manager nods wryly, โyou and your friends are still going to have to leave.โ
โwe understand,โ seonghwa replies, beginning to usher hongjoong and wooyoung towards the exit. โweโre truly sorry.โ
as the five of them walk out, his eyes dart around anxiously in case your boyfriend and his friends are still lingering around. muscles taut and on edge, seonghwa makes a decision as the oldest. โletโs go home,โ he declares, โwe can wait there.โ
they pile into the jeep wordlessly and san turns on the ignition, pulling out of the small car park and heading back to his. theyโre only a few minutes away when wooyoung breaks the silence, โso whoโs gonna tell y/n that her boyfriendโs a fucking asshole and that she needs to break up with his sorry ass?โ he fumes. โbecause if no oneโs going to do it, then iโm going to tell her the moment we get home.โ
โwooyoung,โ seonghwa starts.
โno, donโt wooyoung me,โ he snaps. โheโs a fucking pretentious dickhead and she needs to know that. i donโt even care if we donโt ever get to talk about that other thing with her anymore. all i care is that he never gets to show his face in front of her ever again.โ
seonghwa rubs his temples in frustration. he argues, โlook, i agree with you and iโm not saying we shouldnโt tell y/n. but we need to put our feelings aside and think about this rationally, otherwise we could end up hurting her.โ
โi think sheโs going to get hurt regardless of how we approach it,โ hongjoong snarks as the other levels him with a look.
โthe campfire night is only a few days away,โ yeosang points out. โmaybe we should wait until thatโs overโฆyou know how excited she and mingi get about it each year.โ
hongjoong protests, โand wait for her to bring johnny along on the day? sorry, but not even seonghwa is going to be able to stop me from sucker-punching him to the ground.โ
โsurely sheโs not going to bring him. itโs a day just for us,โ yeosang frowns.
san feels their questioning gazes settling on him and he glances in the rearview mirror to confirm his hunch. โi donโt know, probably not?โ he answers whilst shrugging, turning into the small street that leads to your house. โbut honestly? i think we should wait until after that day to talk to her. i donโt see the point in ruining it for any more of us.โ
seonghwa agrees and adds on, โand only one of us should have the conversation with her. san, youโre probably the best person out of us.โ
san hums in agreement, slowly braking the car to a stop before he turns in his seat to look at the rest of them. โiโll find a time to talk to her and in the meantime,โ he looks at wooyoung and hongjoong gently, knowing how frustrated they must be feeling, โwe wait.โ
thereโs only a few more days until the campfireโ they only need to hold out for a little longer until then. what could possibly go wrong?
โare you sure itโs a good idea to leave hongjoong and y/n to get the snacks together?โ
seonghwa tenderly thumbs yeosangโs lips from out of his teeth, where he has been biting the corner of his lips in worry, and answers, โheโs hopeless at buying all the other things and she knows what snacks we like the best.โ seonghwa knows hongjoongโs way of being confrontational is stark and direct, but he also has faith in the other that he wonโt prematurely bring up your boyfriend and risk hurting you with the conversation.
you make your way down the snack aisles of the grocery store with hongjoong and it feels both familiar and foreign. there are no shopping cart races or invisible finish flags this timeโ only the two of you and the baskets in his hands as he carries whatever you pluck off the shelves. itโs been a while since youโve had time alone with hongjoong; not since the incident last summer.
looking down at the shopping baskets, you put another packet of banana crisps in before commenting, โletโs get some sweet things and then that should be enough for the ten of us.โ
hongjoong cocks his head, โhaneulโs coming?โ
โ...no,โ you look at him carefully, โjohnny is.โ
โjohnny? youโre joking.โ
you frown at the sudden coldness in his tone, โheโs my boyfriend, hongjoong.โ johnny had been strangely adamant about going today and you had also noticed he seemed to be irritated about something. so quite frankly, you werenโt about to tell him no.
โand heโs also an asshole, you know that? why are you even dating him?โ
you know your boyfriend and your friends still arenโt on amicable terms, but youโre honestly getting tired of feeling like you have to justify yourself and your dating life. and considering you have just had a talk with johnny to try and make things better for everyone, you canโt help but feel like you are being pushed into a corner yet again.
โasshole or not, at least heโs honest about his feelings for me,โ you retort pointedly.
โoh?โ hongjoong scoffs in disbelief, โis that what this is about?โ
you challenge him with a glare, โwhat do you think iโm implying?โ
โso iโm the bad guy now? i thought you liked me. since when did you stoop so low as to throw yourself at any guy who makes a move on you?โ
your jaw drops. โyou know what? what the fuck is your problem?โ you shove his chest in anger. โletโs not forget that you were the one who tried to kiss me first and you were the one who also stopped. yeah, i did like you, but at least iโm willing to admit it.โ
you step in closer, breathing heavy as you continue heatedly, โwhat about you? what the fuck have you done that makes you think you have any right to say that my decisions are wrong.โ
hongjoong grits his teeth, โyouโre making a mistake dating him.โ
โyeah, you would know something about mistakes,โ you throw back sarcastically. โbut then again, you were probably happy to pretend it never happened and forget about it.โ
โdonโt fucking put words into my mouth,โ he warns.
โit seems to be the only way i can get you to talk about us. you have no issues giving me shit about my relationship with my boyfriend, but when it comes to our relationship itโs radio silence for a year.โ
hongjoong at least has the decency to look guilty when he declares, โi was going to talk to you about it face to face.โ
โwhatever, hongjoong. itโs too late,โ you brush him off.
you snatch the baskets out his hands and walk away, no longer concerned over what snacks the boys will have for the campfire later tonight. you just want to get away from hongjoong, so you do exactly that. you leave him alone in the aisle to stare at the view of your back walking further away from him. life is all about timing and hongjoong has long missed his.
hours later, mingi scans the room from where heโs perched on a stool at the kitchen island in your house. everyone is either lounging around, preparing the meat and cutlery or setting up the grill and table outsideโ everyone except for one.
โwhereโs hongjoong?โ he asks nobody in particular. he doesnโt think heโs seen the other since theyโve all come back from the grocery store.
โheโs resting in my room,โ san answers. โsaid he wasnโt feeling too well but heโll join us later.โ
you roll your eyes at the knives youโre counting out, opting to keep your mouth shut. what san doesnโt say either, though, is that he knows something is offโ hongjoong was completely fine this morning and you were definitely in higher spirits.
thereโs an abrupt knock at your front door and you put the cutlery down, saying, โiโll get it.โ you know itโs probably johnny so you donโt bother squinting through the peephole before pulling the door open and blinking, โyou look nice today.โ
your boyfriend has styled his hair so that it slicks back from his forehead, parted down the right side of his scalp. heโs dressed in his usual smart casual fit but has chosen to pair it with accessories to accentuate his collarbones and wrists. he shrugs, โwanted to look good.โ
you lead him to the open kitchen and immediately, you notice the shift in the air. a few of the boys give a tight-lipped smile in acknowledgement, but the expressions on wooyoung and san, and even yeosang and seonghwa go blank or two shades darker. hongjoongโs uncharacteristic cold feet suddenly makes a lot of sense to san now.
โyou invited johnny?โ sanโs question is eerily monotone. a blunt knife may not be able to cut through rope, but with continuous abrasion and chafing, even the thickest of ropes will eventually sever.
your voice is not entirely friendly when you reply, โyes, san. i invited my boyfriend.โ
โand why the fuck did you do that?โ
sanโs swearing has you reeling in surprise, but itโs quickly replaced by pent-up stress and anger that has been lingering for weeks and exacerbated by your argument with hongjoong mere hours ago. your entire body starts to heat up when san continues to criticise, โweโve put up with him for long enough, donโt you think? itโs one thing for you to date him of all people, but itโs another thing to bring him to this.โ
you laugh bitingly, no longer concerned about trying to deal with this maturely. all you can think about is how san is hurting you and how you want to hurt him back too. โso you can bring whoever the fuck you want each year, but i canโt bring my own boyfriend?โ you retort.
the silence is deafening. nobody moves as they try to process the words that have just been thrown at them. yunhoโs eyes are wide with confusion more than hurt at how quickly this argument has escalated, and he slowly raises his arms out in front of him, โokay, i think we all need toโโ
โwhoever the fuckโare we just โwhoeverโ to you?โ wooyoung harshly interrupts. โweโve been trying to look out for you and this is what we fucking get in return?โ
you know that you wonโt be able to take your words back after you say them, but they slip out anyway as you counter, โi didnโt ask any of you to look out for me.โ
yunhoโs arms fall limply to his sides and seonghwa looks away. wooyoungโs words are resigned and stony when he stares at you dead in the eye and says, โyou know, y/n. we needed this trip this summerโฆmore than anything. but thanks for ruining it for all of us.โ then he brushes past your shoulder and slams the front door on his way out.
one by one, the boys follow him out of your houseโ first yeosang, then seonghwa, neither of them able to look you in the eye. when yunho and jongho hesitantly walk past you as well, they give you a small, apologetic wince.ย
mingi still stands in the room. he has been quiet throughout the entire argument but his eyes tell a story of a million words. heโs filled with hurt and sorrow if not obvious by the wetness that starts to well in his eyes. โi guess you were just saying it when you told me i have a home here with you in namhae,โ he chokes out.
your own eyes grow hot as you shake your head, โmingi, thatโs notโโ
but he leaves before you can say anything else. turning back towards the interior of your houseโ now looking far too spacious and vast without one of your friends occupying every available surfaceโ you are left alone with just san and johnny. the heat of the fight is quickly slipping away, instead rushing all towards your eyes, and you call out sanโs name. what for, you donโt know, but your cry is timid and desperate.
as much as it pains san to make a decision, mingi needs himโ his boys need him, and they are his priority now. right there and then, san discovers for himself his final answer when it comes to choosing between love and friendship. he walks out of your house, turning his back on you.
you jolt awake feeling disorientated. your head feels clouded, eyes blurry from swelling and youโre still in the clothes from last night that you donโt recall falling asleep in. reaching for your phone, you wonder whether it has already ticked past noon for you to have woken up on your own, except you find that its dead. you roll over with a groan and plug your phone into its charger, then haul yourself upwards.
you rinse the stale taste out of your mouth before walking out to the living room and immediately, youโre hit with the memories and intense emotions of last night. there are packets of raw meat still unopened and bottles of soju still littering the table that you hadnโt tidied up. in the aftermath of the argument, you had told johnny to give you some space and to go home. you had then gone straight to your bedroom, covering yourself with the blankets in an attempt to hide yourself from the world and cried out your sorrows until you exhausted yourself to sleep.
you let out a long and heavy sigh, soul still exhausted to the very core, so you turn back towards your bedroom. youโll clean everything up when youโre feeling a little more confident to face the consequences of last night. sitting on the edge of your bed, you reach for your phone. there are a few texts from johnny that you scroll past when something else catches your eye.
itโs a text from jongho, timestamped for 1:17 am. you and the boys rarely have a reason to message each other individually, preferring to use the group chat since there are no secrets shared. although, you suppose, none of you will be using the group chat for a whileโฆ
you tap on jonghoโs notification. instantly, your heart drops all the way to the bottom of your stomach and past it. you think your heart is down in the fucking ground, becauseโ
hey, wasnโt sure if youโd want to know or not
but i think weโre going back to seoul in the morning
the numbers in the corner of your phone tell you that itโs already eleven thirty, and thatโs when you hear itโ the noise that had woken you up earlier. the distinct slam of a car boot closing shut. you jolt up to your feet, panic coursing through your veins as blood rushes to your ears and drowns out all rational thoughts. you forgo any shoes and throw your front door open to run outside, uncaring of the grit that digs painfully into the soles of your feet.
a brief flash of relief flickers across jonghoโs face at your appearance but you miss it in your frenzy to make sense of what you are seeing. all three of their cars are parked in a line, their surfboards already strapped and secured to the car hoods or in the bed of the ute. the last of their luggage and duffel bags are being loaded and san is locking his front door.
every summer, the boys wait until the last possible second to leave, to the point where you have to forcibly push them towards their cars with fond laughter. itโs only thursday today and summer doesnโt end for another three days, and yetโ
โyou guys are leaving?โ you ask apprehensively.
nobody answers you immediately. the only sound that punctuates the silence is the forceful slam of a door as wooyoung enters the car. hongjoong accidentally makes eye contact with you and his eyes narrow before he opens the door to his ute and also disappears.
jongho clears his throat awkwardly, โyeah, weโre heading back early.โ
โohโฆโ youโre at a loss for words, unsure of how to react to this situation. โdrive safe.โ
like a parallel of last night, the boys enter their respective cars one by one, jongho giving you a subtle wave. guilt stifles you for the things you have said to the boys and youโre also consumed by hurt from the things they have said to you. but you know for certain that you cannot just let this friendship fall through the cracks like this.
as san makes his way to his jeep, which is parked at the front of the line as the lead driver, you watch carefully for any sign that things are still salvageable for your friendship. a smile, a glance, a nodโ anything. but he simply pulls his jeep door open like you are invisible.
you hesitantly ask him, โiโll see you next summer?โ
san is expressionless but he may as well be glaring at you when he replies, โdonโt count on it,โ and for the second time of your life, he turns his back on you.
as san buckles his seatbelt in, trying his goddamn hardest to pretend he doesnโt see the tears now beginning to fall from your eyes, he tells himself that youโve made your decision and heโs made his. he has chosen his priorities and will give you up, and yet, still he hopes that one day youโll realise you deserve better and break up with johnny. san hopes that youโll come across somebody more than better, even if it cannot be him.
before yunho also gets into the jeep, he pauses in front of you. he fists the sides of his pants to stop himself from reaching out to wipe your tears away. instead, he consoles, โi think we all just need a little bit of time, yeah?โ
you nod numbly at his words. youโre forced to take several steps back out of the way after yunho also shuts his door closed and the engines hum to life in succession. unable to do anything, you can only watch helplessly as sanโs jeep starts to pull away and the other two cars also follow.
โtheyโre finally leaving, huh.โ
thereโs only one person who would have amusement laced into those words. refusing to turn around in your state, you exhale shakily, โnot now, johnny.โ
โyou honestly need better friends. everyone has a stick up their ass in that group,โ he comments.
โi said not now,โ you warn again, blinking the rest of your tears away when you feel anger creeping up in its stead.
โi shouldโve just punched them when i had the chance to.โ
you whip around to face him and yell, absolutely appalled, โjohnny!โ
โwhat?โ he scowls. โthey were the ones who started it.โ
you grow deathly still. โstarted what?โ you interrogate, and when he doesnโt let up, you step in closer. โjohnny?โ
โlook, i ran into some of them the other day. that little fuckerโwooyoung? he was basically asking to be punched. heโs lucky i let him off the hook,โ he sneers.
youโve known wooyoung longer than you have known johnny and you honestly find your boyfriendโs recount hard to believe. yes, wooyoung is hot-headed and rash, but he never reacts unless he has been provoked. or in other cases, his loved ones have been provoked.
โdonโt you fucking dare call my friends fuckers,โ you growl. is this who your boyfriend truly is? is this the person who your friends have been able to see through all this time?
โare you fucking serious right now?โ johnny spits in your face, โyouโre defending them? you always take their fucking side even though iโm your boyfriend.โ
you spit right back, โand you know what? that was my biggest mistake. i should have never made you my boyfriend.โ
johnnyโs expression drops entirely. โare you breaking up with me right now?โ
โyes, i am.โ you confirm. โweโre over.โ
you turn on your heel and for once, you are glad that he has shown up at your house, because it means you are a mere ten feet away from shutting your now-ex out of your life. you fumble with the door, vision rapidly blurring, then walk through and close it behind you. slowly, you lean back against the door. with nothing grounding you anymore, the tears escape your eyes once more and you donโt bother trying to hold back your cries.
all too fast, everything has come to a full circle of hurt. johnny turned his back on your friends, your friends turned their backs on you, and you have now turned your back on johnny. your chest shudders and heaves at the realisation, wondering where it all went wrong.
you want to seek out one of the boys for comfortโ seonghwa or sanโ but you only end up dropping to your hands and knees, head dizzy from how hard you begin to sob, when you realise that thatโs no longer an option. you all need time apart, both yourself and the boys. you know. but itโs much easier for them because they are going back to seoul together as their group of eight. they still have each other to lean on for comfort, whereas you are left behind to nurse your own wounds by yourself.
in the quiet of your house with the end of summer approaching in namhae, for the first time since meeting san, you are truly alone. it no longer feels like the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring. instead, itโs you against the worldโฆand the eight of them.
haneul takes all but one look at you before sheโs making herself comfortable on your couch, tugging a cushion into her lap and patting the space beside her with a commanding air of authority. her expression tells you that thereโs no room for argument, so you sink into the couch next to her.
the bewilderment must be obvious on your face when she asks you to spill what happened with san, because she simply reveals, โsan messaged the family chat when he arrived back in seoul. and we all know he would give up surfing before voluntarily leaving namhae early.โ
you slouch in on yourself, โwe fought.โ
as surprising as it is to hear, since sheโs never seen you and san argue before, haneul had an inkling that that was the case after her little brotherโs vague reasons. she probes, โabout what?โ
you tell her about everything. how you started dating johnny, how the boys came early for the summer and how you tried to get them on friendly terms. how your friends were constantly telling you to break up with him and how your boyfriend was always unhappy about you spending time with them. you tell her about the near-kiss with hongjoong last summer and the confrontation you had with him this summer. the argument you had with all the boys and the break up with johnny. everything.
haneulโs quiet for a while as she tries to piece together your story and her own thoughts. โdid they ever tell you why they were so against you dating him?โ she finally questions.
you shake your head and she asks, โthen did you try talking to them about it?โ
you slowly shake your head again, slightly ashamed by your own answer. you had been so focused on finding fault in the different ways the boys could have expressed their disapproval regarding your boyfriend that you didnโt think of the multiple opportunities you had to work out why those opinions existed in the first place.
โwhat do you think of it all, then? obviously, you would have broken up with johnny for a reasonโor did the criticism from the boys just become too much?
fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you look down at your lap. โhe was a decent guyโฆup until summer and the boys came over. thatโs when he started acting differently and,โ you pause, trying to find a nicer phrase before giving up and settling on, โbecame an asshole.โ
she nods, waiting as you elaborate, โhe became more overbearing and possessive, especially when i was hanging out with them when he wasnโt present. and he was just always so pissed. he was dead serious about getting into a physical fight with wooyoung. and we both know that none of the boys would ever start a fight for no reason, much less a fistfight, so johnny had to be the instigator.โ
the way that you are solely picking out the faults of your ex does not go unnoticed by haneul. โy/n,โ she stares at you seriously. โare you upset about your break up, or your argument with the boys?โ
her question stuns you because itโs quite obviously both, but she stops your reflexive response with the instruction, โthink about it before you answer me.โ
you close your mouth and look at your lap again to actually process your own thoughts and feelings. what are you thinking and feeling? johnnyโฆyou had sort of known already that he would not be a constant in your life for much longer. from the moment you had started comparing him against the other boys, it was already the beginning of the end.
but san and the others? they are and have been the sun to your solar system for years; your providers of vitality, warmth and summer who you cannot live without. thereโs a constant, gravitational pull that keeps you all together, except the balance has now been thrown off entirely. you realise what the answer was all along and you quietly admit, โthe argument.โ
she places a hand over yours, comfortingly stroking your knuckles as she sympathises, โi think so too.โ
promptly, you feel your eyes pricking with the sting of tears and in a moment of fragile vulnerability, you plead to haneul in a shaky voice, โwhat am i going to do without them?โ
โcome here,โ she whispers.
she pulls you into her, your body immediately going slack in her embrace. you cling onto her like a lifeline, afraid that you are going to drown in your cries of anguish. you donโt know how long you stay buried in her chest grieving for the friendships you have lost, but your neck and back are sore with stiffness by the time you calm down. still, she doesnโt let go of youโ not until you make the first move to pull away.
haneul continues to stroke your hair, soft shushing noises as she rocks you back and forth with her. when your shuddering breaths have resided and steadied out, she breaks the silence softly, โy/n, i think thereโs more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like youโve lost your closest friends.โ
your throat is scratchy when you mumble, โwhat do you mean?โ
โi canโt tell you because thatโs something that youโre going to have to work out for yourself. but after you figure out your own feelings, talk to them. communication is the first step to solving any problem, and i think youโve realised just how much miscommunication could have been avoided leading up to the argument.โ
you know sheโs right, but your chest shrivels up on itself in fear. โwhat if they donโt answer my messages or calls? what if they really donโt come back next summer?โ what if they hate me forever?
haneul rests her cheek on the crown of her head, โif they take a step back, then why donโt you take two steps forward?โ
her words slowly sink in and when they do, you inch out of her embrace. haneul cannot help the smile that adorns her own face in tandem with the one that starts to peek out along your lips. your face is still red and blotchy but there is now a ray of emerging hope as your voice trails off, โyou meanโฆโ
โyes, y/n,โ haneul nods. you feel goosebumps spreading across your body when she affirms your thoughts.
โgo to seoul and talk to them.โ
summer passes and autumn comes. the days grow shorter as the nights become longer and the weeks blur into a haze of monochrome darkness. the leaves and flowers fall off the trees, nature gradually stagnating and waning into nonexistence, much like the groupchat you share with the boys that has remained untouched since summer.
in a feverish state of resolution the very same day you had cried in haneulโs arms, you had booked an express bus trip that would take you directly from namhae to seoul. yet, despite telling yourself every weekend that youโll make the trip, the ticket remains unused. whenever you see your last message to sanโ a meek question asking if he had arrived back in seoul fineโ that continues to stay unread, your courage crumples and you reschedule the date for the following weekend.
the cycle repeats itself well into autumn. that is, until he breaks it.
youโve spent the last few days thinking about this very moment. there are only a few minutes left until midnight, which will mark the end of jonghoโs birthday. youโre unable to count the number of times you have opened his chat, typed out a message, then exited without actually sending it.
currently, the text cursor in jonghoโs chat blinks back at you like your own indecisiveness wavering back and forth between messaging him and not. the minute ticks over once moreโ itโs now or never. you let your thumbs skim across the surface of your phone before you can contemplate any further. itโs a simple message; only reading two lines.
happy birthday jongho
how have you been?
really, you mean โhow have you all been?โ because you cannot care about one of them without also caring about the others.
you lock the screen and toss your phone to the side, pretending you donโt care whether he replies or not, as if your phone is capable of sensing anxiousness and will sabotage his incoming messagesโ that is, if any come at all. but jonghoโs last messages to you had been the ones alerting you that he and the boys would be leaving namhae prematurely. surely an indicator that this friendship isnโt entirely lost.
the lecture slides on your laptop may as well be written in a foreign language as you restlessly eye your phone, wondering if he has seen your messages. you know it will be fruitless to continue studying, so you steel yourself for disappointment and reach for your phone. to your surprise, thereโs a reply waiting for you.
thanks y/n, iโve been good
itโs simple and only five words, but that in itself speaks volumes to your relationship. your heart skips a beat when the messages in his chat shift upwards once more as a new text comes in like an afterthought.
i miss you
really, jongho means โwe all miss youโ because you can be angry at someone, feel hurt by them, yet still love them all the same.
his confession stuns you frozen, your fingers hovering in place over your keyboard. it fills you with longing for more and hope for what may come, but also fear for what could happen. jongho has taken a small step to meet you halfway and you are absolutely terrified of messing things up once more. with your heart pounding in your chest, you carefully type out your next message, send it and then hold your breath.
can we call?
your fingers repetitively trace the rim of your phone case back and forth as you wait for a reply. thereโs a rising swell of panic that continues to grow when nothing comes and you even exit and reopen the app. what you donโt know is that jongho almost trips onto his face in his hurry to untangle his legs from out of his blanket so that he can lock himself in the bathroom to call you without waking the others.
the phone nearly falls out of your grasp when the screen suddenly lights up not with a message but a call. you let it ring for a few seconds to gather your own composure before sliding the button to nervously answer, โhello?โ
โhello?โ comes jonghoโs reply.
your voices overlap as you both simultaneously talk, โcan you hear meโโ โhiโyes, can you hear me?โ
โyeah, i can hear you too, hi,โ you breathe out, face breaking out into a smile.
the exchange has jongho letting out a giggle and the sound immediately releases all the tension that has built up in your body. your eyes start to mist over as you let out your own bashful laughter, because it is so much more than just missing the sound of jonghoโs happiness. youโre reminded of crashing waves and windswept fringes; heavy surfboards and helping handsโ the summer days when everything was happier and simpler. how did everything end up the way it has?
โthank you for replying to my message, jongho,โ your voice is unsteady.
he must hear the way your throat threatens to close in on itself, because his voice is warm-hearted when he tells you, โno, thank you for reaching out first.โ and as much as he finds it difficult to express himself, his next words spill out easily. โsorry i didnโt do it firstโฆit must have been hard for you all this time.โ
and just like that, so comes the first of many owed apologies. it doesnโt matter that you have to be awake in five hours to make it to your first lecture, nor that you donโt have a perfected script for all the things you want to apologise for. and it doesnโt matter that jongho is starting to feel cold sitting on the bathroom floor, nor that he canโt hold you like he wants to do. what does matter is that youโre both talking again.
as the night grows older, the conversation eventually flows away from raw confessions of your hearts to familiar topics of your mundane lives. it feels like the normal phone calls you used to have with the boys, except this time itโs only with jongho.
โwhat about you? have you been busy?โ
you nod, even though he canโt see you over the call, โiโm trying to keep up with classes but itโs hard with all the assignments due soon.โ
โyeah, i have another huge film project and itโs taking up all of my time, too,โ he exhales, then tentatively asks, โwhat aboutโฆhowโre things with johnny?โ
itโs strangely exciting to clarify, โwe actually broke up a few months ago.โ
you can hear jonghoโs sharp inhale even from over the phone. the conspiratorial tone of his voice painfully reminds you of wooyoungโs nosiness as jongho asks, โplease tell me you broke up with him and not the other way round.โ
โyes, i broke up with him,โ you chuckle. โhe talked shit about you guys the moment you all left, so i dumped him.โ
โhe deserved it,โ he gleefully states.
โonly i get to mess with my friendsโฆliterally.โ
the joke is at the expense of yourself, but it feels uplifting to be able to start laughing about it now that you have started making amends, even if it is only with one person so far. knowing you have somebody on your side makes all the difference in the world.
โitโs actually sort of funny you say that,โ jongho muses over the phone. โremember that truth or dare question? the one about choosing between love and friendship?โ
you hum in affirmation, โsan and i picked love.โ
โand look at you, picking us over johnny,โ he teases.
huffily, you banter, โpicked you guys even though you all left me.โ
thereโs the tinkle of laughter from over the receiver, but itโs cut short by a faint knock. you hear jongho murmuring to somebody before his voice becomes audible again, โhey, sorry, i need to go now. someone needs to use the bathroom.โ
you resist the urge to ask why heโs even there in the first place, but you just tell him that itโs okay, considering how late the time is anyway.
โiโll talk to you tomorrow?โ
โyeah, tomorrow,โ you affirm. the wide smile on your face makes your cheeks ache as you grip the phone to your ear and wait for him to hang up. you hear the sound of rustling as he stands up and turns the doorknob, then thereโs a voice in the background asking, โis that y/n?โ
but before you can try to discern who the voice belongs to, the call ends. you donโt let the slight disappointment dampen your spirits though and you fall back to lie on top of your bed. jonghoโs last words to you have made you feel like a giddy teenagerโ tomorrow feels too far away.
but his words before his last words also make you feel like a teenager. only itโs not giddiness but the uncertainty and confusion that comes with adolescence as you try to navigate and understand your own feelings about something. in the face of the situation, had you truly chosen friendship over love contrary to your own expectations?
it makes sense at first to think thatโs what has happened, but youโre suddenly reminded of haneulโs wordsโ that there is more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you have lost your closest friends, and that you need to figure out your own feelings before talking to the boys. if you have stood by your own values and chosen love over friendship, then that meansโฆthe heartbreak that you feel is grief not for lost friendship, but loss of your first lovesโ because you are in love with all of them.
that spark of feelings that had remained for the boys had never become fully extinguished. when you agreed to date johnny, perhaps it was only because he had reminded you of them and you had mistaken the flutters in your stomach for romantic attraction to him. and so, left unattended, that very spark has now flourished into a wildfire that can no longer be controlled, neither can it be containedโ itโs time for you to talk to them.
you pick up your phone again and send out a message, this time with no hesitation. it reads, โi need your helpโ.
and the reply is immediate.
anything you need
itโs the first day of winter when you arrive in seoul.
you get off the express bus at the terminal with both hands empty and only the bag on your back; you donโt plan on staying for long so you didnโt bring much with you. immediately, your breath fogs up in the frigid air and you nestle more snugly into the warmth of your coat. thereโs a reasonable crowd of people at the terminal, so you crane your neck in search of jonghoโs familiar tuft of brown hair, who had offered to pick you up knowing that this was your first time travelling up to seoul.
the last text he had sent told you that he had arrived and was waiting for you at terminal six. as you make your way closer, eyes squinting to discern whether you are seeing things correctly, you think youโre able to make out jonghoโs side profile leaning against a brick wall.
except, heโs not alone. your footsteps start to falter because seonghwa is also there. ironically, heโs the one who spots you from afar. he pushes himself away from the wall and turns his body towards you as jongho questions whether he has spotted you.
ever since the night he had overheard the younger on a phone call with you, seonghwa has been aching to make things right with you again. he had been afraid that you would want nothing to do with them anymore and that you would slip away from their fingers just like that. but here you are in seoul, just a mere distance away from him.
seonghwaโs eyes start to water and your expression crumples almost immediately with his when he opens his arms with an offer of an embrace. his feet rush to close the distance when you throw yourself into his chest, the cashmere of his coat rubbing softly against your cheek.
โiโm sorry, hwaโ you murmur.
โi know,โ he whispers, stroking the back of your head, โme too.โ
jongho silently watches with a small smile and allows you both to have your moment of reconciliation with each other. as you breathe in the comfortingly familiar scent of seonghwaโs cologne, you gesture for the other to come closer so that you can pull him into a group hug. and here, surrounded by both of them, despite there being several other things you want to sayโ poems of apologies and ballads of confessionsโ for now, this is more than enough.
seonghwa is the first to pull away suddenly as if he has been electrocuted. โhang on, are you and johnny stillโฆโ he trails off.
despite the snort of amusement that leaves you, youโre touched by his thoughtfulness to maintain respectful boundaries. โdonโt worry, we broke up,โ you reassure him, then you jokingly turn to jongho with an incredulous look. โyou told him i was coming up to seoul, but didnโt tell him that johnnyโs my ex now?โ
he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, โthat wasnโt in my place to reveal. plus, seonghwa was the one who looked over my shoulder and saw your text asking for my help.โ
said man pretends to walk away innocently. you and jongho laugh, trailing after him towards the carpark as you ask, โwhat was he doing in your dorm anyway?โ
โhe crashed for the night. our dormโs close to his workplace.โ
when you reach their parked car, seonghwa tugs the passenger door open, but instead of hopping in he gestures for you to go first. you indulge in his chivalry with a chuckle, even more so when he places a hand along the top of the door frame in case you bump into it.
โthanks, hwa,โ you say sweetly, shuffling in further when he scoots in after you and leaves jongho alone to sit at the front of the car.
โgreat, not even ten minutes of making up with each other and iโve already become the third wheel,โ jongho grumbles as he turns the ignition on.
despite the huffiness in his voice, jonghoโs heart sings with happiness to see you and seonghwa already getting along like normal. he is willing to be the third wheelโ even the ninth wheelโ if it means that you and his boys can shine together every day. but for that to happen, it all rests on how the next hour unfolds.
โready to go?โ jongho asks, eyeing you from the rearview mirror.
are you? are you ready to talk to all of the boys at the same time? seonghwa gives your hand a gentle squeeze, and jongho nods at you reassuringly from the front; youโre not going into this alone anymore. you nod, โiโm ready.โ
the drive takes less than thirty minutes and before you know it, youโre standing right outside the door to jonghoโs shared dorm with wooyoung and hongjoong. jongho swipes and unlocks the door with his access card, however makes no move to push the door open. the fact that neither of the boys say anything to rush you spurs you on with enough determination to enter the dorm. the volume of their chatter increases immediately without the barrier of the door, and you take slow, hesitant steps along the short hallway towards the direction of the sound.
you appreciate when jongho takes the lead to subtly show you where to go but it still feels like you are intrudingโ which, you technically are, considering two out of three people who live here donโt know that youโre in the dorm right now. rounding the corner of the hallway, you discover that it leads straight to the living room where all of the boys currently are. so itโs fucking awkward when the sight of you emerging completely kills the conversation and a collective hush settles over the room.
you have to fight everything within you not to turn on your heel and just flee, because nothing has prepared you for their initial reaction. you hate the fact that you cannot tell whether the shocked expressions on yunho and yeosangโs faces are ones of delight or displeasure. you hate the way that wooyoung and hongjoongโs bodies tense and become guarded, ready to tell you to leave their dorm. but more than anything, you hate the way that san and mingi cannot even look at you.
โholy shit,โ yunho whispers.
thatโs enough to set off the others and hongjoong angrily questions, โwhat the fuck is she doing here?โ
wooyoung looks at jongho, โis this why you told everyone to come over?โ
you defend, โi was the one who asked jongho for help.โ
โi wasnโt talking to youโโ
you cut wooyoung off, contrary to your next words, โcan you just shut the fuck up for once? iโm not here to start another fight. justโhear me out, please. iโll leave as soon as i say what i need to.โ
he glares at you and everybody holds their breath as they steel themselves for another full-blown argument. but wooyoung does as you ask and folds his arms angrily. nobody speaks, waiting for you to talk as you finally put your bag down and sit a safe distance away.
you close your eyes and take a breath to compose yourself. you refuse to let yourself cry this time. youโve done plenty of that in the last few months and you have finally come to terms with your own feelings. โiโฆiโm sorry,โ you start.
somebody scoffs, but you ignore it and let the words from your heart take over. โiโm sorry for being such an asshole over the summerโfor letting my ex get in between us and for ignoring all the times you told me he wasnโt a good guy. i shouldnโt have assumed that you were all okay with me bringing him along whenever we hung out and i should have asked before inviting him to the campfire. that was something special for us and it was selfish of me to do that.
โin particular, iโm sorry for how that night went down. i know it doesnโt excuse what i did, but i had an argument with hongjoong earlier that day and i was feeling strung tight. i wish i had handled the situation better when i felt confronted about bringing johnny along, and i acknowledge that the words i said canโt be taken back, even if i didnโt mean them.โ
nobody needs reminding of the words that you are referring to, because it has sat just as heavily in their hearts as it has your own. the sight of mingi ducking his head down even further has your heart clenching painfully.
even if he isnโt looking, you apologise to him directly, โmingi, iโm sorry we never got to finish our talk. i know that you were going through a hard time and that that trip was meant to be something healing for youโfor all of you. namhae was meant to be an escape, but it probably didnโt feel that wayโฆbecause of me. i mean it when i say youโll always have a home in namhae and i hope that one day, youโll be able to trust me on that. in fact, i hope that you all know that namhae is not the same without either one of you boys.โ
you hesitate, because not even jongho knows about what youโre going to say next. you avert your gaze to focus on the carpet just in front of you so that you donโt have to see their expressions. โitโs taken this fightโalmost losing all of youโand breaking up with my ex to realise just how stupid and blind i am to my own feelings. i always thought i would be happy with just being friendsโฆbut you are all so, so much more to me than just friends and โwhoeverโ. i think iโm in love with all of you and i know itโs unconventional, butโฆi guess love has no limits.
โbut iโm also going to be honest. iโm still hurt by the things some of you said or did. it hurt that some of you criticised my decisions without thinking about how that might have made me feel. and i know it wasnโt your intention to, but i felt like i was being backed into a corner multiple times when you kept repeating the same things over and over again about my ex without any real constructiveness to your words.
โi donโt expect you to apologise right now, nor accept my apology, and i donโt expect any of you to respond to my confession. i want you all to have enough time to work out your own feelingsโฆif you want to. if you find it in your heart to forgive me and if you want to apologise, pursue friendship again orโฆmaybe something more, then come to namhae and tell me in person.โ
thereโs half a year left until summer, and as much as things can change in six months, you also hope that this gives you and the boys time to work out what you all truly want from one anotherโ be it friendship or love. nobody moves or says anything, trying to process everything you have said so you decide to leave them to it, having done your part. you make a move to stand and sling your bag onto your back.
โyouโre leaving already? where are you going?โ yeosang abruptly asks, standing as well.
โback to namhae,โ you explain. โi booked a return ticket for the same day.โ
san frowns and for the first time since you arrived, he looks at you. โyou came all the way hereโฆjust to talk to us for half an hour?โ
you give him a bittersweet smile, โthatโs how important this is to meโhow important you all are to me.โ
he looks away, unable to hold your gaze. you turn to jongho to ask if he is still happy to drop you back off at the terminal, who nods and begins to pull on his puffer jacket.
โwait,โ yeosang calls out. he skitters off down the corridor, socked feet pattering against the floor as he grabs something from his bedroom and hurries back in front of you. โhere.โ
he has a thick scarf that he holds out for you to take, but as you start to reach for it, he changes his mind. you hold your breath as yeosang carefully reaches over your head to drape the scarf around you. with tender hands, he wraps it around your neck before securing it with a knot. he continues to fiddle with the ends of the scarf and youโre starting to wonder why he is hesitating when he looks at you shyly and mumbles something under his breath. before you can make a noise of confusion, he darts off once again back into his room. seonghwa cannot help but smile fondly, because even if he is unable to hear what the other said either, he knows what yeosang means purely by his actions.
youโre accompanied out of the door by jongho minutes later, carrying a plastic bag of snacks and drinks from their dorm that seonghwa has rushed to put together for you to have on your way back. when youโre in the car, you also find a pair of black gloves in the pocket of your coat. you have no idea who put it there, but the sentiment of one of the boys trying to ensure you are not cold is enough to fill your entire body with warmth.
you may have arrived in seoul with both hands empty and only the bag on your back, but you leave seoul with their quiet acts of apologies and forgiveness on your hands, neck, and in the plastic bag sitting on your lap as your bus pulls away back to namhae.
a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also stay the same. it all balances on the peak of the fulcrum, waiting to teeter either way as summer arrives.
youโve kept in touch with jongho and seonghwa, so you havenโt been left in the dark anxiously wondering whether they will be returning to namhae or not. but even with their arrival, the uncertainty remains as to which way the scale hasโ or will tip.
so you donโt walk out to greet them when you hear the resounding slam of shutting doors and the low hum of exchanged conversation, because you don't know whether the other boys want to see you or not. plus, thereโs something embarrassing about seeing them for the first time after apologising, much less confessing to them without any certainty as to their feelings, and much much less to eight people at once. youโre doing a pretty good job at hiding and pretending you are completely oblivious to their arrival in namhae.
that is, until mingi knocks on your door. mingi feels like heโs fourteen again, knocking on yunhoโs door and crossing his fingers hoping to god that itโs his friend who opens it and not his parents, because mingi feels embarrassed asking them every day if yunho can come out to play. this time, though, mingiโs nervous because itโs you and heโs nervous because six months is a long time where feelings can change. he hopes that yours are still the same.
youโre greeted by a shock of platinum white hair when you open your door and you realise itโs mingi with freshly bleached hair. it looks goodโ a little too goodโ and you have to force yourself to peel your eyes away. except your eyes travel down involuntarily to the contrasting black of his tank top, which is at least two sizes too large and dips down dangerously to reveal the shadows of his chest. youโre down bad, and itโs only been ten seconds since youโve laid eyes on him since seoul.
mingi is looking at you amusedly when you finally lock eyes with him and he seems to stand a little straighter with confidence. he beckons with a gentle tilt of his head, โcome surf with us?โ
the casualness of his invite throws you off and you wonder if youโve somehow missed the memo that heโs forgiven you. โyouโre all okay with me coming?โ you blink confusedly.
โthe others can speak for themselves,โ he puts it plainly, but then smiles, โi want you to come, though. itโs not the same without you. plus,โ his voice mellows out earnestly, โsomeoneโs gotta welcome me home, donโt you think?โ
home. home is where the heart is, and for mingi, regardless of the arguments and fights, his heart will always be with the boys and you. because in anger, hurt and love, there is always forgiveness, and mingi has forgiven you.
shyly, you return his smile, โiโll go get changed, then?โ
โis that an invite inside?โ mingi leans against the doorframe with faux coyness that manages to make the rounds of your cheeks heat up. you shove him back lightly with a laugh, trying to ignore the firmness of his chest under your touch.
he grins boyishly, utterly pleased with himself, but steps back so you can close the door. โtake your time,โ he reassures. โiโll wait for you.โ
and he does, just so that you donโt have to walk alone to join the rest of the group. even after you have thrown on a swimsuit and slathered yourself with sunscreen as best as you can, mingi is still outside and yunho has also joined himโ you know because you can hear them talking as you search for your house keys in the hallway.
โwhat if itโs too late?โ yunho asks.
โyou donโt know that, not until you try,โ mingi replies. โhere, a kiss for good luck.โ
you have no idea what the context for this conversation is, but it suddenly strikes you that apart from mingi, youโve never discussed sexual orientation with the boys. you may have asked them to consider you romantically, but you canโt say for sure if they even like girls. from what you know, none of them have dated before, and now youโre suddenly wondering whether any of the boys are dating within the group. mingi and yunho are certainly a possibility.
but regardless, you realise this is probably not something you should be discovering by overhearing a conversation, so you deliberately drop your keys to alert them of your presence and wait a couple more seconds before you open your front door.
for the second time of the day, youโre absolutely floored. yunho has dyed his hair an ash grey and it falls over his forehead and down the nape of his neck in messy locks. there must have been a fucking enticing buy-one-get-one-free deal, because heโs also wearing a black tank top much like mingiโs, except his is form-fitting and putting every damned muscle of his upper body on glorified display.
not that youโre complaining. but itโs also very distracting when youโre trying to focus on what mingi is saying as you all make your way down the beach towards the shore, their surfboards hiked against their hips.
โyou guys go ahead, i think jonghoโs calling for me,โ mingi suddenly announces before darting off.
youโre left alone with yunho, and from the back of jonghoโs head who most definitely doesnโt even know you three have joined the group, mingiโs plan to slip away has succeeded.
โum,โ yunho hesitantly starts, โdo you want to try paddling out on my board? iโll stay close.โ
the last time you had attempted anything on his shortboard, you had flipped over and swallowed several mouthfuls of salt water. although youโre not particularly keen on repeating the experience, some things donโt need to be spelt outโ the reason for his offer. only one foot is needed to push a bicycle into motion, but two feet are needed to keep it in motion. so you nod and let him drag his surfboard towards the shallow waters for you.
as you trail beside him, seonghwa and jongho greet you enthusiastically on their own boards out in the horizon. yeosang waves too from further down the shore and you lose some of the tension in your shoulders when you know that the intention behind his scarf was not misinterpreted. only san and wooyoung do not directly acknowledge your presence, but unbeknownst to you, the younger is carefully observing your interactions with the others.
โhere,โ yunho says, garnering your attention.
he holds the surfboard steady in the water, waiting for you to lie on top. his hands stay even after you gingerly shift and balance your weight onto your front. with his guidance, you slowly paddle out past the rush of whitewater waves. yunho is barely waist-deep in the water so he easily manoeuvres you and the board as you try to recall the familiar motion of paddling against incoming swells. but both of you know that youโre not really trying to paddle and heโs not really watching for mistakes.
eventually, you languidly let the waters caress your body as you still, letting the slight waves gently rock your surfboard. one of yunhoโs arms have shifted over your back to support the opposite side of the surfboard and your body tingles whenever his forearm brushes over you. his other hand rests near your own, your fingers grazing together whenever the board dances over a swell.
it is within the serenity and solitude of the ocean, and the warmth and proximity of each otherโs presence that the conversation happens. yunho apologises and you forgive. it occurs as simply as that, because actions speak louder than words and you have already shared a library of novels with your bodies.
from afar, wooyoungโs internal debate continues to teeter on its fulcrum as he watches the moment you share with yunho. wooyoung may be fast to talk, but he is also keen to observe. he sees the glow of relief and happiness returning to the faces of the boys. what he said to you summers ago still stands trueโ you make the boys happy and itโs obvious they make you happy too. and all wooyoung has ever wanted is to protect the smile of his loved ones, including you.
the radiance of the smile you give when yunho pretends to flip your surfboard over reminds wooyoung of his failure to do just that. in his blindness for the others, he had sacrificed your smile. the scale teeters over the fulcrum and he follows the momentum of his heart to wade out into the waters where you two still are, his apology ready to spill out.
and so you discover that a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also change in one day. with each relationship that stitches back together, rips now reinforced and sturdier than before, namhae almost feels the same againโ summer almost feels the same again. you may still have the two hardest conversations left to be resolved, but if more time is what they need, then you are willing to wait for san andโ
yunho and wooyoung scramble to steady your surfboard before you actually tip over when you suddenly move to kneel, head whipping around to confirm your fears. you hadnโt initially noticed as the boys had been scattered, intermittently ducking back into the house, but your heart sinks as you count the number of heads again. youโre unable to fight off the dread in your voice when you dare to ask, โwhereโs hongjoong?โ
yunhoโs eyes donโt meet yours and wooyoungโs mouth thins out tightly before he cautiously answers you, โhe didnโt come.โ
san likes to think that heโs patient. ever since he was young, his father had made sure to raise him to wait. wait for elders to eat before picking up his own chopsticks; wait for others to walk through the door before he enters; wait for others to choose their preference before he picks his. and san likes to think that he has diligently applied this principle to his relationships too. wait to understand someone before criticising; wait for his own anger to subside before talking; wait to reflect on his own wrongs before expecting an apology.
but right now, san is impatient. he catches glimpses of the sweet messages you send jongho and seonghwa and the joyous cackles you share with wooyoung when you prank yeosang. he notices the way yunho and mingi are attached to your hips, and san wants all of that and more. he wants to tell you heโs forgiven you and that heโs sorry too; he wants to cup your cheeks and thumb away the phantom tears he caused; he wants to love you.
but his body is acting as if itโs an entirely separate entity from his heart. heโs unable to approach you, even as he watches everyone else do what he wants to and it frustrates him to no end. and itโs as if the gods themselves also became impatient with his pathetic attemptsโ or lack thereofโ because they drop the perfect opportunity right in front of him.
a quick look at his phone tells san that heโs been tossing on the couch for the last two hours. sleep fails to take over, so he hauls himself up and pads softly towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. he stares out of the window above the sink, where he can just see the stretch of beach towards the right. the moon shines brightly tonight and the rays decorate the sand and sea foam with dreamy tranquillity.
thereโs a quiet rustle above the stillness of the night. when san turns around, his heart immediately clenches at the sight. youโre sleepily rubbing the bleariness out of your eye as you shuffle your way into the kitchen. thereโs a stray tuft of hair that san wants to reach out and smooth down for you, but he opts to grip his glass of water tighter.
you startle, not having expected someone to be awake and most definitely not san. you had stayed over late into the night watching a movie marathon with the boys, and despite your protests, they had convinced you to crash in haneulโs room. tension doesnโt exist between you and the boys anymore, only awkwardness with san andโฆavoidance with hongjoong.
โcouldnโt sleep?โ you murmur, voice unguarded and still thick with sleep.
san shakes his head, โyou?โ
โgot thirsty,โ you explain, grabbing a glass from under the counter.
he hums at your answer and then it grows silent again. itโs only after you drowsily blink at him that he realises why youโre not making a move to get waterโ heโs still standing in front of the sink. san starts to step out of the way but thinks better of it. reaching out to grab your glass, he fills it up with water and then returns it to you.
โthanks, sannie.โ
it doesnโt register in your head that the nickname has slipped out. for him, though, it echoes and ricochets in the very caverns of his ribcage. hesitantly, he mutters, โyouโre welcome, pipsqueak.โ
it tugs a smile out of your lips. โhavenโt heard that in a while,โ you muse. โkind of miss it.โ
and i miss you. san is impatient, and he finally decides that he cannot take it anymore. โiโm sorry, y/n,โ he whispers. โi know how badly i hurt you.โ
the haze in your eyes immediately fades away at his words and he takes it as a good sign to continue. โiโll be honest. i hated that the person next to you as your boyfriend wasnโt one of usโwasnโt me, because it didnโt look like he was making you happy at all. and that day you were out working in the field? some of us actually ran into johnny.โ
you acknowledge sadly, โseonghwa told me what happened. iโm sorry he was like that.โ
โthatโs not on you to apologise,โ san refutes. โi was the one who asked the boys to keep it from you until we could properly talk after the campfire night, but along with everything that had led up to that point, all my frustrations accumulated without even realising it.โ
โi guess that makes the two of us, then. there were arguments you and i both werenโt aware of, and we ended up being the last straw for each other,โ you chuckle wryly.
his voice wavers, โiโm meant to be the one person who is always there for you, but i made it feel like you were pitted against the eight of us instead and iโm so sorry for doing that. it should never have been me against you, nor us boys against you. it should have been all nine of us against the problem.โ
you canโt help but take the opportunity to tease lightly, โare you calling my ex the problem?โ
โexactly that,โ he deadpans. โwe all did.โ
you nod, โthank you for trying to let me know, even when i didnโt listen.โ
โno, iโm sorry we didnโt explain ourselves more clearlyโor earlier.โ
โbut you have now, and i understand,โ you reassure.
he nods gratefully before hesitating, โthereโs something else behind all this that i canโt tell you yet, not without the others here. but when things areโฆokay with hongjoong again, thatโs when weโll tell you.โ
something about his promise tells you that it has to do with the other part of the conversation everyone has been skirting around so farโ your confession. faint memories of the interactions observed between the boys last summer and the brief exchange you overheard between yunho and mingi flicker across your mind.
perhaps you should steel yourself for rejection. you donโt dwell on it, though. this may have been the first time your friendship with san had been so close to shattering, but you know that it will take more than the entire universe to completely break you apart; you still trust himโ because before it was the nine of you, it was you and san against the world.
โthen are we okay now?โ you ask, needing the confirmation.
โyeah,โ he smiles breathlessly, โmore than okay.โ
the caverns of sanโs dimplesโ the ones you love so muchโ shyly peek out to greet you in the faint glow of the moonlight coming in from the window. he reaches out silently and you understand immediately. you intertwine your fingers together.
san wants to ask you to go to bed with him. not to do anything sexual, but to simply hold you against his chest; trace the curve of your nose; wake up to your sleepy smile in the morning. but he canโt, not yet. not until youโve worked things out with hongjoong, and not until youโve had a talk togetherโ all nine of you.
he settles for tugging you in the direction of haneulโs bedroom, hand never letting go of yours as he softly ushers, โlet me tuck you back into bed.โ
and so fifteen years after your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer still takes the form of a sweet, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.
your instinctive reaction is to shut the door in hongjoongโs face.
when seonghwa had texted you asking you to open your front door, you had been expecting said man for obvious reasons. so when you pull the door open and see kim fucking hongjoong at your doorstep in fucking namhae instead, of course you slam the door shut. because why the fuck is he here?
โoh shit,โ you curse, when it registers in your brain.
hongjoong is here and youโve just shut the door in his face. if you had even an ounce of collectedness in you, you would realise that the boysโ initial and very much candid reaction of shock to seeing you randomly show up at their dorm in seoul is suddenly very relatable. you yank the door open again.
โsure, why donโt you just go ahead and punch me in the fucking face too,โ hongjoong scowls.
immediately, you furrow your eyebrows, โwell, if youโre offeringโฆโ
โoh, fuck off,โ he raises his middle finger at you.
you raise both middle fingers in retaliation, โyeah, back into my house that youโre standing in front of.โ
โfor godโs sakeโkim hongjoong!โ seonghwa hisses in exasperation, head poking out of sanโs door as he eavesdrops to make sure this exact thing doesnโt happen. โyouโre here to apologise!โ
hongjoong appears rightfully berated, then he looks at anything but you as he huffs, โcan i come in?โ
โdepends,โ you cross your arms defiantly. โare you going to try and kick me out?โ
despite the prickliness of the conversation, it almost feels right in a sense. as if thereโs no real heat behind your words and you two are back to the easy banter you used to haveโ before your near-kiss with him. this time, though, seonghwa hisses your name in frustration.
โgeez! okay!โ you fluster as you step back and open the door wider, letting hongjoong in and away from the prying ears of the older.
you sit tentatively on your couch and he mirrors you, scratching the back of his neck as he perches himself on the edge. itโs awkward and tense when it becomes apparent to the both of you that youโre alone. โi didnโt think you would come,โ you break the silence.
he hums softly, โme neither.โ
you donโt know how to respond so you donโt, allowing the quiet to settle over your living room once more. eventually, hongjong opens his mouth quietly, โi wasโam ashamed of myself.โ
youโve been there beforeโ on the other side of the conversation as the one doing the apologising. you know how difficult it is to be honest about your own emotions, particularly the negative ones, so you wait patiently for him to find the right words.
โiโve been ashamed ever since the night i tried to kiss you. i was a coward and i did nothing to change it. i only ended up hurting you and iโve regretted it every single day. i think about why i didnโt talk to you afterwards, why i said those things about you and your exโฆwhy i didnโt just kiss you.โ
you canโt help but inhale sharply at his confession, because that can only mean one thing.
hongjoong gathers the courage to look at you as he admits, โi did like you. i still do. but i was an idiot and thought that i was doing the best thing for everybody. i shouldnโt have made that choice for you nor tried to have a say in your love life. i was jealous and i know now how toxic i was being, which is why i was so stubborn about not coming to namhae because i didnโt think my apology would be good enough. so iโm sorry for all the things i said and did, but iโm also sorry that it took me this long to talk to you.โ
he looks so uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he timidly asks, โwill you forgive me?โ
thereโs not a moment of hesitation before youโre closing the gap between the two of you on the couch so that you can wrap your arms around him. and in a rare display of vulnerability, he tucks his face into the crook of your neck. you comfort, โi forgive you. there are a lot of things iโm ashamed of doing too. but we all make mistakes and thatโs what helps us to grow.โ
โyou still like me?โ he mumbles into your neck.
you laugh at the ticklish feeling, โvery much so, hongjoong.โ because in forgiveness there is love, and you have years of owed love to show the boys.
only when your sides become cramped and your necks become stiff do you finally pull away from each other. as you make eye contact with him though, youโre suddenly reminded of his confession. you know that you will need to have another talk with hongjoong about it, and you still donโt know where the other boys stand in terms of pursuing something romantic with you, but that will be for later. right now, you are content and at peaceโ the nine of you against the world once more.
โletโs go find the rest of the boys?โ you ask.
he grins, holding a hand out to pull you up with him as he answers, โletโs go.โ
just as hongjoong puts on his shoes by the doorway, he distractedly questions, โwhy are these here?โ
you frown and follow his line of sight, settling on the top of the cabinet in your hallway where a pair of gloves sitโ the ones you had discovered in your coat on your way back to namhae. โyou know who they belong to?โ
โyeah,โ he nods, absentmindedly touching them before walking out the door. โi bought them last year, but they were too big so i gave them to san.โ
it was san who hid them in your coat.
you numbly follow his steps outside where the boys have gathered in waiting and are sitting side by side on the embankment, facing the ocean. they are simply living in the moment, basking in the golden rays of sunlight and the warm touch of the person by their sideโ an arm around a waist; a head on a shoulder. you almost donโt want to disturb them, but you know the seven of them are not complete. not without hongjoong, and not without you.
and as your gaze meets san who smiles at the both of you, his chest swelling with relief, pride and love, you realise that san had bared his heart out to you long before you even knew.
once you fall back into routine with them, it starts to become obvious. the way the boys naturally gravitate towards one another with doting gazes and lingering touches; the casual use of a pet name or flirtatious joke; the shifts in dynamic you had noticed before that seem to extend beyond friendship. it starts to make sense when you realise that thatโs exactly the reasonโ no longer are their relationships purely based on platonic love, but romantic love.
itโs why yunho knocks his forehead against mingiโs just to see him smile, and why san pretends to grumble when wooyoung kisses his cheeks, only to give the younger a proper kiss mere seconds later. itโs why jongho never lets yeosang carry his own surfboard even if heโs just as strong, and itโs why seonghwa and hongjoong like to disappear into the shower together.
but the longer you mull over these interactions for, the more you realise that they donโt seem to be simply โpaired offโ. you notice how jongho refuses to be cuddled but will nestle against seonghwa when heโs tired, and how yunho and yeosang seek out each otherโs company before bedtime. you notice how wooyoung squeezes hongjoongโs ass underwater to make him yelp, and how san and mingi are content to just sit together on their surfboards on the sand.
rather than a question of who is with who, it becomes a question of who isnโt with who, and this time, you also find yourself mixed into the equation. but it confuses you whenever they treat you the same and you find yourself holding back despite your feelings, because itโs much harder to tell what kind of love theyโre giving you when you yourself yearn for the intimate type.
san notices the change in your demeanour, as small as it may be, and decides itโs time for the talk. so here the nine of you sit on the beach that stretches in front of your houses. the sand is still warm from the sun even as it starts to dip towards the horizon of the sea. yeosangโs jacket lays over your bare legs and a slight breeze tugs delicately at your clothes.
โokay, so whoโs telling her?โ yunho elbows wooyoung as soon as the words leave the latterโs lips.
โwhat? how else are we meant to start the conversation?โ wooyoung complains before mocking, โthe reason i have gathered you all here todayโโ
rolling your eyes, you cut to the chase, โare you all dating each other?โ
wooyoung chokes on his own words and everybody else looks at you with wide eyes.
โhowโd you know?โ yeosang startles.
seonghwa agrees, โi didnโt think we were that obvious,โ but when you simply raise an eyebrow in response, heโs quick to amend, โokay, maybe we were.โ
san eyes the others to see if anyone wants to step in and lead the conversation, but when nobody does, he speaks up to explain, โweโve been dating each other for just over a year nowโso before last summer. it took a bit of time to work everything out, establish boundaries and communicate what we wanted from one another, but weโre happy like this.โ
โonce our relationship had settled down a little, thatโs when i came out to my parents,โ mingi adds, โwhich didnโt go down well. we wanted to tell you last summer too, butโฆother things happened and it all fell through before we could talk about it.โ
yeosang meekly scratches the back of his neck as he says, โitโs long overdue, but weโre telling you now.โ
the chuckle that comes out of you is light and carefree. โiโm happy for you guys,โ you affirm sincerely. โi donโt think thereโs anybody else who is more perfect for you guys than each other.โ
you truly do. youโre thankful that they have one another and you finally understand how hard it mustโve been for san during your argument to pick a side. his boys were and are his priority and you cannot fault him for putting them first. but then youโre reminded of hongjoong and his confession. are the others aware of his feelings?
said man has the audacity to frown at you in confusion. โwhy does it sound like youโre just wishing us well?โ
โam i not allowed to do that as your friend?โ you mirror his expression.
โgod,โ hongjoong exhales. โdo you think weโre telling you this just to reject you?โ
โof all people to say thatโrub it in my face, why donโt you,โ you grumble.
he starts to grasp the situation as he looks at the rest of the boys, โwait, did nobody fucking confess to her apart from me?โ
the explosion of responses to his question is immediate.
โyou confessedโโ โโi thought we agreed to confess togetherโโ โโtrust you to cut in line! thatโs not fair!โ
your eyes dart wildly from side to side, unsure of who to focus on as they all start to passionately talk over one another. at one point, someone tries to chuck a handful of sand in hongjoongโs direction, but it scatters innocuously before it can even get close.
โhold the fuck up,โ you yell over the commotion. โconfess what?โ
โhow did you figure out that weโre in a polyamorous relationship but not that the feelings extend to you as well?โ yeosang judges you.
โi didnโt want to project my own feelings and misconstrue anything. plus, none of you have actually mentioned liking or dating girls before, so i justโฆโ
โassumed we didnโt have feelings for you,โ seonghwa concludes as you laugh awkwardly.
wooyoung deadpans, โwe may have wanted to punch your ex in the face for his shitty-ass personality because we were your friends, but we were also jealous as fuck.โ
โall of you?โ you ask in disbelief.
โall of us. some of us were just better at hiding it,โ mingi looks pointedly at the boy sitting on his left.
โyouโre one to talk about hiding your feelings,โ hongjoong counters before turning to you to expose, โmingi wouldnโt shut up about you after he met you.โ
mingi immediately shoves him backwards into the sand.
โlook,โ jongho cuts in, โwhat weโre trying to say is that weโve all liked you for a while now, and if you still feel the same way about us, then weโd like to take our relationship with you to the next step.โ
how many times have you wanted this momentโ for all of them to return your confession. but now that itโs actually becoming a reality, itโs honestly a little daunting. โyouโre all serious about this?โ
a lot will change over the next year. most of you will join hongjoong and seonghwa as postgraduates and start full-time work. san will move back to namhae, but whether the others will follow or stay in seoul is unknown. there are a lot of uncertainties regarding the future and the relationship will only work if everyone is serious about making it work.
yunho answers on everyoneโs behalf, โweโre very serious.โ
you take a moment to look at all of them one by one, only to find the same promise within their gazesโ that even if things become difficult, they want to face it with you by their side.
it feels right when san is the one to officially ask the question, โy/n, will you be our girlfriend?โ
like san once said, itโs hard to find friends you love, but itโs even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, and youโve been blessed with not only one, but eight of these people. between friendship and love, you already know from experience what you will decideโ so you make your choice.
โi forgot, are hongjoong and wooyoung coming down this weekend?โ san pokes his head in through the doorway.
you eye him from the mirror, face void of expression to reply, โdonโt count on it.โ
sanโs pout is immediate and you laugh, shuffling over to console your boyfriend from where you had been getting ready in your shared bathroom. he grumbles, โyouโre never going to let me hear the end of that, are you?โ but he canโt hide the way his lips pull upwards the moment you press a chaste kiss against his cheek in apology.
โhongjoong said that there were a couple of delays with filming, so he and wooyoung canโt step away just yet. but theyโll come back next saturday if they can wrap things up by then.โ
as you talk, san takes the halter straps out of your grasp so that he can help secure your top around your neck. โitโs so hard to align everyoneโs schedules together. i miss the long holiday breaks we got in college,โ you absently complain, body relaxing under the ministrations of sanโs hands as he gently squeezes the nape of your neck.
โme too, love,โ another voice joins the conversation. seonghwa walks up to tenderly ruffle sanโs hair and nuzzles your temple with his nose. โbut we have to work hard to pay off this house and to spoil you with whatever you want.โ
seonghwa has grown out his hair and has kept it long since, and you love running your fingers through his silken waves before he goes to work every morning. he always looks so soft and cosy with his round glasses and fluffy sweaters that you know his school kids adore just as much as you do. but right now, his face bare of makeup and hair pulled back into a messy updo, wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts to show off his upper build, he looks the complete opposite of what youโre used to seeing and you feel your stomach doing flips in response.
you lean into both of their touches as you giggle, โwe could have bought a smaller house. nobody sleeps in their own bedroom anyway.โ
โwell can you really blame us for being madly in love,โ seonghwa grins, stealing a kiss from you that only serves to elicit more giggling.
โthatโs true. your beds are always warmer than mine,โ you agree.
โexactly. now come on, are you ready to go?โ
the three of you walk downstairs to the living room, where the rest of the boys are waiting around in various mismatches of shirts, tank tops or only shorts. after two weeks of attempting to keep everybodyโs clothes separate once youโd all moved in together, they had simply given up and made their wardrobes communal.
as you drop a spare bottle of sunscreen into your tote bag, a pair of arms snake themselves around your waist. you turn around, sweet smile ready to greet whoever it is. your jaw drops, โwooyoung?โ
his eyes sparkle with mischief, even more so when your eyes grow even wider at the sight of hongjoong perched on the edge of the couch in the background and you exclaim, โhongjoong? i thought you two werenโt coming until next week?โ
wooyoung takes the opportunity of your dazed compliance to pull you into a bone-crushing hug. โwe caught up with the schedule,โ he exclaims happily. โyou shouldโve seen hongjoong though. director kim made sure to work us hard.โ
you playfully wriggle yourself out of the vice-like hug youโre in to bound over to the older, who automatically opens his arms to welcome you. you slot easily between his legs and his hands rub the sides of your back fondly as he looks up to ask, โdid you miss me?โ
forgoing an answer, you lean down to kiss him. wooyoung immediately complains, โwhy didnโt i get a kiss?โ so san pulls him in for one to appease him. youโd never be able to leave the house otherwise, because then everyone would start demanding your kisses. and considering that it has been a few long months since you last had quality time with all eight of them at the same time, there would be too many wanted kisses to count.
one thing you had all agreed on prior to buying a house in namhae was to ensure it had a beach front, just like your and sanโs old home. so it doesnโt take long to carry your surfboardsโ save for you; the boys like it when you use theirsโ and towels down to the shore.
you close your eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of salt and subtle feeling of ocean spray on your skin. itโs a bittersweet emotion, knowing that itโs already the last day of summer, but only today have the nine of you been able to align your schedules this year. it makes you appreciate these fleeting moments of rest though, and you learn to find rest in each other too.
some of the boys start slipping off their tops, dropping them onto the sand to keep them dry as they surf. youโve found that the greatest perk of dating them is that youโre allowed to openly and unashamedly ogle at them. the rigid shadows of their muscles reveal the discipline and hard work they put into maintaining their bodies despite their busy jobs.
san had also been monitoring his protein intake leading up to his recent dance showcase, so itโs very hard to look at the expanse of his broad chest and prominent dip of abs down his hips without feeling a rush of heat in your lower stomach. if the boys know that you offer to help them reapply sunscreen just to get a little handsy with them, then nobody says anything. (they offer to help you reapply your sunscreen as well.)
youโre content to just lie down on your towel and watch the boys, yeosang in his usual place by your side as he presses lazy kisses to your shoulder and traces the names of his lovers onto the skin of your stomach. mingi starts dragging his surfboard into the water, but when wooyoung attempts to push him in insteadโ and fails miserablyโ all thoughts of surfing are quickly forgotten. it becomes an absolute shitshow when hongjoong gets mistaken for the culprit and mingi picks him up.ย
โit wasnโt me!โ the older shrieks, but mingi has no ears for reasoning and prepares to drop him into the water. unwilling to go down by himself, hongjoong grips mingiโs neck at the last second and successfully drags him underwater with his weight. as wooyoung runs away absolutely delighted by the outcome, his trajectory unfortunately runs into jongho, who cuts off his cackles with a giggle, a simple shove sideways and a resultant splash.
not even bystanders can catch a break, and seonghwa screams for mercy as san and yunho suddenly grab his arms and legs. they sway him from side to side before letting him go with the momentum of the last swing to fling him into the ocean. everyone erupts into a united clamour of glee at the dunking of the eldest and you find yourself shaking your head at their unchanging antics.
you donโt think you can ever get tired of watching their radiant smiles of happiness and shared touches of sun-kissed skin, nor can you ever get tired of hearing their tinkling chimes of laughter and rowdy shouts of mischief. you may all grow older and there may not be as much time or luxury to simply bask in the joys of summer any longer; these golden hours that you are living in right now may forever remain as your sole memories when you reflect back on the essence of your youth.
on this dayโ the last day of summer in namhaeโ you find that summer takes the form of shared ice cream with sticky kisses, long showers with warm touches, and hushed pillow talk with synchronous heartbeats. but it doesnโt matter to you, not anymore.
the seasons will change and the years will pass, but so long as you are with your boys, every day will be summer.
I know some people have seen the news recently and may be doubtful of it. To the uninformed, Google Docs has started using AI to find "inappropriate" and "problematic" content, scraping your documents and deleting it. I know some people are unsure if this is real or think this is not going to affect them.
I regret to inform you that this is real.
As I was on a call with some writers and we were moving our documents as a precautionary measure, one person discovered entire pages missing that they did not delete themselves. This is happening to us, it's not a hoax or a rumor, it's happening right now. You need to move everything if you want to preserve it.
If you're a writer with writer mutuals, please reblog this so they know. I rarely write on Google Docs anymore, but I started my fanfics on there, and I would be devastated if I lost works more than ten years old because people decided marketing appeal is more important than creative freedom.
๐ฌ 0ย ย ๐ 0ย ย โค๏ธ 0ย ยทย What Happens When a Romance Writer Gets Locked Out of Google Docsย ยทย hi !! can we have any sort of source about the google d
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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synopsis : : jongho has always loved you quietly โ not with big gestures, but with small, consistent things: walking you home, remembering how you take your coffee, holding the umbrella even when heโs getting soaked. youโve dated other guys, chased louder versions of love, but nothing ever felt as safe as his silence.
genre : : established relationship
warnings : : none
word count : : 0.6k
[ series masterlist ]
โJongho hears the jingle of your keys before the door even clicks open. The soft rustle of your coat, the weight of your bag dropping onto the floor, and your voice โ low and tired but still so familiar โ calling out from the hallway.
โIโm home.โ
Itโs only two words, but it still makes his chest go warm.
He doesnโt call back right away. Heโs in the kitchen, stirring the pot on the stove with one hand, scrolling through a half-followed recipe on his phone with the other.
Then, he feels it โ your arms slipping around his waist, your face pressing into the middle of his back, cold from outside and completely exhausted. He exhales, breath catching slightly at the contact. Your presence wraps around him in that slow, familiar way โ like a favorite blanket pulled over shoulders.
โYouโre early,โ he says quietly, glancing over his shoulder though he doesnโt expect a reply.
โMmm,โ you hum, barely audible. โBoss let me leave before I started swearing in front of clients.โ
He laughs under his breath, letting the rhythm of your breathing sync with his. โSounds about right.โ
โPasta okay?โ he asks, stirring again, keeping his voice low like he doesnโt want to startle the peace thatโs settled around you both.
โYou could serve me burnt toast and Iโd still say thank you,โ you mumble, breath warming the cotton of his back. โBut yeah. Pasta sounds good.โ
Dinner ends up on the couch, in mismatched bowls, eaten under a shared blanket. You sit curled into his side, knees drawn up, your feet tucked between the cushions, your head resting lightly on his shoulder. You talk a little โ venting about your coworkers, complaining about the commute, laughing in that tired way that sounds more like relief than amusement.
He listens, nodding, occasionally adding in a soft comment or chuckle. But mostly, he watches. Watches the way your eyes get sleepy halfway through a sentence, the way your fingers curl around the rim of your bowl, the way you lean into him like gravity just keeps pulling you closer.
When the dishes are abandoned in the sink for tomorrow and the lights are dimmed, you both end up back on the couch, wrapped in each other more than the blanket. Youโre in one of his shirts now, sleeves rolled up messily, and your hair is still a little damp from a quick shower. He sits first, back against the cushions, and you climb over him, half-asleep already, shifting until your head finds his chest and your legs tangle with his like itโs second nature.
Your arm drapes loosely across his waist, palm splayed warm against his side. Your cheek presses into his chest, your breath slow and steady, syncing with the rise and fall beneath you.
Jongho tilts his head slightly until your hair brushes under his chin. He lets his hand rest on your back, rubbing slow circles through the fabric of his shirt, on you now, like he could soothe even the echoes of your bad day.
He lowers his eyes to look at you, your face relaxed in sleep now, no tension between your brows, no tightness in your jaw. Like the weight you carried all day has finally settled somewhere gentle.
He brushes a few strands of hair away from your face with careful fingers, then rests his hand there, lightly against your temple, as if holding you in place would keep the moment from slipping.
He kisses your forehead, barely a breath against your skin. Then leans back, lets his eyes linger, a small, helpless smile forming as he watches you sleep.
He could stay like this forever.
And if the world asked him to move โ he wouldnโt.
i canโt believe i have to make this post, but if people could please read this and reblog to spread awareness to get this taken down i would appreciate it!!
โผ๏ธTHIS POLY.AI USER IS USING MY FANFIC WITHOUT PERMISSIONโผ๏ธ
i am aware that my fics are posted publicly, and that theyโre fanfiction, not my original characters. HOWEVER, this is my original writing that was copy and pasted word for word for someone elseโs public use without my knowledge or permission, which i do not allow. i specifically state this in multiple places everywhere that i post my works.
you can take inspiration from my fics. I DONโT APPRECIATE taking my exact words and putting it into another application for your own benefit.
the user is @ guest_4cwin and the specific bot is โwilliam bonneyโ with the CID 8N46M. the app is POLY.AI. my original fanfic is called โpreacherโs daughterโ โ posted only on tumblr and wattpad by me, under @ petrichor-han.
they also seem to have a lot of other bots โ from k-pop (i saw jungkook specifically) to sonic to manhwa characters โ so i would check to see if thatโs been taken from other fanfics as well.
no hate to this individual, i just want do not want my writing used in their bots.
i cannot believe this is happening. it shouldnโt be a thing and YET i feel like iโm seeing this everywhere (part of the reason iโve stepped back from writing). if yโall see, report!
pairing: ot8 x f!reader x jongho
au: non idol | friends to ???
genre: angst with comfort
word count: 5.7 k
synopsis: always the bridesmaid never the bride
warning(s): mean girls, cursing
enjoyed the post? check out my masterlist!
Youโve been friends with the boys for as long as you can remember. You were there for their first heartbreaks, their walks of shame, even their full-blown fuckboy eras. People always assumed youโd end up with one of them, but the truth is, you only ever saw them as friendsโnothing more. Sure, a few of them confessed along the way, and maybe you even gave it a shot once or twice, only to mutually agree that you were better off as just friends.
You remember it clearly: standing as a bridesmaid at Hongjoongโs wedding. Not because she wanted you thereโno, but because Hongjoong begged you to be part of it. And honestly, it only made things look worse between you and her. You had to reassure her over and over that there was nothing between you and Hongjoong. But you still remember overhearing her talking behind your back, telling her friends that you were desperate for him, that you begged to be part of the wedding. But that couldnโt be further from the truth.
Then came Seonghwaโs partner. The sweetest girlโyou had to admit, you liked her a lot more than Hongjoongโs wife. When she found out just how close you were with the boys, she didnโt waste time confronting you. She invited you out for coffee, and the two of you sat across from each other at a quiet little cafรฉ.
โSo, tell meโฆ do you like any of them? Just be honest with me,โ she asked, her voice so gentle it twisted your stomach.
โNo,โ you answered, keeping your tone steady. โWeโre just friends. But if itโll make you feel better, Iโll distance myself so you can feel more comfortable.โ You offered it freely, even though you knew deep down she just wanted you gone.
When Seonghwa proposed, she didnโt waste any time asking you to be her bridesmaid. How could you possibly say no, especially when Seonghwaโs eyes lit up at the thought of having his closest friend by his side? You couldnโt deny him that.
Still, it felt like dรฉjร vu. Hongjoongโs wife was the maid of honor, and while you didnโt careโnot really, far from itโyou couldnโt shake the worry gnawing at you. Deep down, you feared theyโd team up and start speaking ill of you, just like before.
Everyone had gathered at your house to celebrate Yunhoโs recent proposal to his girlfriendโthe one heโd kept a secret from you. And it stung. God, it hurt more than you wanted to admit, because you had always been the closest to Yunho.
But when you met her, you swallowed that pain and offered her your genuine congratulations. Only to be met with a sharp dismissal.
โThanks,โ she replied, a tight smile on her lips. โBut Iโm sure youโre jealous. I mean, thatโs what Hongjoongโs and Seonghwaโs wives keep telling me.โ
Your eyes flicked to Yunho, silently pleading for him to step in. But he only let out an awkward laugh before gently guiding her away, leaving you standing there, humiliated. Not only had he failed to defend youโhe let her insult you, as if you meant nothing at all.
Once again, you were handed the role of bridesmaid. Without hesitation, you pushed the gift basket back toward her and Yunho, who looked genuinely confused.
โButโฆ you were there for hyungโs weddings as their bridesmaid,โ he said, his brows furrowed.
โAnd Iโll still be there, Yunho,โ you replied softly, โas a guest.โ
โI want you there by my side, Y/n. I meanโฆ like a bridesmaid,โ Yunho mumbled, almost as if he was embarrassed to admit it.
You let out a quiet breath, keeping your tone gentle but firm. โYunho, this is about you and your fiancรฉe. You canโt just choose her bridesmaids for her. Thatโs not fair.โ
His fiancรฉe looked at you, surprise flickering across her faceโas if, for the first time, something finally clicked. Like she could finally see the truth: you really did love the boys, but only as friends.
Gently, she pushed the basket back toward you, her eyes meeting yours properly now. "It would mean a lot to me," she said softly, "since you mean a lot to Yunho."
And once again, you found yourself at another weddingโanother bridesmaid.
Seonghwaโs and Hongjoongโs wives watched you from across the room, seething, as Yunhoโs wife laughed freely beside you on the dance floor. Her hand curled around yours as you danced together, pure happiness on her face, while Yunho twirled Mingi nearby, both of them grinning like kids.
It feltโฆ lighter this time.
Earlier, Yeosang had introduced you to his girlfriend. To your surprise, sheโd been nothing but warm, extending an olive branch you hadnโt expected. She knew about your history with Yeosangโthat the two of you had tried, had cared, but ultimately chose friendship over something more.
โI trust him,โ sheโd told you sincerely, โand I understand his love for you. Itโs different, and thatโs okay.โ
Relief washed over you like a breath you hadnโt realized youโd been holding in for far too long. For the first time in a while, you felt like maybe, just maybe, not everyone saw you as the enemy.
The three wives sat stiffly in Yeosangโs shared home with his now fiancรฉe, the air thick with unspoken tension. Yunhoโs wife shifted uncomfortably in her seat as Yeosangโs fiancรฉe set down the glasses of wine in front of them, her movements calm, deliberate.
She took a seat across from them, her gaze steady as she raised a brow at the trio.
โSo,โ she began, her tone light but laced with something sharper beneath, โdo you all just hate Yn, or am I missing something here?โ
Yunhoโs wife hesitated, her eyes flicking between the others. โItโs not that simple,โ she said weakly, voice low. โIโฆ I donโt hate her.โ
But Seonghwaโs and Hongjoongโs wives scoffed almost in unison, sharing a glance heavy with unspoken bitterness.
Yeosangโs fiancรฉe smiled, but it didnโt reach her eyes. โHmm. Feels pretty simple to me.โ
Seonghwaโs wife bristled, her lips curling into a tight frown. โSheโs always there,โ she snapped. โAlways in the middle of things that donโt concern her.โ
โAnd donโt act like sheโs innocent,โ Hongjoongโs wife added sharply. โShe plays the friend card, but everyone knows she wants more.โ
Yeosang fiancee eyes twinkled, " that's so funny because if i recall, she didn't date any of your husbands. In fact, she dated my fiancรฉe,โ Yeosangโs fiancรฉe finished smoothly, her gaze sharpening like a blade behind her polite smile. She let the weight of her words hang heavy in the air, watching as Hongjoongโs wife stiffened and Seonghwaโs wife frowned deeply.
โYet here I am,โ she continued, her tone light but cutting, โperfectly content, because they ended things like adults. Friends. No lingering feelings, no sneaking around, no secret messages at midnight.โ
Her eyes flicked pointedly to Hongjoongโs wife, then Seonghwaโs. โCan you say the same?โ
The question wasnโt loud, but it didnโt need to be.
Yunhoโs wife shifted uncomfortably, her gaze dropping to the untouched glass of wine in front of her. โThatโs not fair,โ she murmured, though even she didnโt sound convinced.
Yeosangโs fiancรฉeโs smile widened, never reaching her eyes. โWhatโs not fair,โ she replied smoothly, โis dragging her name through the mud because youโre all too afraid to admit sheโs never been the problem.โ
She let out a sigh, taking a long gulp of her wine, the glass lingering in her hand as she looked at each of them, one by one. Her voice was calm, but there was a certain finality in her words that made the room feel heavier.
"Imagine how it must feel," she began, her tone softer now, almost pitying. "To be the only girl in a male group. She's already fighting the world on the outside, so why would you want to be her enemies?"
Her eyes flicked across the table, a small smirk tugging at her lips as she continued, โShe knows more about them than any of us ever will, and you know what? Iโm perfectly okay with that. Sheโs earned it.โ
The room felt smaller somehow as she spoke, as if her words were slowly closing in. She paused, glancing down at her glass before looking back up.
"And I think she must be so lonely," Yeosangโs fiancรฉe added, her voice quiet, but carrying a weight all its own. "Because she has no other girl friends. When I asked about you three, she never once spoke ill of you. Not a single word. She always talked about how you made the boys happy, and that's all she ever wanted for themโhappiness."
There was a quiet shift in the room, the silence pressing down as her words sank in, leaving a strange kind of tension in the air. The wives exchanged uneasy glances, but no one spoke.
โNow, Iโm not expecting any sudden friendships between you two,โ Yeosangโs fiancรฉe continued, her voice cutting through the heavy silence. โConsidering when Yeosang introduced us, you two were quick to bad-mouth her. Honestly, itโs trashy and childish. Grow the fuck up.โ
She let the words land, her gaze unyielding as she turned to Yunhoโs wife, who had remained quiet up until now. Her eyes narrowed, sharp and calculating.
โAs for youโฆโ She said, her tone softening just a touch, but the warning was clear. โYou cannot let them walk all over you. Iโm not saying pick a side, but I am sayingโbe a grown-ass woman. Make your own decisions.โ
The room fell silent, Yunhoโs wife looking down, caught in the weight of her words.
Yeosangโs fiancรฉe didnโt wait for a response. She simply took another sip of her wine, her composure unwavering.
Here you were, at another weddingโthis time, for San. And once again, you found yourself as a bridesmaid. But this time, it was different.
She asked for your opinion on everything, as if her dream wedding had become a reflection of yours. She molded it into something that felt so familiar, so personal, it nearly broke you to see it. She didnโt even realize it, of course. She was too wrapped up in the excitement to notice the way it stung. The way it felt like something that shouldโve been yours was now being worn by someone else.
Yeosangโs and Yunhoโs wives wanted to step in, wanted to say something. They saw it tooโthe way you seemed to shrink with each decision she made, each choice that echoed what youโd once dreamed of. But you asked them not to. You begged them, not wanting to make a scene, not wanting to ruin her day.
But as the wedding decorations unfolded, it felt like your heart was being shredded piece by piece. Things youโd once shared with San, things you had trusted him with, were now part of someone elseโs reality. She didnโt even know.
Later, in the bathroom, you broke down. Alone, hidden away, the hurt poured out of you in quiet sobs. The betrayal you felt was overwhelming. You cried into their armsโYeosangโs and Yunhoโs wives, who had quietly followed you when they saw the tears. They held you, their silence speaking volumes.
They didnโt need to say anything. The weight of the hurt was too much to put into words.
Mingi's wedding came and went, and honestly, your mind blanked out on most of it. It wasnโt because of how the wedding lookedโit was beautiful in its own wayโbut because of what it represented: one of the worst weddings youโd attended for the boys.
It wasnโt the ceremony or the decor, no. It was the way his now-wife bullied you into being her bridesmaid. When you first said no, it wasnโt just the end of it. Mingi showed up at your door the very next day, tears in his eyes, asking if you hated him so much that you couldnโt be by his side on his special day.
You knew it wasnโt about the wedding for him. It was about not wanting to disappoint his fiancรฉe, about the pressure to make her happy, about his need to make sure everything was perfectโeven if it meant pushing you into a role you didnโt want.
You held back your own tears as you let him in, your heart breaking for him even as you tried to explain how hurtful it felt. But the more you tried to explain, the more he seemed to spiral. You couldnโt say no to Mingiโnot when he looked at you like that, not when he asked you, so vulnerably, if you were turning your back on him.
In the end, you reluctantly agreed. But the truth was, every step you took down that aisle, every moment you stood there, was a reminder of how youโd been cornered into something that felt wrong. The fake smile you wore couldnโt hide the ache in your chest.
And Mingi? He never noticed. He was too wrapped up in making his fiancรฉe happy.
You honestly didnโt know how you got here.
One moment, you were simply attending another fitting for Wooyoungโs wedding, and the next, you were holding a maid of honor card, your name written in elegant calligraphy that felt like it mocked you.
You had declined it. Again and again and again. Politely at first. Then firmly. Then desperately, hoping they would understand.
But now, here he was, sitting in your living room like he belonged thereโbecause, in truth, he always did.
โWhy do you keep saying no, Yn?โ Wooyoung asked, his lower lip jutting out into a pout that almost broke you. โDid we do something? Did I do something?โ
You felt your heart squeeze painfully tight in your chest. Quickly, you shook your head, offering him a soft, bittersweet smile as you reached for his hand. He let you take it, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in a way that was so comfortingly familiar it almost made you cry.
โGod, no, Woo,โ you whispered, voice tight with the storm of emotions you were barely keeping at bay. โIโm so excited for you. For her. For your future together.โ
He smiled, but it faltered as you continued.
โI justโฆ why not her best friend?โ you asked softly, voice almost breaking. โWhy me? She barely knows me.โ
Wooyoungโs brows furrowed, his eyes searching yours with a sincerity that made it even harder to hold your ground. โBecause it was her choice,โ he said earnestly. โI asked her to pick whoever she wanted, Yn. And she chose you.โ
Your breath caught in your throat.
โShe saidโฆ no one knows me like you do,โ he continued, squeezing your hand gently. โNo one knows how to calm me when Iโm nervous. No oneโs seen me at my worst and still rooted for me the way you have. She wanted me to have you by my side, because youโve always been thereโeven before her.โ
Your eyes burned as you swallowed back the lump rising in your throat.
โBut Wooโฆ isnโt that exactly the reason I shouldnโt?โ you whispered. โBecause Iโve always been there? Because Iโve carried every part of you that someone else shouldโve carried by now?โ
His face softened even more, pain flickering behind his eyes. For a moment, he was silent. Then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he said:
โI need you there, Yn. Please.โ
And how could you ever say no to Wooyoung, when he said your name like that?
You should have said no.
You should have.
But here you were, at the head table, lights a little too bright, eyes a little too many, your heart barely holding itself together beneath the practiced calm of your expression.
The glass in your hand trembled just the tiniest bit as you smiled โ wide, warm, convincing, you hoped โ directing your words as much as you could toward her.
โI have to say,โ you started, your voice bright, almost cheerful, though it rang hollow in your own ears, โfrom the moment I met you, I knew you were special.โ
A pause. A swallow.
โYou make Wooyoung shine in a way even the stage never could,โ you continued, eyes glistening. โYou make him better, stronger. And, selfishly, Iโll admit โ Iโm grateful to you for that.โ
The crowd let out soft, fond laughter. Wooyoung beamed, his eyes never leaving you, but you refused to look at him. You kept your gaze pinned to her, like she was the only person in the room. Like she was your whole audience. Maybe she was.
โI know what it means,โ you pushed through, lifting your glass higher, โto stand beside him, to know his heart, to carry his wild, beautiful chaos. And I know you will do it with a grace I never could.โ
You bit your cheek hard enough to taste copper.
โTo the woman who holds Wooyoungโs heart,โ you finished, your voice thick but steady, โmay you cherish it always. And may you both have a lifetime of laughter, of joy, of love.โ
You raised your glass. The room erupted in applause. She smiled at you โ a smile that made your stomach twist โ and for a second, you felt something inside you crack wide open.
Then, to your surprise, she stood as well.
The applause faded as she set her glass down, her eyes warm and glistening as they found yours.
โIf I can say something,โ she began, her voice gentle but clear, โI want to thank you, Yn.โ
Your breath hitched.
" for always being the bridesmaid, and never the bride." She said.
a few gasp came from the table as your eyes widen with fear. Wooyoung looked shocked but he stayed silent.
She smirked, like the words had been sitting on her tongue for months just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
โYou see,โ she continued, her eyes glinting as she slowly picked up her glass again, turning it thoughtfully between her fingers, โitโs funny how you always end up in this position. Right beside our boysโฆ but never with them.โ
The gasp from the table lingered in the air like thick smoke, choking.
Your throat tightened painfully, but you forced your chin up, tried to mask the sudden rush of heat prickling behind your eyes.
You wouldnโt cry. Not here. Not in front of them.
Not again.
Wooyoung's face twisted into something unreadable โ part confusion, part panic, and part something much deeper that you couldn't name. But still, he said nothing.
He didn't move.
Her eyes flicked to him for a brief moment, just enough to catch his reaction, before landing back on you like a predator enjoying the final moment before pouncing.
โYou've been so patient," she purred, "watching us all find our happiness while you cheer from the sidelines. Always the best friend. Always the supportive one.โ She took a sip of her wine, her lips curling as she swallowed. โBut letโs be honest, Yn. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many speeches you give, or dresses you wear โ youโll never be the one in white.โ
Silence.
Utter, deafening silence.
It felt like the whole world had stopped breathing.
Your chest burned, your hands tightening so hard around your glass you were afraid it might shatter.
You felt the sting of humiliation rise up your neck, hot and sharp, threatening to drown you whole.
And still, no one โ no one โ came to your defense.
Not even Wooyoung.
Not even the man whose wedding you stood at, heart bleeding out quietly inside your chest.
So you slowly set your glass down, giving your best smile. " i wish you and wooyoung nothing but the best... thank you for inviting me."
and you walked. When you reached the entrance doors, your footing got caught as you caught yourself onto the building, a choked sob finally releasing.
Your hand trembled against the wall, the cold surface grounding you for a moment as your breath stuttered out, shaky and raw. The echo of her words โ โnever the one in whiteโ โ slammed against your chest over and over, like cruel waves dragging you under.
Your vision blurred, hot tears finally spilling free as you pressed your lips together to muffle the sob clawing its way out of your throat.
Behind you, the wedding roared on like nothing happened. Music. Laughter. Glasses clinking.
Their celebration.
Your heartbreak.
You squeezed your eyes shut, praying the ground would just swallow you whole. Maybe then, you wouldnโt have to carry the weight of this moment forever.
โYn!โ
A voice cut through the haze.
Not hers.
Not his.
You didnโt turn right away, too afraid of who it might be. Too afraid theyโd see you like this โ broken, humiliated, and small.
But you felt a hand, warm and familiar, curl around your wrist.
โYn, please,โ Yunhoโs wife whispered, her brows furrowed in worry. Her eyes searched your face like she was looking for the pieces to put you back together. โCome with me.โ
Before you could protest, she gently tugged you away from the entrance, shielding you from the glances of curious guests.
Her grip never wavered, not until she found a quieter corner, far from the celebration.
Yeosangโs fiancรฉe was already there, pacing like a storm ready to break. When she saw you, her expression crumpled into fury and concern all at once.
โTheyโre monsters,โ she seethed, coming to your side. โShe humiliated you on purpose, Yn. And heโโ her voice cracked with disbelief, โWooyoung just let her.โ
Your lips parted to respond, but nothing came out. You could only shake your head, tears still streaming silently down your cheeks.
Yunhoโs wife swallowed hard, blinking back her own tears of frustration as she cupped your face with trembling hands. โYou donโt deserve this,โ she whispered fiercely. โYou never did.โ
Yeosangโs fiancรฉe stepped closer, fire blazing in her eyes. โYouโve always been there for them. For all of them. But whoโs here for you, Yn? We are.โ
You let out a shaky breath, finally allowing yourself to collapse into their arms.
They held you tightly, as if their embrace could stitch back the pieces of your shattered heart.
And for the first time that night, you let yourself fall.
You swiped at your cheeks, but the tears wouldnโt stop.
The photos stared back at you โ bright smiles frozen in time, laughter captured on glossy paper. You and Wooyoung, arms slung around each other. San making silly faces behind you. Mingi, mid-laugh, eyes crinkled with pure joy. Yunho, Yeosang, Jongho, Seonghwaโฆ all of them.
Your boys.
Your family.
Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest.
Were these ever real?
Or were you just a stand-in, the eternal placeholder until someone better came along? The girl who was always convenient, always supportive, but never the one.
Your phone buzzed again. And again. And again.
You didnโt need to look to know the names lighting up your screen.
Missed calls from Yunho. Voicemails from Yeosangโs wife. Messages from Mingi, San, Jongho, Hongjoong even Seonghwa.
Wooyoung too.
A fresh wave of pain crashed over you at the thought of him.
Of his stupid pout when he asked you to be maid of honor. Of the way he smiled at you like you were irreplaceable, like you mattered โ only to watch him sit there at that table, silent, as his bride took a knife to your heart in front of everyone.
Your hands trembled as you pressed them against your face, muffling the sound of your sob.
Why didnโt he say anything? Why didnโt any of them?
The unfairness of it all lodged in your throat like glass shards. Youโd given them everything. You were there when they cried, when they fell, when the world turned its back on them โ and now, they let the world laugh at you.
You dragged your knees to your chest, curling into a tight ball as your phone finally fell silent.
But even in the quiet, your mind screamed.
Was it all a lie? Were you ever really loved?
Your gaze flickered back to the wall of photos, a single tear trailing down your cheek.
And for the first time, instead of seeing memories โ you saw goodbyes.
Jongho stared at his hyungs who were all seated at his apartment, all of them looking like a kicked puppy as they stared at the table. Jongho let out a sigh as he finally spoke.
" what the fuck happened you guys? I leave to the states for a few years and i come back to a shit show?"
Jonghoโs voice cracked through the thick tension in the air like a whip, sharp and unforgiving.
The rest of the boys flinched as if theyโd been struck.
No one answered at first. Just the heavy weight of regret sitting on their shoulders, pressing them further into their seats. Yunho ran a hand through his hair, eyes red-rimmed like he hadnโt slept in days. Mingi's leg bounced anxiously under the table. San chewed at his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Wooyoung โ normally loud and brash โ looked like a shadow of himself, hollow and pale.
Seonghwa finally cleared his throat, voice hoarse.
โItโs... complicated.โ
โComplicated?โ Jongho snapped, eyes narrowing dangerously. โNo. Whatโs complicated is you all were supposed to protect her. She 's our friend.โ
Silence.
Painful, suffocating silence.
Hongjoongโs hands were clasped tightly together, knuckles bone-white. He swallowed thickly, eyes pinned to the grain of Jonghoโs table. โWe let her down.โ
โThat,โ Jongho spat, โis an understatement.โ
His fists slammed onto the table, making everyone jump.
โSheโs not answering my calls,โ Jongho went on, voice strained between fury and heartbreak. โYou know why? Because the only family she had humiliated her in front of an entire room full of strangers. Because of you guys.โ
Wooyoungโs head shot up then, his eyes glassy. โI-I tried to stop herโโ
โDid you?โ Jongho cut in coldly. โYou sat there. You fucking sat there, Woo. She needed you.โ
โI didnโt know she was going to say that!โ Wooyoung's voice cracked as he nearly shouted, chest heaving. โI swear, Jongho, I didnโt knowโโ
โThatโs the problem!โ Jongho fired back. โYou shouldโve known.โ
The weight of his words dragged the room deeper into despair.
Yeosang, who had been quiet until now, finally spoke, his voice soft but sharp. โShe asked us not to intervene, Jongho. She begged us to let it go.โ
โThat was her protecting you,โ Jongho snapped bitterly, pacing now. โThat was her, as always, thinking about you first.โ
Another long pause.
โYou know whatโs the worst part?โ Jongho whispered, his gaze lowering. โShe loved you guys more than herself. Always has. And this is how you repaid her.โ
They all sat frozen, like statues carved from guilt and shame.
โShe deserved better,โ Jongho finished quietly. โSo much better.โ
Silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating.
And then, softly โ Wooyoungโs voice broke through.
โWhat do we do now?โ
Jongho looked at him, jaw tight. " nothing. Do nothing until i figure it out."
The knock at your door startled you โ you werenโt expecting anyone.
But the moment you swung it open, your breath caught in your chest before it came rushing out in a joyful gasp. Without thinking, you threw yourself into Jonghoโs arms, a bright smile stretching across your face. His familiar chuckle rumbled in his chest as he caught you effortlessly, spinning you around like you weighed nothing.
โYouโre back,โ you cried out, your voice trembling with relief.
His smile โ that gummy, heart-flipping smile youโd missed so desperately โ made your pulse stutter. He set you down but kept you close, his hands cradling your face before he pulled you into a deep, breath-stealing kiss.
You melted against him, all the pain, the loneliness, and the weight on your chest slipping away as his lips moved with yours. For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt like you were home.
โGod, Iโve missed you,โ he whispered against your lips, his forehead resting against yours.
Your eyes fluttered shut, your fingers curling into his shirt as you whispered back, voice thick with emotion, โIโve missed you tooโฆโ
Jongho gently brushed your hair away from your face, his fingertips lingering as his eyes roamed over your features. His heart clenched at the exhaustion etched into you โ in the dullness of your eyes, the faint tremble in your smile. Guilt twisted in his chest, sharp and relentless.
โYou look so tired, sweetheart,โ he murmured, his voice soft but thick with concern.
You hummed softly, snuggling closer to his chest, letting his warmth soothe the lingering sting in your heart.
โYou have no ideaโฆโ you whispered, your voice laced with quiet exhaustion.
His chin rested gently on top of your head, his arms tightening around you protectively.
โI just might,โ he murmured, a bittersweet edge in his tone. โI missed you at Wooyoungโs wedding.โ
He felt you froze as he pulled you away noticing the tears flow down once again. " you were there?"
Jongho nodded his head, " and i heard everything. Honey, i'm so sorry - if i had known"
You shook your head, "no one could of known jjongie.."
You froze in his embrace, your body tensing as he slowly pulled you away just enough to see your face. His heart twisted at the sight of your tears slipping down once again.
โYou were there?โ your voice broke, barely above a whisper.
Jonghoโs expression softened with guilt as he nodded.
โI was,โ he admitted quietly. โAnd I heard everything. Honey, Iโm so sorryโif I had knownโฆโ
You shook your head, cutting him off, your eyes glistening.
โNo one couldโve known, Jjongieโฆโ you murmured, your voice trembling as you forced a small, sad smile.
Jongho gently took your left hand in his, his thumb brushing over your bare ring finger with a tenderness that made your breath hitch. You looked up at him, eyes meeting his with silent questions swimming beneath the surface.
A small, hopeful smile tugged at his lips.
โWell,โ he said softly, voice full of quiet conviction, โmaybe itโs time you put the ring back on?โ
Your heart stuttered at his words, your gaze flickering from his eyes to your hand, and back again, as if you were afraid to hopeโbut unable to stop yourself.
Your leg bounced nervously, the anxiety twisting in your chest as you fidgeted with the ring on your wedding finger. Your eyes stayed fixed on Jongho as he buttoned up his shirt, every movement of his steady hands a quiet contrast to your restless energy.
He caught your gaze in the mirror, his expression softening.
โWe can cancel,โ he said gently, turning to face you fully. โKeep us a secret a little longer, if thatโs what you want.โ
His voice held no pressure, only concern โ an offer of comfort in the storm of your nerves.
You shook your head, a quiet but firm no, as you rose to your feet and closed the space between you. His hands instinctively found your hips, grounding you, while you looped your arms around his neck, drawing him closer.
โWeโve been a secret for so long,โ you murmured, your forehead resting against his, โand then we didnโt invite anyone to our weddingโฆโ
A soft smile tugged at his lips as he nodded, his eyes warm with certainty.
โWhich,โ he said, his voice gentle but sure, โI have absolutely no regrets about โ it was just us, and our family. Exactly how it shouldโve been.โ
You hummed softly, a small smile curling at your lips. โPlusโฆ I already put our wedding pictures up.โ Your fingers brushed lightly over his chest. โWeโre doing this.โ
His eyes softened even more, his hands tightening just slightly on your hips as if to hold you closer to him โ to anchor you both in this moment.
โIโm so proud of you,โ he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. โYou held the fort down while I was awayโฆ And if I had known any of this was happening, sweetheartโฆโ His brows furrowed, regret shadowing his expression. โI wouldโve come for you. No hesitation. I wouldโve brought you with me.โ
Downstairs, Hongjoongโs wife paced idly around your living room โ until she froze mid-step, her face draining of all color. Her eyes were locked onto something across the room, wide with shock. Without a word, she motioned frantically for Seonghwaโs wife and Wooyoungโs wife to come closer.
โWhat is it?โ Seonghwaโs wife asked, but as soon as her gaze followed, she stumbled over her own breath.
โH-holy shitโฆโ she stammered, eyes glued to the wall in disbelief.
The confused chatter of the boys and their wives faded into the background, none of them noticing yet as the three women stood frozen, staring at the unmistakable sight in front of them.
It was your wedding picture โ clear as day, hanging proudly on the wall. You were beaming, your eyes bright with love, as the man beside you held you close. His face was unmistakable to anyone who knew him, even after the years apart.
Hongjoongโs wifeโs breath caught in her throat as she hurried toward the frame, calling over her shoulder, โHoneyโฆ honey, come here. Whoโs this man in the picture?โ
Hongjoong, still distracted by the quiet conversations in the room, walked over without much thought. His gaze landed on the photo. Casual, at first.
โOh,โ he answered easily, โthatโs Jongho.โ
There was a beat of silence. Thenโ
"jongho?!" Hongjoongโs voice cracked with shock as he snatched the picture off the wall, holding it closer like the frame might offer an explanation. His eyes darted between the photo and the faces of his friends, like they might somehow piece this puzzle together for him.
โW-when did Yn and Jonghoโwhen did they even get married?!โ he stammered, panic rising in his tone as he rushed toward the other boys, shoving the photo toward them.
Their wives were frozen, glancing between one another with growing fear, their voices dropping to urgent whispers.
โIs that the Jongho?โ Wooyoungโs wife asked, her voice shaky.
โThe one who missed our wedding because he was overseas?โ Seonghwaโs wife added, barely above a breath.
And thenโ
A sharp cough cut through the commotion.
All eyes snapped toward the living room entrance.
There you stood with Jongho, his hand resting securely at your waist, as if to anchor you against the tidal wave of chaos swelling in the room. His gaze was calm, protective, unwavering. Yours, a storm of emotions beneath a composed facade.
You swallowed thickly, feeling their eyes on you, but you stood tall beside your husband.
โSurprise,โ you said softly, your voice carrying across the stunned silence.
what do you mean elon musk did a nazi salute on live tv at the united states presidential inauguration twice and is now erasing the evidence off the internet by replacing the footage with the crowd cheering instead?
would be a shame if people reblogged this, wouldnโt it?
Wooyoung stopped halfway into bringing his cup to his lips as he looked at the pretty girl he was on a third date with. He contemplated for a moment, not that he hadn't thought about it before but the conversation was very sudden.
"Jumping the gun a little?"
"So you don't want to date me?"
"Two is a good number," He replied immediately, going back to sipping his cup of coffee, "But as one of three kids, I am partial to three. You?"
"I don't have a preference," You said, smiling at him, "Girl dad or boy dad?"
"Girl dad for sure," Wooyoung said surely, giving a nod, letting out a large grunt after drinking, "I'd treat my boys the same way until they hit puberty and then I would start panicking."
You laughed, making Wooyoung smile. "I think I'd be a boy mom," you said, then chuckled, "Until they hit puberty and then I wouldn't know what to do."
"We better not have boys then, huh?"
You coughed violently, not expecting him to be so nonchalant and he looked at you incredulously, "What? You're the one who started asking about kids!"
"They were general questions, I wasn't talking about us!" "What!? Who else would you be talking about!?" "No! No one, but-!"
"But? But what?" Wooyoung's smile was teasing and you slouched, pouty. "You're making fun of me."
"No, I was taking you seriously! But why the question, though?"
Wooyoung had found you intriguing from the beginning and even more so when he realized that even though you definitely liked him, you were hard to get. You weren't playing either, he could tell that you mentally couldn't let yourself indulge in him.
He hadn't even gotten to kiss you yet.
"I just like being on the same page about things!" you defended yourself, "I wasn't- I wasn't planning anything yet, but I was just... you know... I don't want to waste your time."
Wooyoung smiled at you, "I think that's a reasonable question, but... I think if I liked you enough, I would have gone with whatever you wanted. You'd be the one having the kids after all."
"Fair...," you murmured, "But... is that something you want? A lot of guys want kids and don't know what it means to be a father, making their wife do all the work."
"Oh, you definitely wouldn't have to worry about that with me," he chuckled, "I raised my younger brother from the day he was born when I was 16. Being a father is kind of in my bones now. If anything, I'd willingly be taking all the work from you."
You smiled bashfully, "I like that answer."
Wooyoung grinned, leaning back in his chair, "I'm glad you do. Now, are you going to ask more questions about our potential future or are you going to finally let me kiss you in the present?"
You blushed, turning away from him, covering your embarrassed face.
"I'm kidding!" he chuckled, taking your hand, "I like you... a lot."
You turned back to look at him, an earnest expression on his face as he stroked the back of your hand with his thumb, "These questions are a little fast, but I'm okay with that. It's because I like you so much that I want to go at whatever pace you want me to. Even if you ask me about kids before I've found out what your lips taste like."
He was honest, but his words were teasing. You pouted at him, attempting to take your hang away, but he held it tightly.
"I'm not letting you go, even if you pull away. I can see that you only play the long game, and I want to play it with you."
Your body flushed with warmth, and you smiled widely. "I'd- I'd love that." Wooyoung smiled, lacing your fingers together, "Good."
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โevery season is one of becoming, but not always one of blooming. be gracious with your ever-evolving self.โ โ b. oakman
the essence of youth is summers with you
poly surfers!ateez x childhood best friend!reader (38.7k)
when you move away from your hometown at the age of six, you discover that summer in namhae takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding handsโchoi san. but as the summers go past and he goes to seoul for college, bringing back new friends each year, you start to develop feelings that run deeper than just friendship. will your summers of youth become ones of love and dreams, or will they end in pain and heartbreak?
our leaves must fall before our flowers can bloom
poly hockey team!ateez x coach!reader (37.6k)
you become the new coach of the elite men's ice hockey team, the red devils. but with both yourself and the team carrying burdens of the past, you all find it difficult to see eye to eye. as you lead them to the championships in the korean ice hockey league, you discover that teamwork and trust is not as straightforward as it seems.
and if it stops snowing? then count the stars in the sky
people telling you they reread your fic is the biggest compliment you could ever receive. there are thousands of stories out there begging to be found, to be explored, but your story meant so much to someone that they came back to it eagerly, they went over every word again. to love is to return and loving a fic is rereading it. thank you to all readers and rereaders <3333
->You're hyper independent || Ateez Reactions || Maknae Line
Genre: fluff, angst for Jonghoโs part, slice of life AU
Warnings: mentions of relatives' death on Mingiโs part; mentions overworking, lack of self care and unhealthy perfectionism on Sanโs part; this IS more heavy in general than the first part, I'm so sorry. I don't incentivize any of the behaviors depicted in this.
N/A: This is a very real trauma response that real people have. However, I tried to keep it light, humorous, and focus on the support and love the reader received from the boys in different contexts instead of the actual trauma triggering situation that cause the trauma response. If I, in any way, offend people who have this trauma response, I'm open to learning and editing this, if necessary.
N/A ยฒ: This is a gender neutral! reader in all of them, but Mingiโs part.
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Hyung Line version
Choi San (์ต์ฐ): Heโll take care of you, whether you like it or not
Choi San wasnโt your husband, yet at least. The engagement talk was at its peak, and you knew a proposal wasnโt far off. Still, if any of your friends saw the two of you on a normal day, theyโd ask where you found such an amazing house husband, and you wouldnโt be able to respond. He wasnโt your house husband, nothing against it, but you wouldnโt be able to be with a man that hadnโt the same ambition with his work as you did. Well, maybe San didnโt have this hunger to be at the top like you, but he was determined and passionate, striving to be his best every day and finding new ways to grow, and that was enough for you.
Although he had his own fair share of work schedule, his work from home was flexible and task-based rather than time-based, so with his efficiency, he managed to have more free time than you. This led to your current arrangement. It was rare for you to be at home if it wasnโt on a weekend, so it was a seamless transition for him to live with you and contribute a bigger portion of house labor. His presence was something dangerous because you started to think about what you would do without him in your life. He added instead of subtracting from your energy and time, which sometimes seemed like a surreal dream.
You had a full-time job, a good apartment, a car, and a whole social life you had to manage. There was so much you wanted to do with your life, with your free time, that you were used to the feeling of being hungry throughout the day or dizziness from the lack of hydration. The only way you managed to rest was when you were asleep. Otherwise, you felt like you were losing time. This was your normal day-to-day self, what you were used to, and yes, you knew it was bad.
When you met San, your health was at its lowest. It was normal for him to be worried, and your friends and family were. But he was the one that took action, a man you barely knew at the time. All his attempts were kindly rejected by you, and then you hated the thought of him, of all people, helping you. Not only you didnโt need it, but youโd hate to be a bother.
But San was as stubborn as he was beautiful. He reminded you religiously to drink water, cooked healthy meals for you even on weekends, bought groceries for you when you didnโt have the time for so many weeks you were truly embarrassed by yourself, took care of your plants when you were away on work trips and so much more.
It was all so weird. You constantly waited for the other shoe to drop. For the time when heโd be tired of this constant routine of caring for you. Your toxic self was waiting for the confirmation that you were too much for anyone to handle, that nobody could be with you and keep up, that you were the problem and that was the reason you could never be in a relationship for long.
But San proved you wrong, again and again, and you couldnโt even be mad at him for it.
Song Mingi (์ก๋ฏผ๊ธฐ): Turns out, heโs not just a silly little guy
Mingi was your younger brother best friend, and there were times you hated him for it. As the elder daughter, you took on the biggest load of everything in your house up until you left for college in another state. Until that moment, you had to be silent and grateful about it all. There was no throwing yourself on the ground to get your way or crying yourself out of your โdutiesโ, which included but not limited to cooking all the meals for yourself and your brother, making the grocery store list and buying everything yourself once you were old enough, cleaning the entire house yourself, which wasnโt the initial agreement, and babysitting your brother 24/7 and his friends when they were over, which was almost every single day. So clearly, there was a lot on your plate, nothing a child should have on theirs. But why did you hate Mingi in specific? He wasnโt mean, but he thought it was funny to break rules, to do what your parents told they couldnโt and he got away with it while the blame fell on you. Not once, not twice.
In Mingiโs defense, he didnโt know actions had consequences at the time, he was 6 and a spoiled only child, also, he felt really shitty when your brother told him your parents punished you for some of the stuff they did later, but he thought it was too late. After two decades and something passed, somehow, you still saw him as the same irresponsible boy that got you into trouble. Mind you, he kind of never left your life completely, he was in bedded in the familyโs stories, in the corner of the photos, in the little small get together that were family only, but he was never close to you. Thatโd be quite the impossible mission since you looked like you hated his guts.
But when the worst time of your life came, so did his redemption arc. Your grandma got really sick, and the whole family was in shambles, but somehow, you were the one expected to make the bigger sacrifices. Most of your relatives live far away, some out of the country and although your mom moved in with you, her health wasn't in an ideal condition to take care of someone else, which was already another problem and another whole set of eggs for you to be careful not to step on. It was only you in this, at least, you thought so until Mingi showed up on your doorstep, ready to help. It concerned you, but your position didn't allow you to turn him down. To your surprise, Mingi helped with a lot. Since he never moved away from his family home, he managed to help daily with meal prepping, groceries shopping, and the house up-keeping. No one really asked him to step up like that. Not even your own brother did this much after a week, yet he was by your side through it all.
A lot of the weight was off your back before you realized it. It was a weird sensation, but you were truly thankful for him, and you wanted to find a way to let him know. After an entire month, your relationship with Mingi was still stiff and awkward, yet you began to appreciate it for what it was, and maybe, someday, it'd be a work in progress.
Jeong Wooyoung (์ ์ฐ์): You may call him a wrecking ball
It seems like he has been paying for all his sins ahead of time because why does he have to love such difficult people? *dramatic sigh*. Ok, that was a lie. He didnโt care you werenโt the best with physical affection, you walked around like that wasnโt a thing at all, but thatโs OK, because heโs affectionate enough for the both of you.
You had pretty established boundaries, more like a steel wall around you that people couldnโt go through. While Wooyoungโฆ, yeah. It was a weird kind of friendship at first, if he could call a friendship. He was a work colleague, but somehow, he saw right through your tough act on day one, unlike everyone else. You tended to put a good distance in your every relationship unintentionally, too focused on your work to pay attention on small talk or the gossip of the day, but others saw it as a lack of interest in their friendship, which wasnโt true. You were as interested in them as you were scared of them.
Although it wasnโt possible for Wooyoung to know the inโs and outโs of your mind, he saw your unintentional push and pull game in those subtle ways. Whenever you tried to be closer to people in your own way, the effort wasnโt reciprocated until the point youโd take the hint. It was too late. You managed to scare them away again.
If anyone would ask him why he tried so hard to befriend you, heโd lie and say he didnโt have to try at all, you fell for his charms in an instant. But if he were to be honest, heโd say he saw a part of himself in you. In his eyes, you werenโt cold, nor uptight and mean. You just didnโt give love to others in an open way. This didnโt mean you didnโt have any to give or that you arenโt able to feel it. His running theory was that you were his exact opposite, and he couldnโt just live you be without helping you out or, at least, try.
The moment he got to crack a small piece of your wall, when he wasnโt even trying to, he was determined to see more. And oh boy, didnโt he see it? Now, this may be ridiculous, but he felt honored when you let him step into your world as a whole, no judgment, only him trying to understand you as a person. It warmed his heart that he got to be someone important in your life as much as you were on his.
If anyone that work along side the both of you saw you two today, years later, they wouldnโt believe it. But here you are, pretending you donโt like his weekly hugs spree while you donโt move a single muscle to get him off you. Isnโt it funny how things change? Hm? What was this, oh, you said you feel like laying down on the couch now, so you wouldnโt move? OK, heโd let you have that excuse for now.
Choi Jongho (์ต์ข ํธ): he was your missing piece. Now you only miss him
To see him in a situation like this made you consider hysterically laughing until the moment your brain forgets where you are and you donโt care anymore. That must be a nice feeling, one you never really felt without him. Like you, he was dressed up for the weeding ceremony of your friend in common and you felt dumb, first, because you swore youโd only attend if there was no possibility of him coming, he was supposed to be out of the country and second, because he didnโt spare you another look.
Your breakup was amicable and mutual. With both of your lives ascending, the distance grew, physically and emotionally. There was no ease and stress-free conversations, suddenly you couldnโt relate to each other anymore and what was the point to be with him when the only thing you wanted to do on your break was rot in bed instead of seeing him? You had no energy to spare, and neither did him.
Why do you still care, then?
Because he was perfect for you, at least at some point, in every sense of the word. He saw you and didnโt judge, didnโt try to change who you was, instead he slowly but surely helped you adapt into a new routine with him in it. It was livelier and brighter when he was around.
The moment he left, you noticed that you just lived the happiest years of your life, and there was no coming back from it. You didnโt even attempt to talk once more, Jongho was like you in the sense that he carefully decided who stayed on his life and who didnโt, you moved to the latter, but you were the one that moved him out of yours first, werenโt you?
Your time management improved after all, but it let you down when it mattered the most. So, you tortured yourself a bit more, watching him and wondering what was going through his mind and if that had anything to do with you.
Jongho saw you the moment he walked in, but he pretended not to for his own sake. Although he'd never admit it out loud, to greet an ex at a weeding was above his maturity level. He just couldnโt bring himself to do it. Of course, you looked..., and of course, you'd have a date with you, but that didn't mean he had to see you two together, right? His solution was to stay away from you as far as he could. However, to accomplish such things, he'd have to be aware of your whereabouts all night long.
His self-control and straightforward priorities were some of his best qualities. He managed the need to stalk you on his worst days back then, so he never got to see how you were doing. At that moment, he could tell you were doing your best to be fine, to look perfect, but he used to know you better than that facade. Sometimes, he wondered if you regretted as much as he did.
i don't usually speak about these things, but a lot of blogs (amazing writers) are leaving this platform or taking time off bc of lack of engagement which serves as a big demotivating factor. especially and specifically in this atiny fandom, some things have come to my attention and i just want all readers and writers to take a look at this post and refresh some reading and writing etiquettes, as well as revive the essence of being a part of this fandom.
feedback:
i understand that there are a lot of silent readers on here, but since tumblr is dying and our fandom is not very huge, the least you can do to show the writers some support is like the post.ย
which brings me to the point that the like function didn't even exist in the past. this site still runs on reblogs. as readers, to show your favourite writers some semblance of support, you should be reblogging with tags. a simple โ#ateez x readerโ or โ#ateez ficsโ is enough. it's literally not asking for muchโ reblogs are the only way writers can get reach.
if you cannot do that bc of your blog's aesthetic or whatever, side blogs exist. if you still cannot do that, a simple anon ask appreciating the writer sometimes saves them.
also, what has happened to the quality of reblogs? readers consume years of writersโ work and efforts in mere hours and donโt even leave any feedback? art in general in all forms is very underappreciated and with all sorts of problems like plagiarism, ai writing and everything, true art and writing is dying and needs to be appreciated now more than ever. weโre literally the last generation witnessing ai take over in all fields of arts. appreciate content creators before itโs too late, donโt be a content glutton!
updates and requests:
asking writers for updates when they specifically mention that they would prefer posting at their pace is wrong for so many reasonsโ we all have a real life. you, the reader, do too. just like you don't always have time to read, writers don't always have time to write. do you ever see the writers asking their readers 'why have you not read my latest chapter?'ย
most of the times, writers mention in their bio/faq post or elsewhere that they do mind being asked about updates. respect your writers, please, and do a little scroll before you send such demanding asks (also, sugarcoating when asking for updates does not make it any better!)
if you are only asking about updates, it demotivates a lot of writers bc these same people will disappear when it is time for feedback. writing is a form of art. we can write, artists can paint, musicians can compose music, but all of it has no meaning unless it is shared with an audience and appreciated. readers are just as important as the writers but there is no way of knowing fics are valued unless feedback is given.
the same goes for requests. you can only send a request when the requests are open, which is usually mentioned in the writerโs bio/faq post. itโs literally not that hard to check if requests are open and itโs basic decency to not send a request when the writers specifically mention that requests are closed. when sending a request, please be courteous. a โpleaseโ or โthank youโ are examples of being courteous when sending requests.
the fanfics in atinyblr:
i understand that you can read whatever you like, but why is it that in the atiny fandom, fics that do not contain smut hardly ever get attention? as a writer, i enjoy writing and reading smut, and while i am not specifically a smut blog, i have noticed how fics containing smut get far more reach than fics that do not contain smutโ not just in my case, but other amazing writers as well.ย
there are such amazing fictions in this fandom. all fics are crafted with dedication and care, yet stories without smut often get sidelined. writers are not able to express themselves in their writing freely anymore and they simply conform to a genre they know readers will consume, as they are forced to consider adding smut to their stories so they can get more reach in this fandom. i have heard accounts from a lot of writers who were inclined to add smut to an otherwise smut-free fic just for reach.
this is by no means hate to the smut writers. i am also not placing blame on them. smut drabbles have always been in this fandom, and there are amazing smut writers out there, doing their thing. it is the readers here who are failing the writers. readers are quick to talk about the lack of โgood ficsโ or โplotโ yet will not even bother searching for these works.ย there used to be a good balance and appreciation for all genres alike.
i know that smut is what's hot and trendy these days, and drabbles in general, no matter the genre, are easier to read when you want to take a short break. but there is such a lack of longfics in this fandom, especially as of lately, and as someone who has personally witnessed the ratio of longfics decrease exponentially, i felt the need to point this out. appreciate all writers! appreciate all genres! longfic writers need as much validation and encouragement as drabble writers, and vice versa! don't be too harsh on longfic writers for not pumping out fics at the same speed as shortfic writers.
and on that note, smut drabble writers experience a lack of quality feedback despite the high engagement, so readers, please don't hesitate to point out exactly what you liked about a fic, even if it's a short drabble! be kind to those writers, give them time to write and be kind when sending requests! they may post more often but they, too, have a life.
tags:
this is specifically for the people who will post a very normal picture of a member, no caption, but tag it something like #ateez smut, #ateez hard hours, #ateez x reader. and for the people who tag their asks with irrelevant tagsโ literally learn to tag your post properly, and stop crowding the wrong tags. you're just proving the point that if you don't tag a post with the smut tag or something similar, it won't get reach. if you've posted with a caption, that makes sense (though it still doesn't warrant some of the tags being used there).
as for writers, also learn to use your tags appropriately. fics that do not contain smut should not be tagged with smut related tags. believe in yourself. i get that there is the problem of reach but do not overcrowd tags with irrelevant material.
disclaimer:
this is by no means about me. if i cared about the notes, or lack thereof, i would have stopped writing a while ago. while it is challenging to be a writer here, especially as of lately, i still enjoy posting whatever i write no matter the genre or the word count. but it's a bit disappointing that my planned out fics get much less attention than a simple smut headcanons post that i wrote in the heat of the moment with my friend in literally a few hours as a joke (which has reached almost 10k notes btw in a span of 2 years). sure, it has exposed my blog to new readers but that's about it.
this post is for all the amazing writers who have left, are thinking of leaving, or are struggling to voice these problems because they are afraid of being marked as 'problematic' or a 'hater' or something worse. i am not afraid to voice my opinion on here, and if you think that i am wrong, feel free to interact with this post and correct me because i am not claiming that i am right about this.
these are just the observations i have made as someone who has been actively writing on this platform for about 4 years now, and since i have a decent number of followers, i hope this post gets more reach. do not be afraid to reblog this if you agree, and even if you do not, reblog this so someone else gets educated. i may have missed some points so feel free to add if you want too.
i've only been on atinyblr for a little under two years but it has been long enough to see many of the writers that used to be active with me start to deactive or go on indefinite hiatus' one by one. just a month ago i had joked to yumi that writers were starting to drop like flies, but it feels like in the past week or two, that is really what has started to happen. there has been a sudden increase in writers leaving and as a fellow writer, it is one of the most saddening things to see because that could be any of us the next day
as writers, we write for ourselves but above all, we write and post for readers. without feedback, there is no point uploading content because what difference would it make than to just keep them hidden in our google docs instead? absolutely none. please consider leaving feedback when you read somebody's fic, especially if you are the type to discover a wonderful writer and then proceed to spend the next few hours/days going through their entire masterlist. if you enjoy an author's fics enough to devour what is months and years ofย hard work, please take an extra bit of time to show your appreciation. the comment, reblog or ask that you send may not even equate to 1% of the amount of time that was lovingly dedicated to that piece of work(s) you have just read
i'm also going to be honest and admit that i went through a period of time where i deliberately added smut to my works just for reach. most namely when i was writing 'ateez as royals', i strategically started hongjoong and san's au's with smut that would be visible before the keep reading cut specifically for the purpose of (quote unquote what i said to yumi) catfishing readers into giving my fic a go. it's a sad mentality, but one that is very real for many writers because there is such a stark disparity in popularity and engagement between smut and non-smut works
obviously everybody has their preferred cups of teas when it comes to reading fics. the writers of a fandom are a wonderful representation of how many different types of teas areย offered. let's show our support and love to more types of teaโnot just by liking but by reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an anon askโto help keep the fandom and its variety alive <3
->You're hyper independent || Ateez Reactions || Maknae Line
Genre: fluff, angst for Jonghoโs part, slice of life AU
Warnings: mentions of relatives' death on Mingiโs part; mentions overworking, lack of self care and unhealthy perfectionism on Sanโs part; this IS more heavy in general than the first part, I'm so sorry. I don't incentivize any of the behaviors depicted in this.
N/A: This is a very real trauma response that real people have. However, I tried to keep it light, humorous, and focus on the support and love the reader received from the boys in different contexts instead of the actual trauma triggering situation that cause the trauma response. If I, in any way, offend people who have this trauma response, I'm open to learning and editing this, if necessary.
N/A ยฒ: This is a gender neutral! reader in all of them, but Mingiโs part.
Ateez Masterlist
Hyung Line version
Choi San (์ต์ฐ): Heโll take care of you, whether you like it or not
Choi San wasnโt your husband, yet at least. The engagement talk was at its peak, and you knew a proposal wasnโt far off. Still, if any of your friends saw the two of you on a normal day, theyโd ask where you found such an amazing house husband, and you wouldnโt be able to respond. He wasnโt your house husband, nothing against it, but you wouldnโt be able to be with a man that hadnโt the same ambition with his work as you did. Well, maybe San didnโt have this hunger to be at the top like you, but he was determined and passionate, striving to be his best every day and finding new ways to grow, and that was enough for you.
Although he had his own fair share of work schedule, his work from home was flexible and task-based rather than time-based, so with his efficiency, he managed to have more free time than you. This led to your current arrangement. It was rare for you to be at home if it wasnโt on a weekend, so it was a seamless transition for him to live with you and contribute a bigger portion of house labor. His presence was something dangerous because you started to think about what you would do without him in your life. He added instead of subtracting from your energy and time, which sometimes seemed like a surreal dream.
You had a full-time job, a good apartment, a car, and a whole social life you had to manage. There was so much you wanted to do with your life, with your free time, that you were used to the feeling of being hungry throughout the day or dizziness from the lack of hydration. The only way you managed to rest was when you were asleep. Otherwise, you felt like you were losing time. This was your normal day-to-day self, what you were used to, and yes, you knew it was bad.
When you met San, your health was at its lowest. It was normal for him to be worried, and your friends and family were. But he was the one that took action, a man you barely knew at the time. All his attempts were kindly rejected by you, and then you hated the thought of him, of all people, helping you. Not only you didnโt need it, but youโd hate to be a bother.
But San was as stubborn as he was beautiful. He reminded you religiously to drink water, cooked healthy meals for you even on weekends, bought groceries for you when you didnโt have the time for so many weeks you were truly embarrassed by yourself, took care of your plants when you were away on work trips and so much more.
It was all so weird. You constantly waited for the other shoe to drop. For the time when heโd be tired of this constant routine of caring for you. Your toxic self was waiting for the confirmation that you were too much for anyone to handle, that nobody could be with you and keep up, that you were the problem and that was the reason you could never be in a relationship for long.
But San proved you wrong, again and again, and you couldnโt even be mad at him for it.
Song Mingi (์ก๋ฏผ๊ธฐ): Turns out, heโs not just a silly little guy
Mingi was your younger brother best friend, and there were times you hated him for it. As the elder daughter, you took on the biggest load of everything in your house up until you left for college in another state. Until that moment, you had to be silent and grateful about it all. There was no throwing yourself on the ground to get your way or crying yourself out of your โdutiesโ, which included but not limited to cooking all the meals for yourself and your brother, making the grocery store list and buying everything yourself once you were old enough, cleaning the entire house yourself, which wasnโt the initial agreement, and babysitting your brother 24/7 and his friends when they were over, which was almost every single day. So clearly, there was a lot on your plate, nothing a child should have on theirs. But why did you hate Mingi in specific? He wasnโt mean, but he thought it was funny to break rules, to do what your parents told they couldnโt and he got away with it while the blame fell on you. Not once, not twice.
In Mingiโs defense, he didnโt know actions had consequences at the time, he was 6 and a spoiled only child, also, he felt really shitty when your brother told him your parents punished you for some of the stuff they did later, but he thought it was too late. After two decades and something passed, somehow, you still saw him as the same irresponsible boy that got you into trouble. Mind you, he kind of never left your life completely, he was in bedded in the familyโs stories, in the corner of the photos, in the little small get together that were family only, but he was never close to you. Thatโd be quite the impossible mission since you looked like you hated his guts.
But when the worst time of your life came, so did his redemption arc. Your grandma got really sick, and the whole family was in shambles, but somehow, you were the one expected to make the bigger sacrifices. Most of your relatives live far away, some out of the country and although your mom moved in with you, her health wasn't in an ideal condition to take care of someone else, which was already another problem and another whole set of eggs for you to be careful not to step on. It was only you in this, at least, you thought so until Mingi showed up on your doorstep, ready to help. It concerned you, but your position didn't allow you to turn him down. To your surprise, Mingi helped with a lot. Since he never moved away from his family home, he managed to help daily with meal prepping, groceries shopping, and the house up-keeping. No one really asked him to step up like that. Not even your own brother did this much after a week, yet he was by your side through it all.
A lot of the weight was off your back before you realized it. It was a weird sensation, but you were truly thankful for him, and you wanted to find a way to let him know. After an entire month, your relationship with Mingi was still stiff and awkward, yet you began to appreciate it for what it was, and maybe, someday, it'd be a work in progress.
Jeong Wooyoung (์ ์ฐ์): You may call him a wrecking ball
It seems like he has been paying for all his sins ahead of time because why does he have to love such difficult people? *dramatic sigh*. Ok, that was a lie. He didnโt care you werenโt the best with physical affection, you walked around like that wasnโt a thing at all, but thatโs OK, because heโs affectionate enough for the both of you.
You had pretty established boundaries, more like a steel wall around you that people couldnโt go through. While Wooyoungโฆ, yeah. It was a weird kind of friendship at first, if he could call a friendship. He was a work colleague, but somehow, he saw right through your tough act on day one, unlike everyone else. You tended to put a good distance in your every relationship unintentionally, too focused on your work to pay attention on small talk or the gossip of the day, but others saw it as a lack of interest in their friendship, which wasnโt true. You were as interested in them as you were scared of them.
Although it wasnโt possible for Wooyoung to know the inโs and outโs of your mind, he saw your unintentional push and pull game in those subtle ways. Whenever you tried to be closer to people in your own way, the effort wasnโt reciprocated until the point youโd take the hint. It was too late. You managed to scare them away again.
If anyone would ask him why he tried so hard to befriend you, heโd lie and say he didnโt have to try at all, you fell for his charms in an instant. But if he were to be honest, heโd say he saw a part of himself in you. In his eyes, you werenโt cold, nor uptight and mean. You just didnโt give love to others in an open way. This didnโt mean you didnโt have any to give or that you arenโt able to feel it. His running theory was that you were his exact opposite, and he couldnโt just live you be without helping you out or, at least, try.
The moment he got to crack a small piece of your wall, when he wasnโt even trying to, he was determined to see more. And oh boy, didnโt he see it? Now, this may be ridiculous, but he felt honored when you let him step into your world as a whole, no judgment, only him trying to understand you as a person. It warmed his heart that he got to be someone important in your life as much as you were on his.
If anyone that work along side the both of you saw you two today, years later, they wouldnโt believe it. But here you are, pretending you donโt like his weekly hugs spree while you donโt move a single muscle to get him off you. Isnโt it funny how things change? Hm? What was this, oh, you said you feel like laying down on the couch now, so you wouldnโt move? OK, heโd let you have that excuse for now.
Choi Jongho (์ต์ข ํธ): he was your missing piece. Now you only miss him
To see him in a situation like this made you consider hysterically laughing until the moment your brain forgets where you are and you donโt care anymore. That must be a nice feeling, one you never really felt without him. Like you, he was dressed up for the weeding ceremony of your friend in common and you felt dumb, first, because you swore youโd only attend if there was no possibility of him coming, he was supposed to be out of the country and second, because he didnโt spare you another look.
Your breakup was amicable and mutual. With both of your lives ascending, the distance grew, physically and emotionally. There was no ease and stress-free conversations, suddenly you couldnโt relate to each other anymore and what was the point to be with him when the only thing you wanted to do on your break was rot in bed instead of seeing him? You had no energy to spare, and neither did him.
Why do you still care, then?
Because he was perfect for you, at least at some point, in every sense of the word. He saw you and didnโt judge, didnโt try to change who you was, instead he slowly but surely helped you adapt into a new routine with him in it. It was livelier and brighter when he was around.
The moment he left, you noticed that you just lived the happiest years of your life, and there was no coming back from it. You didnโt even attempt to talk once more, Jongho was like you in the sense that he carefully decided who stayed on his life and who didnโt, you moved to the latter, but you were the one that moved him out of yours first, werenโt you?
Your time management improved after all, but it let you down when it mattered the most. So, you tortured yourself a bit more, watching him and wondering what was going through his mind and if that had anything to do with you.
Jongho saw you the moment he walked in, but he pretended not to for his own sake. Although he'd never admit it out loud, to greet an ex at a weeding was above his maturity level. He just couldnโt bring himself to do it. Of course, you looked..., and of course, you'd have a date with you, but that didn't mean he had to see you two together, right? His solution was to stay away from you as far as he could. However, to accomplish such things, he'd have to be aware of your whereabouts all night long.
His self-control and straightforward priorities were some of his best qualities. He managed the need to stalk you on his worst days back then, so he never got to see how you were doing. At that moment, he could tell you were doing your best to be fine, to look perfect, but he used to know you better than that facade. Sometimes, he wondered if you regretted as much as he did.
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->You're hyper independent || Ateez Reactions || Hyung Line
Genre: fluff, angst (because of the theme on itself), slice of life AU
Warnings: NONE
N/A: This is a very real trauma response that real people have. However, I tried to keep it light, humorous, and focus on the support and love the reader received from the boys in different contexts instead of the actual trauma triggering situation that cause the trauma response. If I, in any way, offend people who have this trauma response, I'm open to learning and editing this, if necessary.
N/A ยฒ: This is a gender neutral! reader.
Ateez Masterlist
Kim Hongjoong (๊นํ์ค): You donโt let him pay for you, and heโs helpless
On your very first date with Hongjoong, just as casually as he wiped out his card to pay for the meal, you wiped out yours. That day, he learned you were as hardheaded as he was, which was an interesting surprise. There was no dance of โOh, I pay. No, itโs okay, I can pay. No, I insist. Oh, if you insist, thenโฆโ as he imagined at first. If you said you were going to pay, then you would do so. In the end, you both agreed to slip the bill even.
That was a common occurrence at the beginning of your relationship, a spit-even bill no matter the cost of the meal or whatever you were doing together.
It wasnโt like he was flaunting his money, nor did he want to offend you in any way, which you didnโt think was the case, thank God. It just became second nature for him to be attentive to those around him, and if he had an opportunity to do something nice for people he cared about, why would he not? Why wouldnโt you let him? You thought he was adorable when he vented that to you on a 1 A.M. something call, like those thoughts plagued his dreams or something. You liked your man a little dramatic like that.
There were times when it was a given that he bought something for the two of you, and then you made sure to put your money on something else for you both that same day. He thought you would rather keep things โseparatedโ at that stage, where things were uncertain, to not create any kind of โdebtsโ with each other, it seemed, although he didnโt agree with that trail of thoughts at all, and it was a bit offensive to him. First, because heโd never be the type of man to expect anybody to owe him anything after dinner, and second, because he hadnโt any doubts about the relationship.
His suspicions werenโt that far off, honestly. You said plainly you rather avoid any discomfort or expectations at this stage of your relationship with him, and he could sleep well because you knew how caring he was even if he wasnโt the one paying for you.
It was lovely for him to know what you thought of him. A simple phrase made his day, and if that was your answer, then he wouldnโt push it. Even if he was desperate to know what those discomforts were for you and if they happened frequently in the past.
For now, heโd gladly wait for you while you met in the middle, even if he feels a little helpless.
Park Seonghwa (๋ฐ์ฑํ): he isnโt allowed to baby you like you baby him, but mama raised no bitch
It wasnโt a rule per se, but the only 3 times he ever tried to baby you during your one-year relationship like you usually do with him, two of them made you almost become physically ill, and the last of them, you were, in fact, ill.
He never thought karma would hit him as hard as it did when he met you for the first time. His tsundere exterior was nothing compared to yours. It felt like he encountered another version of himself, one that he lost to instantly. It was safe to say your charm wasnโt cuteness. It was how attentive you were, how you cared for anyone around you in a quiet and practical way, and how you were honest above all. You were reliable, steady, and so so warm with those you cared for. He was down bad before he could say the word โtsundereโ.
The first time was a mistake, almost an instinct. It wasnโt rare for you to be cute unintentionally, but just as much as one shouldnโt make any sudden noise to not scare a grumpy cat away after it laid near, he should not have cooed and pinched your cheeks while you tried some of his stew at a dinner night at his house, the first of many.
He didnโt move, his arms hurt from the position he was in. The sheer astonishment on your face made him freeze, but there was no way of reversing time. There was no running from this. It was done. He feared for his life as you slowly processed what was happening to you.
It was clear how deeply you disliked it, even if you didnโt say so, and Seonghwa always prided himself on being a great boyfriend, so he kept that in mind to never do it again.
But he is just a man at the end of the day, a very, very weak man, and your cheeks are really, really perfect to pinch. Still, he chose his battles carefully, and the last two attempts were successful because you always let him off the hook without much of anything. In all honesty, he was the cutest and childlike one in the relationship even if he didnโt show it after first, and you fell hard for that side of him. The way his pretty brown eyes shined with mischief whenever he got away with calling you cute or cooing at you melted your heart on the spot, so you let him.
If it was anyone else, youโd run as far as you could from whoever it was, even your own parents. You were just not a touchy person at all, because maybe you grew up without people giving that kind of love to you then, but you got used to it from Seonghwa. Of course, it was best if he never knew how much power he actually had, so you let him fear for his life for a moment or two.
Unfortunately, Seonghwa was a cute, silly man, but he was your cute, silly man.
Jeong Yunho (์ ์คํธ): You donโt ask him for help, but what else can he do with his acts of service love language?
You two have been friends for a good while now, that kind of friend who everyone thought would amount to something else yet never did. The time to risk for something more was the night you two met, but neither of you took any action then. Now, you two had a good friendship, and that was more than enough for both of you.
Yunho couldnโt lie and say he hadnโt thought of what ifs with you in the past, but in his mind, you were never interested in him like this, so the whole thing was pointless. You didnโt seem interested in a romantic relationship then just as much as you donโt now, and he was fine with it.
You had a nice future ahead of you. A lot of your time was spent on building a good curriculum for college and then a solid career for yourself in a predominantly male industry. It was a rough path, sometimes you wondered if that was the right choice or not, doubted your own capabilities because your colleagues did so all the time, but at the end of the day you had amazing people to remind you who you were, you had Yunho. Sometimes, you wondered if he was a mind reader of sorts.
You dreaded the simple thought of looking weak, even if it was something as little as asking for some space to vent. You grew up with the mindset that any kind of vulnerability was bad, which wasnโt healthy for you at all, but it feels like itโs too late to change, even if you want to. However, the thing about Yunho is that heโd never allow you to ask for anything because he hands you anything you might need.
Did you need someone to distract you after a rough day of work? Thatโs a given. His silly memes and TikTokโs were waiting for your reply. Oh, you actually needed space for yourself? Itโs ok. Heโs got the hint quickly, and heโd leave you be with a simple encouraging message to remind you to rest and contact him the next day.
The good stuff came when you had your weekend free because he remembered you wanted to shop for a new couch, and given the amount of work, itโd be great to have a helping hand, right? Oh, itโs rot-in-bed day instead? Well, it's a good thing heโs versatile.
You never really asked for an all-in-one man, but you got him anyway, so better enjoy it!
Kang Yeosang (๊ฐ์ฌ์): Youโre the only person he choose to chase and God forbid if that ever reaches Sanโs ears
Heโs an idol, heโs been in this industry for almost a decade, so he understood being busy, and this overwhelming need to isolate yourself and forget about everything else outside your room. The key difference is that he couldnโt do that much. However, that seemed to be your favorite way to cope lately. It was a lose-lose for him because if you were not locked away in your own world, then you were busy with a million other things.
Youโre the only friend from his childhood he still has a relatively stable relationship because of how close in stages of life you two always have been, even now, both working in very different industries.
It has been like this since the very beginning. You two always aimed to be something in the future when you were kids. What you two would be was a different question, and neither was ready to answer. In the teen years, Yeosang got his answer while you worked hard to get into a good college, hoping to find yours when you got there. That couldโve been the end of the friendship, but you were both so aligned still that it could only be fate. He took a chance at a smaller company, and you decided to study something different than you had imagined for yourself. You both had similar struggles, doubts, and accomplishments around the same time. It was a running joke at this point.
He had to remind himself of that sweet part so he wouldnโt lose it the moment you actually picked up his calls. He knew lately itโs been tough for you. Only you chose not to speak about it and went right into your suffer-alone mode.
The upsetting part of all this was the fact that these were your vacation days, you earned them and he wouldnโt be Kang Yeosang if heโd let you waste it in bed all day after he heard for months all about the places you wanted to go. It was a coincidence the fact that he also recently got some free days for himself.
He was nice enough. He gave you a last heads-up that he was coming. In another life, he could say he wasnโt taking no for an answer, but you wouldnโt say no to him in this lifetime.
Itโs only been a while since he was slightly concerned with this โon my ownโ approach to coping with the pain because you decided not to include him in it. The why he didnโt know, neither was he interested in it. But looking back, youโve always acted like this, like a little fortress of sorts, like you had to be strong for all to see and this was the first time he was taking an action against it.