it had all the makings of a movie scene , or even the climactic act of a ballet , and they knew their parts well . there was passion in every word , every breath , the flame that once burned between them never quite extinguished . it might have dimmed throughout their tumultuous separation , but time and distance hadn't been enough to snuff that fire out completely . it was inside of her , blazing alongside the heart pumping blood through her veins , and in front of him again she can feel its swell , threatening to burn her from the inside out if she wasn't careful . even now , he knows her better than anyone . the words that could hurt her the most hover in the peripheral of his comeback , and lola feels their threat like he plunged a knife into her chest . " don't , " she says , the word jagged and desperate , but it's not anger coloring her voice or swimming beneath the depths of her eyes . hurt takes precedence ; she'd never thought him capable of throwing the things he knows about her back in her face , and even if he hadn't revealed anything , the thought of it sends her mind spinning more than the tequila already had . shame bubbles up like bile in the back of her throat , the insecurities that led her to approach him anything but soothed at his mocking invitation . " — what do you want me to think ? " she challenges , voice raising with every word . " if you saw me going to the bathroom with the person every fucking tabloid has been swearing i was hooking up with for years now , what would you think ? you'd think the same thing , i know you would . " he's close enough she can count every rise and fall of his chest . she can feel his warm exhales of breath , the way they mix with her own , memories of crashing her lips against his stunning her into weighted silence . goosebumps rise in the wake of his quiet admittance , followed by a wave of nausea that has lola wondering if the phrase lovesick was created solely to explain this moment and this terrible feeling at the pit of her stomach . " i believed in you more than anyone . " and then , the words lola won't say : i still do . carter was the only one who knew every inch of her , every secret , things even her mother couldn't claim to know . there was a time not so long ago she couldn't imagine her future without him in it — she still couldn't . and yet she can't deny there's truth in his statement , that there's a part of her that doesn't want to believe in him . it was easier to carry her anger , easier to place blame and find fault than admit the scarier thing ; that maybe no matter what their shared history is or what the depths of their feelings are , it still isn't enough . " i think , " she begins , words soft in their hesitation . she feels naked , and not from the sheerness of her dress , but from the honesty shaking her syllables . " you haven't wanted to believe in me either . that maybe we haven't wanted to believe in each other in a long time . "

the hurt that strains in her voice makes his teeth click together like glass , his jaw clenching harsh enough in regret to split teeth . his anger overwhelms him , always has . takes control and unseats him from the driver seat , pushing him into impulsivity . the cocaine lacing his gum doing terrible at distracting his emotions and keeping his anger down to a boiling point , simmering each time her voice raises against him . the flames of the bonfire dancing in tantalizing pirouettes with the heat of passion that every argument between them holds , twisting and rising with each word that she speaks , carter is unable to see her side of things , remaining stubborn . “ how you honestly still think there's something between me and her , is beyond me . she's my friend . she has been my friend since childhood . we will be nothing more than that . ” irritation claws up his throat , tongue running over the same facts . “ what do you want me to do ? i have no control over what they say about me . i will never be someone with a clean slate . ” an exposure of vulnerability . the mask has slipped , revealing pale blue eyes that have been hidden from hers for the last two years are now an entry point to the inner soul . while lola could hide her identity , become someone else , carter doesn’t remember a moment when he had a break from the scrutiny of the tabloids . barely out of the womb and a fodder for the newspapers , who harassed him about his biological father for years , with false cheating rumors tearing him apart . shadowed by his surname , the public had casted him for a role that never fitted him right . even now with the cameraman inspecting them like insects under the microscope — two moths to a flame burning closely , he wonders why he decided to take part of the show . for someone that seems to stand so firm on who they are , carter is lost . his mind split in halves is in rebellion with itself , and as the tides of the sun and moon switches sides , they struggle to coexist .  “ i believed in you more than anyone . ” carter can hear their heartbeats thundering between their bodies , can hardly cut it apart which is hers and which is his . beating in tandem after months of absence , impatiently waiting to hear what she will say next . “ that maybe we haven’t wanted to believe in each other in a long time . ” a press of silence , filled by the crackling bonfire , not granting him any warmth as the truth settles around them . carter could walk away , spit out that its time that they accept that and move on , but he stays rooted . thinking that she might be the first to leave , he clasps his hand around her wrist , feeling her pulse beneath his fingers . “ i never hid my soul from you , ” the alcohol in his veins betrays the confession out of him . his gaze shadowed in something both bitter and tender as he presses his thumb into her pulse once more . “ i need you to know that . ”

drew starkey at the venice film festival red carpet for his movie 'queer'.

seconds stretch into eternities , the moments just before he turns around reminding her of the way she used to hold hourglasses hostage as a child , how she'd suspend them midair to stop the sand from moving , believing with all her heart she possessed the power to make time stand still . lola realizes now it was never her power at all — it belonged to carter . his gaze , as forceful as it was seven years ago , rooting her into place , undressing her the way his hands would later come to do . his gaze , stopping time , blocking out the rest of the world in a way that made her wonder if maybe she was going to spend the rest of her life trying to outlive the effect her had on her . in her intoxicated state lola cares little for what he uncovers as he looks at her . the anger roars to life inside of her like the bonfire ; the betrayal building like the waves crashing in the distance . there was no masking it . not from him . she finds herself sucking in a breath at the way he parrots her own question , irritation sparking like a log . " carter the unknowable , " she mocks with a curl of her lip , tongue loosened by tequila and cruelty alike . the firelight casts his features in dancing shadows , but she'd seen him high enough times to know it wasn't the darkness that blew his pupils wider . " hiding's more your thing , isn't it ? " the question is sour as it claws its way out of her throat , and lola longs to wash it away with something strong , envious of the cup carter cradles . her fingers itch with a wild energy , longing for a cigarette to calm her racing thoughts so much so they curl to fists at her side . " — were you really so desperate for a line and a fuck that a shitty beach bathroom was good enough ? " somewhere during her accusation lola had stepped closer to him . it felt like the flames printed on the mesh of her dress had sprung to life , and she was unsure if it was the heat from her proximity to carter himself or the bonfire that continued to blaze next to them that was burning its way up her body . " i saw you with her . "

there's an arrow buried inside of his heart , stuck and broken in the most important part of his body , and it pains him every time he tries to pull it out . a piece of him belongs to her . she is the only person in the world that has seen the other side of his soul , and with their separation , carter desperately tries to burry every part she could retrace with her fingertips even if it pushes her further away . hiding is more your thing isn’t it ? “ give yourself some credit , ” in  a flash  the twist of her secret lingers ,  just  at the edge of his jaw , begging to come out , but he holds it down , by biting hard enough on his bottom lip to taste copper smearing his tongue red , but he finds he cannot temper his volatile nature , especially not at her next set of words ; it burns alongside the fire . “ thats what this is about ? ” he questions and accuses alike , “ would you like me to extend you an invite the next time ? so you can finally get your facts straight . ” she steps closer and he presses on . they have come so close a thousand times , and in the past his hand would find her waist and pull her in , but tonight , just as her hands curl into fist by her side , his fingers clench tight around the red cup with a restraint of holding back ; to not touch her . eyes loathe to leave her face , and with the closeness they share , he can see the storm brewing in her irises , drowning in their shared past . the crash of his comedown is close and when he speaks again , inches away from her mouth , his voice comes out hoarse with it , “ you never wanted to believe me . ”

❝     well     ,     i'm     glad     you     didn't     because     i     heard     production     spent     a     lot     of     money     on     that     cake     .     have     you     seen     it     ?     it's     me     as     a     bratz     doll     on     top     .     ❞     she     embraces     him     for     as     long     as     she     can     ,     inhaling     the     opulent     scent     of     his     cologne     .     unsure     of     just     what     it     was     about     him     in     particular     that     had     her     head     over     heels     ,     but     it     was     a     feeling     that     she     failed     to     escape     from     during     the     years     she's     known     him     .     covertly     ,     she     didn't     wish     to     as     it     merely     felt     .     .     .     different     .     nodding     at     his     query     ,     she     parts     from     the     clasp     just     inches     from     him     ,     one     arm     still     remaining     circled     around     his     shoulders     .     ❝     oof     ,     ❞     she     exhales     in     aversion     at     the     mention     of     his     new     step     -     father     ,     ❝     how     was     that     ?     did     you     manage     to     have     fun     with     the     champagne     or     was     it     still     pretty     bad     ?     ❞     highlights     of     her     cheeks     etching     into     a     flushed     shade     at     just     being     this     close     to     him     .     how     could     a     single     individual     make     her     feel     this     infatuated     ?     ❝     didn't     really     miss     much     .     .     .     just     me     ,     i     hope     .     ❞     jesting     while     truly     wishing     internally     ,     as     much     as     she     missed     him     —     additionally     ,     has     no     clue     what     is     going     outside     of     her     little     bubble     .     especially     ,     not     at     this     very     moment     when     she's     reunited     with     carter     .     linking     their     digits     together     ,     she     begins     leading     him     towards     her     booth     .     ❝     now     that     you're     here     ,     let's     get     the     party     started     then     !     you're     going     to     be     with     me     for     the     rest     of     the     night     ,     right     ?     it     is     my     birthday     ,     after     all     —     and     hopefully     noa     is     around     ,     so     we     can     be     the     three     musketeers     again     .     ❞

“ not yet , is that song that has been playing everywhere ? ” there’s nothing manufactured about the enjoyment he feels in this moment , its  natural and arises from his genuine reaction of their reunion , rather than the endorphins in his bloodstream . the feeling lingers even when discussing his step father , another temporarily face brought into his life demanding far more than they should . “ the champagne compensated for it . thats about the only good thing he has going for him . should start taking bets on how long this one will last . ” carter responds with a sardonic grin , trying to string his tone of voice away from the bitterness that trudges by its edges , suppressing the other thoughts that are itching to come out by shifting the attention back on her . “ they stole my time away from noa and you , ” the pronunciation of you dominates the rest of his words , becomes heavier when he feels her hand touch his palm , fingers slide and interlock , closing them over her knuckles in a tender echo of familiarity thats been there for years , but over the past year has charted the lines of something unfamiliar . “ where else would i be tonight ? ” leaning against the booth , carter orders a round of shots , before turning his attention back , light eyes meeting dark ones , but the heaviness in his eyes has changed ; no longer just dilated by the drugs . anisa’s presence is both compelling and disarming , their personalities couldn’t be more different , but somehow she manages to slide under his skin into the his rib cage and pull at the strings of inhibitions with ease . “ the two of you have some of making up to do for disowning me the past months , ” said in jest , as the bartender places the shots before them , along with a gift box wrapped in gold and ivory ribbon , inside a gold necklace adorned with a mother of pearl shell . carter lifts the present for her to take , “ i saw it in paris . ” reminded me of you .

it only takes a second — a brief moment of being in the right place at the right time , like the universe itself conspired a scene just for her eyes — to ruin lola's night . she wanted to forget it , had chased down nearly a quarter of a don julio bottle in her pursuit , but at the sight of carter callahan the image surfaces in painstaking detail as if he'd written it on pen and paper himself for her to read . carter and noa entering the same bathroom . her mind had filled the gaps in herself , drawing inspiration from her own experiences with him in bathrooms , coat closets , elevators , and empty subway cars alike , the time in their lives when they had been too in love to keep their hands off each other feeling more distant than it ever had . she hates this feeling , hates the way that even now she can't help but speculate , years of tabloid rumors and articles about the pair fueling every insecurity lola still harbors . maybe it was the liquor coursing through her veins , but she finds herself studying him the way a detective might a crime scene , every mussed lock of hair or wrinkle in his shirt evidence she collects , protected only by her position out of his line of sight . she could still walk away , try and salvage her night in the company of friendlier faces , or at least with a cigarette somewhere quiet if she didn't want to be around the celebration anymore . she could even leave ; it wasn't as if the production crew had chained her to one of the rocks the ocean waves crashed against in the distance . she could do all that , but she knows she won't , knows that she'll call out to him even before she does , just like she knows he'll turn around and face her , that he won't walk away either , even before he does . " enjoying yourself ? "

thumb brushing against his nose ; perhaps carter could be more discreet with his little bad habit , but being inconspicuous has never been in his vocabulary , and one could point fingers at his upbringing for that . his itch for powdery substance , was an addiction that ranked below his other vices ( with cigarette his king , and alcohol his consort . ) — and after skiing from the slopes , he had gone right for the vodka , forgoing the fruit juice and adornments at anisa's booth . each swallow an addition to the numbness in his mouth . at some point , carter loses both anisa and noa to the crowd and wanders off to the bonfire , his gaze on the blaze that cast shadows off of his sharp features , holding his attention , until lola comes up to him . the question seems innocent , but he knows her well - enough that there is something hidden there . turning and locking eyes , pupils are appraising her before responding , shifting over familiar features to those accusatory eyes that give plenty away . two years apart didn’t make them strangers , despite his own insistence that people change . spoken more for himself then for her , that selfish side of him that always holds onto a mask . “ are you ? ” he slides the question back to her , and they could play this game all day , this back and forth with no questions answered , just like last time . taking a swig from his red cup , for a second , it seems that's the direction they are heading , but standing close together in the pouring warmth as the tension between them crackles alongside the fire , carter’s patience decides to run thin , “ there seems to be something on your mind , don’t hide from it now . ”

❝     have     you     been     hiding     from     me     ?     ❞     a     playful     query     emitting     from     a     smirking     mouth     ,     spotting     the     homme     a     mile     away     after     coming     up     from     her     dive     into     the     water     .     combing     damp     tresses     onto     one     shoulder     ,     she     places     her     hands     on     her     hips     once     she     faces     carter     for     the     first     time     in     what     seemed     like     years     .     .     .     the     butterflies     still     have     yet     to     fade     ,     evidently     as     hues     locks     onto     his     .     fire     igniting     within     her     just     as     it     did     before     during     their     youth     .     careless     of     how     soaked     her     exterior     is     ,     she     embraces     him     warmly     .     ❝     i     thought     noa     was     lying     when     she     said     you     were     here     ,     because     i     haven't     seen     you     around     yet     .     why     didn't     you     tell     me     ?!     you     know     you're     like     ,     one     of     my     best     friends     too     .     ❞

there's always been a barrier between carter and those surrounding him , having no desire to get too close to anyone , but there were a few who he let in , anisa being one of them . the friendship he has with her and noa something unexpected . “ was planning on jumping out of your birthday cake . ” is the immediate follow up , “ my surprise is ruined now , ” a teasing tsk slips from behind his teeth , a slight shake of his head causing stray locks to fall in front of his eyes . their silhouettes melding together in tangled warmth of a hug . “ happy birthday , ” lips murmur by her ear , “ are you having fun ? ” pulling back just enough that the space between the two friends remains close , the gold light from the sun dances gently behind them .  “ arrived late , had to be in paris to meet my new step father . ” he begins gaze linger for a wink of a moment on the sea water running down the trail of her neck . “ he has a vineyard in reims . so for the next celebration expect unlimited champagne . ” looking up , debauchery is evident in the tar like blackness that have swallowed his blue eyes whole as they observe the way the sunlight takes a liking to anisa , brushes it's smooth fingertips across her cheekbones , dusting them pink . “ did i miss much ? ”

pair   had   come   out   together,   but   it   didn't   mean   they   were   going   to   stick   together   –––– not   when   the   club   was   filled   with   plenty   of   attractive   patrons   fem   could   flirt   with   for   free   drinks   (   not   that   she   needed   it   )   .   placing   the   empty   shot   glass   back   on   the   bar,   she   feels   somebody   tugging   at   her   hand   almost   immediately   and   as   she   turns   her   head   to   shout   at   the   potential   stranger,   carter   appears   in   her   peripherals   and   she   squeals   softly   in   excitement,   knowing   exactly   why   homme   was   pulling   her   in   the   direction   of   the   private   restrooms   reserved   for   the   cast   of   the   berry.   she's   fixing   her   hair   in   the   mirror   as   carter   prepares   their   illicit   little   treat,   thankful   they   were   in   the   bathroom   as   it   was   the   one   place   the   camera   crew   weren't   allowed   access   to.   but   if   noa   were   a   little   more   sober,   she   might   have   realised   the   cameras   followed   the   best   friends   to   the   door,   recording   their   every   move,   which   would   only   further   the   rumours   that   noa   was   the   downfall   of   carter's   relationship   with   lola,   the   tabloids   insisting   he   cheated   with   the   brunette.   manicured   digits   take   the   bill   from   his   fingers,   rolling   the   note   perfectly   as   she   watches   carter   rack   their   lines   on   the   screen   of   her   mobile   device.   eyes   widen   slightly   as   the   screen   lights   up   and   her   mother's   name   flashes   up,   signalling   an   incoming   call   from   the   devil   incarnate.   eyes   roll,   has   no   intention   of   answering   the   call,   wouldn't   allow   that   woman   to   ruin   her   night.   '   i'm   guessing   she   saw   last   night's   episode,   watched   us   making   plans   to   go   out   tonight   and   now   she's   calling   to   make   sure   i   don't   embarrass   the   family   name.   '   fem   mocks,   flicking   the   phone   on   silent   as   she   couldn't   exactly   swipe   across   the   screen   to   reject   the   call.   '   yay,   '   taking   the   bill   between   her   fingers,   noa   leans   over,   inhaling   one   of   the   lines   laid   before   her.   nose   scrunching   slightly   as   fem   adjusts   to   its   strength,   before   turning   to   carter   with   a   smile.   '   i   missed   you,   you   know?   '   she   admits,   pulling   herself   up   to   take   a   seat   upon   the   counter   top   by   the   sink.   '   and   not   just   for   this.   i   know   i   don't   usually   care   what   tmz   say   about   me   but   being   portrayed   as   a   home   wrecker   is   just   a   little   too   much.   '   she   nods,   realising   tonight   was   the   first   time   she   had   openly   sounded   vulnerable   while   on   the   show,   thankful   there   were   no   cameras.   '   too   much   for   my   ego,   too   ––––     like   i   don't   have   to   chase   after   taken   people,   i   get   attention   everywhere   i   go.   '

in hollywood , where everyone has ulterior motives , spending time with his closest friends are the snippets of real live that carter realizes he needs – people who live their lives as authentically as they can . their childhood ties them together , and were it not for the movies where her mother starred as an actress and the closest thing carter had to a father as the director , their paths may have never crossed , but they did . playing around on film sets with a stolen camera and an imaginary script , turned into partying together until sunrise , early mornings chatting away at the beaches of santorini or on a yacht in bodrum . in a world that never stops shifting , noa has been there in every stage of his life , the one constant , up until the last years . the ribbon that once tied them close , spooling loose , all because of a false narrative orchestrated by the media . “ she cares too much . ” carter draws lazily , spoken like gin callahan’s son , he busies himself with his necklace , clasping it back around his neck . “ if my mom saw me being boring on reality tv , she would chiffonade me into a million pieces and toss me in her koi pound . ” a culinary term he's learned from his roommate , but in his exaggeration lays the facts . it’s always been apparent how opposite their families are , how reputation is valued differently . one last name polished in prestige , while the other is infamous for their scandals . the callahan name attracting attention like fireworks on the fourth of july . i missed you , you know ? another smile draws on carter’s face , this time it’s more genuine , dimples appearing in crescent moons on either side of his cheeks . “ missed you too . ” with the rolled up bill passed over to him , he’s about to take his turn , but pauses , moving his gaze back to noa . it’s not the first time she’s been vulnerable around him , but it’s a feeling he wishes he didn’t recognize . he doesn’t want to see her in this state . unsure on how to proceed . even his own emotions were often challenging to deal with ; their very highs or extremely lows — and when he’s not expressing them in his notebook , he replaces them with a familiar numbness . “ we both know its not true , ” is the immediate reply , head turning to the line before him . “ besides , lola is actually. seeing the home wrecker that tmz reported about . ” residual anger twists his syllables , firecrackers waiting to be ignited . patience running thin , carter lowers his head , presses the rolled up bill against his nose and sniffs , tasting the familiar bitterness at the back of his throat . “ anyone worth your time in your flock of admirers tonight ? ”

she'd imagined it a million times , how their first real conversation after breaking up would go , but not even in her wildest renditions did it ever occur to lola they'd be doing it filmed for the world to see . she's conscious of her outfit ( a simple black slip she'd at least had the foresight to change into ) , conscious of the hair she couldn't remember if she'd passed a comb through after dancing , conscious of the lump in her throat when he calls her colleague and the way her heart beats erratically beneath her chest , like a bird pushing at the bars of a cage , desperate to take flight . lola longs for something , anything , to hang onto and keep her grounded , and maybe that's why she settles for his name . " carter , " she greets back , and there are a myriad of emotions tangled in that one word , sentiments she's unsure she can keep out of her voice with him even if she tried . coworker would have been safer , if not equally as ridiculous as his word choice . she settles at his table , feeling a little less off kilter now that she wasn't hovering like some sort of omen above him , athletic legs tucked close to her body , scared to risk touching him . the cigarette he'd abandoned , however , was not off limits , and she plucks it with all the familiarity they no longer shared . " never thought i'd see the day you embraced the camera , " she admits , and maybe there's something accusing buried there , like she's unsure she knows him anymore . slender fingers retrieve a lighter from her purse , silver like her matching cigarette case . it's only after the first drag that she lets her light eyes roam over him , the blue ink staining his hands catching her attention . once upon a time she would have longed for nothing more than the chance to dissect his brain , to uncover every thought and idea scribbled by his pen , forever fascinated by his talent . she's unwilling to admit that even now , the curiosity to know him still moves her . lola settles for something safer , eyebrow curving upwards like the smoke drifting above her head , curling into some kind of hazy halo around her . " — no notebook today ? "

hearing her voice again , his name on her lips , reaches across time and space they have been apart , pierces through those memories back to his heart . he could tear away each journal page that mentions her name , but he can’t destroy the feelings that resurfaces again with the sound of her voice . carter knew from filmmaking , the importance of a voice , their impact on the audience . his main antagonist in his screenplays was known for their voice opening a door for a thrilling phone call sequence —  and hearts function the same way , like a lock to a door it can’t resist a voice and the emotions within . sliding into the hardened lock of his heart , and opening it up . gaze follows the movement of her fingers reaching for his abandoned cigarette , trails up to her lips . scan every inch of her features and takes in his fill after two years apart . “ decided it was time for something new . ” stated simply , but he can’t ignore the dig in her statement , it settles under his skin like an itch . unlike his mother views on the matter , he has always rejected the idea of being understood . it makes him feel worth less , give the people around him the right to claim that they knew him . a sense of self that he could never get back . even now , lola knew him as intimately as the pages of his diary . mirroring her actions , carter pulls another cigarette from his case , before flipping it shut . her initials engraved on silver , carrying a reminder of her with him everywhere ; on his skin , his belongings , his heart . “ after all , people change . ” an accusation now coming from his lips . five years of dating and their relationship had ended with a curtain call . parting and going back to being two strangers who shared a past and knew each others deepest secrets . carter knew that the name in the opening credits each episode of berry wasn’t her real name , but her past before they met , made no difference to him . his only displeasure was her mother ; the most important person in her life . a topic that was the source of many arguments in the past . there’s a desire to ask how her relationship with her mother is now , but with the cameras on them , he smokes his cigarette in silence . her story not his to tell . at the mention of his missing notebook , fingers adorning with rings instinctively reach out for the abandoned napkins , turning them over and placing them to the side and hiding his inner-workings from the world . he doesn’t reply , has never been one for small-talk , and steers the attention back to her . exhibiting that even now , when he’s in front of the cameras carter can’t help but direct the scene . script replaced by thoughts thats been bothering him for some time now , “ are you dating him ? ” as soon as he ask about her and kit , he can feel the anticipation from the crew , all waiting with bated breath for that one moment they can use for the upcoming promos . the potential for drama endless with this cast . “ is that what i will be part of , your love story ? ”

Rafe Cameron in every episode of Outer Banks — 2.09 'Trapped'