Broken = Shaped for His Glory

I feel like vomiting a lot of stuff in a blog post, especially about home life and how unbearable it is lately.

so, ummm i have a lot of expenses in the short term (few months-1year) that i can't necessarily assume my parents will gladly cover/take over from me. especially my dad, who is basically the source of income and the one who carries all the bills just writing this for me bc it's hella discouraging trying to figure it out yourself and i'm hoping i take that whole "not worrying about what you'll eat, wear, drink" thing seriously. i would also love to continue noting how i do with things i want to acheive and own with time. and how the fog clears because it stays STUPID thick when you say you're going to be in a creative field and you don't have the conviction or clarity of path yet to prove that it will go somewhere (even if it may not be your idea of successful).

every disheartening word comment message and tone will be accounted for it doesn't take much to find reasons not to believe and not to forgive it takes a lot to follow a faith that people love to abuse and love to despise, and essentially says you don't retaliate, you show grace and forgive you ever meet people who make you feel like nothing and normalize it/make excuses for it? and you go to your room/go to sleep and you're supposed to forgive them/LIVE. with. them?

i don't know how people manage not to turn their houses upside down and do something really serious to/in front of their parents because some of the things they do? and say? I'm surprised they don't see how they contribute to dysfunction in their children. 🤔??

i think about my (oldest) sister every week. if not every day.

man. crying is so therapeutic for me these days ☺️ i either need a therapist so i don't keep burying this stuff or a small group (like, 3) of consistent friends for deep communication

starting to feel like i need an on-call therapist... it's really gross when my unhealthy emotional side suddenly pops up and starts to show.

and sometimes (just sometimes) you've got to do the therapy yourself.

your little negative habits, gently shift you away from the life you were meant to live in Christ. you can have all other things in order but if you think those areas are off-limits, you may be deceiving yourself and without knowing it, you are still not in a good position with the Lord.

reserve some things for your self. your self. your sanity. your way of truly living.