mel

i ruined everything that has made me happy

I feel like destroying my life and everything I have

i overthink to the point of a panic attack

I just wanted reassurance and ended up arguing

backing away from you like a wounded animal

having bpd is crazy because you can literally feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest and experience the worst panic attack you've ever felt but also like you're soooo selfish?????? literally why are you upset, that's so rude of you tbh. like i know your emotions physically hurt you but like you're hurting someone else's feelings by not being happy so like could you stop?????

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

sorry I can’t hang out tonight. yeah I’m busy freaking out over things that might not even happen. yeah it’s gonna take a while

Something that always bothers me in mental health spaces is the fear of relating too much to each-other across the lines of different disorders. Too many times I've met people who are not dissociative systems, but have dissociative experiences (such as from BPD), and they trip over themselves saying "no no, I mean, I don't REALLY understand what you go through, my thing is totally different," and it makes me a little upset. Disorders are just clusters of symptoms packaged together in a certain way, that's why the names and criteria often change across DSM and ICD editions, and viewing them as entirely exclusive clubs where only they could possibly understand anything about each other isn't a particularly healthy way of seeing it. The lines between disorder labels are blurrier than you think. You are not being a bad person or overstepping for relating to symptoms of a disorder, or people with a disorder, without having their specific label. Very rarely (if ever, frankly) is there a symptom that can only occur in one disorder, or even one type of disorder. Psychosis can occur in countless circumstances. Dissociation and identity compartmentalization can occur in countless circumstances. It's better to focus more on your specific symptoms and building community with your fellow neurodivergent people, using the resources that help you regardless of if they were specifically made for your diagnosis, over worrying about whether or not you're "allowed" to relate to something or experience something similarly to someone else.

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

it’s genuinely so funny that im alive and this is what im doing

and for the lady, perhaps a fking break?