through a glass, darkly

“how could you?”

“why did you do it?”

“i can't believe it.”

“we were your family!”

“ no! ”

“i refuse to believe it.”

“he couldn’t have!”

“tell me, did you do it?”

“there’s no way...”

“you filthy liar!”

“i knew it!” 

“look, i’d warned you to stay away from them, but you never listened, did you?”

“please tell me you didn't...”

“i trusted you... i loved you.”

“tell me where i went wrong!” 

“was it my fault?”

“i knew you were a lying backstabber all along!” 

“you are never going to change, are you?” 

“i never loved you.”

“i was a fool to have fallen in love with you.”

“i was a fool to believe your lies.”

“you played me, didn't you.”

“something doesn't add up.”

“she's playing me.”

“i’m not a puppet.”

“not anymore.”

“low blow, [name].”

“you knew he was my Achilles’ heel, so you targeted him - to hurt me.”

“i’m not giving you another chance.”

“people like you never change.”

“you, so eager to betray, ask me of loyalty?”

hp aesthetic  → jinxes                                                         ________________

As his eyes finally opened, Jack immediately noticed he could feel his body-a sensation that had been lost minutes after hitting the water. The sheets beneath him were scratchy, and he could hear mumbled voices and conversation around him. Searching the environment, it was clear this was a makeshift hospital for the survivors. He had survived- and that was nothing short of a miracle.

Her next waking moment is much brighter and warmer than the black, frigid night. Before her eyes even open Rose registers the golden glow of sunlight behind her heavy lids. She is still quite fatigued. Not daring to yet face the world, she takes a mental scan of her body. No longer is her skin frozen, and her toes can wiggle freely under the papery sheet covering them. She feels the tickle of her curls on her face, but they are no longer wet with sea water. Consciousness stirs in her hands next, upon which she realizes with a jolt to the heart that she's grasping another warm hand. It's bigger, rougher, and familiar in a way that transcends the short time they've had together.

It was ironic how life could humble you. Mere days before the sinking Rose had felt trapped in a never-changing life she didn’t belong to, like a tiny ant stuck pitifully in a pool of honey. Desperate attempts to escape did nothing, and each second that she struggled felt as if it were an eternity. In fact, the struggle only pulled her deeper, crushed her further, killed her faster… Yet when she’d compared her fate to drowning back then, because that was truly how it felt, she hadn’t realized how close she could actually get to the real thing. She was ignorant to the true feeling of being pulled beneath the waves, literal instead of figurative. The numbness she’d felt inside for many years did not compare to the numbness of the ocean’s cruel embrace. Rose would never again compare her emotional plight to the fate to which so many had succumbed.

Many years later she would swear to have no memories of Titanic’s sinking. Honestly, it passed in a blur, where Rose felt like she was watching someone else inside her body from behind a clouded window. Maybe it was the frostbite she’d been treated with that had muddled her mind and made it believe she’d been frozen out of consciousness. Nevertheless, she was somewhat grateful to not clearly remember the blackness and silence of that surreal night after hours of chaos. 

And in the later years, if she closed her eyes and concentrated on her frayed memory, she could maybe still picture a few specks of stars. It was all she’d seen laying face up in the bottom of the small boat for hours until Carpathia arrived. Silver twinkles of stars, then a burst of green, then… nothing. Only after being helped to the ship, wrapped in a thick wool blanket, and deposited in an empty cabin did her brain begin to thaw. Even still, if asked, Rose would lie and state she didn’t remember a thing from that point either, as there was only one person she trusted with her painful memories and the subsequent nightmares that lingered well into the next decade.

Jack. Jack, whose last name she’d stolen to identify herself to the rescue crew. Jack, who she’d clung to from the point of crawling into the lifeboat that saved them until he’d had to physically pry her off to ascend Carpathia. She didn’t leave his side for days after the sinking, too afraid that if she did, she’d realize she’d hallucinated his survival. The truth was that neither of them should have survived. Yet, she praised the God she’d never quite believed in before then for saving their fragile lives. 

There was no Rose Dewitt Bukater, not even Rose, without Jack. At least, that was the way she saw it after that night. It was a sign from above that only solidified what she already knew in her heart: they were soulmates. There was no telling what life would bring when they landed in New York, two lost and helpless souls, but having survived on a floating headboard in the frozen Atlantic eased any worries Rose had about the trivialities of their reentering society. All she knew was Jack beside her.

No, she’d always say. She did not remember.

—

The Titanic was not the first time Jack had cheated death. Mere weeks after turning 15, a house fire had claimed the lives of both Jack’s parents and younger sister-Anna. The only reason he’d been spared was his shift at the local mercantile. Jack should have been there, he had arrived on the screen in time to go in and pull Anna from the smoke and flames. It had been too late.

So, with no family and resolved to put brutal northern winters behind him Jack had taken. Off and drifted from place to place ever since. Money was always scarce and he really had no true security, but he enjoyed the gift of life that he had been given.

As the Titanic began sinking, and it became even more evident to Jack who the haves and have nots were, he had made it his mission to make sure Rose survived. It didn’t matter so much whether he did or not. The way Jack saw it, he had a win-win. Either he would live and get to continue life with Rose, because there was no way he was letting her go after that, or he’d get to go to his forever Home and be reunited with his parents and beloved little sister.

It could have been minutes or hours afterward that a lone voice began shouting from the distance and her eyes registered the faint glow of a lamp moving slowly towards them. They would most certainly be dead if that lifeboat had not returned to the scene of the tragedy and pulled their frozen bodies from the water. After she collapsed into the bottom of the boat, safe for the time being, she had not been able to keep her mind in one piece, and had let consciousness fade.

But now, still lying on her back in the bottom of the lifeboat with a dozen ragged strangers crowded around her, the flares stir a sense of meaning into Rose's limp body. She hears a groan that must be Jack, and the sound prompts her frozen hands and glazed eyes to reach out for him. Another boom breaks the quiet, and her gaze shoots up once again to the sky. The green sparks break over her pupils. Only another ship could produce such a firework. It is now when she realizes the people around her in the lifeboat, the other survivors, are reaching the same conclusion. Someone shouts and other voices murmur. Whether they are exclaiming joy, relief, or pain, Rose can't tell.

‘i’ll make you something, yeah? your favorite dish, just for you.’

‘let’s get you back to bed.’

‘shh, it was just a nightmare.’

‘you like this, don’t you? i remember you saying that.’

‘i drew up a bath for you.’

‘you need rest.’

‘you ought to be asleep.’

‘i bought two.’

‘here. you can have the rest.’

‘i thought of you when i saw this.’

‘i like your smile.’

‘you have a cute laugh.’

‘stay there. i’m coming there to get you.’

‘it’s okay, i’m here, we’re okay.’

‘be careful.’

‘look both ways.’

‘you mean so much to me.’

‘i can’t lose you.’

‘i thought i might have lost you.’

‘how to you feel about the nickname, (insert nickname)?’

‘it looks good on you.’

‘i’ll make you soup.’

‘ah-ah-ah. you’re sick. you need to stay in bed.’

‘are you okay in there?’

‘that’s it, that’s it. get it all out. shh.’

‘it’s a remedy i knew. helps with your throat.’

‘it’s a lullaby. would you like me to sing it to you? would that help you fall asleep?’

‘i’m worried about you.’

‘what do you want to watch?’

‘where would you like to go for dinner?’

‘close your eyes and hold out your hands.’

‘we’ll figure it out.’

‘oh, it’s not big deal. you’re fine.’

‘i brought you some medicine for your cold.’

‘you’re important to me.’

‘this is your favorite song, right?’

‘you’re like a son/daughter to me.’

‘good luck!’

‘you’re like a mom/dad to me.’

‘don’t say that about yourself.’

‘want to come with?’

“wow! you look really nice.’

‘goodnight, (insert term of affection).’

‘it’s okay. i couldn’t sleep anyway.’

‘you can have half.’

‘come here. let me fix it.’

‘your tie is crooked.’

‘c’mere. shh, it’s okay.’

‘i’m not going to hurt you.’

‘can i touch you?’

‘can i kiss you?’

‘can i hug you?’

‘promise.’

‘would i ever lie to you?’

‘i think you’re very beautiful/handsome.’

‘hey, good-looking.’

‘of course i care. you’re my family.’

‘one more chapter.’

                  ━━      𝙸𝙵   𝚆𝙴   𝙱𝚄𝚁𝙽 ,      𝚈𝙾𝚄   𝙱𝚄𝚁𝙽   𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷   𝚄𝚂 .