pegasus

the obvious reading is that it’s just a dominance thing but with Half Man i don’t think it’s unreasonable to look for a deeper connection. maybe i’m reaching but niall’s entire life revolves around ruben. his obsessions, insecurities, resentments and desires almost always trace back to him in some way. because of that i find it difficult to separate niall’s sexuality, even his kinks, from his fixation on ruben.

what makes the “daddy” aspect interesting is that ruben’s father is the person who shaped ruben more than anyone else. the source of his fear, shame, anger and inferiority. even years later, ruben’s relationship with masculinity, violence and intimacy seems inseparable from what his father did to him. niall knows this. has his own suspicions. i mean how could he not? maybe not every detail but enough to understand that ruben’s father is the one person who had complete power over him. over the man niall saw as invincible.

that’s what makes me wonder whether niall’s fixation on being called “daddy” has less to do with a generic kink and more to do with his obsession with ruben. throughout the series, niall constantly gravitates toward whatever has the strongest emotional charge where ruben is concerned. he doesn’t just want ruben’s attention. he wants access to the deepest parts of him. the parts nobody else sees. in that sense, it’s possible that the figure of ruben’s father becomes psychologically significant to niall because he represents the most powerful presence in ruben’s life. the person who left the deepest mark.the person who hurt ruben.

niall has a habit of aiming at wounds he knows hurt the most. he can’t physically put up a fight but he knows how to hurt and humiliate ruben. say the things that cut deep. he WANTS to get back at ruben! hurt him and avenge himself. even in the most tender moments. he loves him but he wants to hurt him for all the hurt he suffered because of him.

if ruben’s father is the ultimate source of ruben’s trauma then … . is it crazy to assume that that niall might’ve developed a fascination with him and his relationship with ruben? not literally becoming ruben’s father but the desire to become a figure that holds the same kinda psychological power over ruben.

with that lens the “daddy” thing feels less random. it becomes another a desire to embody authority, power and masculinity in a way that mirrors the figure who dominated ruben’s life for so long.

the disturbing part is that he might be attracted to what ruben’s father represented. the ability to shape and wound ruben permanently and for someone as consumed by ruben, by the idea of breaking him and getting back at him, that kind of power could easily become eroticized.

sirius presenting as an alpha at sixteen. that was the moment everything changed. the rush of dominance, of certainty, of finally having something that belonged only to him not to the family name, not to the black bloodline gave him the courage to do what he’d been threatening to do for years. to leave. to walk out of that cursed house with its rotting traditions and venomous expectations. he told himself that night that his family was dead to him. all of them. even his little brother.

it would’ve been fine, he reasoned. they’d already been strangers for years. he’d done his part tried to warn him, to protect him, to drag him out of the dark and regulus never followed. so he cut him off clean. refused to acknowledge him at school. didn’t look at him in the great hall, didn’t so much as breathe in his direction. he told himself he was doing well that he was finally free, finally untouched by anything that bore the name black. regulus, the one person who had always managed to twist something deep inside him, no longer had any power.

but then he started hearing whispers. quiet cruel gossips that crawled their way through the corridors.

“the black dynasty’s finished. first their alpha heir was disowned and now their spare’s a breeding bitch.”

he froze. refused to believe it at first. but the implication lodged itself in his throat like poison. no. regulus couldn’t have-. the idea of his baby brother being presented as an omega in that vile house, among those people who didn’t see omegas as equals or as human was unbearable. he knew exactly what that meant in their world: no freedom, no choice, no voice. just a body. a womb.

he went to find regulus immediately. he didn’t think he just moved. and when he finally saw him, all his fears solidified into something real and cruel. regulus was smaller somehow. fragile. wide eyed and trembling. he smelled of alphas sirius didn’t recognize and that sent a rage through him so violent he could hardly breathe. without a word, he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away, needing space, needing answers, needing his brother back. he needed to get rid of that vile smell of fear latching on his brother

he didn’t know if it was instinct or guilt or something deeper something older. maybe it was the alpha in him, the protective pull in his blood. maybe he was a fool for ever thinking he could sever himself completely. because standing there with regulus shaking before him, sirius realized that no matter how hard he’d tried to kill the affection he had for his brother it had never really died. it had only gone quiet.