A Bit Of Hugh Laurie

Here's some of my favorite pictures of him from my collection! Not an exhaustive list by any means, of course, hehe

Written and researched by Calliope Avery

Content Warning: Very very mild and low quality special effects gore, implied violence, uncanny valley stuff(?), Orin Scrivello's face.

Little Shop of Horrors (1986) has an unfortunate reputation of leaving a lot of really cool things on the cutting room floor. The most infamous would be the movie's original ending, a beautiful and impressive sequence of puppetry that ended up completely scrapped. However, today we're talking about a prop that never made it into the final movie in any form:

Orin Scrivello's Decapitated Head!!!

Pictured above are the only 2 photos of the prop in its original state that I can find at the moment. The left photo was taken for promotion and advertising purposes, and the right image is actually a Topps trading card! (Which I have a physical copy of, hehe!)

To put it bluntly, I am slightly (very) obsessed with this prop head. There's so much mystery around it, and everything I've managed to dig up both fascinates me and makes me very upset. So much thought and hard creative work was put into the creation of this thing, and it was left completely left out and forgotten! I desperately want more people to be aware of this, so here is my big and (hopefully) well organized masterpost on everything for your learning pleasure. Alright, let's talk about some heads!!!!!!!!!

Forming a Timeline

The earliest mention of the head can be found in an early draft of the movie script, dated February 14th, 1985. There's plenty of concepts in this script that never seemed to get past this draft, but the severed head concept was not one of them. Here, take a look!

source

This section, found on page 66 of the script, not only established the existence of the head, but also establishes the facial expression it will later take on! Clearly, this concept was good enough to be held onto once actual production started, which is good for us! If it wasn't, then this post would be a lot shorter.

Early production of the prop began after the actors were cast, as face molds of Steve Martin were created as bases for the head.

source for the left image - source for the right image

Oooo, check these guys out!!! The left one is made of plaster, and the right one is made of rubber. The website sourcing these images included a quote from Steve Martin about the casting process. Here's the full provided quote:

"These molds were taken of my head for Little Shop of Horrors. It was cast on the lot at Pinewood Studios outside of London, and I got exceedingly claustrophobic during the casting. My entire head was covered with plaster and two straws were placed in my nose for breathing. Argh." - Steve Martin

I unfortunately don't have much information about the crafting process of the prop. I'm currently trying to track down anyone who could've worked on it, but the few people I've managed to contact haven't responded to me yet. So I can't say anything concrete about who worked on it and what went into creating it. The only thing I can assume somewhat confidently is that the creation of the prop happened around the same time as filming for Orin's scenes. It would allow them to make the face molds and also match up Martin's post-mortem Orin face with the facial expression of the prop.

Here's where it starts going downhill. From what I've found, the prop was never filmed with its face toward the camera. In the workprint that I accessed from the Internet Archive, the prop appears for 2 shots, and both of them only show the back of the head. Take a look:

source - timestamp: 1:02:59

[Video description: a low quality, slightly green tinted video depicting a deleted scene from Little Shop of Horrors (1986) where Seymour is feeding the decapitated head of the dentist, Orin Scrivello, to the plant. The video starts with a man in glasses reaching into a garbage can and pulling out a dark-haired decapitated head, holding it upside-down by the fabric on its neck. The head is faced away from the camera, so only the back of its hair is visible. There are vines flailing in the foreground of the shot. The video cuts to a shot of the plant puppet laughing silently. The video cuts again to a shot of the man slowly shuffling forward while dangling the head in front and away from himself. The plant is seen on the left side, still laughing and flailing its vines. Throughout the video, there are brief flashes of light that resemble lightning. The video's audio only consists of thunder noises and an unidentifiable sound that resembles chewing noises. End ID.]

My best guess for this choice is maybe it isn't as convincing when filmed? In the photos it looks really well made and realistic, but perhaps it didn't come across that way during shots. Regardless, the head was still in the film at this point, so that counts for something!

But as you and I both know, those 2 shots were left on the cutting room floor, completely removed from the final product. The prop was left completely unused and unspoken of... except for one instance.

Remember the trading card I mentioned at the beginning? It's a part of a full set of trading cards that were made and distributed by the brand Topps. Back when the movie first came out, you could buy a pack of 5 mystery Little Shop of Horrors themed trading cards, along with a stick of bubblegum. This 44-card set is notable for featuring a lot, and I mean a LOT of images from cut movie scenes. There's photos of the original ending, there's photos from the cut sequence The Meek Shall Inhereit, and of course there's also the card featuring the prop head! However, those 2 sequences would later be rediscovered, cleaned up, and then added into the Director's Cut rerelease of the movie. The prop head wouldn't get this treatment, staying obscured, unknown, and unmentioned.

Fast forward about 30 years. A certain unused movie prop would be offered in an auction, allowing us to not only see high-quality photos of said prop in its current state, but also to allow us to know the exact materials it was made of! Without further ado, I present Orin Scrivello's decapitated head, circa 2018:

source

This absolute freak of a guy was up for auction at the "Profiles in History: Icons and Legends of Hollywood" auction on June 5th, 2018. No one ended up buying it (I would. I need to buy it actually. Please sell it to me.), but the auction gives us some absolutely divine information about the prop, such as what it's made of and its dimensions! Here's a quote from the auction website describing its materials:

"Vintage original hollow cast resin character head painted in realistic flesh tones with brown eyebrows and eyes. The 13 x 8 x 9 in. head has been polyfoam filled for stability. Exhibiting cracks to the crown, which is brittle and with other wear and age. A striking likeness of Steve Martin. In vintage good condition."

How neat! The high-resolution images allow us to see the detailed sculpting of the prop, which is still evident and impressive with its age and missing parts! The creases on the forehead, and around the mouth and eyes, the realistically colored teeth, this was clearly sculpted with a lot of attention to detail. I would've loved to have an image like this back in the prop's prime, back when it still had hair and a fresh coat of paint.

Why was it Scrapped?

This is entirely just me theorizing, but I have a feeling it's for the same reason the original ending got snubbed.

If you take the time to watch the archived workprint, you'll find a lot of cuts and changes were made that changed the tone of the whole finished project. Orin's death and dismemberment scenes got edited down a lot. Shots of him struggling and knocking things down as he falls to the ground got cut, the voiceline where he begs Seymour for help is gone. The shot where Orin's legs jolt when Seymour brings down the axe is gone too.

It's not just Orin-related scenes either! Mushnik no longer cries out for Seymour when being killed and eaten, and that's ignoring how different the scene happens in the stage musical. And obviously, the entire ending got changed so that Audrey and Seymour survive, leading to the cut of the magnificent ending sequence where all the Audrey II's destroy New York. In a way, the film got murdered and gutted of any of it's real horror, with attempts to cover up any of the blood they couldn't scrub out.

In the movie's later quest to rebrand as a softer version of itself, it only makes sense that 2 shots of a decapitated head wouldn't make it. The appearance of the dismembered leg made it through, probably because it's less gruesome, but a head is... different. I obviously think it should've been kept it in, along with almost everything they trimmed from the workprint, but alas.

Tldr, they cut the head off of the movie because it wasn't funny enough.

Conclusion

This is where the information I have ends, unfortunately. I do have more research routes I would like to take, but one of them involves desperately contacting random people who I suspect could've been involved (I've tried this, I've gotten no responses from those who I've managed to find an email for), and the other route involves taking a road trip to the actual goddamn Library of Congress, which is not something I can do right now or even in the near future. So this is probably as far as I'm getting!

However! If I find anything new, this post will be updated and/or remade again, depending on how big or little the info is. For now, I think this is good enough to share, and maybe letting people know will encourage others to research this prop as well! It'll probably be easier if it's not just me, y'know.

I'll finish by saying that I think research and preservation of art like this is very important. While it's common for cool artistic things to end up cut from movies, I think preserving that those cool things existed in the first place is something worth doing. Even though this prop head was a very small part of the movie, it's clear a lot went into creating it! I feel bad that I'm not able to credit any person or people for their work, but I hope getting the word out about it will do some justice.

If you've read this whole thing, thank you so much! I appreciate your interest and I thank you for taking the time to read all this. I hope you found it as interesting and fascinating as I do!

Okay, it’s taken me a while to get to this and I want to give a shout-out to the shippers who nominated scenes. Some made the cut, some did not, but hey, we’ve got 12 years of URST to choose from here. Special thanks to @in-sunshine-and-in-rain for all the scene suggestions and shippy chats. If anyone missed the first 12 EO Moments, they are here. And here are the next 12…

1. That Time They Said “I Love You” With Promises of Internal Organs (“Choreographed”):

Seriously. Who says this to a work colleague? Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson, that’s who. But what’s more interesting about this telling little declaration is that it comes at the end of a case during which they have not been getting along and after a lengthy separation during which Olivia has been actively avoiding her partner while Elliot has been pissed, confused and lost without his. They are still dealing – or rather not dealing – with the fallout from “Fault”, which won’t be resolved until “Philadelphia”, if then. On top of this, they have been unravelling a tangled web of marriages and affairs that cannot help but reflect upon the emotional affair they have been carrying on for years. Yet, even with all of this happening, we get this quiet, humorous, intimate scene showing that despite the long separation, despite any misunderstanding and acrimony, there is still a deep and abiding love between these two. One that would prompt them to risk their own self and health for the other. That willingness even in the face of friction to save the other, to sacrifice for the other is the very essence of partnership. And it places their relationship in a category of love more extraordinary than the average affair or mundane marriage.

2. That Time Elliot Uttered (Some Version Of) The Phrase We’d All Waited Six Years To Hear (“Doubt”):      

Okay, I admit, I didn’t actually wait six years to hear it. I started watching “SVU” in the last few years of the Great & Golden Elliot Stabler Era. Then I went back and binge-watched from the beginning. From what little I had already seen, Elliot was married and always had been. I had no idea that there had been a time when he was separated so this moment blindsided me as much as it did Olivia (only unlike her, I was punching the air at this interesting development). What I love about this moment is the lead-up, the unexpected reveal and then the wordless reaction we get from both of them once they’re alone in the hallway. Good God, it’s a juicy little sequence. First, we see Elliot and Olivia at odds, a situation that is exciting but rare for them. Sensing something amiss with her partner, Olivia pursues him verbally and physically while Elliot fidgets, avoids, retreats and justifies. As usual, all of this personal subtext is expressed though the facts of the case. Keeping the tension of this scene high is the way it is shot in one continuous movement that follows them round in circles and focuses in on their dueling profiles. It’s pure Chris and Mariska – no editing involved, just the two of them going at each other hard. Until they are interrupted and Elliot’s personal circumstances are thrust into the spotlight, making subtext suddenly text. True to form, his reaction is to get mad, clam up and get lost. Also true to form, Olivia is not intimidated by this in the least, pursuing him, pushing him to talk to her, which Elliot grudgingly does. The dialogue is sparse yet this scene’s brilliantly nuanced, even Chris’ turned back speaks volumes about Elliot’s feelings of rejection, shame and blame. There is so much happening here – confrontation and avoidance, shock and pride, anger and absolute panic. Losing their invisible third wheel has left them exposed, unbalanced, unnervingly alone together. So much so that Elliot must walk away and Olivia is left looking shattered, shocked and unwilling to broach the subject again. Later in the episode, after they have both processed their feelings through the case (giving a hint as to where Elliot’s emotional investments really lie) his partner will approach him in a quiet moment and ask about his marriage breakdown as a concerned friend. Elliot will give a rueful quip and Cragen will interrupt (grr). But the previous moment in the hallway when neither is prepared for the conversation and when all that broiling emotion blindsides them both is much more raw, much more volatile. And gives much more insight into why the Stabler’s marriage failed in the first place.

3. That Time That What They Saw Was Very Tempting (“Bombshell”):

Okay, so a little less nuance here. But hey, not every moment can be packed with emotional subtlety. This one isn’t. Just fun and awkwardness and piles of steaming sexual tension. From the moment they turn and smile at each other in the squadroom, they’re both just enjoying this a little too much. They both know how they are going to “play it” and they both know that Fin doesn’t have a hope in hell of posing as Olivia’s swinging husband. No, there are not many perks to Elliot Stabler’s job but that is definitely one of them. He gets to clutch her hand and gaze adoringly at her whenever she opens her mouth (see above) and pretend for a few hours like they have a wickedly adventurous sex-life together. It’s a tough life but some well-built Irish hunk has to brave the awkward moments in order to do it and he’s just the man for the job. The moment in which their hostess purrs that what they see in the sex club will be very tempting is particularly pointed and particularly awkward. The two of them avoid looking at each other, concentrating instead on their drinks. “See what I mean,” Suzette asks a moment later, “about temptation…?” Elliot and Olivia exchange a sidelong glance before quickly looking away again. Yeah, guys, she was talking about the other hotties you’re supposed to be lusting after. Not each other.  

4. That First Time El Got All Protective Of His Partner & Drank Her Juice (“Stalked”):

I couldn’t choose between these two scenes so I’ve included them both in the same “moment”. They are just so cute at this age, their flirting is so innocent and their regard for each other so uncomplicated. Yet the playfulness of their breakfast banter and the affectionate smiles exchanged in the dark proximity of the car also hint at a developing intimacy that could get real deep, real dangerous and real complicated real fast. These scenes also provide two little moments that, in my mind, became part of their day-to-day interaction. The first is the sharing of the orange juice and the second is El’s insistence on Olivia blinking her lights when she got inside her apartment. Both are intimate gestures – one has the air of a marriage, the other the air of a courtship. And both, in my EO Universe, are acts they repeated throughout their years together.

5. That Time Elliot Asked What Happened In The Basement And Olivia Lied (“Undercover”):

A scene that will just about break your heart with its dishonesty. It begins with a white lie, Elliot saying that he stuck around to avoid diaper duty when we all know he stuck around to have this conversation with her, to support her, check in on her. He can read her easily at this point, can tell something major happened to her in that basement. Which is perhaps why Olivia avoids his gaze throughout this scene. Perhaps it’s an effort not to be read or perhaps the tears are so close that looking at him for any real length of time will cause her to cave and crumble. She swipes at her eyes, pretending it’s just tiredness that afflicts them. She hides behind the fall of her hair and presses her lips together to stem her emotions. If the phone hadn’t rung, Elliot might have pushed a little harder and she might have surrendered to receiving his support. I like to think that, at some point, when she was feeling stronger, Olivia did share her experience in that basement with her partner. But, for now, in this scene, Elliot remains in the dark. Although the look on his face as he watches her leave suggests that he is not done reaching out to his partner, that he will try again to offer the support she so obviously needs and he so obviously wishes to give.

6. That Time El Came Over To Get Liv Into Bed (“Perverted”):

Idiots in love. Idiots with the banter. Tea-making and no food. Temperature checks and slankets. Holiday brochures and snooping. Pajamas and the grey hoodie of love. In a way, this scene is a continuation of the breakfast scene in “Stalked”, only this time instead of throwing himself between her and an obsessed predator, Elliot’s attempting to throw himself between his partner and the flu virus. The other big difference is that, so many years later, there is a slightly sad aftereffect to witnessing Elliot and Olivia’s overly comfortable brand of intimacy. Because it is very obvious from scenes like this that Elliot is all Olivia has. When she goes home, if she gets sick, there is no one there to take care of her. Elliot is not just her partner, not just her best friend. He’s her husband, her family. And despite all the energy Elliot already dedicates to family, he still has plenty left to take care of his partner. To make her tea and make sure she rests. After more than a decade together, the two of them have settled into a pattern of behaviour that is built on a precarious level of denial and impermanence. It may look comfortable from the outside but beneath it lies an ever-increasing tension between who they should be to each other and who they really are.

7. That Time Elliot Was Ready To Catch Olivia When She Fell (“Rescue”):

Olivia is so in this moment, so focused on the child being ripped from her protection, that she almost doesn’t register Elliot’s support for her, him holding her back, holding her up. Perhaps she’s come to expect it. Perhaps, at this point, he’s just an undeniable fact of her existence, the one person she can take for granted. As for Elliot, he has been waiting for this moment ever since Calvin was left in her charge. He could see her growing attached, knew her too well to think she wouldn’t fall in love with the abandoned little boy she gave a temporary home. He also knew she was going to be devastated when it didn’t work out. Which it wouldn’t. Couldn’t. So he’s been waiting, ready to catch her whenever she fell. That’s what that gentle clutch looks like to me. There is infinite tenderness in how he holds her, how he whispers in her ear, how all of his attention is focused on cushioning the blow as her heart inevitably breaks right in front of him. Whatever his failings as a man, whatever limitations were imposed on his relationship with his partner, it’s clear from moments like this that no one on earth has ever loved or supported Olivia Benson quite like Elliot Stabler did.

8. That Time That Cragen Thought Maybe They Were Too Close & They Responded With This Look (“Philadelphia”):

Yeah. That’ll show him. Your boss tells you that your relationship is inappropriate and you react by standing inches apart, checking out each other’s eyes and lips and looking like you’re about to make-out right there in the middle of the squadroom. Well played, detectives. No one will suspect a thing. What I actually like about this moment (and by “this moment” I mean the entire episode but I had to pick just one bit of it) is the little scene before Cragen comes in. I like how they are huddled at Olivia’s desk in the darkness and lamplight. I like how they are whispering in low, conspiratorial tones. I like how Elliot is determined to back her play, protect her even if he isn’t sure that what she is doing is in her own best interests. I like that he gets how important this is to her, understands how the idea of actual living family makes her dangerously vulnerable. I like all the intense looks pinging back and forth. I like Olivia’s “screw you” because, you know, double meaning and I wish she would. And I like how Elliot grabs her arm out of frame to stop her from getting too pissed with him. I like how every little thing about their interaction in this scene, and in every scene that precedes it, screams of intimacy, of loyalty, of absolute and unswerving dependency. Yet when Cragen actually broaches the topic with them, they have the nerve to look affronted! It’s actually kind of funny. The expressions on their faces when they realise that Dad is finally onto them. Also funny/ironic is the fact they already know from the events of “Fault” that this deeply personal aspect of their partnership exists and can interfere with their work. They have admitted that, if not dealt with it. In fact, this episode is kind of like a sequel to “Fault” only instead of it being all about the two of them realising they have placed each other before the job, it’s about their boss realising they might. Apparently, it’s cool for them to know how inappropriate their feelings for each other are, but no one else. Because apparently Elliot and Olivia actually believe they’re fooling someone. Not Cragen, this esteemed veteran of the police force. No, he spends the episode consulting every shrink he can find about what the hell is going on with Benson and Stabler and finally he gets his answer. Of course, all he ever needed to do was look at them to see the truth. They’re in love and always have been.

9. That Time El Told Liv How Great She Turned Out (& That Her Kids Would Too) (“Quarry”):

I have a special weakness for EO scenes like this one that fall in an episode that has been mostly Elliot or Olivia. They seem like an acknowledgment by the writers, by the show in general that these two are the heart of “SVU” and that nothing is properly resolved until they resolve it together. In this instance, Olivia has been working a case without her partner that has brought up issues about passing on what she sees as her questionable genes. She deliberately opens this topic with him but then undermines its importance by continuing to discuss it as she heads out the door. She can’t fool El though – he knows, can see, hear and sense how important this is to her. His voice – low and sure and affectionate – halts her departure. His words of assurance are delivered to her back but the audience sees them land, sees the impact they have. This isn’t the first time these two have uttered phrases of value and meaning while refusing to look each other in the eye and it certainly won’t be the last (the first scene on this list comes to mind). Even when she turns, she can barely make eye-contact with him because her exposure and his implication are just too much. He’s not just saying that she turned out great, despite her genes, but that her kids, whenever they eventuate, will too. Which is why, incidentally, I will never buy into the argument propounded by some on and off the show that Elliot limited and manipulated Olivia’s life choices. Here, she’s halfway out the door with tears in her eyes. A moment later, after a few words from him, her eyes are dry, her lips smiling and her heart relieved. Now try telling me this man was bad for her.            

10. That Time Liv Told El How Cute He Was As A Carrot (“Swing”):

This is pretty flirty. More flirty than she usually is with him. Maybe that’s why she just tosses this enigmatic little clue out there then flees the scene, leaving her partner looking stumped. This look could be interpreted many ways. Elliot may make the connection between her carrot comment, the photograph of him as a little boy and his mother. If so, then he may feel slightly uneasy about two such important female figures in his life holding a clandestine meeting. On the other hand, he may simply be affronted by the insinuation that he would ever impersonate a root vegetable. It really is the reader’s choice, but this moment of inscrutability is perfectly fine by me because this episode reveals so much about Elliot Stabler. About why he is the way he is, why he thinks the way he thinks and why he lives a double life simply because he boinked someone else before meeting the love of his life. I love the mounting difficulty of the scene with him and Bernie and I love the quiet affection in the scene with Bernie and Olivia. And I love the implication that sometimes the nuttiest among us are actually the sanest. I so wish he’d listen when his mum encourages him to take a deep breath and start living his own life. Even more than I wish Olivia would quit saving his family from imploding. It’s an above-and-beyond act, an acutely selfless act. But an act that only consolidates her and Elliot’s unending separation.

11. That Time That Elliot Admitted He Couldn’t Stay Away (“Loophole”):

He means from his Liv, not from his work. Let’s just clear that up right off the bat. When El mutters at the top of this scene that he “can’t stay away”, he means from his Livie-love, sitting at her desk in their shared grey hoodie (of lurve) with her hair up in a messy ponytail. Like I said, I am a sucker for random EO scenes that arise in episodes driven by one or the other character. I am also a sucker for scenes that take place in the darkened squadroom with just lamplight illuminating expressions that are meant only for each other. I am also a sucker for Liv’s season 8 hair, the GHOL and El in a leather jacket. So while there are still plenty more EO scenes that deserve a mention here, I have gone for this one. Because this squadroom is their home. I always get irrationally sad when they move locations because, for me, it’s the beginning of the end. The new squadroom is slick and modern and roomy. The old one is cluttered, rickety and cramped and I love it so much more. It feels real, it feels homey. It feels far more intimate, especially in scenes like this. Any scene with just the two of them at their desks I like, because if the squadroom is their home then those two desks pushed together to make a whole are like their bed – the place where, as a couple, they share, process and regroup. I love that, when wounded, Elliot’s instinct is to seek out this shared space, to connect with his partner. And that, when confused, he’s the one Olivia needs to talk to, process with. El’s unspoken motive in this scene is probably also just to check on her after hearing that she ended up in hospital. He needs to make sure she’s okay – physically, mentally and emotionally. And after this quiet moment with her partner, she is. Lastly, what I like about this scene is that it’s almost midnight, a time when they are free from the scrutiny of their colleagues and operating far outside of any professional context. As with the earlier scenes in “Stalked”, this one allows me to believe that there were many more like it. Many more midnight or early morning discussions that we weren’t privy to. Many other instances in which these two sought out each other’s company and sat in the silent squadroom, sharing a desktop and conversing by lamplight.         

12. That Time That Elliot Said Goodbye To Olivia (“Double Strands”):

So this scene did happen but it didn’t happen…? It did happen in the sense that Liv ended up with the medallion but it didn’t happen in the sense that it never aired. In and of itself, it’s a lovely scene. Simple, beautifully acted and the Marine motto signed by Elliot both reflects on 13 years of loyalty and guarantees a continuing commitment in his absence. Had it been included in the episode, it would have provided some small sense of closure and compensation to Olivia as well as to the audience who had invested so much in the show’s principal relationship, shipper or no. Had they not had access to the actor who played such an important part in the show for so many years then this would have been a sensitive and meaningful way to end an era without his presence. Of course, neither of those things is true. This scene was cut from the episode. And, according to Christopher Meloni at least, they did and still do have access to, in my view, the finest actor to ever grace their troupe. With this in mind, it is hard not to see SVU 2.0 as dangling closure in front of faithful fans like a carrot in a calculated effort to keep them watching, keep them engaged. They do love to invoke Elliot’s ghost in the press, without (it seems to me) any intention of actually returning to or honouring him or his relationship with his partner. This little scene was the last time they did honour it, the last time they honoured the character of Elliot Stabler and his complex, imperfect, passionate, thwarted, unique relationship with Olivia Benson. That said – this scene should never have been needed in the first place. It should never have been written, shot or discarded. Because the truth is that Elliot Stabler would never leave Olivia Benson like this. The character in the 12 scenes above and the 12 covered previously spent over a decade of his life protecting, supporting and loving this woman. He did everything in his power to prevent her from being injured physically and/or emotionally so he would never wound her so deeply himself. Elliot also knew Olivia, knew her backstory and issues. He knew that, despite her air of strength and self-sufficiency, she was alone in the world. So he would never, not in a million and one years, desert her in such an abruptly cruel way. Clearly, the man has been taken hostage. He is in witness protection or deep undercover. Because the Elliot Stabler whose powerful presence pervades the first 12 years of “SVU” would never just walk out on Olivia Benson.

Never.

So when I say that his goodbye is one of my favourite scenes, what I actually mean is, I am still waiting for the day they write, shoot and air a scene that finally provides resolution to one of the longest and most fascinating onscreen partnerships in the history of television.