Things.

You know what I am so fucking sick of hearing? I am so fucking sick of hearing shit like

Welcome to adulthood

That’s life

It only gets worse

Life is hard

Like fuck you, you asshole. I’m having a shit ass fucking day and that’s the best you can do? Those are your comforting words to me. I have spent my whole life caring for people. Comforting them. Telling them it’s going to be okay. I have lost hours of sleep for my friends and family who need someone to say “I’ve been there and I’m here for you.”

Sorry. I didn’t realize that I’m not allowed to have those days, though. I didn’t realize that I’m not allowed to feel like the world is resting on my shoulders, pressing down on my neck and crushing my spine, taking away my ability to breathe. I forgot that it’s your job if for one god damned second I let myself believe that people actually give a shit about my well being to remind me that no one actually cares and there are starving children in Africa.

Can we talk about the whole idea of everything being relative? THANK YOU I am aware that some people aren’t as ~blessed~ as I am. Some people can’t afford a two bedroom apartment or don’t have family or can’t afford college OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT I HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY TO HAVE. Yes you’re correct, the world has been handed to me on a silver platter but ONLY RELATIVELY BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT I WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK AND GO TO SCHOOL FULL TIME SO YES I AM BLESSED BUT FUCK IT IS HARD TO DO IT WITH A BIG ASS FUCKING SMILE ON MY FACE.

Not to mention the man who was supposed to be the love of my life decided he needed to go on more walks with Jesus than fuck me. Way to just rip my god damned heart out and like take a big ass fucking bite out of it with no remorse. Swear to God it’s like I’m a walking door mat. Lol.

The last time I cried was March 8th. The day Chris decided he loved his faith more than he loved me, the person he claimed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

I’ve been strong but tonight I’m weak. Tonight I want to be held and told that I’m not alone. And kissed on the forehead and hugged until I can’t cry anymore. And I can’t have that. Because when I need it most, help is no where to be found. So instead I’ll cry myself to sleep and do it all over again tomorrow.