Stay Strong

Here I am Celebrating my 10 years of having real issues with general anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, eating problems/eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, self harm and borderline. I had my ups and downs. I hit rock bottom when I was 15. This heavily went on until I turned 19. I met my boyfriend and now 3 years later we’re living together. Because of him I did better and better over the years. He gives me the strenght to hold on a little longer, even when it gets dark. Ofcourse I had my relapses but he never judged me, always helped me. Only lately there’s a lot going on. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is still strong and wonderful! But my mental health is going worse and worse. I noticed that I’m slipping back in a depression, my old eating disorder habits, self harm and I have a lot of panic attacks recently. On one hand I don’t care anymore but I still have a little spark in me, some motivation. I mean, who could have thought that this girl would apply for an education in Event Management (in other words: marketing, economics and COMMUNICATION). I know I can be a good leader but my anxieties always made it so hard for me. Only appearently something in me believed I could do this and even though I’m having my doubts the past weeks if I’m able to do that, to be that, I’m gonna do my best! Today we have our first task in leading a group and I’m so anxious, I’m shaking and I’m feeling so stressed. Still, there is a little voice in me that’s saying “you’re going to do this! You are going to be your wonderful best this day and you can rock this!” And I want to believe that voice, so I’m going to do that! Suck on that demons in my head!