ad sanandum. / semi-hiatus

“what odd chaps you painters are!”

“i know you will laugh at me.”

“you don’t understand me.”

“i have grown to love secrecy.”

“you know quite well.”

“how often do you see him?”

“you are a wonderful creation.”

“the gods have been good to you,  but what the gods give they quickly take away.”

“you will suffer horribly.”

“the only difference between a caprice and a life - long passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.”

“how long will you like me?”

“i am in love with it.”

“i wish i could trust myself.”

“men marry because they are tired ; women,  because they are curious ; both are disappointed.”

“who are you in love with?”

“i have chosen my own life.”

“kiss me again,  my love.”

“don’t touch me!”

“can they feel,  i wonder,  those white silent people we call the dead?”

“we have each of us a secret.  let me know yours,  and i shall tell you mine.”

“i thought you would like it.”

“this is blasphemy!”

“can’t you see what i am going through?”

“it has destroyed me.”

“those words mean nothing to me now.”

“i killed him.”

“i want a man’s life.”

“i am not even singed.  my winds are untouched.”

“you mustn’t say those dreadful things!”

You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast.

You are going to break your promise. I understand.

You’re lonely too.

It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be.

I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable.

I am your servant.

I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased.

For you alone I will be weak.

I belong here, and you will not deny me.

I say these things, and the world listens.

I do not tolerate a world emptied of you. I have tried.

In the dark, I have pored over the loss of you like pale gold.

I will not let her speak because I love her, and when you love someone, you do not make them tell war stories.

I moved the earth and the water for you.

You will always run away with her.

You will always lose her.

You will always be a fool.

You will always be dead, in a city of ice, snow falling into your ear.

You have already done all of this and will do it again.

No one should be judged for loving more than they ought, only for loving not enough.

We look terrible to you, and severe, and you see our blood flying.

What we carry between us is hard-won, and we made it just as we wished it to be, just the color, just the shape.

There need never be any rules between us.

Let us be greedy together; let us hoard.

Do not leave me, swear that you will never leave me.

I am selfish. I am cruel. My mate cannot be less than I.

Sleep with fists closed and shoot straight.

I can’t abide a poor liar.

You look like a winter’s night. I could sleep inside the cold of you.

Oh, quit that. Blushing is for virgins and Christians.

Scold me; deny me. Tell me you want what you want and damn me forever. But don’t leave me.

Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing.

In his own country, Death can be kind.

What is the world but a boxing ring where fools and devils put up their fists?

Men die. It’s practically what they’re for.

I am no one; I am nothing.

Nothing in me was not made by you.

A revelation is always the end of something. It might even be cause for grief.

Just tell yourself a story that’ll satisfy you and pretend he told it.

Forever isn’t bright; it isn’t like that. Forever is cold and hard and final.

I savor bitterness - it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived.

If you want to kill yourself, do not use us as your knife.

What did I do wrong? Was I boring? Did I ignore you?

Don’t you dare speak to me like that.

I have worn nothing but blood and death for years.

I have fought all your battles for you, just as you asked me.

I have learned not to cry when I strangle a man.

I have learned to watch everything die.

I am not a little girl anymore, dazzled by your magic. It is my magic, now, too.

Are we not devils?

No one is now what they were before the war.

I have not seen you without your skin on.

Close up your head; your brain is getting loose.

We obsess. It’s in our nature.

I’ve a devil of a habit for being right.

In war you must always choose sides.

If you try to be a bridge laid down between them, they will tear you in half.

We are all dead. All equal. Broken and aimless and believing we are alive.

My old bones will follow yours soon enough.

It is better to be strong and cruel than to be fair.

I will see him with his skin off before I agree to fall in love.

After love, no one is what they were before.

I have survived, but I have not been spared.

In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you.

Frighten me, make me cry, only come back.

It’s not so bad, my darling. Being dead. It’s like being alive, only colder.

You’ll think it’s love, while he dines on your heart.

You will be so beautiful when you are old.

I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go.

You will live as you live in any world…with difficulty, and grief.

I look at you and it is like my throat being cut.

She said you’d come and I swore to eat your heart.

I still want to kiss you.

My heart is being cut in two. I cannot bear it.

What happens to anything beautiful?

нεllσ. this is an independent and selective roleplay blog for smol little 𝐶𝐼𝐸𝐿 𝑃𝐻𝐴𝑁𝑇𝑂𝑀𝐻𝐼𝑉𝐸 from the manga and anime 𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐉𝐈. portrayal of this grumpy smol earl is solely based on the manga. due to the dark nature/story of the manga, this blog is nsfw. ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀs ᴅɪsᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ ɪs ᴀᴅᴠɪsᴇᴅ. dark content and angsty stuff is welcomed.  in dire to meet more fellow black butler rpers, oc’s welcomed, alongside with other rpers from other fandoms. 

i hate you | i don’t like you | i don’t care about you | i don’t know you | i know you | i look at you from afar | you’re my friend | you’re my best friend | you’re like family | i care for you | i love you

i want to:

This is probably still the best way to call for silence.  From Vera the Medium by Richard Harding Davis, 1908.

Here’s my seasonal collection of vintage (mostly weird) fashion.