anon

the biggest pain in this world is not physical or emotional one, but loneliness because it can be both, and because even with a solution wheter it goes away depends on a throw of a coin.

i’m surronded by a crowd i remember names of, and i’m still painfully lonely, i whisper quiet comfort and they whisper it back, we confess our sins and pains to each other, they brush their skin against mine and they share their breath with me

but this doesn’t heal loneliness

and there’s no change in how lonely i feel regardless of how many people i’m sharing space with

loneliness is most soul-crushing pain that exists

because it doesn’t go away, it’s the only thing that stays, and only thing u feel presence of

to me sitting here like this doesn’t differ to sitting with someone or sitting with many

it’s not about counting

i pass by faces each unique to it’s own

and i remember none, in a minute or two i forget passing by them

i yearn for understanding, but there is no one to understand me

i year for connection but there is no one to connect with

As anon, I don’t know what to do.

For a very limited time, I felt accepted, as if there was a place for me.

Like a table with four chairs: at lunch, you always notice whether someone is missing or not. You face them all—one by your right side, one by your left, one by your chest. But nowadays, I feel so alone…

Is it my fault? Most likely…

There’s no place for me at the dining table. There are too many chairs; it became cluttered. And I can no longer hear the whispered conversations, or share smiles, or playfully take from the other’s plate. For I’m no longer a part of any of this. And I wonder when this will pass…

Would anyone notice? My absence is not benefiting anyone, so yes—but if it was… would they?

I’m at the state of mind where I stand in an empty kitchen and I don’t dare to sit in a chair; even in an empty room, with plenty of empty chairs, in an empty silence, there’s no place for me.

I’m no longer a child, and I should not wait for someone to invite me over to sit by their side; to do all that would be tiring.

Yet I deeply, with all my greedy selfishness, wish that would happen.

Think of me as your closest friend for one more time. Offer me a piece of bread and meaninglessly laugh with me. Remind me of the past and tell me that this feeling of unbelonging is just a temporary misunderstanding.

Anon interprets this as personal abandonment even when it may not be intentional