I wasn’t planning on writing any of this, but I guess it’s finally time.

I was literally dead. Now I’m discovering life all over again.

I’m enjoying everything now, no matter how simple it is. It took a lot to get here. A lot of conversations, therapy sessions, and medication. But I’m so happy that I’m here now.

I always had this feeling that if I ever got seriously sick, it would be something mental rather than physical (God forbid, and may He protect us all from every illness). And that it would eventually lead me to taking medication, even though I’m the kind of person who almost never takes medicine, no matter how sick I am.

I’ve had that thought since I was a kid. I honestly don’t know if everything happened because that idea had always been in the back of my mind, or because my favorite movie of all time is Asaf 3ala El Ez3ag and please don’t ask me what the connection is, because I genuinely don’t know. I don’t know where this obsession came from, what made it grow into something this overwhelming, or what brought me to that point.

What I do know is that it’s an incredibly difficult illness. It was terrifying, not just for me, but for everyone who had to deal with me, whether they were close to me or not, during that time.

The biggest thing I discovered during all of this was how much people truly love me. I always knew my family and friends loved me, but I never imagined they loved me this much. Even people I only had a casual relationship with surprised me with how much they cared. Even the people at work.

That’s the biggest thing I took away from this whole experience. Alhamdulillah for that.

I really missed life. I missed the version of myself that I know.

Thank you to everyone for all this love, and for putting up with me. My temper is finally back to how it used to be. And a huge thank you to my Dr. Beshoy.

Maybe this is the first time since I joined Tumblr that I’ve written a post this long, but oh well… that’s what happened.

I also wanted to write this here because, for some reason, Tumblr has always felt like a very important place to me. I can’t really explain why. I also consider a lot of my mutuals here my friends, and I don’t really know why either. So thank you, too. In one way or another, you were part of this.

أتمنى تكونوا بخير، مبسوطين، وماتمروش بأي حاجة وحشة.