Angels And Demons

Change pronouns as needed

"Welcome to my camp, or what's left of it."

"What can you do for me?"

"You're from off planet, you smell oddly."

"Let's hope you're more useful than the last one I hired."

"Ooo, I wonder what this does."

"Oh hey! Hello! Welcome to my secret lab. Secret lair? Terror pavilion! Yes, I like that one best."

"Hey, you look like you're into experimentation, maybe dabbled a bit in college."

"Head down to the (place) to find parts for my totally legit, in no way morally reprehensible secret project."

"It'll be easier than stealing candy from a dead body!"

"The anklebone's connected to the leg bone. The leg bone's connected to the plutonium. The plutonium's connected to this rubber duck."

"Man, I'm gonna need some more parts."

"It's no worse than stealing a drifter's kidneys and leaving him in a tub of rice. What? Ice? Uh-oh... "

"Do these teeth make my gums look fat?"

"My talents were squandered on this rock."

"What do you need, an invitation? Come here!"

"You can be of service to my talent."

"More parts! I must have more parts!"

"Shh! Act like you don't know me. There are spies everywhere!"

"What part of secret lab don't you understand? Get out of here!"

"This isn't a date."

"If you could stand still for a moment, I require something of you"

"You will help me, and I will pay you. It is as simple as that."

"I am very sorry to say I need your assistance."

"Given the blank look on your face, I assume you have not completed your task."

"I am happy to say I need not rely on you for help, at the moment."

"My research is going swimmingly, my psychoses notwithstanding."

"I am known to bite."

"Well, I have things to do, if you wouldn't mind... removing your face from the vicinity of my face. Like, in a nowish way."

"So many calculations left to do. So much research left to explore. So many inanimate objects left to best in sexual combat. What to do?"

"My lower lip tastes like me, but my upper lip tastes like Tandoran lip destroyers -- which are a local delicacy if you don't mind your lips being ripped from your face."

"Can I help you? I have things to do, mouth-breather."

"I'm quite tired and want to lay down with a ceiling chair if you wouldn't mind disappearing."

"I'll skip the platitudes, should you value such meaningless spittle."

"Nachos will cease to exist."

"Seriously, NACHOS ARE GONE!"

"I know you value my well-being less than nachos."

"Hm, I had a thousand and forty-six more reasons but I'm being told I'm out of time.""

"As the end of the world approaches, I'm allowing suitable mating material to submit to me headshots and various table furniture of your choosing."

"When mailing in furniture, please include a list of any of their likes or dislikes in addition to any varnish allergies you are aware of."

"What? Me and the ottoman are just friends! Unless he said something- did he say something? I swear, he can be so crazy!"

"I spent last night becoming inebriated and left 73% of my clothing in an undisclosed location."

"I pre-emptively accept your thank you."

"Please follow the smell of vomit and tears so we may talk face-to-face."

"You will help me test it's relative lethality, so that I may not inadvertently turn half of our fighting force into a gaggle of whimpering, triple amputees."

"Should you die in this gauntlet, I will take it as implicit feedback that I should consider making this easier."

"Mass-murder can often be a form of quality control."

"Never met a child, but I'm certain I'd hate them."

"That's not feces you smell! It's just bandits. And feces."

"Somewhere, a psychologist's head just exploded."

"It was not unlike Macbeth, but with bigger butts."

"I have failed to replicate this power myself, though on the upside, most of my torso is covered in third-degree burns."

"I am attempting to learn puns."

"Science cannot tell us everything. But it does separate humankind from beasts and music enthusiasts."

"Ah, I see. You're seeking words of wisdom."

"Although I admire your curiosity, I have nothing for you at the moment."

"Is this a poor attempt at flirtation, or have you gone blind?"

"Please let him know that none of my laboratory equipment has any interest in him romantically."

"Which means I know the most. But as it turns out, I know very little."

"Those classifications are not mutually exclusive, I assure you."

"The difference between a scientist and a researcher is academic."

He lowered himself into his own chair, leaning back in it as he tore open a Twinky.

tw: victim-blaming / dismissing hurt.  change pronouns / wording as needed

“You deserved better.”

“You’ve lost a lot, haven’t you?”

“I mean, you hurt them a lot, too.”

“I won’t hurt you the way they did.”

“You deserve to feel safe. And happy.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being wary.”

“You never shouldn’t been treated that way.”

“They aren’t here. they can’t hurt you, again.”

“How long are you going to let this affect you?”

“I know you don’t trust me, yet, and that’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I want to earn your trust back. Please.”

“No, I’m not upset with you, why would you — oh.”

“You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay. We’ll take it slow.”

“Why can’t you just get over it? It happened so long ago.”

“You haven’t said a word since it happened. Are you okay?”

“You’re still healing. It’s only natural you don’t trust anyone, yet.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell someone what you were going through?”

“What happened to you was unfair… it’s okay to be angry about it.”

“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive them for what they did?”

“You’re a better person than they ever were, and this just proves it.”

“If you ever want to talk about it, you know I’ll always be here to listen.”

“You’re safe here. I know it’ll take you a while to believe it, but you are.”

“Just because they hurt you doesn’t mean everyone else is out to get you, too.”

“I know you’ve been hurt in the past, and I promise, I’ll never let that happen, again.”

[ text ] how can you be judicious with your stubbornness? isn’t that like, by definition not something you can really regulate?

[ text ] you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

[ text ] reputation is everything on earth.

[ text ] value living.

[ text ] psychological experiments never go up the chain of command. they only go down.

[ text ] everything will go fine 83% of the time.

[ text ] plan B is not automatically plan A but with twice as much gunpowder.

[ text ] faith and reason are incompatible.

[ text ] stress is not a disease that you can cure. believe me, i’ve tried.

[ text ] ‘ive got my fingers crossed’ is not considered an acceptable contribution to emergency maneuvers.

[ text ] The Chain of Command is absolute, as are the Chain of Respect and the Chain of Subtle, Muted Awe.

[ text ] the constellations can either be used for navigation, or can be interpreted as underwhelming Pointillism.

[ text ] never underestimate the power of electromagnetism.

[ text ] is it better to be loved or to be feared?

[ text ] if you’re making it look effortless, you’re not putting in enough effort. get cracking.

[ text ] anger and frustration can be powerful motivators, but ultimately they are unfocused ones. cold, steely resentment offers many of the same benefits without any of the mercurial drawbacks.

[ text ] measure twice, amputate once.

[ text ] a second opinion never hurts.

[ text ] newton’s laws don’t make jack a dull boy - but floating indefinitely into the abyss of space will.

[ text ] if it looks like you’re screwed, just remember: that can be your plan.

[ text ] hoarding is considered ungentlemanly.

[ text ] natural disasters are natural. unnatural disasters are interesting.

[ text ] there is a difference between being very clever and very bored.

[ text ] the will to survive often comes down to simply refusing to give up.

[ text ] RESIST TEMPTATION.

[ text ] shakespearean considerations should be saved for another time.

[ text ] fear not the fire within.

[ text ] spacesuits are a privilege. privileges can be taken away.

[ text ] you’d be surprised what you can live through.

[ text ] bubblewrap is not an appropriate sealant.

[ text ] if the thought of something makes you smile for more than twenty seconds, assume it has been banned.

[ text ] smoke bombs are always less effective than you want them to be.

[ text ] when in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.

[ text ] keep no secrets. you may be told lies.

[ text ] heavenly bodies are for scientific study, not hippie fortune telling.

[ text ] brevity is also one of the cornerstones of yielding, unquestioning obedience.

[ text ] no, seriously: always read the manual.

[ text ] knowing when yo close your eyes and power through it is an invaluable skill.

[ text ] they say there is no rest for the wicked. if it helps with your productivity, i highly recommend you think of yourself as wicked.

[ text ] you will be surprised how far your brain can push itself if it genuinely thinks it has no other choice.

[ text ] mercy is such a 20th century value.

[ text ] it is, however, best to beg for mercy.

[ text ] PULL YOUR WEIGHT.

[ text ] yes, you could have tried harder.

[ text ] the opposite of love isn’t hate or fear, it’s indifference. if you didn’t hate or fear what you’re doing, there wouldn’t really be anything there, you know?

[ text ] have some confidence, for god’s sake.

[ text ] all personnel are thoroughly vetted for the possibility of evil identical siblings.

not requested but there's something about a text thread, isn't there? anyway, these are a mixed bucket, i'll deffo post more of these, but for now, here you go, bon appetit, and if you wanna make them texts to a wrong number?? all the better! just make it clear for the person receiving it!

( sms ) : hey! is this [WRONG NAME] from the club last night?

( sms ) : wait right there, i'm on my way

( sms ) : sorry, who is this?

( sms ) : so... last night was fun.

( sms ) : can i come over?

( sms ) : did i leave my underwear at your place last night?

( sms ) : i am having the WORST / BEST day!!

( sms ) : we need to talk.

( sms ) : i'm in. whatever it is you're planning, i'm in.

( sms ) : you awake?

( sms ) : i miss you.

( sms ) : i'm sorry.

( sms ) : wanna hang out later?

( sms ) : it's honestly insane how much i love you.

( sms ) : i'm worried about you.

( sms ) : please don't say i told you so...

( sms ) : you know how you totally adore me?

( sms ) : got any plans tonight?

( sms ) : i know it's three am but i got donuts and i'm outside.

( sms ) : i'm outside. come on. we're going out.

( sms ) : i'm boooooooooored.

( sms ) : i can't sleep.

( sms ) : i know it's late, but... would you like to go for a walk with me?

( sms ) : where are you?

( sms ) : i love you.

( sms ) : are you really okay?

( sms ) : please don't shut me out. i can tell when something's bothering you.

( sms ) : can you come pick me up please?

( sms ) : this date is a total disaster. can you call me with a fake emergency?

( sms ) : why have you been acting so weird lately?

( sms ) : you know you can tell me anything, right?

( sms ) : not to sound like a tv trope, but i need a plus one for a wedding this weekend. you in?

( sms ) : wanna do fake proposals at fancy restaurants for free food?

( sms ) : wanna go on vacation together?

( sms ) : i got arrested and it's a hilarious story but i really need you to come bail me out first.

( sms ) : what the hell happened last night?

( sms ) : i don't wanna be alone tonight. can i stay at your place?

( sms ) : i got a code red situation.

( sms ) : what's shakin, bacon?

( sms ) : what should i have for dinner tonight?

( sms ) : it's so boring when you're not around.

( sms ) : so... the drunk voicemails i left you last night... you totally listened to them, didn't you.

( sms ) : i love you but if you ever eat my bagel bites again...

The mix of praise and degradation was never not going to make Raimundo squirm with delight, whining as he was called a toy and pathetic. He clenched around the hilt of the knife, shivering.

Change Pronouns As Needed

"Ever since that day, I stopped seeing things that other people can't see."

"He was so sweet and kind."

"He was the only one I could open up to about these visions."

"I captured a ghost."

"This camera has the power to expose things the normal eye can't see."

"If no one remembers something, does that mean it never happened?"

"It takes pictures of impossible things."

"I can't believe... So it's true... This thing is too dangerous."

"Are you leaving me again?"

"Didn't we always promise each other that we would always be together?"

"Go ahead! Everyone, die!"

"We can't be together forever. But with this... we can become one."

"Kill me."

"I don't care! Stay here! With me! Forever!"

"I thought this place was haunted. Too bad it's not."

 "Let me sleep… forever…"

"My punishment for living. For living on... for surviving... that day..."

"Ever since I was a child I've been able to see things other people can't."

"That's how I know... we're going to die."

"That song? I... don't remember exactly where I heard it, but I feel like I've been hearing it in my dreams lately."

"As long as you go on living, a part of me will live on. That's why... I need you to live."

"You said you would come back!"

"More sacrifices! More blood!"

"Please tell me: am I supposed to be alive?"

"Everyone should bloom."

"Everything will disappear"

"Many souls will enter my body… We will all become one."

"I can't remember. I don't want to remember! I have to get out of here!"

"Soon, I'll dissolve. Dissolve, and vanish completely"

"I've been standing at this precipice. Thinking about whether I should take that final step"

"Everyone's pain and all their thought are flowing into me… Melting… Filling me."

"You may think that you have no one… But that's not true. You're not alone."

"I've found you. You're mine."

"Why did I just watch her go? Why did I let her go?"

"All is connected by water. The soul dissolves, and it, too, returns to the water."