Musings and Memes for RP

Change pronouns as needed

"I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket."

"I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world."

"I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face, and - wait a minute, I've already done that!"

"This experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life."

"If anyone, anyone - tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out."

"I would make them suffer so much that they'd wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down."

"A brief shining moment, and then that mouth!"

"I haven't seen a walk like that since "Jurassic Park"!"

"I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease..."

"That would be in my other dress."

"You think I'm gorgeous, you want to kiss me... You want to hug me... You want to love me... You want to hug me... You want to smooch me!"

"The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!"

"It's all in the buttocks."

"Don't I look pretty?"

"It takes a very secure man to walk like that."

"I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed! Don't mess with me!"

"You're funny. You're easy to talk to when you're not armed."

"Look, give yourself a break."

"If they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you."

"You are not having sex on this stage."

"With all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO."

"Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown."

"I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap."

"Eyebrows. There should be two."

"I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts."

"You want me to beat it out of her?"

"What is the one most important thing our society needs?"

"That was charming. Are you drunk?"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!"

"Operation "Thong" has commenced."

"If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced."

"This is Texas, everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!"

"I would so love to hurt you right now."

"Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!"

"Don't look at me like I betrayed you."

"Oh good. I guess it's time to go apply at my local Hooters."

"Why do you make things difficult for me?"

Ten out of eleven years my girls were crowned. The year we lost, the winner was a deaf-mute. You can't beat that.

"I'm the best we have? That doesn't inspire much confidence."

"Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points."

"Oh, I have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?"

"That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me!"

"You in big trouble."

"Oh, if I only had a brain."

"One little mistake, and I'm a bloody bellhop!"

"I'll give you a cookie."

"You ate pizza, you stole panties! You're a wild woman!"

"I knew I'd never get you here, unless you had the chance to shoot someone."

"Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me - she said they were Satan's panties!"

"Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it."

"Oh, good, perfect, because I'd hate for him to fire me over the phone!"

Change pronouns as needed

"His eyes will deceive you; they will destroy you."

"They will take from you your innocence, your pride, and eventually your soul."

"Behind these eyes one finds only blackness, the absence of light."

"The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those which choose to move silently among us."

"Inside every one us, there exists a dark side. Most people rise above it, but some are consumed by it. Until there is nothing left, but pure evil."

"I got a taco supreme talking back at me, so I'm going to be a while."

"So do you mind waiting somewhere else and let me pass this beast in peace?"

"Why is your hair getting so messy?"

"Well, actually, black isn't a color, is it? It's the absence of color. In the spectrum of colors, you go from black, which is no color, all the way through to white, which is every color."

"So, technically... not that it really matters, but black isn't a color."

"Learn to live inside your head."

"Was that the boogeyman?"

"That is not appropriate babysitter behavior!"

"I was good to you. Please, I'm your friend."

"Somebody around here has gotta make some money."

"You know that new waitress over at the Bingo Lounge? She's been giving me the freaky eye."

"I can't believe you're making me haul this thing all the way over there."

"In a weird way you've become like... like my best friend."

"I have to move on. I'm sorry."

"I want to do it with the mask on."

"It's my fault. I failed you."

"I'll be a shitstorm in your worst nightmare, motherfucker."

"Enough, all right? Can we just eat in peace for once?"

"You get it. I'm the one that just did all the heavy lifting."

"I heard that on Halloween night, the boogeyman comes out at night and attacks kids."

"I need to get out of here."

"I don't care what (Name) thinks. But I care what you think.

Change pronouns as needed

"I'll have what she's having."

"Would you like to have dinner? Just friends."

"I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends."

"This is an amendment to the earlier rule."

"Because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with."

""No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship."

"I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it."

"Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends."

"So, where does that leave us?"

"The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back."

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

"What're you saying? That they fake orgasm?"

"Most women at one time or another have faked it."

"Oh. Right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man."

"Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong."

"Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife."

"It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk."

"You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship."

"That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship."

"It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death."

"You realize of course that we could never be friends."

"What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

"You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?"

"They all want to have sex with you."

"No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her."

"The sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story."

"Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then."

"Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching."

"She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE."

"All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."

"If you could take him back now, would you?"

"Why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?"

"I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off."

"It's just sitting there, like some big dead end."

"Well, basically it's the same dream I've been having since I was (age)."

"That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were (age)?"

"There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance."

"You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance."

"I just want it the way I want it."

"(Name) mentioned you had a dark side."

"Why? Don't you have a dark side?"

"You're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts."

"When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you."

"How do you expect me to respond to this?"

"I don't have to take this crap from you."

"If you're so over (Name), why aren't you seeing anyone?"

"Have you slept with one person since you broke up with (Name)?"

"Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful."

"Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste."

"The first time we met, we hated each other."

"That is just like you,. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."

"With whom did you have this great sex?"

"I miss the idea of him."

"Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?"

"I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything all right. It doesn't work this way."

"I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts."

"I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I wanna talk to before I go to sleep at night."

"You made a woman meow?"

"I don't know if I want to be married anymore."

"Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know, don't rush into anything."

"I mean I got married so I can stop dating."

"Don't you love me anymore?"

"I don't know if I've ever loved you."

"You don't bounce back from that right away."

"I'm a writer, I know dialogue and that's particularly harsh."

"I didn't want to ruin your birthday."

"You might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."

"You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy."

"You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you."

"I am not your consolation prize."

"You're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them."

"Draw SOMETHING resembling ANYTHING."

"No one has ever quoted me back to me before."

"You are a human affront to all women."

"When someone's not that attractive, they're always described as having a good personality."

"All of a sudden I'm in the middle of this massive anxiety attack, my heart's beating like a wild man, and I start sweating like a pig."

"You're afraid to let yourself be happy."

"You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life."

"Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you."

"I just didn't wanna sleep with you and you had to write it off as a character flaw, instead of dealing with the possibility it might have something to do with you."

"What's the statute of limitations on apologies?"

"Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you live there you're whole life and nothing happens, you never meet anybody, you never become anything, and finally you die."

"Obviously you haven't had great sex yet."

"You're coming on to me!"

"It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex."

"I don't think it's a matter of opinion. Empirically, you are attractive."

"Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on?"

"You get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing."

"You're the most obnoxious man I've ever met."

"You were just so uptight then. You're much softer now."

"I hate that kind of remark. It sounds like a compliment, but it's an insult."

"Well, that's the good thing about depression - you get your rest."

"You have all your video tapes alphabetized and on index cards?"

"You want to act like what happened didn't mean anything."

Change pronouns as needed

"Welcome to my camp, or what's left of it."

"What can you do for me?"

"You're from off planet, you smell oddly."

"Let's hope you're more useful than the last one I hired."

"Ooo, I wonder what this does."

"Oh hey! Hello! Welcome to my secret lab. Secret lair? Terror pavilion! Yes, I like that one best."

"Hey, you look like you're into experimentation, maybe dabbled a bit in college."

"Head down to the (place) to find parts for my totally legit, in no way morally reprehensible secret project."

"It'll be easier than stealing candy from a dead body!"

"The anklebone's connected to the leg bone. The leg bone's connected to the plutonium. The plutonium's connected to this rubber duck."

"Man, I'm gonna need some more parts."

"It's no worse than stealing a drifter's kidneys and leaving him in a tub of rice. What? Ice? Uh-oh... "

"Do these teeth make my gums look fat?"

"My talents were squandered on this rock."

"What do you need, an invitation? Come here!"

"You can be of service to my talent."

"More parts! I must have more parts!"

"Shh! Act like you don't know me. There are spies everywhere!"

"What part of secret lab don't you understand? Get out of here!"

"This isn't a date."

"If you could stand still for a moment, I require something of you"

"You will help me, and I will pay you. It is as simple as that."

"I am very sorry to say I need your assistance."

"Given the blank look on your face, I assume you have not completed your task."

"I am happy to say I need not rely on you for help, at the moment."

"My research is going swimmingly, my psychoses notwithstanding."

"I am known to bite."

"Well, I have things to do, if you wouldn't mind... removing your face from the vicinity of my face. Like, in a nowish way."

"So many calculations left to do. So much research left to explore. So many inanimate objects left to best in sexual combat. What to do?"

"My lower lip tastes like me, but my upper lip tastes like Tandoran lip destroyers -- which are a local delicacy if you don't mind your lips being ripped from your face."

"Can I help you? I have things to do, mouth-breather."

"I'm quite tired and want to lay down with a ceiling chair if you wouldn't mind disappearing."

"I'll skip the platitudes, should you value such meaningless spittle."

"Nachos will cease to exist."

"Seriously, NACHOS ARE GONE!"

"I know you value my well-being less than nachos."

"Hm, I had a thousand and forty-six more reasons but I'm being told I'm out of time.""

"As the end of the world approaches, I'm allowing suitable mating material to submit to me headshots and various table furniture of your choosing."

"When mailing in furniture, please include a list of any of their likes or dislikes in addition to any varnish allergies you are aware of."

"What? Me and the ottoman are just friends! Unless he said something- did he say something? I swear, he can be so crazy!"

"I spent last night becoming inebriated and left 73% of my clothing in an undisclosed location."

"I pre-emptively accept your thank you."

"Please follow the smell of vomit and tears so we may talk face-to-face."

"You will help me test it's relative lethality, so that I may not inadvertently turn half of our fighting force into a gaggle of whimpering, triple amputees."

"Should you die in this gauntlet, I will take it as implicit feedback that I should consider making this easier."

"Mass-murder can often be a form of quality control."

"Never met a child, but I'm certain I'd hate them."

"That's not feces you smell! It's just bandits. And feces."

"Somewhere, a psychologist's head just exploded."

"It was not unlike Macbeth, but with bigger butts."

"I have failed to replicate this power myself, though on the upside, most of my torso is covered in third-degree burns."

"I am attempting to learn puns."

"Science cannot tell us everything. But it does separate humankind from beasts and music enthusiasts."

"Ah, I see. You're seeking words of wisdom."

"Although I admire your curiosity, I have nothing for you at the moment."

"Is this a poor attempt at flirtation, or have you gone blind?"

"Please let him know that none of my laboratory equipment has any interest in him romantically."

"Which means I know the most. But as it turns out, I know very little."

"Those classifications are not mutually exclusive, I assure you."

"The difference between a scientist and a researcher is academic."

Change pronouns as needed

"Dreams are fleeting. Only nightmares last forever!"

"Don't you think for a second you are not in danger!"

"This world, it obviously disappoints you all."

"Since you gave yourselves so willingly, allow me to finish what he started."

"It seems that evil does run in the family."

"It's mine now. It belongs to me."

"Well, that's where you're wrong. Painfully wrong."

"We belong to it."

"Your soul belongs to me."

"You're not the first to say that... and you won't be the last."

"When you attempted to live beyond death, you entered into my domain."

"You should be very careful what you wish for. It just might come true!"

Change pronouns as needed

"I speak for the dead."

"The truth will set you free."

"I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here."

"You deny culpability no doubt for the circumstances in which you find yourselves."

"Salvation can be yours. An offering of blood will set you free."

"Now, the game's simple. Best ones are."

"You want mercy? Play by the rules."

"That wouldn't have been necessary if you simply played by the rules."

"You don't like rules, do you?"

"No, that's not creepy at all."

"The games can be won."

"Cleanse yourself of the habitual lies that have brought you here. Lies that you have told yourselves. Lies that have brutalized others."

"If you can release yourself from your demons, you can begin to shed the chains that those demons bring with them."

"Now I speak for the lives ruined by people like you."

"How are you alive? How are you still alive?!"

"You're about to play a game."

"All you need to do is confess."

"You have a choice. Scream or don't."

"We all have a thumb on the scale. For good or for evil."

"Failure to make the right choice could result in death."

"The games have begun again, and they will not stop until the sins against the innocent are atoned for."

"We can never come from anger or from vengeance. You taught me that."

"But then there'll be no justice."

"Together, we built a legacy."

"Uh, you may wanna rethink that."

"What? He came back from the dead?"

"Which one of you assholes shot him in the chest?"

"If we die, you die!"

"Would've saved me a whole lot of hardship."

"Now, if you want to achieve your freedom, you have to learn. You have to realize that you've been doing it backwards."

"While I am certain there is a desire to point fingers at me for the blood that has been shed."

"I assure you, more blood will be lost, and all will be judged."

"I ask you: What is a life worth to you?"

"There are no shortcuts in life. Please forgive the rather crude example I will make of your decision to not follow the rules."

"In the past, you have all put your own interests above others and then lied to others and decieved the world."

"Now, you will look in the mirror, and you will face who you really are."

"The choices you have made may cost you your life."

"Hello, Gentlemen. You came looking for the game. Congratulations: you've found it."

"If you admit to the reason that you deserve to die, you can escape death."

"Five lives are in your hands. Follow my instructions exactly."

"A hobby? That's what you call it?"

"Name) decided I shouldn't have to die over an honest mistake; he gave me a second chance."

"I wanted to see if I was as worthy as him. As... talented."

"No one will suspect me."

Change pronouns as needed

"I have another confession..."

"I know you're not a government agent."

"We were sent by our world to investigate signals from your planet."

"She came out of the blue and in an instant I knew everything would be groovy."

"For her, I'd climb a mountain, swim the deepest ocean. I'd even help her shopping, that's the depth of my devotion."

"We'll spend all our time, every single last dime at the best food courts."

"Her smile's so bright, it lights up my romantic feelings."

"Best of all, she so tall, like, I won't have to reach for high things!"

"We're just completely destroyed, that's all."

"Aww I know, but you'll get over it."

"See you at lunch, handsome."

"Hey, quit scaring the customers!"

"Every story has an end. But in life, every ending is just a new beginning."

"You can have your job back, you know."

"You and I, we're gonna be friends. Okay?"

"When I'm not ready, you hunt me down. When I try and make it work, you're not interested."

"You know, ever since we met, it's about what I'm doing wrong... but I'm not the one with the problem here."

"All you do is take and - I've got nothing for you right now, so..."

"Freestyle is for moronic little kids and hippie freaks."

"Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun."

"Kid, have you ever been to a shrink?"

"I'm not going anywhere, especially with you."

"We are going to sit in giant teacups and spin round and round in circles until we puke."

"When you work for me, you leave when I say you can leave."

"Act your age, not your shoe size."

"See, when you're mad you don't miss people and if you stay mad, it's like you never knew them at all."

"I wasn't mad, I was confused."

"Everyone was talking, talking, talking at me and I couldn't understand a word they were saying, and then their voices became a blur and soon I couldn't even recognize their faces; they were like these blobs and they started to grow fangs and their eyes became green and I knew I had to run away."

"You were right. I am scared. But you're scared too."

"Have you gone mad? There is never, ever an excuse for hitting another person!"

"Excuse me, Thumbelina, but you're still a little underage to be clubbing, aren't you?"

"Are you kidding? Nothing could keep me away at a time like this."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving without an explanation."

"She has made it clear that she never wants to see you again."

"She must be going out of her mind with grief."

"She's been very calm and level-headed about this whole affair."

"I know (Name) well enough to respect her wishes."

"You give her whatever she asks for so that you don't have to deal with her."

"It's a harsh world."

"Other people always let you down. Why don't you forget them and do something for yourself?"

"Maybe some of us aren't good at anything."

"Are you still moping over that disgusting guy?"

"What is with this music, anyway? This sounds like the soundtrack to something you'd slit your wrists to."

"Fruit punch? Why don't you just drink cyanide? At least it's quick."

"If you refuse to have a nice time with me, I'm going to have fun by myself."

"I'm sorry, I was trying to take a step forward, but I took two steps backward instead."

"Fine, see if I care. I'll live off water and sunshine."

"This is so 80's it makes my hair poof."

"Some fairy tales are true, most of there stories we make up to help us deal with real life."

"Look at the one-hit wonder that slut turned out to be."

"Well, if you would stop wiggling your ass, it wouldn't have fallen off in the first place."

"As my best friend, it is your duty not to lie to me. Please tell me, am I turning into a hideous hag?"

"You can have any guy in here with a snap of a finger, what's gotten into you?"

"You're a spastic hyena."

"You brought your own personal soap?"

"You want to pick up bacterial meningitis or polio, you go ahead and be my guest."

"Those are the four most hateful words in English."

"It's got potential, huh?"

"These rooms... sound so empty without the sound of his music."

"Give me five more minutes baby, and I'll rock your world."

"Oh, my God. This place is beyond its normal grotesque. It's post-nuclear."

"Why are you buttering a plastic scone?"

"You don't know how to dry without destroying the environment! For every roll of paper towels you waste, a tree in the rain forest dies."

"I'm not the one who's gonna get mad cow disease and go nuts."

"Though you don't seem to have a brain to fry in the first place."

"I know that I am an undeserving creep, but can we please talk about it over lunch?"

"Our lunch date has been canceled because you can't afford lunch."