LOVING SOMEONE

for a moment, he thought of being straightforward, of telling him that he’d only been to classes thrice, and most times, he hadn’t even listened so much as even made eye contact with the teacher present. but he had to make aaron believe that he would be fine, so that he felt that he would be, because by hook or by crook, he’ll help him get through it all with baked goods and a shoulder to lean on, for that’s what friends did, right?

“i… was thinking of doing energy magic, if i could even try,” he responded, keeping that smile on him. ( or at the very least, trying to. ) “seemed like a good choice; lots of uses, pretty vague, i’m not sure though. maybe air or something, i’ve always been told i’ve gotten an aang vibe.” he gave a laugh, and nudged aaron’s shoulder, trying to get his mood back. “hey, you could be the zuko to my aang, or something, all you’d need is a eye scar or something and rants about honor.”

for a moment, aaron considered that he’d been so concerned with himself and his own brokeness that he’d forgotten the humanity of other people. he knew everyone was broken in some way - aaron was a shattered mirror while jaime was more of a church window: cracked and colored purposefully, the elders calling it artistic. he sat up again, only to lean onto his friend. he took a deep breath, holding the moment before exhaling, almost a sigh.

“that’s the coolest kind,” aaron said softly. he’d say that no matter what the magic was, as he was trying something new called being supportive. “i promise i won’t try to sell you out to win back my birthright, okay?” he laughed, though the analogy was more accurate that jaime has probably meant it to be. aaron had lost all his filial honor, but he did very little to regain it. “besides, it’d be pretty sweet to be a firebender.”

“anyway. we were playing this game and ophelia was like, ring the creepiest person you know, so i was like, fine, it’s definitely todd calloway the serial killing maniac. so i rang him up and left him a voicemail telling him that if he ever threatened me again i’d pull his windpipe out and wear it as a g-string. and then i said the thing about him being a mistake, because everyone knows his whore of a mother wouldn’t know a condom if it bit her on the nose, right? how gross. and i guess that’s when you walked in. so again, you got the wrong end of the stick and went completely crazy on me.” she was silent a moment, giving him a breather to catch up, her lips curling against each other as she merely stared up at him, her doe eyes wide with innocence, hands tugging on the hem of her tennis skirt. “fine. make this about you again. you’re the victim. i ripped your heart out and ate it, blah blah blah. what about what i want, aaron? what about me? don’t i get any say in this?” 

pepper was not in the wrong; she was clear on that much. the vixen of a girl had made her intentions clear from the start. something fun. something relaxed. everyone knew what pepper was like, reckless with her heart, reckless with her mind – you could spot her devious smile a mile off. why would he think he’d be any different, and not just another notch on her bedpost or page in her journal of lovers? it was hardy her fault he chose to fall in love with a girl who couldn’t feel any degree of the emotion back. it was tragically ironic, that the broken boy before her had once been a king of the world, and a mere flick of her tongue and a swish of her hips had reduced him to mere rubble. “you got weird. two months, and you were throwing around the ‘l’ word like confetti. what the fuck was i supposed to do? lie? i told you… i–” her voice cut, lips pressing into a firm line as she shook her head, losing her words, her shoulder blades hitting the wall as she attempted to back away from him, turning on her heel instead. “never mind. doesn’t matter what i think does it, because you’ve obviously made your mind up about me. i’m the big bad witch and you’re the fucking munchkin king. to think i was actually excited to see you. what a joke.”

oh -- maybe he was wrong. aaron had just overreacted, that was all. maybe there was chance that an apology would bring pepper back to him, stop the hostility, return to normal. aaron was ready to have her to himself again; maybe this time could be the real thing - she could love him back. an apology on the tip of his tongue, aaron’s sudden optimism was only destryed by her mocking voice. he couldn't believe that he fell for her lies again. something shook him out of whatever love spell pepper had managed to cast with that story, but he didn’t believe in magic -- so it must’ve just been her manipulating him again. “didn’t you make it quite clear what you wanted? i told you how i felt, and you didn’t want the same. you had your say, so don’t pretend like i was the one who ended it. i was willing to give everything for you, and you just wanted me to fuck.” this wasn’t nearly as bitter as before, only sad, somewhat nostalgic. aaron realized that he was still longing for her, his fingers reaching out for something he’d never get again. his eyes fell to the floor.

of course, aaron knew what pepper was when he got involved with her, but he was too optimistic to reduce her to just her reputation. maybe she could change, he’d thought, though was disappointed as she slowly revealed herself to be worse than that what the whispers claimed of her. when they were together, late nights, bodies pressed together, aaron was in love - it wasn’t until she left in the morning, either saying nothing or shrugging off any suggestion of staying, that he thought he was anything but in love. “i fell for you,” he said, admitting what pepper already knew. “i can’t lie and say you let me down easy, pepper. you completely wrecked me,” he sighed. “but it’s okay, i know you won’t even pretend you’re sorry.”

she rolled her eyes, smiling with a soft laugh. “oh, aren’t you humble? don’t worry – i believe you. you might just be a normal, boring guy – but if i’m ever in trouble, i’m gonna call you first.”

despite a brief insight into the sad, sad sob story of aaron james, he quickly recovered with a laugh, playing off that he’d mentioned anything at all. “normal? boring? woah, woah -- moria, do you even know me? i scream fun. i’ve basically got exciting written on my forehead. some people go looking for trouble - but i go to kick trouble’s ass.”

“Did she make them herself?“

no, his mother probably didn’t make them herself. the james family had more money than anyone needed, therefore his socialite mother didn’t spend her time with something as trivial as knitting. “yeah, she loves it,” aaron lied. “i get a handmade sweater at some point every year. we’re like the weasleys, except with less red hair.”

bitterness laced his every word. it was like watching a petulant child throw a tantrum, and the only thing that kept pepper from rolling her eyes and clicking her stanley-sharp tongue was the expression on his face. pepper wasn’t a sensitive person but she knew how to recognise emotions when she saw them, the hurt that lurked in his features postponing her comment, if only for the fact that he’d been a fun toy to play with, and if he played his cards right, she’d play with him some more. “it was just a stupid game, aaron, and it wasn’t just me. we were all playing it. cece, ophelia, the whole lot. so don’t take the high road like you’re so much better than i am because i said one shitty thing in a game of dares. it’s some nerve you’ve got even assuming it was about you in the first place. it wasn’t.” in a fierce temper, pepper snatched her fingers away from his face, folding them across her chest as she released her anger into another bubble, the size of it expanding to the size of her head, before popping between the two of them, gum sticking to her nose. “i liked you better when your mouth was round my neck.”

“a stupid game?” he repeated, knowing that she’d only further confirmed what he thought. while aaron had treated their short relationship (and not even that was the right word) like love, star-written love, pepper had only written it off as a game. she was a child, then, ripping men’s hearts out like they meant nothing at all. “i didn’t feel anything for your bitchy friends, p. they didn’t lead me on for a month, only to drop me the next day for some other poor soul.” he laughed. “i think the term you use may have been ‘loser’, which is great -- i love to hear what you really think of me.” and it still hurt to hear her talk this way, aaron’s heart aching just the tiniest bit. her fingers on his face feeling so comforting, the first familiar thing at lake placid -- everything else reduced to ashes at dumfries or banished forever at wardlaw. aaron was still trying to figure out which pepper fell under. “if it wasn’t about me, then you must have been with someone else at the same time, then, which isn’t much better.” aaron hardly cared what retort she had next, it was all beginning to sound the same. “i liked you better when you pretended to give a shit about me.”

there was something to aaron now, something he couldn’t put his finger on, a far fall from the on he’d heard of back in dumfries, the perpetual golden boy, the vice president of the student council that would never probably have given him a second thought. he wouldn’t talk about it now, he wouldn’t talk about it at all, if it befitted his friend, he would let him come to him with it, for he knew of problems you never wanted to tell anyone. ( but if worse comes to worst, he had his smile and a shoulder, at least. right?  )

“you’ve missed that a few friendships are gone, and a few bits of drama come around, but nothing substantial,” he admitted, the grin still on his face. “at the risk of sounding like your mum, i’d say you missed a bit of homework, man. if you want, i could give you the notes. or help you with it, i’m pretty done with it, at least.”

well, jaime was the best of that good - checking up on aaron often, like he did now, baking him treats just to get him to smile. it was hard to imagine a time when jaime wasn't one of his better friends (though it was pretty recently that a much more arrogant aaron ignored him) sometimes, it was easy to see the light in jaime. most days, the struggle was seeing it in himself. nothing substantial...aaron repeated that in his mind a few times, tearing at it in search of a meaning, before deciding he was over analyzing things again.

“is it any of that elemental magic?” he asked, sounding disinterested. aaron found little time to care about something he’d been told could never manifest within him. “did you ever decide what you wanted to do with that, anyway?” this was half to change the subject, but half because aaron knew jaime had been between things. “i’d pick fire magic, if that wasn’t so damn ironic, being a dumfries boy.”

“we used to have fun,” the blonde purred, lips pursing as her teeth sunk into the flesh to drag the gum back into her mouth. “we used to be like royalty.” her vice-like gaze lifted as she sauntered towards him, her steps slow, calculated, almost leonine in the rise and fall of her prowling feet as she closed the distance between them, a finger lifting to trail along his jawline. “where did it all go wrong?” it was obvious, wasn’t it? pepper couldn’t resist roping him into one of her games – and the only person who ever won at those games was pepper.

now she was talking about the past, aaron’s jaw hardened with strife, because she had no right to speak of ‘we’ and ‘fun’ in the same sentence. “we used to be, until you ruined it.” he said, little regret in his tone. did she ruin it? at times, it was hard to remember - his brain had been so foggy because a mix of the drugs and her, manipulating him into getting her way. did it count as manipulation if you liked it, though? aaron was certain that at wardlaw, he would’ve laid down his life for her. “when you told me you could never love a mistake.”

“made the whole batch for you and me man, figured that you might have a few low days you want to remedy with some baked goods,” jaime chirped, matching the grin he had with his own lopsided one. it was always good to catch a smile from someone in the halls—it seemed to brighten up his day some, and who better for a smile than aaron, after all? “they’re special by principle i suppose,” he surmised, relaxing on the bed, “and if you have to ask the kind, they’re double fudge. learned it few weeks ago, so it’s kind of new for me but i had to try anyways.”

part of aaron couldn’t help but wonder if jaime had come just to ‘hang out’ as he said -- it was no secret around campus that the two were close, and for a moment, aaron considered that jaime had been sent to make sure aaron was still alive (he hadn’t been out of his room for awhile, explaining the organized chaos that was his room). “am i missing much out there?” he asked, one brownie already gone. “any drama? fights? i hear the americans are feisty.”