❂;; p r i n c e s s ⁽ᵃᵖ⁾

❝Friends are overrated anyways... People just always let you down... Though, family is just as bad, I suppose. Mother never loved me, ha! Neither did our father, let’s not be blind here, Zuzu... You and I are so vastly different, but I can’t bring myself to keep trying to be better than you. Is it possible for two things to be different but equal? Isn’t someone always inherently better than the other person?❞ she trailed off, staring blankly ahead of her. Behind all of her hatred and anger, there was sadness and insecurity. A constant battle of egotism and depression raged inside her. Who was she? What would she become? Could things ever really change?

❝Even if you fix me... No one will ever trust me. No one will ever be able to see me as anything other than a monster. I... I don’t think that’s such a good thing anymore. I don’t know the difference anymore. Zuko, you know this, I am condemned. Even if I am a changed woman and you develop pride and respect for me, no one will believe you. People like me don’t get second chances. I know that.❞

Azula was self aware of her fate. Every scenario she could possibly think up and execute ended one of two ways — death or judgement. In truth, the princess couldn’t decipher which was worse. She was never going to get anywhere. Even if her father had won, she wouldn’t have been able to handle the weight of the coveted position of Firelord. This new life was as unsavory as her pretend one.

For tonight, she refused to think of her goals in life. The lack of direction, although depressing, was a nice change in pace. There were no more overwhelming duties that consumed her time — she could focus on herself. What Azula wanted above all else would not happen in this reality. She had shown that she could not handle the immense stress of leading a nation, much less defeating her brother. For the first time in her life, she felt like the inferior little sister.

❝We both know this life is not going to satisfy me for very long... Perhaps you should consider that. I haven’t decided what I am going to do once released, but know this: I cannot compete with you anymore. I am not stupid, I know that,❞ she stated nonchalantly, her gaze relaxing into a more tired, knowing glance. Surely Zuko knew that he couldn’t keep her locked away forever, right? She’d go completely insane if she was to live out the rest of this sad, pathetic life. Azula just didn’t believe that she deserved it. She couldn’t accept her failure. She knew that everyone had the upper hand against her, but she was still alive. Alive, and still a superior bender to her brother. If she had to fight her way to freedom, so be it. The princess would rather be dead than continue to suffer alone in that infernal cell.

Relationships did not interest her in the slightest, and friends were impossible to find. Besides, who would willingly throw themselves in her life? Mai and Ty Lee were untrustworthy; their bridges had been burnt long ago. She didn’t feel the need to have friendships — Azula was more of a solitary creature. A small amount of company was tolerable, but not favorable. The simple question of what she wanted made her utterly confused. Her purpose in life had been obliterated, leaving in it’s wake a broken spirit. Was she supposed to rot? Should she want that due to the fact that she could not feel remorse? Repenting for something she did not feel the need to repent for was an insult. She questioned if her brother was even trustworthy.

Give the man the benefit of the doubt.

❝I’d like to be treated better than a deranged prisoner. That’s what I want,❞ she hissed, though her mind was racing to find meaning to her own existence. If Zuko knew she was truly pondering what he had said to her, he’d think she was salvageable. No matter how hard he tried, she knew she’d never be able to change for him. Her fate had been sealed.

Zuko had barely dodged a face full of lightning. As she began to realize how disliked she truly was, it wasn’t just anger that boiled in her blood; oh no, the blinding hot fury was still there, but now there was a second emotion in the mix. It was a dark feeling, one of emptiness. Total and complete emptiness.

Her stance relaxed and the princess stared at her brother with lifeless eyes as she came to a stalemate within herself. This was a defining moment and her choice would have a major play on her future. She could attack, most likely fail, and end up locked away to rot, or she could let her older brother fix that gaping hole left in her heart. Who even was she? Azula’s sense of identity was completely and utterly decimated. She deadpanned, deciding that attacking was the last thing that would help her. Lying to herself would not get her through this, she had to accept that she had failed. Her immediate reaction was to place the blame on her father — but that wasn’t completely accurate. For once, Azula understood that she needed to take personal responsibility. Perhaps she could not understand the full extent of her heinous actions, but she knew now that they were wrong.

❝I don’t know what you’re talking about! — I — I am feared and revered; is that the equivalence —?❞ she was practically incoherent, ❝I am not hated! That’s absurd, Zuzu... I am loved by all! I’m the... the princess...❞ She looked fearful, glancing at her brother as if the thought had never crossed her mind before. No one could possibly hate her! Why, she was perfect in every way, was she not? Her vulnerability was high, and her breathing grew rough, losing it’s usual silent pattern. ❝No... No that’s ridiculous. I am not by any means hated! Perhaps feared, but that is expected!❞

And down came her calm composure. She had suddenly become victim to her own ignorance. Cradling her head in her hands, she doubled over, squeezing her eyes shut; she was absolutely desperate to stop the delusions before she lashed out. She had to stay calm in front of Zuko if she wanted to gain any power at all.

❝  do  you  ever  take  a  break ?  ❞     exhaustion  clung  to  each  word ,  dragging  to  down ,  somewhere  dark     (  like  the  bags  under  his  eyes.  )     he  had  not  felt  his  staff  lift ,  nor  his  stance  widen:   raised  a  monk ,  trained  a  warrior.       ❝  i’m  not  here  to  fight,  azula.  BACK DOWN.  ❞

        Ruthless, cunning, charming, royal. And she can manipulate fire. Azula definitely had what it takes to roll with the big girls. Which only included herself, Mandy. The blade of the scythe worn upon her back reflected the princess’ visage, and it grew closer when Mandy took a step forth. She opened her mouth to speak once more.