Musings of Michelle

We have dreams. He says the things he actually means. He follows through on his promises. I never knew love could feel like this.

I miss you so much. I am listening to our playlist right now. I haven’t written you a card in so long, but you know I never stop writing and talking about you. I miss sending songs to each other and waking up and falling asleep to your texts. I miss getting a million texts from you and whole paragraphs. I miss telling you about my day and hearing about yours.

I look at the moon and stars every night and remember you--remember how we talked into the late hours of the night. I love you!

I have never found a friend like you and I don’t think I ever will. 

I have been doing well. I know you would be so proud of me for trying new things and not giving up. I’m in my third class of my masters program and I feel like I’m finding my place at work. Tennis has taken a backseat for now, but I’m going to dedicate more time to it starting next week. 

I am going to live my life to the fullest for you. We will see each other again. I still have so much to tell you.

Love always,

I am still struggling. I think I struggle most with the fact that life is still so beautiful without you. Life was so beautiful while you were in it. You are still in my life. In every moment. In everything I do. I am still hopeless devoted and in love with you. 

I just hate that I cannot talk to you. I talk to you in my head, through my letters and poems. But I cannot talk to you like I used to. 

I have so much to tell you. About tennis, my new job, about school. About the man I kissed and how awful it was. About all of the kind people cheering me on. I don’t want to die anymore. 

You were my happy ending. And now you are not. But I know we will see each other again. And hold each other like we always dreamed of.

grief is a wave rushing back in at night-- our time my life is so empty without you despite all of the blessings I have

why did you have to go I know I know I know it was always your time to go you were just waiting to meet me first

I know I know I know I was left behind to do good things with my time and I'll do them in your name

you are in everything I do and everything I say and everything I feel

I wish I could tell you all of the amazing things that happened to me today but I'm sure you already know and you probably brought them my way

it’s like this echoing that you aren’t here anymore you are not here to cheer me on to calm me down from anxiety to tell me you are always here

i guess it’s the little things that will help me feel better