welcome to my brainrot

I have lowkey the same problem with byler fanfics that I've had with buddie fanfics - too many stories from pov of a loyal golden retriever with ptsd and loads of unpacked trauma, not enough stories from pov of a hissy back cat with depression and internalized homophobia

I need this "Eddie always has to suffer alone" bullshit to stop, couldn't you put like one person in that fucking elevator with him? they didn't even have to be like present in the room, it could've been someone talking to him though intercom on the operator box thing in the elevator, but no, we go back to the same broken record of "Eddie must suffer alone, especially in moments when it looks like he's dying because he's a strong man who can take it all"

max is totally the "mike wheleer is a fucking idiot but he's our idiot so shut the hell up and keed his name out of your filthy mouth" type of friend

I adore the idea of Mike getting upset after trying to call Will once again during the Cali saga only to receive no answer, so he goes to Castle Byers for the first time since the rain fight and sees the ruins of their childhood left behind. he can't talk to Will on the phone because the line is always busy. he can't write him letters because every single time he says a little too much than best friends are allowed to. everything around him is changing, and he feels like he's so far behind it's impossible to keep up, so one day out of nowhere Mike decided to start rebuilding Castle Byers, and in doing so he's reconnecting with the Mike he used to be, the one who was not afraid to express his emotions and didn't spend countless nights overthinking every single thing.

it's haunting me how they took an emotionally repressed kid with years of unprocessed trauma, who canonically shows signs of suicidal ideations and depression, shoved him deep into the closet and threw away the key, locked him in a judgmental small town he always yearned to escape from, isolated him from all of his friends who slowly moved on with their lives, and made him eventually turn into his emotionally constipated absent father. killing him off would've been more merciful.

it's so funny to me how Neil's demisexual ass is just collecting devoted men left and right. like Andrew, obviously, but you also have Kevin and Neil being each others obsession aside from Exy. Nicky treating him like his little duckling, his dear child he birthed himself. Jean and Neil with their whole "forever misplaced partners"/"he was supposed to be mine" thing going on. Neil and Matt being platonic soulmates (and honestly, if Matt wasn't a loyal man, he probably would've risked it all for piece of Neil). and it's like if you're not ready to die for him, you can't stand Neil and low-key want to smother this menace in his sleep (Seth, Aaron, Riko, etc.)

finished reading the golden raven, it took me a lot longer than I expected, but at least it's done. now I'm just gonna read every single aftg fanfic ao3 has to offer. see you when tsc3 is here

saw this one post talking about how after Neil stops running his CPTSD will show its face, and like am I crazy for thinking Jean is the one who can talk Neil into giving Betsy a chance? or just therapy in general

"Every time he blinked, he saw Neil broken and still on the court floor." this rematch was incredible, and misplaced forever partners will be the death of me.

crazy how the tables turned. in the sunshine court jean's chapters were always so fucking hard to read, while jeremy ones were a breath of fresh air. but in the golden raven it's the opposite because jean is firmly on the road of healing, while jeremy's facade is slowly crumbling, and he seems like seconds away from falling apart.

got to jeremy's post-banquet confession talk, and I have to say, his family failed him miserably, and it's no wonder he went completely off the rails. maybe part of him thought that if he hurt himself hard enough, his parents would finally notice how much he was struggling under their relentless pressure and complete indifference. I honestly don't know what more there is to say, because the rest seems kinda obvious. yes, jeremy is a flawed character in a story about flawed characters finding their place in life, reason to fight for themselves, and people to care about. no, jeremy is not a sex addict, because he clearly reaches out to his hookups when he's vulnerable and too overwhelmed with emotions to properly deal with them. yes, he shouldn't have left his clearly suicidal brother alone, but he was a kid himself and seeking professional help for noah was their parents' responsibility, which they refused to care about. no, jeremy is not a bad person, but a kind one who made horrible mistakes and yet still tries his best to stay true to his beliefs.

bambi boy, you're spiraling, and I can't wait to see you hit the rock bottom.

all characters are nice, but cat alvarez has my heart. she's a precious little bean.

"I'm not learning French for anyone but you." Jean is so much stronger than me, I would've combusted on the spot.

honestly, I'm okay with tsc3 coming out in like ten years as long as Nora actually says "don't wait for new books for at least ten years" so I can stop sitting here like a loyal dog looking at the door in hopes of my person returning