Professional Buddie Theorizer

This was a bad idea. You knew that. 

You should go home.

But he was right there. And he was so pretty. 

He had asked for you. He had picked you out of the crowd. And now you were in his hotel room. 

You were so fucked. 

.

.

.

You (and everyone who knew Eddie) knew that he did this all the time, it was practically an after-show ritual for him. Only on a very rare occasion did he go back to his hotel room by himself, or with the same person. It was always someone new, someone he had seen at the show, someone who caught his eye. And tonight that were you. 

Okay, if you were going to be completely honest here, this might have been what you wanted all along. But you never thought it would actually happen, you weren’t that delusional. But you had spent a little longer on your appearance tonight, and you had worn that outfit that showed off all your best assets and made you feel really fucking hot. 

And Eddie really needed to remember to thank you for that. Because once he saw you at the front of the crowd he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. In between songs he had walked over to the side of the stage, bending down so he could speak into the security guard's ear, and had told him the same thing he told him every night, accompanied with a point in your general direction. 

So when the show was coming to an end, security walked over to you and said “When the show ends hang around okay? Eddie wants to see you.” 

Oh. 

Oh. 

You just nodded and blurted out something like ‘Oh yeah, okay, yeah, I can do that, thank you-” honestly you don’t even remember what you said, because your heart was racing as you realised what was happening. 

The security guard just rolled his eyes and strolled back to where he was originally standing. You figured he was probably tired of the reaction he got every time he had to tell Eddie’s latest crush to hang around after the show.

He did it every night, and honestly, he felt bad for every single one of them. It was the same each time: he would tell them, they would freak out, they would spend the night with Eddie, and the next day he would have to awkwardly escort them out of the hotel and tell them not to “take it personally doll, this is just what he does” Because Eddie wouldn’t even wake up early enough the next morning to say goodbye. 

He was a dick. But people fucking loved it and loved him. 

.

.

.

“You okay doll?” That recognisable voice pulled you out of your daydream and back to reality, although right now you weren’t entirely sure there was much of a difference between your daydreams and what was really happening. 

Standing in Eddie Munson’s dressing room wasn’t exactly something you thought you would ever be doing. 

After the show ended you stayed where you were, anxiously moving back and forth on your feet and looking around to see what exactly you were supposed to do next. Sure you had been told to ‘hang around’ but what did that mean? Were you supposed to stay where you were, walk over to a security guard and tell them Eddie had asked you to stick around? No, bad idea. They’d think you were a crazy stalker and would most likely escort you out of the venue. 

You couldn't see the man who had come over to speak to you. Your eyes continued to scan the room, looking for anyone who seemed to be signalling for you to come over; and just as you were about to admit defeat and leave, that same man caught your eye and nodded his head to the side. 

You hoped that was meant for you, or you were about to severely embarrass yourself. 

But, everyone else still there seemed to be talking amongst themselves, paying no attention to the man who now stood, looking rather impatient, next to the stage. Gathering all the courage you could muster (which truthfully was not a lot but fuck it) you crossed your arms over your chest and walked over to him. 

“Can you get over the barrier or do you need my help?” 

“Wha- I’m sorry?” you questioned him with perhaps a little too much confusion in your voice, and based on the look on his face, you already knew he didn’t like you very much. Or maybe he was like this with everyone. He worked for Eddie Munson after all and based on everything you knew about him, you guessed that job probably took a toll on a person. He was notorious for being difficult to work with. He’s lucky he was so fucking hot. 

“Are you serious… Jesus Christ okay- can you get over the barrier or do you need me to lift you over?” He started walking over to you, making a rather fair assumption that you were about to ask for some help. 

“Oh um yeah, could you…” He was already lifting you over before you could finish your request ‘Thank you, sorry… I just… I’m not normally this nervous” awkwardly laughing as you placed your feet on the ground and adjusted your clothes. 

“Yeah, you and everyone else who does this each night” He didn’t say it very loudly, probably not intending for you to actually hear him, but you did. It didn’t upset you, you knew what Eddie was like. But you were slightly embarrassed that his security was seemingly very aware of how your night was about to play out. 

He didn’t speak much. Eddie’s security. You had tried to make polite conversation by asking his name, but he was too busy leading you to Eddie’s dressing room. It was cold backstage, and busy. Lots of people moving equipment and talking about the next show, you were pretty sure they worked for the Band. You noticed a few other girls standing around, probably waiting for the other members of the band. You knew that the others didn’t have as much of a reputation as Eddie, but you would have to be pretty naive to assume they weren’t doing almost the same thing. They were just more subtle about it. 

“He’s in there” He stopped so abruptly that you were lucky you didn’t walk straight into the back of him. You looked up and saw that the door was closed, but his security was making no move to knock or open it for you. You thanked him and he just gave you a nod and walked away. Okay. Guess you’re knocking on the door yourself. Because that’s not terrifying. 

But you were already here, and it would be far more awkward to try and find your way back so you took a deep breath and knocked three times on the door. 

“Yeah come in” Eddie’s voice sounded from behind the door. 

Oh shit, he’s really in there, you thought to yourself. 

With one last shaky breath and shaking your hair out you grabbed the cold door handle and pushed the door open, peering around the door frame before you walked in. You could see Eddie, he was standing next to a high-up table and was clearly busy with something. But you couldn’t see anyone else, which was a small relief. 

Pushing the door completely open you stepped into the room. You took your hand off the door, and you were not expecting it to shut as quickly or loudly as it did. The loud bang of the door caused Eddie to turn around slightly too fast to be casual, and his eyes darted straight behind you to the door and then instantly back to your face, looking straight at you. But he quickly regained his composure and let his eyes rake up and down you. Yeah, so Eddie Munson did not do subtle. 

You were pretty sure Eddie just said something to you but you were too busy looking at him. No not looking, staring. Apparently, you didn’t do subtle either. 

You knew Eddie was pretty. But in person, this closeup? It was ridiculous. He was annoyingly hot. His curly hair fell around his face, bangs resting just above his eyebrows, framing his face perfectly. Your eyes scanned down to his lips, parted slightly, and you couldn’t help but think about what they would feel like on your neck. But his eyes were what grabbed your attention the most, they were almost hypnotising and you definitely stared at them for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

“You okay doll?” Eddie repeated his earlier question, not bothering to bite back the smirk that painted his face. 

“Yeah, I’m… I’m good!” You did not mean for that to come out as enthusiastically as it did. “I mean um, I’m good thanks, are you? Okay?” If you didn’t get your shit together and start acting less like a fangirl in the next two seconds you were just going to escort yourself out. 

Eddie laughed under his breath and leaned back against the wall behind him “Well aren’t you polite” You weren’t entirely sure what to say to that, so you just didn’t say anything. Instead choosing to remain standing by the door.  

Eddie lifted his hand that was holding an unlit cigarette and placed it between his lips. And quickly removing it again, for some reason. 

Oh god, now you were staring at his lips. And his hands. He had really pretty hands, with lots of rings on his fingers. Did he leave the rings on when he-

“Is staring a normal thing for you or am I just that attractive, sweetheart?” 

Fuck. Rockstars were so damn cocky. 

“That’s funny” You responded, you had no idea where that confidence suddenly came from, but something about the way he looked at you made you feel safe. “You know what?” You said as you walked over to the lone bar stool next to the table, sitting down and putting your hands under your thighs (you didn’t feel the need to question why there was only one chair in his dressing room). 

“You’re already flirting with me and you don’t even know how old I am, what if I’m like… I don't know, seventeen?” You held back a smile as you saw Eddie tense up and then quickly relax again. 

“Very clever, but not clever enough doll.” Jesus you wished he’d stop with the nicknames, it really wasn’t helping your whole ‘act casual’ plan. Eddie fiddled with the cigarette in between his fingers as he carried on speaking,  “this venue doesn’t let anyone in under the age of twenty-one. So, unless you were using a fake ID I figured it was safe to assume you’re not, in fact, seventeen.” 

You looked down at your feet that were dangling just above the floor, you weren’t using a fake ID. But you had in the past, he didn’t need to know that though. Although you couldn’t imagine he was one to judge someone for doing something illegal. 

“Okay fine, so I’m not seventeen. You still don’t know how old I am though. You don’t even know my name, Eddie” You shot back, trying to sound serious, but the humour underneath your statement broke through. You also weren’t sure if you were on a first-name basis with him, but what else were you supposed to call him?

Eddie never broke eye contact with you the whole time you were speaking, but you couldn’t quite read what he was thinking. 

“You wanna tell me your name then, sweetheart? Or am I supposed to guess that and your age? You wanna make me work for it huh?” Eddie put the cigarette down as he pushed himself off the wall and rested his forearms on the table, getting just that little bit closer to you. 

“Normally yeah, I’d make a guy work for my name, but I suppose you’re special, right?” You said quietly, your confidence quickly slipping away the longer he looked at you. 

“You’re gonna give me an ego, doll. No one’s ever called me special before, especially someone as pretty as you.” Eddie was a flirt, you knew that. He probably told every girl he has never seen someone as ‘pretty as they were’. But, still, it felt nice. You certainly didn’t believe that no one had ever called him special before. He was Eddie fucking Munson, for crying out loud. 

“I’m Y/N.” You told him, purposefully not mentioning your age. You were over twenty-one but Eddie was… older. 

He was almost double your age, actually. 

“Pretty name. Matches the face.” Eddie flirted. He was insatiable already. “And you’re… how old exactly.” Eddie clearly noticed the look of worry that flashed because he quickly added “I know, I know. You should never ask a lady her age, and all that shit. But uh, help me out here” 

“Okay um, I’m twenty-two.” Eddie didn’t react at all like he was waiting for you to say something else, but when you didn’t he just said “So that would make me old enough to be your dad, right?” he laughed. 

“Whoa, well I wouldn’t say that. You’re forty. My dad’s in his fifties so…” Why did you just bring up your dad, to the man you were pretty sure you were about to sleep with? Smooth. 

Eddie walked around so he was standing in front of you, resting a hand on your knee and using the other to push your hair off your face. “So you’re not uncomfortable, at all? Look, baby, I’m older, you’re still young, I wouldn’t want this to be some power-dynamic situation where you feel pressured, or fuckin’ whatever” 

Shit. He wasn’t a complete asshole. At least not right now, he seemed genuinely concerned about you feeling safe. But with his hand on your knee, you weren’t sure how the fuck he expected you to focus. 

“‘M not uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have come back here if I was” Eddie tilted his head slightly, looking for more confirmation. “I promise. ‘M not a child, Eddie” 

“No, you’re definitely not… a child” You could tell he was trying really hard to keep his eyes on yours and not look other places right now. His hand that moved your hair came to rest on your cheek. 

This close to him you could see the stubble on his face, and the freckles that painted his nose and under his eyes. His eyes were even more dangerous this close-up as well. You were pretty sure he would do anything he asked you to right now, and you’d only been with him five minutes. 

Was he about to kiss you? 

You were pretty sure he was about to kiss you. 

You hadn’t even realised it but you had let your legs fall apart so he was now standing as close as he possibly could be, your legs dangling around his. He just kept looking at you, rubbing his thumb on your cheek, whilst his eyes moved back and forth from yours to your lips. 

And just as you were about to lean forwards, your lips parting, 

He walked away. 

What the fuck? 

“You smoke?” 

“Wha- I’m sorry?” 

Eddie had sauntered over to another table in the corner, it was covered in empty food containers, drinks, cigarettes and god knows what else. He grabbed the leather jacket that was thrown haphazardly across the edge of the table and threw it on, he still didn’t say anything as he walked back over to where you were sitting and picked up the cigarette he put down earlier, placing it behind his ear. You hated it, but there was something about him that made it impossible to not watch him. And he knew it, too. 

“I said do you smoke?” 

“No, s’bad for you” 

“Fuck you’re not about to start lecturing me are you?” The immediate exhaustion in his voice was evident, and you wondered how many times a day he was told to stop smoking. “‘Cause I like you so far, don’t turn into an asshole now” 

“No f’course not I just-  you asked if I smoked, that’s all” 

“Okay, good. Good that you aren’t about to fuckin’ lecture me and force me to tell you to fuck off,” Charming, as always. “and good that you don’t smoke. You’re too pretty for that shit.” 

Only Eddie Munson could be an asshole and compliment you in the same sentence. 

Eddie turned on his heel and headed for the door, as he opened it he turned around, clearly expecting to see you standing right behind him, but you hadn’t even moved from where you were sitting. “You comin'? Or are you just gonna sit there looking lost all night?” 

You stood up without saying anything and expected him to just start walking again, instead he just shut the door again, leaning against it and drawled out “you know why I asked for you to hang around right?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good idea.” You weren’t entirely sure what his deal was. He was both exactly what people said he was but also not like that. He seemed… you weren’t sure. It wasn’t that he was unsure of himself, it definitely wasn’t that. But if you didn’t know he did this every damn night, you’d say he was trying to hold back his nerves. 

Or maybe he just did this so much that it was starting to bore him. 

“Okay. so?” He wasn’t even looking at you as he said it, instead choosing to stare at the ceiling. 

“I don’t know what you’re asking me here, Eddie.” You whispered. 

Eddie lowered his gaze to your eyes and stood up straight, no longer leaning against the door. “Can I fuck you, sweetheart? Do you want that?” 

Oh fuck. 

You nodded, certain that if you tried to articulate yourself you would find that words escaped you. 

“Use your words for me, come on doll, need to hear you say it.” Eddie moved towards you a bit and picked up the pendant on the end of your necklace, flipping it over in his fingers as he waited for your answer, never once breaking eye contact.

“Yeah I- I want that. Want you to fuck me.” You blurted out. 

A smile broke out on Eddie’s face as he dropped your necklace and turned around, opening the door and walking out “Come on then.” 

You didn’t figure you were in a position to ask any questions, so you just followed him. Wherever he was going, he was going to fuck you once you got there, so you were happy either way. 

What you didn’t know was that you had utterly confused Eddie. 

You see, normally when Eddie invited someone backstage, it took them about two minutes before they were trying to jump his bones, kissing his neck and telling him how hot he was. It was easy like that, but you? You didn’t even try and touch him, which was… respectful. He wasn’t used to that. Not that he didn’t want you to touch him, he did. He had just never had to make the first move before, or straight up ask someone if they wanted him to fuck them. 

But you did want him. He could tell. The way you couldn’t stop looking at him, even when he wasn’t even doing anything. The way your thighs rubbed together when he called you ‘doll’ or ‘sweetheart’. Or the way your breath hitched when he asked you if you wanted him to fuck you. 

You were also really fucking pretty. He felt his heart race when you first walked into his dressing room. Sure, he had seen you in the audience and thought you were cute, but it was different when you were standing before him. But of course, he pushed all those thoughts away, You were a hookup, that’s all. That’s all he wanted. Maybe out of spite to himself, but he would never let anyone be more than that. And you weren’t going to be any different. 

.

.

.

The drive to the hotel was pretty quick. Fifteen minutes at most. You had followed Eddie to a car that was waiting just outside one of the back entrances and he had even gone as far as to open the door for you. What a gentleman, maybe? You still could not figure him out. 

Once Eddie was in the car, the driver set off. Neither of you said a word to the other. Instead, you sat in oddly comfortable silence. Letting the city lights and moonlight leak into the car as you were driven through the bustling metropolis. 

Occasionally you’d look over at Eddie, and each time you did would find he was already looking at you. The first couple of times you looked away again, staring back out of the window at the starry night sky, looking at the constellations and trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. You were sitting in the back of a car with Eddie Munson. And he was taking you back to his hotel. 

The third time you looked over at Eddie he was moving over to sit right next to you. You shifted slightly so you could look at him without having to twist your neck as far. “Hey” you murmured. 

“You know normally by now, you would be sitting on my lap, whilst I feel you up under your clothes.” 

“Oh, how romantic” You chirped back. 

“What can I say, I’m a modern-day Romeo.” 

“Can I say something?” You asked him, breaking eye contact, choosing to look down at your legs instead. 

“Fucking hell- I- yeah sure.” His voice was laced with annoyance “You know they normally don’t talk this much either.” Eddie shot back at you. 

“Okay well I was gonna say, you’re not as much of an asshole as people make you out to be. But then you kinda were an asshole, so, never mind.” 

You looked back up at Eddie to see a grin on his face. “What?” You barked out. 

Eddie held his hands up in mock surrender and only held back a laugh at your annoyance. “You love it, sweetheart. Or else you wouldn’t have agreed to meet me, let alone get in the car with me. And come back to my damn hotel room.” His voice dipped much lower than you had heard it all night, it was all smug and had an air of ‘I know I’m hot as fuck and so do you’ about it. 

You swallowed and tried to look back out the window, anything to avoid looking right at Eddie. But he lifted his hand and turned your head back to him, once you were looking at him he lowered his hand from your cheek and let it rest on your jaw. 

“Now, Can I please kiss you?” 

Fucking finally. 

You barely had time to nod before his soft lips landed on your own. Barely had time to think before the kiss turned heated, Eddie leaning his head one way and you leaning yours the other so you could be as close as possible. 

Noses squished against each other and lips moulding together in perfect rhythm. It was like Eddie had lit a fire in you because you couldn’t get close enough to him. You lifted yourself up and swung your leg over Eddie’s lap, he quickly realised what you were doing and moved his hands to grab your hips, helping you settle on top of him, the whole time not once breaking the kiss. 

Your hands went straight to Eddie’s hair and he moved from your hips to your back, letting them feel every part of you, until they eventually went to your hair, too. He took your bottom lip between his teeth and pulled back slightly, causing you to let out the smallest whimper.

 He went straight back to making out with you, but you could feel his smirk against your mouth. As your lips moved together you started rocking your hips back and forth, slowly and experimentally. 

But it was enough to cause Eddie to let out a groan, which only encouraged you even more, doubling down on your efforts to kiss him, pressing your lips deeper and harder against his, and he only returned the same energy, pushing himself forward and pulling you closer to him, letting his tongue run over your bottom lip, begging for entry. 

You parted your lips instantly and he wasted no time letting his tongue meet yours. You tried to fight for some dominance in this situation but he quickly took control. His tongue in your mouth and one hand on the back of your neck, the other holding your hip to control your movements. 

It was hot. And you were really fucking needy. You had almost forgotten that some poor driver was sitting directly in front of you, behind the separator. Probably trying to get to the hotel as fast as possible. You didn’t blame him. 

You and Eddie were making out like if you didn’t you would die, and honestly, that was exactly what you felt like. Everywhere he touched you left you wanting more and more and more. His kiss ebbed and flowed through you, making you roll your hips against him even more. 

His lips on yours left you convinced that you had died and gone to heaven. His tongue exploring your mouth made you feel like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. He knew what he was doing. Of course, he did. 

Just as your hips grinding against him was getting erratic, the car stopped. And Eddie pulled away from you instantly. Both of you breathing heavily, you more than him, somehow. Did he have more oxygen in his body or something, what the fuck? You had both had your tongues down each other's throat, how did he seem slightly out of breath and you felt like you were fighting for air? Eddie patted his hands against your hips, signalling for you to get up and out of the car. 

The door opened and you stepped out as smoothly as you could, which wasn’t easy when you were just being felt up by a rockstar in the back of the car, but you gave it your best shot. The late spring air caressed your face and you felt yourself relax for the first time all night; moving away from the car as Eddie said something to the driver you stepped onto the lawn in front of the hotel and felt the dew-dropped grass crunch under your shoes. 

The hotel was big, fancy, you didn’t feel like you belonged there. You couldn’t even count how many stories high it was, the lit-up windows seemingly going for miles, hypnotising you as you stared up in awe. 

Truthfully you were more shocked that the band’s management still let them stay in places as lavish as this, they were renowned for being… destructive. You had heard countless stories of Eddie and his bandmates going back to a hotel drunk or high (most of the time it was both) and destroying their rooms, disturbing the other guests and probably other things they had most likely paid the media not to leak. 

Some said that Eddie and others had mellowed out recently, with Eddie turning forty. If you asked Eddie he would take offence to that, and say something precocious like he was “just getting started”. Whatever that meant. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a hand coming to rest on your lower back, and you knew it was Eddie without having to turn around. 

“Come on, I stay out here for too long we’ll be fuckin’ swarmed,” He told you. 

“You get a lot of people waiting for you at hotels?” You already knew the answer, you had seen the insanity for yourself on TV. Hundreds of fans crowded the hotel hoping for a glance at the band. 

“Yeah, somethin’ like that. They just want me to sign something so they can sell it. I don’t do that shit.” Eddie explained as his security hurried you both into the hotel. 

His security led you through the lobby and joined you in the elevator. Which you were pretty sure was the most awkward two minutes of your life. You felt like a little kid being dragged home by her parents and they were too annoyed with you to even hold a conversation. Eddie didn’t seem to mind it though, leaning to the side and resting against the elevator wall, closing his eyes in exasperation when his security murmured something along the lines of “I’ll knock on your door at 9 tomorrow.” Eddie didn’t bother to respond or even show that he had heard him. 

Soon the elevator stopped and his security stepped off. He turned around and gave you both a curt nod before letting out a sigh and walking off. 

The elevator doors had barely shut, and it hadn’t even started moving again before Eddie was on you. Pushing you back against the wall of the elevator, his hands on your waist, a small sigh left your lips at the speed and energy of it. He dipped his head to your neck and let his lips explore everywhere. Your hands flew up to his hair to keep him pressed against you and when he found your sweet spot you couldn’t stop the moan that slipped out, and you felt Eddie’s mouth turn up into a smirk against your neck. 

He was mouthing at your neck like he needed it to breathe, alternating between pressing kisses and sucking at your skin, letting his teeth graze your skin. Soothing the love-bitten skin by running his tongue over it once he was satisfied with his work. You already knew you would have to cover those with makeup for the next few days, or maybe you wouldn’t, letting everyone see Eddie’s mark on you, you hadn’t decided yet. 

You were so lost in the feeling of Eddie that you hadn’t heard the sighs and whimpers you were letting out, but Eddie couldn’t miss them if he tried, he thought you sounded angelic. 

“Fuck doll, barely even touched you and you’re making such pretty noises f’me” Eddie raised his head to look at you, his lips red and swollen. “Gonna let me see what other noises I can get you to make?” You let out a hum of agreement. 

Eddie grabbed your face with one ring-clad hand, forcing you to look at him, and not at his lips (in your defence, you hadn’t even realised you were staring at his lips). “I asked you a question sweetheart.” 

He leaned forward so his lips were grazing your ear as he spoke, “I said, are you gonna let me pull even more noises out of you? Answer me, come on pretty girl.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Please Eddie I-” The elevator doors opened just as Eddie was laughing at the neediness in your voice. 

Eddie’s eyes dipped down to your neck again and then back to yours, before grabbing your hand and dragging you behind him, walking at a considerable pace. He was just as desperate as you were, he was just much better at hiding it. 

Eddie opened the door to his room and you had about five seconds to see that you were standing in a hallway, leading off to the multiple rooms. You let your eyes wander around the enormous suite before Eddie was turning around and kissed you, lips smashing desperately against each other. It was the type of kiss that took all the air out of your lungs, your hands grabbing blindly at his jacket, clinging to him like he was your lifeline. 

You felt Eddie starting to lead you back and quickly your waist hit the small glass table that was next to the door. You reluctantly broke away from the kiss, turning your head to look down at the table that Eddie seemed to want you to sit on. 

“It’s glass,” You said simply. 

“Baby that table probably cost more than your rent. S’not gonna break.” Eddie let his hands wander underneath your top, drawing small shapes on your back whilst he waited for you to be where he wanted you. 

“Telling me it costs more than my rent is not calming my nerves here!” You exclaimed, 

“Would you get on the fucking table so I can eat you out” 

Well, when you put it like that. 

You placed your hands on either side of you on the table and Eddie lifted your waist to help you up. “Thank you” Eddie drew out the syllables as he spoke, and his voice was laced with sarcasm, you hit his shoulder. His lips turned up in a smile and he reconnected his lips to yours. The kiss was slower this time, but still desperate. Eddie stood between your legs and you were quick to wrap them around his waist, pulling him flush against you, letting him roll his hips against your centre and you moaned against his lips. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring you as you let him take control. 

Just as you were about to beg for more Eddie pulled away from your lips and dropped to his knees, placing your legs over his shoulders, dusting light kisses along your thighs. And it was only at that moment that your brain caught up with your body. Eddie Munson was between your thighs, and it felt so right. Your heart was racing and you felt goosebumps on your arms, but you felt so comfortable with him. 

Oh shit. Do not fall for him. 

This was a bad idea. You knew that. 

You should go home.

But he was right there. And he was so pretty. 

He had asked for you. He had picked you out of the crowd. And now you were in his hotel room. 

You were so fucked. 

“Hey, where’d you go?” Eddie ran his hand along your outer thigh, his other coming up to push his hair back off his face. 

“I- shit, sorry, I’m okay. Promise” You tried to assure him. You really were okay, this was just a lot. 

“We can stop. Or slow down. Jus’ tell me what you need me to do.” 

You needed him to go back to being an asshole and make it easier to leave in the morning. 

“Need you. Need you to touch me.” You breathed. Eddie bit back a smirk and gently pushed your skirt up around your hips, you felt your breathing speed up already, your legs spreading wider as his soft lips kissed lovebites onto your inside thigh, slowly moving closer to where you so desperately wanted him. He pulled back to admire the purple bruises he had sucked onto your skin, leaning forward again to press light kisses over them. “Eddie, please” your voice came out breathy and quiet, you barely even recognised it as your own. 

“What’s wrong sweetheart? You wanted me to touch you, yeah? S’what I’m doin” Eddie was teasing you and you knew it, your fingers gripping the side of the table so firmly that your knuckles were going white. 

“Need more.” Was all you could tell him, all of your focus being pulled to where his hands were running up and down your thighs again. 

“Tell me doll, you gotta tell me where you need me or I can’t help you baby” you could tell how much he was enjoying your reactions just from the tone of his voice, he was trying to be serious and controlling but you could hear the smile in his voice. 

You hummed out in protest and tried to move your hips closer to him, but as soon as he saw you trying to move his grip on your thighs got tighter, stopping you from moving. 

“You gotta use your words for me angel or I’m gonna get bored here” Eddie slipped into the dominant persona so naturally that you couldn’t help the pang of guilt that rang through your body at the reminder that he did this with lots of people, you weren’t the first and definitely weren’t going to be the last. And you hated how that thought made you feel. 

Not wanting Eddie to notice the way your face dropped for a split second you quickly pushed the thought away and felt the desperation build up again. 

“Need your mouth, please- just please Eddie” 

“Good girl” You felt heat rush to your cheeks at his words, Eddie noticed too, but he didn’t say anything. Not yet, anyway. 

“Can you lift your hips for me darlin? Need to get these pretty panties off you, yeah?” You instantly lifted yourself up as much as you could, as Eddie slipped his hands under and pulled your underwear down your legs, throwing them somewhere behind him once they were off. 

You could thank all the gods that Eddie didn’t tease you anymore. He pulled you to the edge of the table and your ankles crossed behind his back in an effort to keep him close to you, certain that if he didn’t touch you right there and then you were going to combust. 

Eddie ran a finger along your cunt, finally getting to feel how desperate you really were. “Shit sweetheart, you’re fucking soaked, huh?” You whimpered at his words, not trusting yourself enough with words. “Yeah? s’okay I’ve got you, gonna make you feel so good I promise” Eddie dipped his finger against your entrance, gathering your wetness before going straight for your clit, rubbing slow circles right over that sweet spot. Your hips bucked at the small movement and Eddie looked up at you, his brown eyes peeking out from behind his overgrown bangs. 

The amount of need he saw in your eyes was almost enough to make him pick you up and carry you to his bed there and then, but he was a firm believer in the more fucked out someone was before he had even fucked them, the better the sex. So, he fought every instinct in his body and dropped his eyes back to your cunt, finally attaching his mouth to you, making you mewl and whimper above him, immediately moving one of your hands to hold his head against your core, your fingers tangling into his curls. 

Eddie knew what he was doing, his tongue running along your slit and moving up to suck on your clit, shaking his head whenever he did, causing you to throw your head back, eyes shut so tightly it almost hurt. Every time he felt your thighs tighten around him, or heard your breathing speed up, he pulled off your clit and went back to running his tongue through your cunt, stopping you from getting to where you really needed to be, but still feeling fucking ridiculous. 

“Eddie- need your fingers, please” You begged him, you just needed to feel more of him. 

He pulled back and smiled up at you “Look at you baby, using your words to tell me what you need.” As he said it he gently ran one finger along your cunt, dipping it inside you slightly in an attempt to work you open, but you were so needy he really didn’t need to. 

His words made you clench around nothing and all you could do was mewl out longing pleases and eddies. Reciting his name like a mantra. 

He whispered out little shh shh shh’s as he made delicate work of slipping his middle finger inside you. Of course, you had touched yourself before, but Eddie touching you surpassed anything you had ever made yourself feel. Just one of his fingers was enough to stretch you out, but you still needed more. 

“More please- please” You couldn’t take your eyes off of Eddie, at how he couldn’t take his eyes off your cunt, where his finger was dipping in and out of you “I got you angel”. 

Eddie slipped another finger inside you, it felt uncomfortable for a second and your eyebrows scrunched together as you tried to adjust to his fingers inside you. But that dull ache was soon relieved when Eddie curled his two fingers up inside you, hitting that spot that you had never been able to reach, or anyone else you had slept with had been able to reach. He kept a steady rhythm, not pulling his fingers in and out anymore, instead, he just kept curling his fingers perfectly each time. It had you seeing stars and your breath caught in your throat as you tried to calm yourself down. 

“Yeah? That feel good, baby?” Eddie teased, lapping his tongue against your clit again, forcing you to let out the prettiest string of moans he had ever heard. “Fuck doll, anyone ever made you feel like this before, huh?” You were so fucked out already you just shook your head, trying to push his head back down, a silent plea for him to put his mouth back on you. 

“No? That’s a fucking crime sweetheart. None of the boys your age are doing it for you huh?” Little whimpers and moans let him know the answer to his question without you having to say anything. The man was a menace, holding a conversation with you whilst he had two fingers curled inside you. 

Oh, and you finally had an answer to your earlier question. He did keep his rings on whilst he fingered someone. Which you were ever so grateful for. It was the hottest thing you had ever seen or felt. The metal of his rings rubbing against you had your eyes rolling back into your head. 

“Just needed someone who knew what they were doing to touch you, right?” Eddie was definitely a talker. Not that you were complaining, especially since you could barely string two words together right now. 

He continued lapping at your clit whilst his fingers worked inside you, your moans getting louder by the minute. If you weren’t so busy with Eddie’s head between your legs you might be worried about getting a noise complaint from the other poor guests who could probably hear you. 

You felt that coil in your stomach start to tighten and you let your hand that was resting on Eddie’s head pull oh his hair, eliciting a groan from him, his eyes searching for yours and when he found them screwed closed he used his free hand to grab one of yours and hold it, letting you know he knew you were close. 

“Can you let go for me angel, hm? Come on, I got you” 

That was all it took for the coil to snap, your whole body felt like it was burning, in the best way. Your grip on Eddie’s hand got tighter as he worked you through it, his fingers slowing down but not stopping, his thumb rubbing circles over your clit. All you could do was moan and whimper above him, letting out a stream of oh gods and don’t stop. Eddie was saying something to you, you could hear his muffled voice but your ears were ringing and everything was too much but you never wanted it to stop. 

Until suddenly it all became too much, your legs instinctively trying to close, hand coming down to move Eddie’s away from you. He picked up on your change in demeanour instantly and slowly took his fingers out of you, pressing small kisses to your knee as he let you calm down. 

“Fuck, Eddie-” Was all you could say when you’re senses came back to you. 

You realised you were still holding Eddie’s hand, but you didn’t make any moves to let go. Neither did he. 

“Yeah? Not bad for an old man, huh?” Eddie chirped. 

“Fuck off, you’re forty. That’s not that old” You retaliated, watching as Eddie stood up from where he had knelt before you. 

“Oh well thank you, sweetheart.” His voice dripped with sarcasm as he pushed your hair away from your face. A gesture that felt oddly romantic given the way you had found yourselves in this situation. 

Eddie moved to slot his lips over yours, taking your bottom lip between his and sucking. You melted into the kiss and ran your tongue over his bottom lip, begging for entrance. He let you take control for a few seconds before he slipped his tongue into your mouth and you tasted yourself on him. The whimper that you let out was downright pornographic but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be embarrassed. 

“Fuck sweetheart, wrap your legs around me” Eddie’s voice was raspy and it cut through you like a knife, you didn’t even ask him why before you had your legs tightly holding onto his waist. He wasted no time picking you up from the table and carrying you to the bedroom, taking extra care to lie you gently down on the bed in the middle of the room, crawling to hover above you and attach his lips to your neck, sucking right onto your pulse point, causing a desperate moan to leave you. 

Your legs tightened around him and he ground his hips down into you, his desperation was evident even though he was trying hopelessly to seem calm and collected. But with you lying underneath him that seemed to be impossible. With his head buried in your neck as he desperately worked to leave you covered in as many marks as possible, you tried to shift his weight off you so you could flip yourselves over. But he just tightened his grip on your waist, and hand that he still hadn’t let go off. Keeping you firmly pinned to the mattress. 

“Eddie, I- oh fuck” he ground his hips down against you as you began speaking, stealing the breath from your lungs. “Eddie, do you not want me to…” Your confidence suddenly slipped again, you wanted to offer to suck his dick. But you had only given head a couple of times, each time being to a guy your age who was probably just grateful to have a girl on her knees in front of him. Eddie was older, and a world-famous rockstar. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself. But you really wanted to taste him. 

“What is it doll?” Eddie pushed as he dusted light kisses across your jaw, rubbing circles over the slip of skin that was exposed where your t-shirt had ridden up. 

“Can I- can I suck your dick?” Your voice was small and Eddie couldn’t tell if you were just nervous or if you didn’t actually want to. 

“You don’t have to sweetheart, don’t worry about it.” Either way, he wasn’t going to let you do something unless he was absolutely positive that you really wanted to. He dipped back down and pulled you into a long, deep kiss. Your hands flew to the back of his neck as you kissed him back, all tongue and teeth, but you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“I want to though” You insisted, barely moving your lips off of Eddie’s. Eddie’s long hair fell around you both, cutting you off from being able to see anything other than his face as he leaned over you. 

Eddie still wasn’t sure, he noticed the way your hands that you had on the back of his neck had moved so you could mess with your fingers. He didn’t know you well enough to know if that was a nervous habit of yours, but it was one of his, so he took a safe guess that you were probably more nervous than you were letting on. 

“S’okay doll. Honestly, if I get your mouth on me this’ll be over a lot quicker than either of us want.” He moved to rest all his waist on one hand, the other moving to push your t-shirt up, he looked up at you to make sure that was okay and when you nodded with way too much enthusiasm, he let out a quiet laugh and lifted your t-shit off you, lowering himself to place kisses down your chest and stomach. 

Feeling his lips on your skin sent a bolt of electricity shooting through your body and suddenly all you needed was to feel him inside you. You whimpered and grabbed the back of the top he was still wearing, you hadn’t even noticed he had already taken off his leather jacket. Eddie soon realised what you wanted, sitting back on his haunches to pull his top over his head. 

Your eyes dropped down to stare at Eddie, his pale body covered in tattoos, across his chest and arms. Your hand impulsively reaching out to trace over them. Eddie smiled and picked up your other arm, dotting little kisses up and down it. You lowered your hand that had been tracing over his tattoos and began to undo his belt, frustration quickly building as you couldn’t get it undone. 

Eddie noticed how your brows knitted together and felt a pang of adoration in his chest at how sweet you looked lying below him. He took both of your hands in his as he guided your hands to help you undo his belt, breathing out a small “good girl” as you let his fingers guide yours. 

Once you had both undone it Eddie reluctantly pulled away from you and stood up to push his jeans and underwear off, grabbing a condom from the bedside table. You pushed your skirt off and when you looked back up at Eddie your gaze dropped down and your breath hitched in your throat. He was… big. You felt your whole body tense up as you realised you had never been with someone that big before. Two of his fingers alone were enough to feel a lingering pressure in your stomach. 

Eddie leaned back down over you and pressed a gentle kiss on your lips, his hand caressing the apple of your cheek as you widened your legs more and he settled between them comfortably. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” Eddie whispered as he moved to adjust your legs around him and grab a pillow from the bed. “Can you lift your hips-” You moved slightly so Eddie could place the pillow below you. “Thank you, baby” He praised you as you followed his instructions instantly. 

“D’you still want this?” Eddie asked suddenly, his voice dropping back to his normal tone, rather than the more controlling, deeper one he had been speaking with before. You nodded your head quickly and muttered out a little “please” as he carefully watched your face. 

Your enthusiasm seemed to please him enough to carry on, and he kissed you once more before moving his hand down to guide himself into you. He ran his cock through your folds and groaned at the wetness he found there “Shit doll, you need it bad huh?” You moaned out as the head of his cock hit your bundle of nerves, bucking your hips up and digging your fingers into the bed. He shushed you and pushed your hips back down “I really gotta teach you some patience angel.” He told you as he ground his hips forward, grinding over your dripping cunt but not pushing in. 

“Just so desperate for someone to finally fuck you how you need aren’t you?” Your head lolled to the side as he kept grinding into you, hitting your clit each time. “Uh uh, eyes on me sweetheart.” 

You used all the energy you could muster to lift your head back to a position where you could look right at Eddie. “There she is, I’m not even inside you yet and you look fucked out, this enough for you?” Eddie cooed. “Don’t even need my cock inside you, do you?” The desperate cry that came from the back of your throat at his words almost made Eddie feel bad, but you sounded so pretty. “No no, please- fuck please.” Your legs tightened around his waist in protest to what he just said, Eddie bit back a smirk and let out a “yeah?”  in fake pity. 

“Need you inside me fuck- just please Eddie I–” Your cries were getting more desperate by the second and Eddie shushed you as he lined himself up at your entrance, pressing a light kiss to your neck to soothe you. “Okay angel, I hear you. Gonna make you feel so good, I promise.” 

Eddie began to push inside of you, but only got so far before you let out a sound that sounded far too close to discomfort for him. He stopped moving and looked up to see your eyes closed tightly. “Hey, hey, look at me, come on.” You had never heard his voice that soft before, but you did what he asked, looking at him. 

“You okay?” He asked, concern laced in his voice. 

“M’okay, you’re just… bigger than I’m used to” A cocky grin spread across Eddie’s voice at your words and you gently pushed on his shoulder. His ego didn’t need to be any bigger than it already was. 

“You want me to stop? I can eat you out again if you want?” He sounded so sincere that when you went to open your mouth to respond you couldn’t think of anything, so caught off guard by ‘asshole rockstar eddie’ being the exact opposite of what everyone knew him as. 

“Sweetheart? You with me?” He held your face in his hand and rubbed his thumb along your jaw. 

“Yeah um– no just keep going, please, I just needed a second to get used to it” You told him, a small laugh from you making him relax again. He attached his lips to yours and kissed you dizzy. A deep kiss that had you whimpering softly against his lips and distracted you from the pressure of Eddie pushing into you again. 

“Fuck you’re so tight doll” Eddie said against your lips. The pressure built up again and you held onto his shoulder, digging your nails into the skin there. 

“You’ve gotta relax for me angel, okay? Deep breaths, yeah?” Eddie whispered against your jaw, desperately trying to hold himself back from slamming into you, but you felt so good already. 

You nodded and took a deep breath, but it was Eddie attaching his mouth back onto the sweet spot on your neck and sucking that relaxed you the most. The need that overtook you let Eddie finally bottom out, both of you letting out filthy moans at the feeling. “Fuck good girl, there you go, feel so fucking good” Eddie praised you, not moving yet, giving you time to adjust to him inside you. But you were sure that if he didn’t move soon you were going to cry. 

“Eddie please move, I’m okay– Need you to fuck me” You begged. He pulled up from where he was tracing kisses down your throat, readjusting himself to rest on his forearms either side of your head. 

Eddie pulled his hips and back and pushed all the way back in, your legs secured around his waist, keeping him as close to you as possible. The way he grinded his hips into you had you seeing stars, soft whimpers falling from your lips every time he pressed into you harder and deeper.

 At one particular thrust you let out the the most pornographic moan you had ever heard yourself make, making Eddie fuck you harder, making sure to hit that spot deep inside of you that no one else had ever reached before. Your cunt clenched around him at the sensation and he let out a deep groan from the back of his throat, his hips faltering for a second before he pushed back into you even harder than before. “Fucking Jesus– shit y/n you can’t do that to me” he moaned out “Gonna make me come so fuckin’ fast, you’re so tight already oh my god– .” He was just talking to distract himself from his impending orgasm at this point, determined to make you come before him. 

You and Eddie found a perfect rhythm after a while, your hips rolling against his as he kept hitting that sweet spot inside you. Your eyes closed and Eddie wasn’t having any of it, repeatedly telling you to look at him. But no matter how many times he said it your eyes would inevitably close again, too overcome with pleasure to focus on anything else. 

Eddie brought his hand to your neck and simply rested it there, giving you the freedom to tell him to stop or move it if you didn’t like it. But when your hand moved to rest over his and you looked up at him with fucked-out eyes, he tightened his hold on your neck and you cried out. “Yeah? You like that, you just need someone to be a little rough with you huh?” Eddie teased, “It’s okay, just wanna be treated like a whore sometimes is that right? God you’re so fucking good for me doll”. His hand kept a firm hold across your throat, making sure to squeeze in the correct places so he didn’t cut off your air supply completely, but gave you that feeling of euphoria you craved. 

It was all too much, but not enough at the same time. Your arousal covering your cunt and things, the noises were filthy but it felt so good that you weren’t embarrassed by how you could hear how wet you were each time Eddie drove his cock into you. Your thighs were numb around Eddie’s waist, your hips burning as you felt that coil tightening in your stomach again. His hand around your throat pinning you to the bed was your last straw, you felt tears prickling at the corner of your eyes from how good you felt. 

“Fuck Eddie– I’m gonna-” You tried to tell him, his grip on your neck loosening slightly, making it easier for you to speak. 

“You’re gonna come again angel?” You nodded, whimpers and moans falling from your lips. Eddie moved his hand from around your neck, moving it between your two bodies until he placed two fingers over your clit, rubbing fast circles over it. 

Your back arched off the bed and your mouth hung open in a silent scream. “There you go, good fucking girl.” Eddie exclaimed, watching you in adoration as you came undone beneath him for the second time that night. 

You didn’t even know how long your orgasm lasted, but Eddie worked you through it until you came back around. Looking up at him above you, damp hair clinging to his forehead, kiss-bitten lips parted as he let out quiet moans at the feel of your cunt around him, you could see how desperate he was to come. 

“God, can you turn over for me doll” Eddie asked, but he was already pulling out of you and gripping your hips to put you in the position he wanted you. Your legs felt like they were going to give out any minute, but you didn’t care. You moved onto your front and Eddie pulled your hips back against him as your back arched up, burying your face into the pillow in front of you. Eddie slipped back in and you practically screamed out at the overstimulation, but you never wanted him to stop. 

“God that’s it– gonna come soon angel, doing so well for me.” Eddie’s voice came out raspy and his voice broke at the end. You only pushed your hips back into him harder. 

You felt Eddie still inside of you as he came hard and fast, not bothering to hold back the tidal wave of moans and groans that left his lips as his orgasm washed over him. His hands holding your hips so tightly you wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises there in the morning. 

He took a minute to compose himself before he pulled out of you, you whimpered at the feeling and he whispered comforting sh-sh-sh’s and apologised repeatedly. You managed to gather enough energy to turn yourself back over. Eddie walked back over to the bed, his boxers already back on. He knelt on the end of the bed and pulled some tissues from the table nearby. “Open your legs for me doll” You did as he asked, letting out little gasps as he cleaned you up, still sensitive from everything that had just happened. “You want a top to sleep in? Or…” Eddie asked, slightly more abrupt than you had been expecting, but you figured it was just the comedown after sex. 

“Yeah please” you answered quietly, reaching out to grab one of his tops he had already gone to get for you. You threw it, and your underwear, back on. Not entirely sure of what happened now, but when Eddie simply turned off the lamps around the room and climbed into bed you followed his lead and he only reached over to pull you across him as he fell asleep. 

There weren’t any more words exchanged between the two of you as you finally drifted off to sleep, limbs tangled together. 

.

.

.

You woke up to the morning sun beating through the windows. The spring sun sitting high in the sky, lighting the room up in a near-magical way. You awoke in almost the same position you had fallen asleep in, except now you were facing away from Eddie, instead of being buried in his still bare chest. 

You yawned quietly and stretched your arm above you, careful not to wake Eddie. This was all still so surreal. Your eyes scanned the room you had woken up in, being able to take in your surroundings properly for the first time.

Your gaze was drawn to the living room that was directly across from the bedroom, there were no doors leading to the two rooms, instead being replaced instead by overly-sized archways which allowed you to see right through the bedroom to the living room. The rooms were only separated by the wide hallway. 

The living room was ginormous, and one wall was simply a massive window, overlooking the city skyline, it was beautiful, you couldn't deny that. The couch sat in the middle of the room with a glass coffee table in front of it, decorated with magazines and a vase of flowers. You took a wild guess that those were always there, you didn’t imagine Eddie was requesting for flowers to be put in his room. 

A tv sat on the other side of the room, with various other decorative pieces scattered around, the most eye-catching was the massive rug that covered most of the floor. The dim lights illuminated the elegance of the place, and you couldn’t help but feel this place was the opposite of Eddie. 

You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that you still didn’t understand Eddie. He had been perfect last night, it felt like something out of a romance novel where the guy is the perfect man, attentive and caring. But he wasn’t like that at the start of the night, and by the end of the night he didn’t say another word to you.

Before you could overthink it anymore a loud knock rang through the suite. You remembered Eddie’s security saying he would come over in the morning, but Eddie wasn’t stirring. You considered shaking him awake, but just as you were about to turn over and wake him another knock came from the door. Louder this time, followed by a deep voice calling out Eddie’s name, saying something like “Get your ass up and out of bed or I swear to god–” 

That seemed to cut through even Eddie’s deepest sleep and you felt the bed dip as Eddie begrudgingly got up and padded over to open the door before it was knocked down. You didn’t think he had noticed you were awake too, so you didn’t move, instead staying in bed and listening to the conversation happening down the hall. 

“Ah! He’s still alive, that’s always good to know, makes my job easier.” you heard the sarcastic remarks of Eddie’s security, hearing humor in his voice for the first time. 

“Do you like pissing me off this early in the morning, John? Or is it a happy accident?” Eddie retaliated, sounding much too like a sullen teenager for a forty year old man. 

“Happy accident. Is the young lady awake or do you want me to come back?” John asked, peering behind Eddie trying to catch a glimpse of you. He couldn’t of course, you still hadn’t moved from the bed. 

“No she’s uh– asleep.” Eddie’s voice got quieter as he said something else to John. So quiet you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, just the door shutting about a minute later, and Eddie’s footsteps as he made his way back to the bedroom. 

Your eyes met as he walked in and you sat up on the edge of the bed, ankles crossed as you placed your hands behind you, leaning back. You saw Eddie carrying the clothes that had been left in the hallway the night before, placing them down on the bed and nodding his head in acknowledgment. 

“He’s like a grumpy dad or something” you tried to joke, letting out a feeble attempt at a laugh. Not that he was even old enough to be Eddie’s dad, in fact he was probably only a couple years older than him. 

“Uh-huh.” Was all Eddie said, but you thought you saw him tense up. So, you took your second wild guess of the morning that maybe you shouldn’t bring up parents with Eddie, seemingly a sore subject for him. 

That was something else about Eddie. He had been in the public eye for nearly fifteen years now, and yet no one knew anything about his life before. Literally, nothing. You figured that had to be deliberate, there was no way no one had found out anything about him, or what his life was like before, but if they had, they had probably been paid off to keep their mouths shut. You couldn’t imagine why, almost every rockstar had a dodgy past, scandals and an arrest record were commonplace. They didn’t care about any of that, but Eddie was different. 

Eddie’s morning voice cut through your thoughts. “John will uh, be back in like two minutes. So, you can get dressed if you want.” 

Oh. 

You watched Eddie as he threw on a pair of jeans and a top, not bothering to look at you as he all but told you to leave. “He’s already called a cab for you so– yeah.” You wanted to say something, ask him something, anything. But you didn’t know what. 

This was what he did. You had known this going into it. 

Instead you threw on your clothes from the day before, barely having time to put your shoes on before there was a knock on the door. Your head flew up to see Eddie was already staring at you as he leant against the archway to the living room. He quickly turned away as your eyes met and he pushed himself off the wall to walk over and open the door. You followed far behind, standing halfway down the hallway, holding back tears you could feel forming. You were so fucking stupid. 

As soon as the door opened John saw you stood there. You swear you saw something like pity flash in his eyes before he went back to his usual, somewhat angry, demeanor. “I’m gonna go see if the other guys are up yet, need to talk to them about some changes for tonights show.” Eddie’s voice was quiet but you could hear it all the same. John just nodded and moved to the side to let Eddie past. 

You thought he would say goodbye to you. 

Say something before he left. 

He didn’t. 

He left you standing in his hotel room, his security guard waiting to walk you to the cab waiting for you outside. Your stomach dropped at the realisation that you weren’t any different to the others. That he probably spoke to everyone the way he had spoken to you, looked at them the way he looked at you. 

It would have killed you to realise that he didn’t speak to everyone like that, and he certainly didn’t look at everyone the same way he looked at you. And he knew that, and it scared the shit out of him. 

So he left. 

.

.

.

authors note my loves! this took me far too long to write so i hope you enjoyed it, at least a little bit <3 i apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes but i'm posting this at 2am so it is what it is. also, this is still only my second ever fic, so please go easy on me, i'm way too sensitive <3 okay bye love you

it was really easy for him to tell you he wasn't in that state, he got confused and he ended up on the other side of the country. you weren’t surprised by his usual behaviour, at this point you weren’t even angry, just disappointed. you're the one traveling across the country to almost rescue your son, who has fear of airplanes and vertigo and he stresses so easily by the thought of flying. but you can't just point the finger at eddie for what happened between the both of you, that would've been absolutely unfair.

so yeah, now the spitting image of the recently proclaimed rockstar was following behind you with a backpack that was probably twice his weight, holding his stuffed animal so tight he might break it.

so yeah, now the spitting image of the recently proclaimed rockstar was following behind you with a backpack that was probably twice his weight, holding his stuffed animal so tight he might break it.

when you were at the gate, and you both could finally breath - because you didn't lose this flight, he sights. “moooom, i don’t want to fly” his voice is small and impossibly frail, he's afraid.

you lowered yourself to his level, grabbing him by the shoulders. “i know, dear, i tried to reschedule this with your father, but it was impossible” his expression changed, and a few tears threatened to fall, so your hands moved up to cup his face, gently. “we will have to fly home, i’m sorry”.

he was a good kid; he wasn’t as messy as you thought he would be, being eddie’s son and because they, frankly, spend a lot of time together. he was so understanding and empathic. he even had a notion of why things were the way they were.

his little fingers swept a single tear that fell down his cheek, “it’s a short flight, right?”

you smiled at him, “yes, dear, about 3 hours” he tried to get out of your embrace, and so you did, after placing a kiss on his forehead. leaving it behind, you preferred to try and cheer him up: “i got your favourite snacks and music!”.

he smiled sympathetically at your efforts with those teary eyes. “did you brought the mixtape pa made for me?” 

your expression soon changed, as you were confused “i—i don’t? i got the one we did together,” last time you listened to the mixtape was merely a week ago, and he loved it! saying eddie’s one was too noisy.

spending time with his dad changed him a bit, sometimes.

he scrunched his face in disgust, “i don’t think i like those anymore” he shake his head, his hair moving around, making you loathe the fact he was, indeed, a carbon copy of his father. “i want daddy’s mixtape” 

shrugging, you took hold of his little hands, “sorry, i should have brought both of them,” he just grinned at you, shrugging too, attempting to mimic you.

“doesn’t matter,” he said, getting his hands free once again to fish his walkman from your bag. he got it playing, fooling around as he listened to those tunes he didn’t like anymore. 

you sat down, trying to read whatever book you have brought. it wasn’t long until you felt your son’s eyes glued to your face.

“mom?” his voice was hushed, not matching the vibrancy he had seconds ago.

you carried your eyes off you book to look at him, “what is it?”

a nervous smile crashed on his face, “can we spend this christmas all together? please?”

you had to blink a few times, trying to fool yourself into thinking you had listened wrong.

“what do you mean, dear?”

his face beamed with excitement “you, dad, me!” you choked on your own spit, and he must’ve been so scared by your reaction that he began to ramble, “just the three of us! uhm, not with josh or dad’s friends and the funny ladies, nope! i want you and him and me!” 

there was a few seconds of silence in which you tried to process everything, from ignoring the funny ladies part to think what it would mean to have a christmas with eddie. it wouldn’t work; nope, it would be absolutely disastrous. he would say all this dumb shit, and you know you won’t hide the annoyed expression at his antics.

you knew that, but the sudden shine on your son’s eyes changed something in you; he really wanted that. he really wanted something you know you could never have, but his little self with all his emotions was enough to change your opinion. maybe you could try.

sighing, you stared at him, pretending to be serious, “you know it’s hard, right? but i’m going to do anything to make it possible; how does that sound?” the largest smile appeared on his face again, and he jumped off his seat to celebrate. he circled the couple of seats to gather some speed to crash in your lap, leaving kisses all your face. he was so ecstatic he couldn’t even hide it.

“yes! thank you! thank you! i love you, you’re the best mom of the universe!”

you feared what would come, and you feared he could get the disappointment of his life by this whole situation.

it was almost 2 am.

the house was in complete silence, except for the fact you had to raise your voice at the negative response of eddie. you were just about to lose it and wake up the whole neighbourhood. “what do you mean you can’t? what the fuck is wrong with you, edward?!”

now, searching where corroded coffin was performing every day wasn’t hard; you didn’t even have to search for god’s sake. they had become so prominent in the past few months that corroded coffin’s posters and tour dates were everywhere. there, in front of you, laid a little poster with the tour dates, and with simple math, you estimated he had about an hour or two before he had to jump into the stage. in that moment your nightmare started.

he laughed at you as if you had told him the most clever joke ever. which, of course, just made your blood boil. “woah, woah, hey, why are you always calling me to throw insults?” just by the tone of his voice, you knew he was smiling on the other side of the line. he was playing with you, acting cool and nice, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong through these years.

his attitude got you in a spiral of indignation, and you had to take a few breaths not to hang up and throw the phone far away.

then, eddie was met with a shaky breath and that cold tone he wasn’t expecting from you, “have you ever —i don’t know, thought that maybe you deserve it? are you even listening to yourself or are you too high or drunk to answer me properly?”

you swore you heard him grinning through the line. “it’s both, you know, both” you don’t even know how you could be so mad when this was everything you could obtain from him; you have known eddie for half of your life. he was like this. he’s always been like this. after breathing out, he continued: “yeah, uhm, why were you even shouting at me? all you ever do is yell at me? but, princess, do you remember how you spoke to me when you loved me? soft and delicate… like you never truly got angry at me back then” 

your expression changed. the kitchen got colder, and your body felt like it was freezing as you grew impatient with this phone call. did he actually said those words to you? now? what was he thinking? was this a sick trick of your mind to warn you about why you shouldn’t reach out to him? unfortunately, it was real. you weren’t in a dream – nightmare. the dim, warm light coming from the hall and the faint sound of the clock reminds you.

you reckoned the knot on your throat and the sudden feeling of emptiness in your stomach were all because you were enraged by his actions.

right, you were mad at him. 

you let out a trembling sigh as you found the strength to speak with a stern, harsh voice –still hushed by the fact everyone was asleep, “you can’t be real right now, please, eddie! act like an adult and try to sober up a bit! this is important” 

“i’m about to perform in front of people… i can’t sober up, woman!” his loud voice felt like a whiplash, and you had to take a step back from the phone even if he wasn’t there. 

you can tell he was growing anxious by his sudden reaction, and you tricked yourself into believing you didn’t care at all. you were ending this phone call because you didn’t want to deal with a high eddie.

“i’ll call you, early and you’re going to answer the phone” you had to take a short pause to ponder about the words you were going to say – and how you’re going to declare them. “remember that this isn’t because i want to see you on christmas day, it’s for our son, and you love him so much you’ll do anything for him, right?” 

that wasn’t smooth or admirable. it sounded like you were manipulating him into doing this when he should have said yes in a blink. 

“fine, talk to you later” he lingered on the phone for a few seconds, as you grew eager to hear the classic beep marking the end of the call.

after you heard it, a tiny voice startled you, “that was a no?” you let the phone fall from your hand, as the two of you flinched at the impact sound it made.

with a hand on your heart and the other reaching out for your son’s shoulder, you said in a firm but sweet tone: “god, don’t scare me like that, love, please” his little smile, revealing the gap those missing teeth have left, made you grin. lifting the gloom mood eddie put you through. “and don’t spy me, okay?”

his playful smile never left his pink cheeks. “i’m sorry momma, i’m just excited, i know pa would say yes!” he was so thrilled about this reunion, and your heart shrunk. you couldn’t raise his hopes just for eddie to come and destroy them. so you remained silent about it. “do you miss him?” 

were the munsons always throwing you out of your safe state of mind? his innocuous question felt like a splash of ice-cold water.

“why are you asking me that, dear?”

he struggled a bit to find a response. “because he told me—“

you had to stop him right there, not wanting to torment yourself with whatever thing he said. because it didn’t matter if he missed you or not, both of them already were harming you. “--you shouldn’t be saying that to me, if your father told you it wasn’t because he wanted me to know,” 

his face dropped, but you know he’ll forget all of this tomorrow, “okay…”.

“who’s this?” you were taken aback by a rough tone, the voice that belonged to a sleepy woman. you should have expected it. after all, he was living his dream of fucking anyone, anything, and whenever he wanted. 

you smiled through it, acting nice. getting out your best soft-spoken voice, “can i speak with eddie, please?”

she muttered a fuck, and you heard how she strumbled to move, probably checking his state. “i don’t think so, dear, he’s asleep right now, but i’ll tell him whatever you have to te–” 

you had to interrupt her; otherwise, she would hang up the call, and you can’t put yourself through the mortification of calling him again. “--yeah, no. wake him up, please. it’s wayne’s mother speaking” 

she yawned. “who’s wayne?” she sounds bewildered. 

you felt a pang of pain somewhere in your body – but you forbid to acknowledge it.

“his son,” your firm tone let her know it wasn’t a joke.

“ooooh, fuck,” she whispered to the phone before you heard from afar how she was making her best attempt at waking up eddie, almost shouting his name.

after a few seconds and a few annoyed whispers, you knew eddie was on the phone. his heavy breathing gave away he wasn’t foreseeing you to call at twelve pm – o’clock.

“ow! you’re unreal!” you had to swallow a chuckle at his childish tone and behaviour.

with a faint smile hanging onto your face, you spoke with a tone that quite didn’t match, “i told you i was going to call, i’ll let you have a glass of water or something, but be quick, please”

eddie grumbled, irritated. it was far too early to deal with this. for him. “why are you yelling?” he complained.

“i’m not yelling, i’m pretty sure you’re having a hangover” 

you heard more struggling. and then a hard slap. you didn’t even want to wonder why or what was that noise. “where are you? it’s so noisy – fuck”

“at work” 

“oh, right, sorry i forgot” he paused to gulp a lot of water, which ended in a loud aaaah. “i feel like trash”

shaking your head, you decided you couldn’t stand another word he says unrelated to all this christmas chaos. “i didn’t call to know about your day, munson,” he whispered something you couldn’t catch and didn’t have the time to. so you continued, “you have to clean christmas day, remember?”

he let out a defeated sigh. now he knows there’s no way to elude whatever got into his son’s head with an equally obstinate mother. he thought, for a moment, you would let it go as soon as he said no, as soon as he said he was so high yesterday. he thought it would be like the few times you called in the past years - brief, straight to the point, and if he said no, you wouldn't bother yourself to continue and get what you wanted. but here’s the difference: he knew it wasn’t you the one who desired his presence. not after years of almost non-existent communication. 

he made his choice right there, not letting the remote memories well-kept in his subconscious bleed through and into his mind.

he took a defensive stance as if there was a way of hiding himself when you weren’t even there with him, judging him. looking down at the poor decisions he made. or maybe you’ll stare at him with your big heartbroken eyes, wanting to hear why, wanting answers. those he didn’t have, or were so lost in his memory, he doesn’t bother trying to locate them anymore. and leaving you without a proper explanation and desolated eyes would shatter his heart all over again.

a loud thud from your line brought him back to reality. “i can’t, i already have plans, and this christmas it’s your turn! and i got everything planned already, i guess you’ll have to take wayne, sorry” 

you couldn’t take his thousandth no nicely. “wayne wants to spend the christmas day with us both, eddie, what’s not so clear about it?”

he acted surprised, “oooh,” but decided to stay fixed on his decision. “i still cannot, maybe the next one?”

at this point, you felt like he was playing with this situation. all of this was amusing to him and you’ll get nothing but more vexed with him. he was pushing you to a place you didn’t want to go. he was making you despise him.

but you weren’t easy to shut down, “what could even be your plans for that day? cocaine and beautiful women? get yourself together, edward, please” he didn’t mean to, but he had to muffle a chuckle, a humorless one. “i’m willing to fly where you are and have all of that there, i don’t care, i just want to see wayne happy” 

he still couldn’t get you off his back. you both were growing impatient with every response, by every fucking breath. “oh, you can make him delighted by buying him an electric guitar or something i think he deserves it now, he’s genuinely talented, you should listen to him!” 

his cynical response set your mind on fire. and eddie was a lot of things, but you haven’t experienced this supposedly new facet – being a complete asshole.

“you’re impossible, aren’t you?”

yet again, he just went for his comfortable answer, “you don’t get to say that to me, when you’re the one attempting to make this happen with a few weeks of anticipation!”

he wasn’t only impossible but unreal, and you were mere seconds away from just cutting all contact with him. maybe you were being unreasonable, even ridiculous. still, it was something you had to ignore for the sake of your son's happiness. “i’m sorry our son wanted to spend this christmas like a functional family!” you took a brief pause before continuing, not caring a few colleagues were now hearing you, “not seeing you wasted by three am or being unhappy here because he miss the pathetic excuse he has as a father!”

you regret the brutal words the second they came out of your mouth. the ones that felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at him. he even forgot he had a headache. for a few seconds, you both were encapsulated in a freezing stillness. you thought he would hang up the phone, and you’d understand. it was unfair, but oh so necessary. 

he cleared his throat before speaking, “woooah, hey” his tone was different, serious but gentle. he left that mischievousness behind. “i’m not a bad parent, i’m present and i love wayne! what’s wrong with you?” 

after literally calling him a terrible father, there weren’t many things you could do to change his mind, so your choice was an ultimatum, “can you clean that day?”

he smiled at your fatigued voice; of course you were going to break him before he could ever get a chance to resist. “hmmm, only if you ask nicely” 

“eddie, this is not a fucking joke”

“oh, no, i can’t clean that day for you, sweetheart, sorry” he deadpanned.

your snorted, “you’re unbelievable–as if– as if i wanted to see you!” and after these phone calls, you wouldn’t even want to dream with him – or let his image wander around your mind. 

he hummed, “not, wrong answer, are we going to do this all day? i got a show today… so”

you used to know eddie like the back of your hand. you used to know how he felt with a single word because of his tone. and maybe you could be wrong about what you were assuming – but he already said yes. he just wanted to make sure you weren’t annoyed with him. if you refuse, he will still come. he would reach for you in other opportunities and try to make things right, to ask for forgiveness and hope they can still have that christmas dinner.

so you follow along, for the good old times. “good god, would you please cancel your more relevant plans and meetings for christmas day to spend the day with your son? please, eddie, it would be the world for him” 

that was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done since you were a dumb adolescent in the back of eddie’s van--nope, you can’t follow that train of thought right now.

“i know what you’re doing, but i didn’t like your sarcasm—“ he paused for a few seconds to take a breath. you opened your mouth to say something, but he wasn’t prepared to hear more insults from you, “--i’ll clean the day, i think you gotta travel all across the country, just a moment let me see where are we playing that few days…”

an drained sigh came out the second he said that. “thank you, eddie”

“i’ll buy you the plane tickets and send them to you”

you shake your head, even if he can’t see you. “it’s not necessary, i’m good i can cost them”

but now it was his turn to not accept a no. “i’m just trying to pay for all those years when we weren’t this big and—“

you had to intercept him for your own good. “i did that because i loved you; you don’t need to pay me back anything, don’t feel obligated to do that because of it,” your words sprayed with acid that little hidden scar, now almost unnoticeable. but it was there and would never heal. you hated how easy it was to cause harm to it. and eddie hated how those words rolled out your tongue so effortlessly. because he feels like he doesn’t know you anymore.

“right, okay, but i can pay them now, so that’s what i’m gonna do. do you still live there?”

you let him do what he wants, not wanting to start another argument over something so frivolous. “yes, i still live here”

“great, see you” he had to hang up before hearing anything else from you.

“see—“ the phone beeping stopped you, bringing you back to reality, to the concerned stares from your co-workers. to the now sharp noise of the room. “this can’t be real,” you mumbled to yourself before going to the bathroom to find a bit of peace. 

to be alone with your racing thoughts, and racing heart. at least for few minutes.

COMMENTS, LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED i will literally give you forehead kisses if you support me <3

wayne’s mixtape from eddie.

finally it’s out !! i’m so sorry for keeping you waiting for it :( but i have lots to do for uni now !! so enjoy !! <3

remember english isn’t my first language so it might have some mistakes, if you want to, you can correct me. but be nice about it, it’s all i ask.