THE FORMER WORLD HAS PASSED AWAY

It's half past midnight and I'm eating a stale donut whilst watching the same tv show I've been watching on repeat for weeks and this is honestly as good as it gets

I left work today and told them i was ill and the next thing I knew I was breaking down at the reception of my gp telling them I didn't know where else to go I didn't know what to do I'm literally stuck for ideas I'm stuck I was just seeing things all day I feel like I'm going crazy I keep crying and my thoughts aren't linear everything feels off and I don't know what to do anymore I just keep crying and I can't think and my visuals are whack everything keeps moving and I only feel half here I feel I'm fading away I'm so physically numb I can't even feel any pain I'm so confused I'm so lost

Im feeling better but there's a man outside yelling amongst the noise and I'm not sure if he's real or not I can't quite make out his words his voice is loud but mumbled it's a bit frightening

My thoughts are against me tonight

I don't feel safe in my thoughts I don't know what to do

Someone send me happy things

I don't think I've ever been as bad as I am right now and I don't know what to do

I screamed the house down and then I zoned out for hours and my family tried to talk to me and I couldn't respond I've fucked everything I can't look anyone in the eye I have no control over my actions I have no control down here

So many people have ruined me

I'm so shaken up yo me and my mum were just in a 4 car collision on the motorway we were the 3rd car back it was fucking terrifying the screeching of brakes and seeing the car in front crash and then crashing into it and then the car behind crashing into us and fucking huge huge lorries driving past in the pouring rain we fucking narrowly escaped getting hit by a huge 10 tonne truck and I had the biggest panic attack I've had in so long it all was so fast no one was hurt it was so lucky but so so close me and my mum havnt spoken much since we're just in shock holy fuck holy fuck and the driver that caused it just fucking drove off .. fucking cunt shit piece of fuck I just keep crying we're waiting for breakdown recovery my mums car is fucked we're stuck in Southampton man I'm just shook I can't think about anything else right now we've been waiting 2 hours they said they'd be here by now they just phoned saying they'd be another hour I just wanna go home

Paris is burning and all we can do is watch