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In the notoriously gloomy and ultimately deceiving month of April I have endured a slew of unwelcomed insect endeavors— it’s time to knock it off. Now, as the mayflowers bloom and the wind blows north, one may expect the occasional mosquito- a bee- a grasshopper for all I care! Insects are a routine aspect of a Midwestern spring. However, as they wake up from their naughty little holes in which they lazily perch upon a decaying dandelion root for the entirety of winters wrath, it is no easy feat to make a grand debut back into the real world where you’re considered a pest and nobody enjoys your presence… think of Katy Perry who boldly and without-being-asked-to re-entered the earth’s atmosphere to the disappointment of millions! No wonder she kissed the ground! I digress… but shouldn’t you be a little weary after such a lengthy sleep? It makes sense, but yet the evil and purely malevolent willpower of these literal pests shines bright like a flashlight through a gloryhole in the middle of April. Mercilessly, I was attacked and endured not one but two uncouth flesh-feasts on my left leg… my thigh no less. Itching. Pain. Swelling. Red hot flashes of nerve-panic nebulously radiating through the cosmos of my leg like a pulsar star. Unbelievable. Now, my point. KNOCK IT OFF! I’ve come to expect a few nibblers gnawing on my unmoisturized dermis in the summer months like a middle aged man guzzles unprecedented fluids at a glory hole while his wife is on a work trip (another GHA (Glory Hole Analogy) but I’m not a perv I swear it’s just good), but April? The second most godly month? The month my friend in preschool was named after?? It can’t possibly be. Now, say it with me-