meulin from homestuck on drugblr

Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.

"if hell is a teenage girl then heaven is a woman"