aurora 🪽

it still all doesn't make entirely much sense to me, i'm not diagnosed with anything (nor do i want to self-diagnose with anything), fuck i don't even know what's real at times, but what i'm experiencing has me at least somewhat convinced i'm plural. it's not like we're a system with DID where like "oh i don't remember (such and such thing)/i black out and skip a few days/i become entirely different people" etc. but rather just i've talked to my other parts before, i see their thoughts and i feel what they feel. sometimes they're with me. sometimes they step in for me. i've seen what it's like on the other side (looking into a mirror while like that was fucking weird). i'm still "here". just with more people. and sometimes it's not exactly like that, sometimes it's quiet (like now)

i think i'm fine with the idea of not being whole, at least i find some comfort in knowing that fact. i like that i don't have to hold up this mask anymore. but, it also feels like i'm obsessing over it, like it's become my whole life. and to be fair, it was a lot to take on. i'm still trying to process the sheer overwhelming explosion of this discovery, or this concept of being plural altogether. it still is a lot to take on, 5 months later. i still feel like i'm faking it sometimes (which, hearing that is stupid) and it makes me feel like i'm encroaching on other's spaces who do have DID/OSDD (which is even more stupid because it's not like i'm trying to fake having either disorders). even as i write this.