I finally went back to my hometown after almost two months. Usually, I'd go home at least once every month, so staying away for that long felt... different.
I mean, we still video called, texted, and all that. But seeing your parents in person again just hits differently. It feels warmer somehow. I don't really know how to explain it, but if you know, you know. I think what hit me the most this time was realizing they're getting older. They've gotten a little thinner, and somehow that made me realize how much time has actually passed. Maybe it's because I'm the youngest. Growing up, I was always the one who stayed home while my siblings left to study or work in different states. Now they're all married, and suddenly... I'm the only child left.
It's not even about feeling lonely or being single. It's more like... one day you wake up and realize you're growing up, but at the same time, your parents are growing old too. That realization is weird. Since all my siblings are married now, I'm pretty much the one my parents call whenever they want to talk. They'll vent, tell stories, gossip a little... and I don't mind listening.Funny enough, I've always been the listener.
Looking back at my teenage years, I genuinely thought my life was miserable. I complained about everything. I thought nothing was ever enough. I was also pretty rebellious. I couldn't stay home for too long. I'd get irritated so easily. Right after finishing high school, while waiting for offer letter from University, I immediately looked for a part-time job because I couldn't stand sitting at home all day. Well... I also wanted money to buy things I definitely didn't need.
Later, I got accepted into university. Even during semester breaks, I never stayed home doing nothing. I'd always find another part-time job. At the time, I thought I was just someone who hated staying home. Now I realize maybe I was trying to run away from something.
The house always felt crowded. Everyone was talking about their own problems, and I was the type of person who preferred minding my own business. But looking back... We were all young. None of us had our lives figured out. We lacked emotional maturity, common sense, and perspective. Including me.
As I got older, met more people, and listened to their stories, I slowly realized something. I was actually pretty privileged. When I wanted to work, my parents never stopped me. I didn't have a license or a car? They drove me. I didn't have money? I could ask them. We're not rich by any means, but they've never been stingy when it comes to supporting their children. (Unless I asked for money to buy something completely unnecessary... then yeah, I'd get a lecture. ) When I wanted to study art, they supported me too.
The things I thought were "just the bare minimum" turned out to be things that not everyone gets. Some people struggle just to continue their studies. Some feel guilty asking their parents for money. Some can't even get to work because they don't have transportation. That's when I realized... I wasn't as grateful as I thought I was. And the biggest blessing I kept taking for granted was the fact that both of my parents are still here.
Still picking up my calls.
That's something money can never replace.
My parents aren't perfect. For the longest time, I believed they didn't care about me. I thought all of their attention went to my siblings. I kept everything to myself. I never told them when I got bullied at school because I convinced myself it wouldn't make a difference anyway.
Looking back... Maybe I was too focused on what I thought I was missing that I completely overlooked everything they were quietly doing for me. Jealousy has a funny way of making you blind. Maybe they just loved me differently. Maybe they weren't good at expressing it. Maybe they were exhausted. Maybe they were carrying burdens I couldn't understand as a child.
I'm not saying my feelings back then weren't valid. They were. I really did feel neglected. But now that I'm older, I can finally see things from a different perspective. Sometimes we're so busy looking at what we don't have that we forget to notice everything we've already been given.
I used to think I continued my studies just to escape home. Maybe that's true. But I also think everything changed after my oldest brother got married. Then one by one, all my siblings got married too. They were all racing each other or something. Eventually, it was just my parents living together. They're happy, honestly.
They don't constantly ask us to come home. They're actually pretty nonchalant. My mom even told me, "Just find a job there. Don't come back home yet." Not because she doesn't want me around. She knows that's where the opportunities are, especially in my field. Sometimes loving someone means letting them leave so they can build a better future.
My parents were never strict. They were more like..."Take care of yourself." Whenever my mind wandered into dark places or I had intrusive thoughts, they'd always remind me: "Before you do anything... think about us. Think about God." It's such a simple sentence. But I've carried it with me all these years.
Maybe that's why my life has stayed relatively peaceful. Some people might think my life is boring. I don't go out much. I don't have a huge friend group.
I'm perfectly happy spending my free time sleeping, watching movies, reading random things, or silently scrolling through social media. And honestly? That's enough for me. Peace is underrated. Back when I was working part-time in retail, I had so much energy. Morning shifts. Night shifts. Full-day shifts. Somehow I could do it all.
Now I work a regular 9-to-6 office job, and I get tired so much faster. It's funny. Maybe back then, work was my coping mechanism. I poured all my stress into staying busy. Now life is different.
My stress isn't as overwhelming anymore. I just go to work, finish my tasks, and go home. Maybe I'm not physically exhausted. Maybe I'm just tired because life keeps changing.
And I guess... That's part of growing up. If there's one thing I've learned from my life so far, it's this, I'm still at the beginning of my journey. Every stage of life comes with its own struggles. Your stress at 18 is valid. Your stress at 40 is valid too. No one's problems become less real just because they get older.
Be grateful for the little things. Sometimes the things we call "the bare minimum" are the exact things someone else has been praying for. And if life feels suffocating... Maybe it's time to step outside your comfort zone. I know it's easier said than done. I know I'm speaking from a place of privilege in some ways, and not everyone will agree with what I'm saying. That's okay.
I don't have all the answers either. I'm still figuring things out myself. But one thing I do know is that nothing changes unless you try. Even if it's scary. Even if the first step is tiny. Stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself.
Slow progress is still progress.
Just keep moving. Maybe one day you'll look back like I did... and realize your life wasn't as empty as you once believed.
