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ok so, I approached my local library with a proposal to donate a mural as a way to A: build portfolio/gain practical experience and B: give back to a beloved public institution. The director was very enthusiastic about it and i've been working on it since the beginning of March. Come with me as I endeavor to paint what is in all honesty an excessive amount of birds
I wanted the birds to look like they were actually in the space so first thing after doing the draft was to do a lighting study
after that I covered the walls in letters in lieu of a projector/vr headset bc i have neither of those :) Then i take a picture of the section of wall and superimpose the lineart over top of it so I can pencil in the lines
et voila
and that was a whole week on it's own so next comes the paintin' >:)
my chains are broken i am FREE. although i did have a great deal of fun with this, the barring on the wings itself took me like four days and i am READY to move on
this was a week and a half of continuous work so please excuse me for getting a little emotional in the bg š
BIRD NUMBER 10!!! The Male Mallard Duck, Anas platyrhynchos
the male and female ones are gonna be posted separately bc they're taking a lot longer lol but yea! super happy i was able to capture the iridescent green of the head, i found metallic green and blue paint at a craft store that really made his head POP. it looks better in person i promise
ALSO!! As this is the 10th one, BIG announcement. The end is in sight!!!!! I plan to finish within the next 3 weeks and there will be a small dedication ceremony/ unveiling happening at the library to commemorate its completion on the 16th of May. If you live in the Western New York region and want to check it out for yourself shoot me a dm!
Also thank you everyone for your kind words and support throughout this whole process, it's been a genuine treat thinking there are potentially thousands of you out there cheering me on while I paint this š„¹
we're movin right along with bird numero 11!! The lady Mallard!! Anas platyrhyncos
the 16th is looming in the distance so i'm trying to get thru these as quickly as i can so i can have as much time for the GBH as possible. i still need to do the names next to all of them so i've got about a week and a half to finish everything which is GREAT because i have adhd and nothing gets my ass in gear like a fuckin deadline, let me tell you
power couple that they are, here's bird number 12 and 13,
the Northern Cardinals, Cardinalis cardinalis
and NOW that they are complete, ITS GO TIME, in the next five days (library's closed for mother's day šš) i need to have the GBH fully rendered, the names of the birds vectored, weeded, masked, applied to the wall, and then painted, plus additional cattails throughout. I may be able to get away with just getting the GBH done in time for the unveiling and then just have the names and cattails added later, but i'm gonna really try to get it all done in time. BUT, i have a plan. Part of why i take so long on these is because i really am just figuring it out as I do it lmao. there have been many a time where i am sitting on top of the ladder googling "how to paint birds" but I think if i take the time tomorro to do all that figuring out how to approach it beforehand, this will go a lot faster. I may also recruit some of my artist friends to help with the placing of the names... hrmm we'll see.
Anyways, shout out to the librarian who tracked down exactly the thing i needed so i could figure out where to place the highlights in my birds eyes, ur the real mvp
thank you to everyone who reached out or got excited about this project, it genuinely gave me the fuel i needed to keep going. In total, the 480+ total hrs it took me to cover this wall pales in comparison to how long its expected to spend on there, hopefully imparting a sense of beauty and love for the natural world to the next generation and here's hoping i'm only getting started with these.
Okay, Bagginshield people, it's time to talk about the subtle scene that plays on repeat in my mind. Let's talk about how much was conveyed to us in this scene in such a short amount of time. This entire scene is only 18 seconds long, and it's one of my favorite 18 seconds in the films.
Bilbo is chasing right after Thorin, following him so intently that despite Balin being in front of him, he doesn't notice him turn off, and it takes Balin baling out to him in order for him to look back. He, in turn, naturally calls Thorin. Who stops dead in his tracks.
Thorin turns without a second thought and immediately backtracks. He's looking at Bilbo at first, but quickly sees the dragon rounding the corner, which alerts Bilbo.
Bilbo turns back on the dragon. This seems insignificant, but it's so important. He didn't run for his safety; he turned to look at Thorin in terror. Bilbo is smart, very smart. The words coming next haven't left Thorin's mouth, but Thorin is just self-sacrificing enough, and the margin of error is small enough that he had to know what he would say.
He had to tell Bilbo to follow Balin. Quick and sharp, an order. Look at his eyes. He knows full well he might be about to meet his own end. His eyes go from the dragon to Bilbo and back in quick succession about four times. HE. IS. ABOUT. TO DIE. He knows it, and he can't look away from his Bilbo even though running right now would make the most sense. This is articulated further later.
And this is the part that grips me in my soul. In this entire interaction, Bilbo hasn't turned his back on Thorin a single time. Even now, he's walking backward. He doesn't even notice Smaug about to spit fire, and it takes Balin, dragging him through the door, for him to go.
Here it is again in slow motion, focused on Bilbo.
Even the way he says Thorin's name is steeped in panic and denial as he knows Thorin isn't coming but still holds his hand out to him.
These are the last looks of two people who think this will be the last time they see the person they love.
Thorin delays his turning back as well for a few milliseconds more of watching Bilbo go. By this point in the movies, it's abundantly clear just how much Bilbo means to Thorin. Even down to making sure he went with him when they split up to confuse Smaug in the first place.
All of this emotion, all of this pit of your stomach inevitability, all in just 18 seconds.
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More deep dives like this can be found by searching the pinned tag #deep dive on my page ā¤ļø
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sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.
I give you: Bilbo leaves Erebor, very angry at Thorin for trying to kill him over the arkenstone. Flash forward a couple years, Erebor is fully rebuilt and is stable enough that Thorin can leave for a little while.
So, Thorin pulls up to the Shire in full royal attire, complete with gold plated armor, his fancy crown, big sword, and a cloak that makes him look ten times larger. He tried reasoning, which doesnāt work, so he just- kidnaps Bilbo.
Full on slings that hobbit over his shoulder and prances out of the Shire with the head of a wealthy family (who is rumored to have gone mad) kicking and screaming and threatening things that nobody in their right mind would say to such an imposing figure
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bagginshield scene analysis because I fell in love with this part of the movie the first time I watched it and I NEED to talk about it. (if someone else has already said all this, my bad.)
(cw: a lot of cursing!! I got very fired up while writing this. also slight spoilers for the hobbit movies)
Bilboās speech after they escape the goblin tunnels?
yeah, we donāt talk about this scene enough.
we donāt talk about how nice Bilbo is, and what a monumental open-up-my-ribcage-and-pull-out-my-heart moment this speech must be for Thorin.
because whatās significant about this scene is not just the fact that this is the first real change we see in Thorin and Bilboās relationship, where they finally seem to come to a mutual understanding and respect for one anotherā
itās Bilboās fucking kindness. Itās the fact that Bilbo says āyou know what, Iāll admit that Iām scared. I canāt fight. I donāt really know what weāre up against except for a dragon that might burn me alive, but sure, Iāll help you. because youāre a person, and I know what it feels like to have a home, a place to go back to, but you donāt anymore and if I was in your shoes I would want someone to help.ā
LOOK AT THAT GLANCE. THERES SO MUCH TO BE GAINED IN THAT GLANCE, GOOD LORD.
Thorin has had entire armies, soldiers that might have actually had a fighting chance at defeating a dragon, turn their backs on him and his people when they needed it most. He watched legions of armed elves turn around and walk away. Sometimes people treat Thorinās anger like itās irrational, but fuck, if I was in his shoes, I would be pissed off too. Like, if the guy I had a royal treaty, a contract with had the power to possibly save my entire kingdom, and then backed out at the last second, I would hate him too. like imagine being a young, relatively sheltered prince and seeing someone you trusted to come to the aid of your actively dying people, and feeling the hope leave your body as you realize no one is coming. and the elves were kind of your last hope against a fire breathing dragon anyways? so???? fuck????
(donāt get me wrong, Iām not blaming Thranduil for the fall of Erebor. like Thorin, heās also another flawed character with immense depth, and is also extremely bitter due to his immense and emotionally insurmountable grief. the beef he has with the line of durin is complex and heās not a villain, though some of his actions are objectively shit.)
(and at the end of the day someoneās gotta take the blame for all those dead people. Thorin takes most of it, because heās the heir to the throne and is plagued by chronic Kingly Guilt (TM), but like. some of that is on Thranduilās head too.)
and of course, weāve got to remember that after the fall of Erebor, Thorin spent years toiling away in human villages, facing harsh racial discrimination, being treated like he was lesser than because he was another poor, wandering dwarf looking for work. heās learned that true kindness is a rarity, and that anything good comes at a price.
Thorinās anger is a product of what he has learned. he canāt trust the elves; theyāre self-serving traitors. he canāt trust men; theyāre cruel. he can only trust his own kind, and even then, not many dwarves are willing to put enough faith in him to help him regain his fallen kingdom. heās all on his own, with the help of a total of 12 other dwarves, and heās aware that heās most likely going to get them all killed in this suicide mission of a quest. heās prepared to die; heās had to prepare himself for the possibility of all of the other dwarves dying, all of which have pledged themselves to his hopeless cause, including his nephews.
(small side note: if you take that into account when looking at Thorinās reaction to Bilboās betrayal, it makes things so much worse. because trust and loyalty are such important things to Thorin, and for him theyāre hard to come by, and Iām not articulating this well enough to get my point across but essentially I think that scene went down in the Worst Way Possible. because his heart basically got thrown back in his fucking face after giving it away when he found out Bilbo had traded the arkenstone and used it as a bargaining chip. I know I might be pointing out the obvious for some people but. fuck if it doesnāt hurt to think about)
and then this small, unassuming hobbit, at the very high risk of his own life, who will gain virtually nothing if he even survives the quest, is like. yes. Iāll help you.
this, in my opinion, is one of the best scenes to examine when trying to get a read on Bilboās character. Because in this scene, Bilbo shows an amazing amount of empathy. Bilbo extends his kindness to Thorināa virtual stranger, at this pointāeffortlessly, for the very, very simple reason of āyour situation looks like shit from all angles and I feel for you. you asked for my help, and Iām determined to give it to you not because Iām bound by my word but because i genuinely want to.ā
like can you imagine??? after literal decades of being treated like a piece of unwanted trash, of being powerless to stop the suffering of the people youāre suppose to rule over, of asking for help and never getting it and constantly getting stabbed in the back over it, after hoping and hoping and having nothing come from it, this hobbitāthis strange fussy creature who has only ever known comfort and peaceājust. gives you his life and faith. just like that. he just believes in you so easily, decides to help you simply because he has morals and itās the right thing to do.
and itās even more crazy that Bilbo does this because Bilbo 1) could die and 2) he has never been outside the Shire and realistically has no reason to relate to Thorin at all, because Bilbo has lived a relatively quiet life free of suffering (save for the death of his parents cough). his response is just pure empathy.
It shows that Bilbo is just. inherently kind, and I think thatās beautiful, because Thorin hasnāt met a lot of people that are just kind to him for the hell of it in the 60 odd years heās been exiled from his own kingdom. even Gandalf, the person who urged him on his quest, has his own agenda. so do the dwarves that have agreed to come with him. theyāre all expecting a share of the gold, and while he has their loyalty, he knows they have their own doubts as to the success rate of the quest.
not Bilbo though. Bilboās just along for the fucking ride and seems to be totally cool with it now, even though Thorin knew he was thinking about leaving and abandoning the quest altogether not even a day earlier. From Thorinās POV Bilbo has just had a sudden change of heart, and decides to keep sticking with the company even though he is clearly terrified.
and fuck. I know that bilboās speech probably scraped something raw and bruised in Thorinās soul. you canāt tell me some younger, much softer part of him didnāt crumple like a wet paper bag in that moment.
and most people agree that Thorin really started properly gaining feelings for Bilbo after Bilbo literally threw himself at an orc to save him, which is totally fair. but I think it was definitely during this scene that Thorin became at least a little smitten with his burglar. (read: A LOT SMITTEN)
in short, Thorin Oakenshield is yet another Tragic Tolkien King (TM) and THIS is the moment he fell in love with Bilbo (I would fall in love with him too, honestly). thank you for coming to my ted talk, I will now be taking questions ā¤ļø
This. Up until this moment, Thorin has more or less seen Bilbo as a useless, scared fusspot, and on some level Bilbo at this point is a useless, scared fusspot who has no idea what Gandalf was talking about when he vouched for him during that first evening. But because Bilbo values home and stability so much, it also means that he fears losing them that much more and therefore has that much greater empathy for those who have lost them, and also those younger ones born and raised in that atmosphere of broken dignity.
Thorin's personality is abrasive for at least three reasons: 1) He's a dwarf and dwarves just canonically have that kind of vibe to begin with, 2) his position as king and the Company's leader tends to go hand in hand with keeping most people at a distance and looking at people and things in terms of what they can offer or not, and 3) his personal history is extraordinarily painful (beautifully elaborated above), so no wonder he's ended up being bitter, caustic, and quick to anger toward almost everyone. And it's so dang sweet how Bilbo decides that despite his personal mistreatment at Thorin's hands, he chooses to stick around anyway because he can't imagine anything worse befalling a person, and he sees how that's impacted Thorin (and his behavior toward Bilbo) and maybe down the line he (Bilbo) can do something small to help fix things.
Thorin knew perfectly well how he was treating Bilbo. And that whole scene is moving especially because you can see his shell cracking. Part of him wanted and even hoped to drive Bilbo away for good, and that conviction just breaks down when against all odds, Bilbo refuses to follow that script, then implicitly forgives him and touches the core of their collective hurt and trauma, which I don't think had really been discussed for what it was until then. It's quietly radical and perceptive.
And the very notion of someone who as far as you can tell seems weak and small, who you've tried very hard to drive off altogether, saying "I see you, and I'm so sorry you went through that, and I'll help even though I don't think I can do much and even though you've been trying very hard to force me out, because nobody should have to suffer something like this, not even someone who's treated me badly" -- it's hard to hear that in Thorin's situation and not feel something. It may have been the first time in a long time that he's felt held.
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