a small but committed dumpster fire

still thinking about retired ilya and his monthly high roller $20k buy in poker game which he attends a) for fun and gossip b) as an excuse to dress sexily and c) so he can win little trinkets for shane like a cat bringing home dead birds. he comes home at 2am smelling like night air & smoky cologne beaming from ear to ear as he sweeps shane (who is awake in bed in his reading glasses watching a documentary on the 1996 everest disaster and/or reviewing game tape for the gaggle of teenagers he coaches) into his arms and announces hiiiiiii i missed you i have a little present for you. and the little present in question is a vintage patek philippe for the watch collection shane insists he does not have

like yes shane is stuck in a nightmare on elm street 2 and that does seem difficult but ilya's got BOB in his condo

shout out to everyone who participated in the january-february mass depressive episode

Thank you everyone for another great turnout to the january-february mass depressive episode

this came up on shuffle a week ago and i DID think about Them

you fuck a banjo player and it’s great until six hours in you realize theyve been plucking out man of constant sorrow on yr clit the whole time

you fuck a spoons player and it’s great until smithsonian folkways comes in to document and culturally preserve the odd shit theyre doing to yr dick

no one has ever successfully fucked a dulcimer player because they vanish like a dream into the morning mist

I've failed to read rooms I was alone in

again i must say. crucial that hayden pike is mormon and shane just straight up has never noticed. like it’s really funny for the shane and hayden duo. the rest of the metros are getting kicked out of strip clubs and then both shane and hayden go to bed at 8pm and agree that coffee is a sin. and shane just thinks hayden is the only other smart person on the team. they’re having conversations where hayden is like “it pollutes your spirit” and shane is like “exactlyyyyy”