@lordemusic covering “solo” by @frankocean at melodrama tour in detroit on march 28, 2018 (thankfully captured in full by me)

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@lordemusic covering “solo” by @frankocean at melodrama tour in detroit on march 28, 2018 (thankfully captured in full by me)

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Lobotomy
I’d do anything,
Take any risk,
To silence my mind,
Therapy, pills, injections,
Surgery,
To remove the part of my brain that screams,
That sets off alarm bells,
Shouts danger,
In every situation,
That makes me check everything twice,
Doubt my place in people’s lives,
In the world,
I’d tear it out myself,
If I could,
Just for silence,
Security,
Just to feel comfortable for a single moment.
Your arms wrap around me,
And the world ceases to exist,
My worries and cares fade into nothing,
There is no past to feel hurt about,
No future to be fearful about,
There’s just us,
Now,
This moment,
Your arms holding us together,
In our own little world.
One day, I won’t have to miss you,
When I wake in the night and reach for you,
My arms will hold you tight,
The disappointment and longing I now feel,
Will fade to distant memory.
Mick hee

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here’s to a night i’ll probably never remember
Sometimes, I think of giving you up,
Not because I don’t want you, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything,
But because I don’t deserve you,
I don’t deserve your patience and kindness,
Your comfort and affection,
I don’t deserve your love,
Likewise, you don’t deserve me,
You don’t deserve my flaws,
My worries and fears, my sadness and stress,
My need for your love,
Sometimes I think of giving you up,
Letting you find someone who fills up your heart and lights up your eyes,
Sometimes I think of giving you up,
But my heart is so intertwined with yours,
To push you away would tear us both apart.
I’ve never really loved myself,
I don’t think I ever will,
Loving myself has always seemed an impossible task,
But I love us.
I love me and you together,
I love myself when I’m in the same sentence as you,
When I’m enveloped in your arms,
I can love myself through you,
I can love myself through my hand clinging onto yours,
I can love myself through my lips against yours,
Through my arms wrapped around you.
I don’t think I’ll ever love myself,
But I’ll always love us.
CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY WHEN I GO TO BED EVERY NIGHT ALL SNUGGLED UP NEXT TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND GET ENDLESS LOVE AND CUDDLES

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The world around us melts in the warmth of your touch,
Your loving arms around me,
Your fingers tracing my spine,
The heat of our intertwined bodies chasing away the cold,
I plant soft kisses on your cheeks,
Feeling your smile widen with each kiss,
Until, finally, your lips meet mine,
And a happiness I’ve never felt before fills me to overflowing,
Filling the room with a golden haze.
At night,
I am shown a slideshow of my greatest fears,
And the darkest images my mind can conjure,
Sleep only exhausts me,
I wake out of breath,
Chest and lungs aching,
Heart racing,
And it stays with me all day,
My chest weighted,
My eyes wide,
A tension I can’t release,
So I refuse sleep,
Preferring exhaustion from sleepless nights,
To exhaustion from fear,
Though my mind and body weaken either way.
Losing you would kill me,
What would my hands do if they couldn’t hold yours?
What would my arms do if they couldn’t wrap around you?
What would my lips do if they couldn’t kiss yours?
What would my heart do if it couldn’t love you?
I am certain it would stop.
i feel so fucking blue. i miss him so much tonight and he’s not answering me. and when he does text me back, it’s nothing comforting or nice. i just want to see his face on facetime and fall asleep. we didn’t even have to talk. i just wanted to know he’s there. but instead he makes me feel guilty for feeling this way. why is he doing this to me...
Pomegranate harvest season in Afghanistan. Rudaw English ©

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Spent the first weekend of 2019 in Big Bear with Tristan and all of our friends! We stayed in a beautiful cabin with an amazing view of Lake Arrowhead. Then I went snowboarding for the first time in my life! Tristan is so good at snowboarding it was pretty sexy actually. It also was snowing all day Saturday and it was so beautiful!! (Also my first time seeing snow).
We had such a wholesome weekend with our friends and it was so nice to get out of San Diego for a little.
Tristan & I are approaching our anniversary this week and I keep finding new ways to fall in love with him. I can’t believe it’s been a year already... But I knew we’d make it so this is no surprise to me. Just another milestone :)
so fucking precious i can’t stand it