newly 25 year old black sugar barbie

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in my early 30s. I don’t consider this a “level-up” blog, but I follow many of those types of blogs here, and I might be one of the older ones in these spaces.

Something that saddens me when it comes across my dash is when someone in their early or mid-20’s thinks the Bus of Life has already passed them by. They think it’s too late to change their career, their love life, their social circle, whatever else.

The bus hasn’t passed you by, and it isn’t too late. Don’t be afraid to pivot.

First, your life is just getting started. Take a moment to breathe and focus on that. I implore you to lessen the time you spend of social media and go read the book Late Bloomer: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement. The author, Rich Karlgaard, breaks down how 1.) it’s quite stupid to assume literally everyone on God’s green earth will “bloom” on the same timetable 2.) there are benefits to be being a late bloomer. We live in a society where being good at a few things is praised, and perhaps rightfully so because there’s only so much you can do effectively with your fairly brief life.

However, if you are like me and you’ve dabbled in a few different things from hooping to traveling to being an aspiring polyglot, it can seem as though you are wasting time. You’re not creating the next Facebook (which we probably don’t need.) You’re not creating the next multimillion company. You’re just trying on different hats. And you stumble upon information among the level up blogs and maybe something clicks. And you want to get your life together…whatever that may mean for you. But oh my gosh, you have so much work to do, from style and eloquence to deportment to culture to standards to everything else. And your one wish is that you had known of this when you were younger.

Improving yourself and undoing bad habits takes time. It may take a lot of time, if you’re like me and have to work through maladaptive thought patterns and insecurity. You’re on a journey that’s going to take quite a bit of time. I think that’s why, unfortunately, the feminine aesthetics have been the focus for many people in this space. It’s relatively easier to change up your style and start doing your nails than digging deep and figuring out what you truly want in your life. That is not something you can rush.

One day I was lamenting, in a tongue in cheek manner, to my tutor about how my life was over now that I was in my 30s. He’s several years younger than me and he said, “Oh no, your 30s…that’s when life is just beginning.” I do lament my twenties because I spent most of them being so insecure, but I also tried on many different hats, and trying new things is how you grow.

So please, if you’re younger than me, even if you’re my age or even older, don’t be afraid to pivot. It will take work including overcoming mental blocks and whatever stops you from achieving what you desire. And such work won’t always be easy or pretty. But it’s better than the alternative of wallowing in your shoulda-coulda-woulda’s.

It’s a skill that’s required to be successful at anything. Regardless if you want to be a ceo, homemaker, or move up in corporate - you have to know how to pick yourself up when you’re down. Why? Because you always have to put in the work even on the days you don’t feel like it. For example, there are days when my morning routine, cup of coffee, affirmations and self care regimen just don’t cut it.

There are days when my energy is depleted, I don’t feel like doing anything and my vibration is low. It’s healthy to allow myself to just FEEL those emotions, but after while I have to know when to pick myself up. I could easily let those negative emotions take over for days at a time but I can’t afford to.

I pick myself up by:

🎵 playing music that makes me feel like that bitch - it’s something about that 2014-2016 Beyoncé that gets me hype lol. Whether you prefer a podcast, or music, play it! Make sure it’s uplifting and empowering (none of that sad shit). This is an instant mood booster.

🚿 taking a long hot shower - need I say more? Long showers fix everything for me lol. I stay in there, reflect, think and just relax. If you have kids like me, then you know how hard it can be to get alone time. Being in the shower is sometimes the only alone time I get for that day so I cherish it.

🕯 lighting my favorite candle - aromatherapy is the truth. As soon as I smell vanilla or lavender it lifts my spirits. It doesn’t help drastically, but when paired with all the other things it makes me feel so much better.

📓 writing a letter love to myself - the most impactful tactic! I enjoy writing love letters to myself or reading the old ones I’ve written previously to remind myself how amazing I am. We are our biggest critics so it’s important to take a second to remind yourself that you’re that bitch, JUST AS YOU ARE! You don’t need a man, more money, a handbag or anything else to make you into your higher self because you’re amazing just as you are.

🧼 cleaning or decluttering a space - obviously when you’re feeling down, cleaning can be the last thing you want to do but I’ve found it helps with anxiety a lot. Just start with a small area (like a dresser or bed side table) then try your best to keep going around the room. A messy room or home will make you feel more anxious so I promise this will help.

📝 listing all of my proudest accomplishments - this is another tactic to remind myself how great I am. As life goes on and I go from one goal to another, I forget to be happy and proud of myself. Sometimes our mood can be low because we’re comparing ourselves to who we SHOULD be or what we SHOULD’VE accomplished by now. Instead, just use this moment to appreciate how much you’ve done and overcome thus far.

Disclaimer: this isn’t a quick fix for depression or serious mental issues. I’ve never had that so I can’t imagine what that must feel like or make a list of remedies for it. However, this is for the average person that suffers from occasional low moods, sadness, fatigue, self doubt, anxiety, etc.