brad

Today is my birthday, and still I feel lost. I never had the big birthday parties growing up, I never had huge gifts, or an abundance of friends wishing me happy birthday. In my pivotal developmental years, I lacked all of that. As an adult today, I try not to value that on my birthday. I try not to care who or how many people say or don't say happy birthday. Still, deep down, I'm still affected. Today, I received gifts and happy birthday's from very nice & kind people and I really appreciate that. There were people that did not say happy birthday that I value and I try not to let it affect me, but still it cuts through me a little.

I've never been a fan of the spotlight shined entirely on me and on days like this, I kind of feel this feeling. In the future, I'd want to treat this day like any other day and not be affected by the birthday wishes and so on. Sometimes I wish I had the self-centeredness like others to host a party, post birthday pictures, receive gifts from others & have the giant fiasco. I'd want my kid to feel & have that. I would want them to feel like that birthday boy/girl and how today is there day entirely. I'd do things differently than how my parents treated my birthday. As a kid, I'd ensure the importance of giving them a big party & gifts all the way until they are teenagers. I don't want them to feel how I felt on my birthday.