numb

She was never mine to begin with That’s the part that I managed to miss Because I am entirely, entirely hers I picked myself up from the dark to be able to tuck my heart into her left side chest pocket But she was never mine to begin with and I guess I was so caught up in her and the love I wanted to give That I never noticed how empty my pockets have been since the beginning

long term effects of emotional abuse:

I stopped shaving my legs every other day I stopped only eating citras and drinking a gallon of water a day I started smoking weed with my friends I stopped bringing my phone with me to Temple, to coffee houses, to record stores, to concerts I stopped ignoring my family and started baking cookies and pancakes with bananas and nuts and apples I’ve made 32 pancakes since Friday, I’ve burnt 13 but I’m getting there I won’t let you burn me anymore I’m so fucking sick of flames Turns out I don’t get off on pain I don’t get off on being treated like a toy I do not enjoy having a collection of sticky notes covered in conversation topics because you never held up your end It’s true that one person always loves more but the other side needs to give something You knew this would happen I have to go for my own self respect I should’ve known when you stopped sending good morning texts Or when your texts didn’t come at all until late at night When your words were always about sex Maybe I should have turned my phone off or blocked your number when you told me about the first girl Or the second or the third But I thought you were worth it that I’d never find a better guy You always listened you respected my boundaries It’s probably easy when you have six other girls who will give you what I protect I’m not picking up this time I’m not checking your timeline I’m not listening to your music I’m not dying my hair your favorite color or getting a tattoo You You don’t deserve my kind of love Not from me, You deserve a quiet love that won’t take up too much time You killed me over and over again You wasted and disrespected me without even noticing My heart has been replaced with beetles and old peach pits but soon You won’t live there anymore to poison my wood Flowers will bloom in my brain once again Watered by my own love and confidence Planted by me for me You will never see them Lilacs and roses were my favorite before you Fuck your daisies you’re the one who cut them down

it’s okay to miss someone that was unhealthy for you