The Surreal Abyss
"We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend."
༒ Brené Brown
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The Surreal Abyss
"We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend."
༒ Brené Brown

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— ♡ Audrey Hepburn photographed in St. Moritz - by Mel Ferrer, 1954
The day we shot the infamous dolly scene in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” 1974...
I had no idea until 50 years later what had occurred just prior to our shooting the famous dolly scene. Nothing, not until 2024, when our now very famous cinematographer, Daniel Pearl, explained the giant showdown with the money guys earlier that morning.
My Version of August 8, 1973
I looked out of the corner of my eye as Dottie Pearl was touching up my makeup and saw her husband at the time, Daniel Pearl, our cinematographer, hunched over his camera underneath the slatted swing where I was to go and sit. Perplexed, I asked, “Hey, Dottie, what’s Daniel doing under the swing?” Dottie suddenly disappeared, mumbling a garbled reply to my question, "... I dunno...", and snuck off. Growing more suspicious by the minute, I crossed over to approach my position on the swing and repeated my question to Tobe. We had words.
Unbeknownst to me, Tobe and Daniel had shared the entire scene between themselves, visuals, camera angles, description, including my red shorts, the blue sky looming larger, sunshine, broad daylight, and my bare back, with the camera following me on the dolly. I was told none of this, nothing. All Tobe wanted from me was for me to sit down in the swing and call out to Kirk, who'd disappeared into the house. That was my complete and total direction. When I questioned him as to why Daniel was under the swing with the camera, in frustration and to get me to shut up, his words to me were, "Aw, goddamnit, Teri, we're gonna shoot all around it!" as he turned away and chewed on his gnarly little cigar butt. In other words, "Sit down and shut up.” The shot was definitely Daniel's brilliant idea that he'd come up with the night before.
The key here is that I was the sole individual who was watching out for my assets, me, myself, no agent, manager, and 21. HEY, it was 1973, not 1990, 1995, 2000, or 2026. Research it. You’ll find out that the world was wrapped a lot tighter back in the 70s. The Gold Rush/Indie Movie Days weren't even on the horizon; it was DECADES before the glitzy Indie Spirit Awards were held on Santa Monica Beach. Codes and norms were a whole different ballgame. Any nudity would have shot their chances at even a PG rating. Of course, Tobe dreamed of a G rating. On a cold day in Hell, chances for that were zero.
Three days previous, just after returning from being shut down after our first two weeks filming because they'd run out of money. All credit goes to Tobe, Kim, and Daniel, they quickly persevered and raised additional funds via OPM. I'll refer you to Daniel to expound on exactly how that happened. I wasn't involved.
When we returned to finish filming, that I recall, no end date was provided. Speaking of scared and flying by the seat of my pants. With over 80,000 students living in Austin at that time, finding any job was hard, but the good ones were rare and highly competitive. Big-time. Translation: I had to resign from my almost 1.5-year excellent waitress gig at Mrs. Robinson's Cafe; they'd covered me for those first two weeks. It was my only and sole source of income. No lurking trust funds for me. I’d supported myself since I graduated High School in ’69.
Upon our return to the set, we all got into the RV one at a time and signed new contracts for "deferred monies". Translation: nebulous, i.e., peanuts for 40+ years. When Kim took over in 2018, that changed dramatically for the better. We're all very grateful.
Right after signing, Kim followed me out and, trying to be ever-so-casual, said to me, "Hey, Teri, we were uh thinkin' of uh doin' a... uh skinny-dipping uh scene with Pam and Kirk..." My reply was something like: "You might do one with Kirk, but not with Pam." Ya gotta love ‘em for their efforts. When I reflect back now, I find it all quite amusing. Guys. For me, it didn’t feel right, certainly not in 1973. That door firmly closed. Some things burn in your brain; asking a 21-year-old ambitious actress to perform naked was at the top of my No, Thank You list. They could absolutely have used the footage later, and I have no doubt they would have.
Two days later, the camera is under the swing, inches from... my assets.
With all the details I've shared above, if you don't understand how it felt to be a 21-year-old actress in 1973, surrounded by people you'd known all of less than 3 weeks, filming your first film, wearing short-shorts, discover a camera and the Director of Photography hunched over his camera under a slatted swing, 10 inches below where you are told to sit, then instructed to stand up as the camera is following right behind you, with no explanation of the concept for the scene, I can't really help you. No one ever showed me any playbacks. This was decades before the digital age. I had no clue what they saw or captured through the camera lens. Years later, when I thought back about shooting Pam walking up to the house that day, his words to silence me reverberating in my mind, were, "He was right, they absolutely did shoot "... ALL Around IT!" Then seeing IT a year later, for the first time, when you see your cheeks clearly visible, peeking out of those shorts on a giant screen in CinemaScope and Technicolor, if you still don't get it, I'm going to assume A. - that you have no concept of what it was like to be a vulnerable young woman living in 1973 in a chauvinistic and overtly patriarchal society, and/or B. that you were not alive in 1973, and C. you definitely did not know my mother.
50 years later, Daniel and I both explained that day and our own particular POVs in posts, @dpearldp on IG, and me here, on FB, and on IG. I'd describe Tobe that day as restrained, reticent to explain, or discuss. I found him to be unusually annoyed by my questions, evasive, and enigmatic. It wasn't until around the time of our 50th Anniversary when we attended a tribute held at the Museum of Modern Art in August 2024, that I learned of the entire backstory when Daniel and I, for the very first time, began to compare notes. It's no wonder that Tobe was upset after his blowout with the investors. It was during these cross-posts that Daniel began to fully realize that I'd been told nothing about his brilliant idea, his concept for shooting the scene. Unfortunately, no one mentioned in those tense moments (to me, anyway) before starting the scene, through the camera lens, exactly what the full extent of what they were capturing, the intent, the vast beautiful blue sky, billowing clouds, the ominous white house in the distance, growing larger as Pam is slowly approaching the house, accentuating my bare back, the effect of the red shorts assets for shooting the scene, and the enormous suspense building. Each of those elements became characters in and of themselves.
If you see a pic of me walking up to the house on either of our IG pages, any of my pages, I/we both describe it. I'll repost his version here for you soon. His version is not only educational, but it's a fun read. I see a book on his horizon!
Meanwhile, 52 years later, well, personally, yes, I’m all on board. I’d love to see that shot up on a giant billboard on Sunset Boulevard!
#toolate
xo,
Pam

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I feel like starfish are one of those animals that are treated as very “normal” by people but absolutely shouldn’t be. Like they’re a wheel of repeating heads connected by a central stomach. They walk around using thousands of tiny sticky hydraulically powered tentacles. They have an eye on the end of each arm. Instead of having a mouth they just have an opening where their entire stomach can be pushed out to engulf prey. And they’re just allowed to exist like this. It’s not illegal or anything.
by Vladimir Perepechaev
Thank you to everyone who got me to 1000 likes!

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Extraordinary circumstances led me to meet the silliest young Habicht you could ever imagine. I mean, this idiot made city centre home and would just sit there and look back at the very few passers-by who would notice and try to figure out what this thing was doing there.
Birds of prey are impressive, but I don't normally feel a strong connection with them. However, feelings are unpredictable, and in this case, this encounter with this goofy, clumsy guy will remain in my memory forever.
Never forget that an untouched patch of trees among concrete will bring life, wonderful wildlife, to any place. And yes, it was hot. 🥵
Habicht 🐥 (goshawk) im Oberen Schlossgarten, Stuttgart-Mitte.
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And where's your check... where's MY check? So, you voted for him, huh? Well, thanks.
Come November 2026: 🌊🌊🌊💙🇺🇸💙🌊🌊🌊