Bump And Beyond

So we've hit the 3 month mark and wow my baby girl has changed so much over the last few months I can't believe how fast it's gone ... they say savor the time because it goes so fast and let me tell you they're not lying. We are starting to getting a bit of a routine with feeds and sleeping through the night. Her milk powder is now semi sorted through our doctors (I may rant about this in another post), I will just say that I can't understand why they are making me jump through hoops to get something that is essential to the health of my child. Because of getting her milk intolerance sorted she has now started to gain back weight that she hadn't gained or lost during the previous few weeks when she was throwing up nearly all of her feeds. She has also started to find her voice which is a blessing and a curse, don't get me wrong I love that we can have conversations now even if they are fairly monosyllabic on her end but late night sessions of refusing to go to sleep can get abit loud now. WARNING: If you're squeamish or a bloke or just don't want to know about women's once a month problems stop reading now! .... Now I will warn you I'm not going to beat about the bush here and I will tell the truth; a week ago my first bleed started and boy that hurt more than I remembered.... I mean laying on the bed in the fetal position hurts. Now if you've read my earlier posts you'll know I had a c-section so I may be different from people who gave birth naturally. Anyone that is about to give birth or given birth and awaiting that first one .... do not freak out by the pain, colour or size of the first few days ... saying this if it doesn't feel right for you and you'll know if it feels wrong go to your doctors as I've always said it's better to be safe than sorry.

Appointment was today and it's official she has a cows milk allergy, the prescription milk has now been put on repeat and I've been told that I will have to take her to the hospital when she is 4 months to check for other allergies and possibly start introducing food at 4 months to build up an immunity to peanuts, wheat and gluten. Now I've always been told you start introducing food at 6 months so I'm abit apprehensive about starting at 4 months. Also completly off topic it is my best friends wedding tomorrow and I'm so excited and nervous for her and I've got my little girl a lovely purple dress and silver socks that look like dolly shoes to go with her colour scheme I love it and I think they're so cute. Anyways that's it for now I shall update as things progress :) x

They say cherish the time you have with them because when they're young the time goes so quickly. I can agree with that now looking back on the last 4 weeks it feels like only a few days have passed. I'm learning her cues and how to comfort her best, what makes her smile and simple things like that. There have been times when I want to bang my head against a wall out if frustration made worse by lack of sleep and health problems but I think if you don't get stressed/worried every now and again your doing something wrong. Unfortunately we are still stuck in the house with moldy walls ... the only thing I can do are opening the windows during the day to air out the room, I'm terrified that she's going to get ill but I can't do anything about it.

So I had our little one on the 27th January and my best friend is getting married at the end of March. Not long to get rid of my jelly belly but they say breastfeeding helps you lose weight. My dress turned up today, I ordered it off ebay and getting a dress that fits my top half is always too long as I'm quite a petite curvy person, It's a maxi dress which doesn't help. I got my other half to take pictures of me in it and I just felt ugly and not happy in my own body at all, now it may be the lack of sleep and inability to take a long decent shower or feeling like a dairy cow at times but this really got me down. Don't get me wrong the smiling face of my little girl makes me happy as clams and I love her to pieces but I hate how my stomach feels and looks at the moment.

So tomorrow I'm getting my bandage changed again and my antibiotics run out for my csection infection (not fun) These midwife came round today and weighed her she now just under 9lbs 6ounces and she was 7lbs 8 and a half ounces when she was born... ive been worried that she's not eating enough and that she's lacking in nutrition coz I tend to eat little and often! Other half is really trying today; he's helped me clean and now he's cooking dinner... washing up is still piled high but I can't complain :D , Best part is he's sat and talked to her and held her for a good couple of hours and I think she's starting to recognise him and having him kiss her hands or forehead is really good as the texture of his beard is a different sensation and she seems to love it :) I seem to be getting the hang of her ques now mostly just hungry ones at the moment but when she wakes up for a feed I'll change her at the end of our bed so she can see the TV which helps wake her up and keeps her amused while I change her, then I feed her til she unlatches and isn't interested in latching again even if I stroke her back and tickle her feet and then i try to burp her even if she doesn't need to be this makes it easier for me to put her back in mosses basket after :)

Stocking up on pillows - OMG I need so many now, 3 behind my back so it doesn’t ache ½ for breastfeeding, breastfeeding pillow and 1 to put underneath because those things are like bricks their that solid and a couple more so I don’t actually lay down to go to sleep because I wouldn’t be able to get up. Worse thing is after a while they compress and then you need more to build up the same amount of space :/

These are not fun especially if your little one descides to do it at stupid o'clock in the morning and take hours or like our little one feed til she falls asleep and let's you put her in the moses basket then sleep for 5/10 minutes before waking up and crying because she's still hungry ... this drove me crazy. Unfortunately I got to the point where I was getting frustrated and putting her in the moses basket for a few minutes so I could go to the loo or calm down ... being as stubborn as she is I would then resume feeding her.

Slowly getting the hang of things now and the lack of sleep isn’t affecting me as much. She’s feeding nicely and I had the midwife round today. Only problem my chills during the day and sweats during the night over the weekend have been the warning signs of an infection in my csection wound, all day I have been up and down feeling great. Getting back from the doctors and after taking my first antibiotic I dropped, suddenly I was freezing cold and lethargic even though I was sat in the armchair next to the heater with a thermal blanket on. My poor other half didn't know what to do, thankfully little one stayed asleep and we both napped for a few hours.

So it’s been a week since she was born … we’re out of the hospital and home and sometimes I get the feeling that I wish I was still in the hospital and able to ring a bell and someone who knows what their doing can give me advice and I don’t have to worry about how the house looks, if the washing up is done, if the bins are being taken out … even taking a shower seems like a Olympic event. Unfortunately the baby blues has hit twice; first I was round my best friends the day we were discharged so she could help me and I had put something down, turned around and it was gone and I just burst into tears. Second I was opening cards from people and my grandad had signed his card from him and my nan (who had passed just over a year prior). Dealing with the pain of the csection has been difficult as I’m breastfeeding I’m only able to take paracetamol and ibuprofen with no risk to her. Apparently the liquid morphine and codine that I had been given in the hospital can cause morphine overdose in breastfed babies …. I had not been informed of this!

I wanted to give our little one the best start in life so I decided to breastfeed, we had some trouble at first but by day 3 it became second nature and I was able to get her to latch and feed well within a few minutes. Wow it was painful at first a few miss latches is all it takes. Thankfully one of the midwifes had given me some freeby samples of nipple cream. The worst bit was sitting practically upright with her in my lap and both of us slowly falling asleep. Thankfully the old noddy move kept me awake enough. Having a csection made it harder though I can tell you that the position you see most people use is completely unbearable due to the pain in your stomach and little legs and elbows dig in to already painful skin. I was taught 2 different holds the traditional over the lap hold and the rugby hold .... little did I know there's a few more just Google it. Alternating between holds puts less pressure on your nipples and can be easier depending on the situation your in. I've found our little one prefers different holds on different breasts ... this can be difficult at times but it seems to makes it easier for her to latch.

They don't tell you everything in sex education classes or midwife visits. After birth your stomach begins to shrink back, now unfortunately the skin isn't that elastic hence the stretch marks but it does slowly shrink back a little. The thing they don't tell you is that as your stomach shrinks back you experience contraction like pains. Now mine have been terrible, I don't know if it's due to apparently really strong stomach muscles or the combination of these and csection pain and only being able to take paracetamol and ibuprofen due to me breastfeeding... needless to say... OUCH! The first few days after birth I looked like the hunchback of notre dam, I was unable to stand up straight due to the pain in my stomach and the back pain following my 2 epidurals and an overwhelming fear that when I stood up straight my stitches would rip and my stomach would fall out (too many horror films) needless to say after these first few days I managed to slowly start sitting/standing up straighter and straighter. Again I get the feeling that my education about sex, labour and childbirth was severely lacking .... now I get how difficult it is for a teacher to stand in front of a group of giggling teens and tell them how to put a condom on and various types of contraception and that having unprotected sex can lead to STDs and pregnancy but that's about all I remember ... I think i got more information from the booklets they hand out and various documentarys. The TV, radio and every aspect of life seems to be slowly becoming more and more sexualised and with people becoming pregnant younger and younger ... I think we should be informing them of the gory details .... it may seem like a scare tactic but I think it would help with the amount of teen mums unable to cope and having social services involved, the amount of teen dads running the other way and parents left caring for their grandkids completely ( I'm not saying all young parents fit into these categories but the numbers that do I belive can be reduced if they fully understood) in America they have the egg project or I'm assuming they do ... the one you see in movies where children are paired boy/girl and given an egg to look after for a week. They even have the fake babies for adults that cry and need feeding and changing and wake you up in the night. Something like this I would have appreciated as a teenager something to teach responsibility.

2 days and 3 nights in the induction ward, (natural labour so far no hormones given) on the 3rd day I was finally 4cm and they were ready to break my waters… after this they left me for 4 hrs with no change and decided a hormone drop was needed …my contractions were pretty much seconds apart and the pain was excruciating due to a combination of the contractions and my hips … it was decided I’d have an epidural to help with that and the hormone drip. I informed them of my hip pain and that I have a curved spine.The epidural was given by someone being trained in the procedure, I was then left for it to kick in … it didn’t and I was told they could redo it but at a higher risk. At this point I was out of my mind in pain and can only remember saying yes reminding them of my curved spine, shouting at the nurses and midwifes and writhing on the bed in pain. A trained doctor then redid the procedure and left me to let it kick in. It worked the second time and I was much more alert and nice to the nurses (they got annoyed coz I kept saying sorry). With the epidural in and a top up button in one hand the gas and air in another, I was given the hormone drip at the end of the first bag I was 5cm … the end of the second I was 8 … I was then left to carry on myself. 2 hours later I was 9 and a half centimetres, they decided they’d leave me for another hour to start on my own, they then adjusted the monitors for contractions and baby’s heartbeat… when they found her heartbeat the doctor instantly turned to me and said don’t panic buy baby’s heartbeat has dropped and I’m not happy, we’ll have to have an emergency csection. Next thing I woke up in the recovery room with my other half holding her and just watching her with awe. Unable to skin to skin contact and delaying the cord clamping was a shame as I really wanted the benefits that came with these but I was just glad she was here safe.

No medical/artificial hormones have been given or intervention done yet. The pure joy i felt when my partner came round that curtain ... he hadn't showered and was worried and hadn't slept last night coz of it but I just wanted to hug him and not let go. The pain had gotten more intense since he left the night before and whenever I had a contraction he freaked out not knowing what to do and constantly asking if I was okay ... after the 10th time he started to get annoyed with himself. I turned around to him and said 'it may seem like your not doing anything and you feel helpless but just being here holding my hand is everything' he was glad to hear it. My best friend had rung him and was asking for updates, he let her know what was going on(not much), she asked how he was and one sentence made me want to cry and curl up into him all at the same time ... I fell in love with him all over again .... it was a simple sentence just 'the house feels empty' was it just hormones and him worrying probably but i still wanted to just hug him. Him leaving tonight was harder than last night I think because he's worried about leaving me on my own in pain. I had a examination while he was here 3cm dilated so atleast we're going in the right direction due to me being unable to deal with the pain of examinations I've been using gas and air during them and my friend called me after I'd had it .... the smile on the nurses face when she said ' Batman's calling ' I was high off the gas and air and was waiting for my dinner to arrive so not all that coherent or vocal. It scared her to the point of tears never had she heard me in such pain and so out of it. Will update when I'm not as tired or drugged up.

Home now and still getting the tightenings, been given painkillers and told to try and rest … hopefully I will be able to get a few hours sleep… I feel so bad for dragging my dad and partner up to the hospital (30 minute car drive) at this time of night when it’s minus 1 degrees and for the poor midwife who had her time wasted by me .... I have never wanted to be one of those people who as soon as there is a twinge of pain will go running to A&E, Hospital or Doctors and ask for painkillers but I became one of those people tonight wasting not only peoples time, dads petrol and hospital supplies (samples taken, sonographer gel) I know my dad and partner will say it's fine they even may mean it, that it's better safe than sorry and I agree I just wish she decided to start these pains/tightenings at a reasonable time of the day ... saying that both my partner and I are both awkward so not that much of a surprise.

WARNING - Long rant follows; Late afternoon midwife appointment today and my midwife turns around to me at the end of the appointment and says i have the early signs of pre eclampsia (im at higher risk anyway due to my mum having it with me) so we got sent up the hospital to be checked over. It was 2 o'clock when the midwife appointment was for so we didn't finish at the doctors til about half past, sbe rang while we were sat there and said we'd be there by 3 baring in mind i had said we'd have to get the bus up, we were also told to take my hospital bags as i may be induced. So with the fear of god thanks to her tone and deliverence of that information we hurried home to collect my bags by this time it was nearly 3 o'clock and head to the hospital. We got to the hospital at half past 3 (the MAU unit closes at 4) the unit was empty with only one nurse and we were told to take a seat, we waited half an hour by which time another nurse had come in and started cleaning the beds and machines and hooked me up to the blood pressure machine with the finger cuff and set it going. I was then asked why i was there .... i explained what had happened at the midwife appointment and what she had told me. (The curtain was pulled across so I could not see the door so was left in the corner) Both nurses were at the desk by the door and talking about my blood pressure and saying how they thought my midwife was mistaken due to her going to Scotland to be a midwife there for a while and that the procedures had changed and she was going by old guidelines. I was sent up to be monitored due to slightly puffy fingers, headaches, abdominal pain and reduced movement. I was told the doctor would be in to see me soon, he came in an talked to the nurses about me but did not come and talk to me himself, the nurses then came and asked me about the abdominal pain (half 4 by this time) and said that i was having contractions by the sound of it ... i was not hooked up to the monitor to confirm this or check baby's movements. The second nurse had finished cleaning the other beds and checking the ward was clean and tidy and had left the ward. The first nurse was sorting out my notes whenthe phone rang .... i assume the person on the other end was making an appointment and needed a late one as she informed the caller that the unit usually closes at 4 and she was only here due to a patient arriving late (me) this didn't exactly make me feel welcome. She then finished the call and came over with my notes and i was then asked by the nurse if i wanted a sweep and to book in for induction. She offered to dothe sweep then and apparently i must have looked terrified as she asked me ifi knew what a sweep was, being me i turned around and said that i roughly knew being first baby and could only compare it to trying to put butter under a chicken skin before you cook it ....she laughed and said that yes pretty much but less forceful and only one finger is used. Again she offered to do a sweep then and there to which i declined as i didn't want her to rush it (nearly 5 o'clock now) and was booked im for induction on the 24th which will be 10 days overdue.

Still no sign if she's soon to be with us .... was experiencing braxton hicks yesterday a lot not regular though and today hardly a niggle maybe 2 or 3 while I was out ... the most painful thing has been my hips it feels like I'm on The Rack and my hips are pulled out of their sockets ... yet again my sleeping patterns are erratic although I have wanted to eat like mad for the last few days dunno if that's a good thing yet or not. Gladly she didn't come yesterday as it was Friday the 13th and due to living in a seaside town we had the flood warnings... oh what fun that would have been. Still waiting on her arrival I think it's gonna be awhile as she seems to be comfy knowing how she's been throughout the pregnancy I think she's gonna arrive when we least expect it or we have a busy day and will have to cancel appointments. Stubborn like her momma and awkward like daddy :D

Out shopping with my dad today and we saw this poor lady looked like she was about to give birth in the middle of the supermarket ... his response was to turn around to me and say 'Don't you dare do that to me next week' this made me laugh. Got home,unpacked the shopping and headed upstairs to lay down and my ribs are killing me.... she's getting bigger each week and I'm really starting to get uncomfortable. Also when they say once they engage it gets easier to breath ... in my case that seems to be wrong unfortunately :/ Saying that I still want her to stay in there till she's good and ready to meet us :)