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@1millionchuck
As of today I have eaten all my enemies.

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are those my only options
Starting a new run and fighting Jevil. I can't concentrate bc the freedom motif keeps making me cry. Also people need to stop overusing 'leitmotif' in theory videos. Just call it a motif. ALSO, when people try to explain leitmotif they need to stop mentioning Wagner. Fuck Wagner. Go listen to Mahler.
1minionchuck
All the mentions of YOU in Deltarune. It's not you, it's me. 1millionchuck

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Accepting how lancer-coded I am has been healing. This bike is fuelled by EVIL! ...and friendship!
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βWhy wonβt they look at me?β
the other argument about male socialization that I've seen tossed around a lot is the idea that trans women grew up internalizing themselves as the subjects in the patriarchal messaging that men are superior. and I can only think about how my self-concept even from a young age didn't align with manhood
when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I always thought she was singing about me because I had brown eyes. I asked her at one point, when I was still young enough not to get it, whether I would suddenly become a woman once I became an adult. I was also constantly degraded for my femininity and considered girlish. I grew up seeing myself in womanhood, and I also grew up with a lot of horrible, dehumanizing messaging about what that meant. I learned to hate myself and to see myself as inferior from it
so, at least as far as those aspects of socialization theory that describe ways the shape of patriarchal society and its messaging interact with the self-concept of an individual go, I would easily say I was socialized as a girl in that regard, because that was how I understood myself even before I had the language and theory of gender to put to words that my self-concept didn't match the box I'd been put in
that's of course not to speak for all trans women, but I think it's false to imagine that all trans women identified themselves with manhood on a deep, unconscious level until our eggs cracked. the cracking of the egg, as I understand it, is the unconscious becoming conscious, and so I don't think it's unusual to suggest that the way we register and internalize the messaging of the patriarchy often has a lot to do with our unconscious self-concept, long before we ourselves even realize it
My mum had the best insight into this. Like a lot of us, I got bullied. Heavily, and a lot. For long stretches of time I was 'sorted' into male friendship groups, where I was consistently the 'runt of the pack' or the most 'beta', even in primary school (pre-teen). I was often the butt of jokes, the last to be invited to parties. I was skinny and so effeminate (especially towards middle school, where I was essentially an emo femboy) that I got she/her'd "accidentally" often (coincidentally, most of my friends then were women + a singular guy friend). It wasn't until my friends were mostly or half women that I started feeling more safe. Not just belonging, but safe. Hell, I even had (purely platonic) sleepover parties with my female friends, and thought it was totally normal. I find it tricky to be in friendship groups because I am so paranoid about everybody piling on me as the weak one, and often over-exert myself to "prove my worth", fearing a loss of social clout - usefulness for other people - will just lead to me being victimised again. It's obvious this c-ptsd plays a major role in my current chronic physical and mental health issues. I was venting this trauma to my mother, and she simply and immediately pointed out: "you were treated how girls are by boys, you were put in your place". She mentioned prior to the bullying how confident and outspoken I was, and after how quiet I became. Just like how she and every girl she knew was treated by boys. Basically, welcome to patriarchy, you've been victimised it your entire life without realising it. I was stunned. I realised why most of us have indeed been socialised as women - even when we were guys, we were *bullied* as if we were the girl of the group, specifically one that nobody had a crush on. As the bottom of the pile, where we belong. Especially neurodivegent women. My mum. btw, was a high school teacher - english and drama. If anybody knew about how kids are socialised, it's her. No wonder so many of us become such militant feminists coming out. I've been out a decade, and only have realised much trauma of mine is directly related to patriarchy. And no wonder the idea of being 'socialised as male' in particular was such a triggering thought - then why the fuck did I feel so powerless my entire life? Why was I treated like that? I can only agree with one of the comments to the OP - nearly every 'bonding with the boys' was met with cruelty and violence. But also failure - my muscles never developed, my voice barely dropped. In white Australian culture, a male who can't play sport is considered a massive failure. No wonder I hate exercising, even when I need to do it to keep my EDS under control. I remember being forced to play AFL (a contact sport) and being terrified, as the strength difference was very obvious. Ironic, given we apparently have an advantage. Damn I wish I was socialised male, then I'd have a lot less PTSD, OCD and more self-confidence, irregardless of what gender I actually am. And that's ignoring the fact I never liked being assigned male, I just went along with it as I feel "I didn't have a choice, there was no alternative" until much later (I grew up in the 90s). I suspect my own unconscious self-concept of self was obvious to my bullies far before it was obvious to myself. Often, the unconscious is outside. We're all aware of the joke that our bullies she/her us right up into the moment we self-declare. Everybody knew of my gender, my effeminacy unconsciously, instinctually before I even did - even when I intentionally tried to hide it. I genuinely wish I felt powerful growing up. Like any other woman.

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can I go one day without some wise guy busting my balls!
burgers! fries! shakes! pancakes! soda! donuts! waffles! pizza! coffee! hot dogs!
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