Lately, just dice.

I’ve seen some folks talk about being exhausted by the structure of The Suffering Game, which I completely get — thematically, it’s meant to exhaust the players. I hoped to toss enough variety into the different challenges to engage everyone, but I can also appreciate how seeing the boys go through so much crap every episode can be a bit tiring for some folks. Without giving too much away, things are very much going to come to a head on the next episode, so to those folks: hang in there!

There’s some narrative stuff happening in The Suffering Game that won’t make sense quite yet, but the earliest inspiration I had for it was as a means of endangering the heroes in a real, tangible way without just hanging the threat of death over their heads. It’s something we’ve struggled with a lot in this show, mostly because of how we play — D&D has lots of rules about health management, about treating Hit Dice like a non-renewable resource mid-adventure. And a lot of that stuff clashes with how we play the game to make a good radio show. As a result, the boys are kind of untouchable, with health pools that may diminish, but never enough (or permanently enough) to be a serious threat. The sacrifices done at the wheel are permanent, and largely non-mechanical, skirting those systems altogether. Again, something that may upset folks who wish we followed those rules a bit more closely — though I hope those folks can understand that this is simply the balance that works for us as a podcast.

The arc was also designed to treat a problem that every D&D campaign I’ve ever participated in or tuned into suffers from — power creep. By this point, the boys are armed enough to be, essentially, demigods. It’s a power I’ve given them freely, but it’s impossible to prevent that creep while still offering them cool carrots and a functional economy, which I’ve tried to inject into the Fantasy Costco and other systems. It’s another really difficult balance, and they’ve taken advantage of it in a way that they’ve become immensely powerful, able to easily handle any problem I throw in their direction. The Wheel was intended to perhaps pull them back down to earth a bit, so to speak, though most of the sacrifices they’ve made have been more narrative rather than mechanical. (Which I’m totally fine with, because again, it’s another way of dealing damage.)

Anyways, I just wanted to get some of my thoughts down, because the last thing I wanted people to think is that I actually harbored some sort of sadistic enjoyment out of just straight-up hurting my players. (That’s a certain archetype of DM that I don’t really understand.) I’ve seen some folks characterize this arc as Saw-like torture porn, which I think is mostly unfair, but I can understand their exhaustion. I’d hoped to move through this arc a bit faster, but as is always the case, things have run a bit long. I really hope you enjoy what happens next, because I am very, very excited to get there.

Before I get into this, I wanna say that I’m not mad at anyone, I’m just disappointed. As well as this, I don’t speak for everyone, you know? I’m just one person.

I’m also not-white. I’m mixed-race, and I, god, really hate fantasy.

I’ve never been able to get into anything in the fantasy genre, because it’s not a world I can see myself in. To get straight to the point? It’s really white. Apart from black-coded monsters, there’s really nothing for me there.

One of the reasons why The Adventure Zone is really important to me is that it made me like fantasy. Like, I went into it pretty hesitant and ready to just, give up on it, but I ended up binging the whole thing in a few days. Now, I absolutely adore it. It not only introduced me to really compelling storytelling and pushed me into making more content that I’m really happy with, it also let me be a part of an amazing group of people, and I really feel like I’ve made some good friends in the community.

Another reason why I like it so much is that there are so few real character descriptions. As someone who seeks out representation in media because it validates my experience as a human being, it was really cool to be able to actually relate to characters. And as an artist? Being able to really do whatever-the-hell I wanted because no one could tell me I was wrong? It felt really good.

This was really the first time I felt I had the freedom to make people who looked like me. What was cool, as well, is the fact that people would send me messages and tell me how they felt they were represented in my art, or how it inspired them to create their own designs, etc. I only really started seriously posting my art on the internet a year ago, and being able to instill that feeling in others was really… Nice.

Recently, I talked about how I find white character designs “boring”. A lot of people took offence, and I got a lot of anonymous messages telling me I was wrong, that I was mean, etc. I didn’t get mad or upset, because at the end of the day I know that white people don’t understand what it’s like to not be represented in media. Seeing the same white guy over and over again gets old, especially when the art featuring these white designs gets the most attention, to be honest. Coming from a world where I’m a minority, to engage in a fandom - a proposed “safe space”, (or at least a conduit to escapism) where I’m still excluded and marginalised on that basis? Kinda sucks.

Over the past week I’ve had people constantly telling me I’m not drawing things right, that I’m being over-dramatic, that I’m not being nice - people getting defensive of white character designs, when in reality, I’m not attacking anyone. I’d hate for anyone to think as much.

But it’s disheartening, is the thing.