you go to the DMV and you finally get called up but youre missing a form so they send you to the back of the line and every animal that has ever existed is in line behind you starting from the simplest single celled organisms formed from protoplasm in the archaen billions and billions of years ago and you spend so much time walking past feather stars and sea scorpions and orthocones and armor plated fish and a tiktaalik and a giant dragonfly and a monster spider and so many types of slugs and then huge labyrinthodont amphibians and tiny lizards and huge lizards and pelycosaurs and a tiny mammal and then small dinosaurs and then huge dinosaurs and more mammals and a great marine sea monster and ducks with teeth and ammonites and a bee and some ants and a snake and then Tyrannosaurus rex and then small hoofed deer and lemurs and thunder beasts and a serpent whale and more snakes and huge camel rhinos and columbian mammoths the entire animal kingdom from start to finish wheeling across your vision like a kaleidoscope theyre all grunting and roaring and hissing and bellowing but just standing still all in line you have walked so far its like youve circled the earth as many times as the moon and right before you finally get back in line a chimp mistakes your tired gaze for a threat to its dominance and it pulls out an energy sword and slays you

One of the best stories humanity ever produced was a draft of a rewrite of the Epic of Gilgamesh written by a Ecuadorian poet in 1935. It was tossed into a fireplace by an angry boy and lost forever. Another of humanity's best was told 65,000 years ago and was overheard by a small tribe of embarked Neanderthals boating down a river in what is now northern Georgia. A short woman at the bank scrubbed a wooden idol in the water and sang an ancient tale in an unknown language. These two are eclipsed by everything produced by two brothers at the coast of what is now Cameroon between 503 BC and 490 BC, which they shared with some family and friends, and were beloved by everyone except a sour uncle.

Humiliated again…

Bitch that’s the tubby custard machine 😂 *image depicts a vast monstrous infernal engine using hundreds of spiderlike arms of black iron to shove the writhing bodies of naked, emaciated humans into its blazing maw*