So if you still want to hang out with me here, let me know via message or ask (not in the replies!), and provided I know you (and know youâre not, like, stalker-y), Iâll get in touch.
<3

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@14kgoldupgraded
So if you still want to hang out with me here, let me know via message or ask (not in the replies!), and provided I know you (and know youâre not, like, stalker-y), Iâll get in touch.
<3

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So even though my blog is set to private, my bro-in-law is stalking it. Iâll find you all another way.Â
I want to get the things done that need to get done NOW, but my body is not cooperating at all.Â
I know I wouldnât be pushing it to do so if I was home â itâs just this particular situation â and I need to stop being mad about it and let myself rest. And I need to remember that I was running around late last night in ways I would never normally do, and that itâs okay Iâm still worn out.Â
REST, 14K; things will not crumble because you need to stay in bed an hour longer today.Â
Why is it that packing the rest of the china suddenly looks daunting, even though it took me maybe 40 minutes to pack more than half in the first push?
Iâm sure Iâm over-anxious as opposed to actually having much to worry about. Half of the downstairs is suddenly gone (furniture taken by friends of the family) so it feels incredibly empty; that will of course be much worse tomorrow, once the piano and my other stuff goes. And Iâm still waiting to hear if someone can give me a ride to/from the storage place tomorrow, which is a huge stressor -- somehow everyoneâs busy. And I guess I do need to be worried about the check I wonât be able to write because I didnât think to bring my checkbook... And how Iâll have no cash after tipping the movers... (Iâve got an extra 1k in the bank so Iâm not worried about the financing per se, but since I neither have a bank here nor could get to one, Iâm stressing).Â
Being in the âburbs without a car is very stressful. And I kind of wish I didnât have to stay here Wednesday/Thursday, but thereâs really no point in me messing up someone elseâs bed for one night when thereâs no one but me in the house.
I want to get the things done that need to get done NOW, but my body is not cooperating at all.Â
I know I wouldnât be pushing it to do so if I was home -- itâs just this particular situation -- and I need to stop being mad about it and let myself rest. And I need to remember that I was running around late last night in ways I would never normally do, and that itâs okay Iâm still worn out.Â
REST, 14K; things will not crumble because you need to stay in bed an hour longer today.Â
so-yo-little-honda replied to your post: GUESS WHO LEFT HER CHECKBOOK AT HOME AND NEEDS TO...
You should be able to get a counter cheque from your branch (sorry if this is supremely unhelpful)
Iâm still out of town -- my bank isnât here.

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I scheduled the movers (tomorrow!!! Iâve got... not that much to do, but some, and also need to find someone to drive me to/from), discussed a couple things with momâs husbandâs son #1, and sent off some emails. I had grand plans to shower after (Iâm gross), but instead Iâm back in bed resting.
Eh, whatever, I have until 2 to make myself presentable, and then will just be chatting with some people, packing the rest of the china, and doing laundry. Actually... that sounds tiring too. And my brainâs overstuffed. I would like to forget a lot right now.
As an intellectual person it kind of offends me that emotions are so physical. Like, why am I too anxious to do this task? Oh right, because when I get that anxious, my body is either in too much pain to function, or literally kicks my ability to do it out from under me. How do I fix it? Fucking calm my body down.
It is OFFENSIVE that I canât just think my way out of a feeling.
Honestly this post explains why the one time I tried an exclusively CBT therapist I spent all of our sessions arguing with him about how he was wrong.
Because otherwise I was wrong and HE WASNâT EVEN NICE ABOUT IT.
Huh, can you say some more about that? It sounds like it might sow some really helpful revelations for me since I feel the same way about emotions being physiological, but Iâm not sure Iâm understanding it correctly.
So. Different parts of the brain do different things. When they do the thing, they âlight upâ and expend energy. And our body organizes the brain such that when itâs running low on energy, it will âshut offâ the power flow to certain parts of the brain. That is, theyâll get enough to stay aliveâbut they wonât get to work really hard, nor grow stronger or larger or more dense.
Many things inform the bodyâs decision about when itâs low on memory and when itâs not, and when a brain function is necessary, and when itâs not. Some of those things are our physiological stateâthe complex set of the signals that say whether weâre relaxed, calm, happy, cold, tired, hungry, in pain, distracted, alarmed, angry, or numb. Those things are all expressed in the body as well as perceived as internal experiences through the brain.
So the more you experience negative emotions that convince your body that SOMETHING IS WRONG, the more energy your brain and body pour into threat response. Energy gets diverted from the âhigherâ brain functions like abstract thought and planning for the future, and put into things more useful for immediate survivalâkeeping heart rate and respiration up, muscles tensed for movement, say. More attention gets put into scanning other peoplesâ body language for negative messages like anger, contempt, or disdain than into finding any neutral or positive reaction. The memories that come to mind are about more negative things, since those are probably more useful to you if you need to know how to recognize and handle a dangerous situation.Â
So what really bugs me about depression and anxiety is that they cause me to perceive the world in a really specific and slanted wayâone where there are more threats, people donât care about me, the future doesnât have very many possibilities. And inside that mindset, my brain works to literally deny access to things like happiness or hope or feeling loved, because it thinks (poor dumb thing) that I am in a literally life-threatening emergency all the fucking time, so why the fuck am I trying to turn on a theme park ride when it needs to power an emergency shelter.
So the things Iâve come to believe about the world, based on my own observations and experiences, arenât actually the only way it is possible or necessary to view the world, and if my body and brain calmed down, theyâd be able to see the world very differently, and I could behave in different ways and still be safe.
But my old therapist tried to treat my social anxiety by saying, âYouâre wrong, people really arenât that mean,â when I and my trauma were like âOBVIOUSLY THEY AREâ, and it took having other better therapists who validated my trauma and got me to really look at and think about my life in the present day, and draw my own conclusions about how different things were from the situations I was traumatized in, to get me to realize that.
The draft legislation would carve out 1.1 million acres of Desert National Wildlife Refuge to be used only âsecondarilyâ as a nature preserv
âTheyâve already taken away all our land,â Anderson said, referring to the 2.3 million acres the Moapa Band of Paiutes used to control. The tribe noted its creation stories describe how its people entered the mountains and left as sheep. âIn essence the sheep are people,â it states. âIt is our duty to protect the mountain sheep for if they die, then we die too.â
The draft legislation would carve out 1.1 million acres of Desert National Wildlife Refuge to be used âprimarily for the military purposesâ and only âsecondarilyâ as a nature preserve. The military wants to add as much as 260,000 acres of the refuge â the largest in the contiguous United States â to the testing range.â
But the draft bill, which is subject to changes by Interior officials before being submitted to Congress, gives the military the authority to do much more than just expand its testing grounds. It would jettison an environmental review that has happened every 20 years and exempt the area from wildlife refuge law, opening the way for the Air Force to mine sand, gravel and other materials from within the refuge for construction.
GUESS WHO LEFT HER CHECKBOOK AT HOME
AND NEEDS TO WRITE A CHECK TOMORROW
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (it was originally not an issue because of who the check was going to; now itâs going to someone else, and itâs an issue)
Ugh. Today sucks already; early (for me) morning calls and thinking and planning, brain fog, money issues, instability. Yayyyyyyyyyyy
scarygodmother replied to your post: Iâd say âunbelievableâ, but itâs so believable: I...
I know this doesnât help you now, but there might be a GFI outlet on the circuit that needs to be reset.
A what? Iâm kidding, not that I have any idea, but at least four people with homeowning knowledge are coming by tomorrow, so Iâll let them deal with it. Iâve moved to another room (which I had intended to do anyway then didnât want to put the effort into).

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Iâd say âunbelievableâ, but itâs so believable: I blew out a/the fuse in my momâs bedroom by plugging in a second space heater (itâs freezing). Should I try to find the fusebox (I have no idea where it is) and fix it? Or drag my overtired ass (and all my shit) to a different room?
Only one fuse seemed to be tripped, but resetting didnât help. Fortunately, now Iâm broiling from going up and down all the stairs many times and back and forth across the top floor many times.Â
Iâd say âunbelievableâ, but itâs so believable: I blew out a/the fuse in my momâs bedroom by plugging in a second space heater (itâs freezing). Should I try to find the fusebox (I have no idea where it is) and fix it? Or drag my overtired ass (and all my shit) to a different room?
Nerds and narcs are called Goody Two-Shoes because as everyone knows the worse you are, the more shoes you wear at one time
Sometimes you only realize how weird an expression is when you see it used out of context -- i.e obviously I had to look up the origin. (No sarcasm at all, Wiki is such a great thing.)
Separately, âGoodyâ is short for âGoodwifeâ (âMrs.â, essentially), and âTwo-Shoesâ probably refers to the person being wealthy enough to afford... two shoes. A 1670 source:
Mistress mayoress complained that the pottage was cold; 'And all long of your fiddle-faddle,' quoth she. 'Why, then, Goody Two-shoes, what if it be? Hold you, if you can, your tittle-tattle,' quoth he.
The name is used herein to point out the mayoress' comparative privilege; "Goody" (a corruption of "Goodwife"), being the equivalent of "Mrs." and "Two-shoes", implicitly comparing her to people who have no shoes.
And the phrase came into its current meaning with Goody Two-Shoes:
[...] a variation of the Cinderella story. The fable tells of Goody Two-Shoes, the nickname of a poor orphan girl named Margery Meanwell, who goes through life with only one shoe. When a rich gentleman gives her a complete pair, she is so happy that she tells everyone that she has "two shoes". [...]Â This earning of wealth serves as proof that her virtuousness has been rewarded [...].
NYers Jump Turnstiles En Masse To Protest Police Brutality On The Subway
Close to 1,000 people marched through Downtown Brooklyn on Friday night to protest police brutality and a recent crackdown on fare evasion inside the subway system.
The peaceful action, organized by Decolonize This Place, took over major streets around the Barclays Center beginning at 5 p.m. on Friday. Demonstrators eventually made their way underground, jumping the turnstiles en masse at HoytâSchermerhorn while chanting: âHow do you spell racist? N-Y-P-D.â
The âemergency actionâ comes in response to the MTAâs efforts to stop fare-beating, which have led to the deployment of 500 new subway cops across the transit system, among other deterrence measures. Two confrontations caught on video last weekend pushed that frustration to a âboiling point,â organizers said.
In the first instance, last Friday, police were seen pointing their guns at a crowded train car, before tackling 19-year-old Adrian Napier, who was believed to be in possession of a weapon. Napier, who had his hands up throughout the interaction, was found unarmed, and charged only with fare evasion.
A day later, cops responded to reports of a fight at Jay-StreetâMetrotech. During a chaotic struggle, a police officer was caught on video punching two teenagers in the face, one of whom is now suing. The NYPD has declined to name the officers in either incident.
unfriendly-black-hijabi replied to your post: I donât want to take all the china â I wonât use...
If itâs an Apple computer you can take it to the Apple store along with proof of her passing and theyâll unlock it for you.
Itâs an iMac! Iâll let them know -- I know my sis got extra death certificates, so Iâm sure they can use one. Thank you thank you!!

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chonkychickenlady replied to your post: DAMMIT, forgot to use the chair lift when I went...
My goal for the next five years is to finish my second floor and get a chairlift. Hugs.
It took a while for my mom to get it -- for her husband -- but it made an immediate difference, and then she was able to use it as well (during chemo, and at the end). It makes all the difference for me staying here now... when I remember to use it. I sometimes forget precisely because Iâm going back and forth between floors and automatically just walk.Â
One thing I noticed: they tried having the two-tier lift first -- thereâs one turn in the staircase, so the lift went up in two sections, with a seat switch at the turn; that quickly became a major issue with it, because the switching ended up taking a lot more energy (physical and mental). Itâs much more expensive to get one that goes all the way up, but if you can swing it, itâs probably worth it. I know it was much easier for my momâs husband to use when he only had to sit down-stand up once per trip.
DAMMIT, forgot to use the chair lift when I went up and down a bunch of times, and forgot that Iâd gone down (and up) the stairs to the basement a few times and carried some heavy stuff. Anyway, just found my legs crumbling beneath me and realized I need to nap again.Â
At least Iâve crossed more things off the list.Â
Today, I still have to: break one thing down, pack the china and some extras that have popped up, help BBF take a table, label two tables for someone else, figure out more ways to trash and recycle everything that needs to be trashed and recycled, transfer some money so I can pay the movers. Tomorrow: schedule the movers, wrap up a few things, see if I can clear out more of the food or other storage spaces. And I gotta make one call before I nap.