Promises brought down to nihil

But I'm alive....

I feel it is so unfair that people that have such beautiful lives, that love living, that have ambition and dreams d13 for unexpected reasons.

And I'm here alone and miserable, wishing for my d34th for like 10, 11 years now? Or even more, I think. I turned 31, thinking about d34th since I was what, 16-17?

Why? Why can't the universe just fvcking take me?

Seriously, I've tried k1ll1ng myself so many times and none worked for obvious reasons that people have to save other's lives and etc and mainly because I'm a stupid ass idiot fvcker that can't make the job done properly.

I wish I wasn't born being extremely afraid of bl00d tbh. I freak out by only thinking about it and then I have to avoid all of the options that involve that shit because I freak out before doing anything.