Woof

Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! I’m a little more confident opening these up, mostly I was worried if anyone would be interested. I’m officially taking commissions! Just basic sketches like the ones I did for CPR Awareness Week, nothing crazy but no additional charge for multiple characters (up to 3). I also figured I would include the option of animated loops (they’ll hopefully be better than the example that was just the one I grabbed lol)

If you’re familiar with my work you know there are very few things I veto when it comes to healthy kink expression, however NO MINORS and NO REAL CELEBRITIES. Mostly I feel uncomfortable including strangers in kinky stuff and the minor thing is obvious hopefully. Additionally, please do not use my art for anything involving AI such as making alterations or animating still images.

If you’d like to support a kinky trans man during a rough patch but don’t want/aren’t able to spare a 20, I also opened up a kofi if you just feel like tossing me a fiver, which will be appreciated just as much as a commission. If you can’t do either then please reblog, that’s support too. Anything helps right now.

sometimes I’m reminded that there are still people who don’t know ao3 was literally created by incest shippers — and the site’s sole purpose is to 1. be completely against censorship and 2. host all kinds of dark, taboo fics that are banned on other platforms — and the first ever fic that was posted on ao3 was a fic about an incest ship from supernatural.

you are in the house that was created by freaks. for freaks (affectionate). every disgusting thing you can think of is rightfully allowed and welcomed on ao3, because they are exactly the reasons why ao3 was created in the first place.

ao3 was created because its creators got tired of censorship, they got tired of dark and taboo fics getting banned on pro-censorship platforms, and they wanted a place that was safe for ALL FICS THAT WERE DARK AND TABOO.

ao3’s main principle is being against censorship and being proship / profic.

there are some things in fiction that make me uncomfortable, but instead of shaming people who are just minding their own business and not harming anyone in real life, I choose to curate my own internet experience by blocking/muting what I don’t want to see. ao3 has excellent tagging system, so instead of being a bitch, use their tagging system properly and you won’t see the things you don’t want to see.

it’s your job to curate what you see. it’s not other people’s jobs or responsibilities to censor themselves for your personal comfort. the world does not revolve around you.

also you cannot censor “only the things you personally hate” without expecting everything else, that isn’t of conservative beliefs, to be censored too. because censorship is a slippery slope and a fascist tool. I promise you there are people who think “why do tags for queer love even exist on ao3? they’re grooming children”.

if you allow the things that you hate to be censored — because someone with enough power gets to control what other people can and cannot create/consume, it will not stop at the things that you hate.

Per the request of the Resuscord Discord server, I have decided to post one of my more successful story's from the server onto my tumblr account.

This tale contains the following

Choking

Heimlich Maneuver

Back blows

CPR

MtM

Mouth sweeps

Precordeal thumps

Mild retching mention

Two Female Rescuers but in different scenarios 

One Female unconscious victim 

A mention of trigeminal neuralgia, but not resus related

Successful resus

...............................................................

Part one: Elenor

On the day that Elenor Caldwell “died”, she had to say it had come out of nowhere. 

El had a pretty good morning that day. She had gotten a few articles done for the news website she helped to run, and she had managed to get a man on the street section about a famous singer that was performing in their town. And of course, she had to talk about it with her partner, Amaya Tyler.  

“So then I managed to get a photo of her as she was walking out of the sports arena after the concert, and I actually was able to get a shot of her smiling at me!”

“How in the hell did you manage to get a photo of her BEFORE the paparazzi came after her?” Amaya said, snacking on a bowl of blueberries on the kitchen counter.

“Thats the thing! I was completely lucky. Elenor said, sticking a piece of chewing gum in her mouth, and leaving it in her cheek so she had more room to talk. “I was walking around trying to get a spot before the crowd came out of the arena, and she just came out. I think she was trying to get away before the mob came after her. And since I just had my phone, I think she just thought I was a fan that left early. So I was able to get the shot.”

“Nice one.”  Amaya said, still helping herself to the fruit bowl. “Was there a crowd though? I remember the last time she was here she was..” Amaya's words cut out all of a sudden. Elenor, guessing the rest of her question, continued talking.

“Oh ya! It was a mad house out there. I almost didn't get out of there alive. I think one guy tried tossing his phone, his shirt, and God knows what else. Honestly, I might write an article about how fans need to..whats wrong?”

El had just noticed Amaya, who was pounding one of her fists into her chest while the other one was around her neck. Her face was red, and looked like she was trying to vomit, but no sound was coming out of her mouth. 

“Amaya...are you choking?” The question sounded kind of stupid, but El had to ask. Amaya, whos face hardly ever showed fear, nodded desperately at Elenor, her eyes wide, and lips turning an eerie gray blue color

“Shit!” El said, moving out of the chair and heading toward her girlfriend. “Hold on, I got you!” She moved behind Amaya, still struggling silently, and was able to put her arms around her, balling her fists up at Amaya’s stomach.

Despite Eleanor's reputation as being a blabber mouth, she was actually not a stranger to giving first aid. During a brief stay as a lifeguard when she was just graduating high school, she had actually managed to save her friend's sister when she had drowned. But this was different. This was Amaya she was saving now. A scenario that she never thought she would have to experience, but one that she would not hesitate to do.

Locking her fists together, Elenor pushed upward towards Amaya’s ribs. Each abdominal thrust lifted Amaya slightly up on her feet. 

“One...two…three…four…five! Did it work?” Elenor asked. Amaya still had her hands over her throat, and shook her head in a panicked sort of way. “Ok! I’ll try this now.”

Wrapping one arm around Amaya's waist, Elenor gave her five hard smacks on her back.  “Now?” El asked. No response from Amaya.

“Ok..you’ll be fine Amaya. Hang in there..” Elenror knew she had only just started trying to save her, but she was getting a little concerned with each failed back blow, or abdominal thrust that did little to improve her girlfriend's breathing.

“One…two…three… no no no no!” Elenor had to catch Amaya as she staggered slightly , nearly falling to the ground. When El looked at her face, it was practically purple. “Come on Amaya! Cough it up!” 

Elenor knew it was pointless to panic. She had to keep trying to save Amaya no matter what happened. But this was different than saving people at her old lifeguard job from forever ago. It was Amaya. The one who got her through her toughest days at school. The one who confronted and stood up to Elenors abusive mother. The one who was able to bring Elenor to a doctor to treat her trigeminal neuralgia. Amaya had saved her life in so many ways. She couldn't die here. Not like this.

“Come on Amaya!” Elenor shouted, lifting Amaya up in another set of thrusts. “You have to fight! Spit it out! “You can..ACK!” Elenor all of a sudden lost her power of speech. She was so surprised, she almost lost hold of Amaya. When she tried to gasp, she found out that her own airway was blocked.

“The gum…”

 Elenor really was an idiot. Why hadn't she spat out that damn gum when Amaya started choking? Now both of them were suffocating at the same time.

“Not if I can help it..”

Elenor continued giving Amaya back blows and thrusts, but this time in silence. She wondered if Amaya was scared because El had stopped talking to her. When Amaya staggered again, El tried to gasp on instinct, but felt the gum slide farther back down her windpipe.

Now Elenor was starting to have trouble standing. The adrenaline that had been rushing in her while saving Amaya was likely making her heart work overtime, and in doing so, was making the time before she could save herself limited. But she could work on that later. Amaya was in a worse state than her.

But it was clear that El was deteriorating too. Her thrusts were getting weaker and weaker. A black fog was starting to form in the corners of her eyes. She moved to giving Amaya back blows, and then..

Something small and blue popped out of Amaya's mouth. Amaya staggered away from Elenor, retching and coughing, but breathing. El had done it. Amaya was going to live.

She saw Amaya turn toward her, and could see her mouth moving. But Elenor’s world seemed to be on mute, and in slow motion. She knew she couldn't save herself, but she had saved Amaya, and that's what matters to her.

She gave her girlfriend, the person she planned to ask to marry not long from now a weak smile, and mouthed, “I love you.”

She fell onto her knees, the darkness took over her vision…

And then she was gone.

...................................................................................................................

Part Two Amaya

Air rushed into Amaya's lungs as the blueberry popped out of her throat. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. She fell onto her hands and knees, coughing and spluttering, then took a moment to gather herself, taking slow deep breaths. Her throat felt like it was on fire, but at least it was open again. If Elenor had not been there, she would definitely be dead.

“El…thank you so much.” Amaya said with a wheeze in her voice. 

Elenor was standing before her with a look of finality in her eyes. She had a small smile, and her face was turning dark blue. Her mouth moved, and then she seemed to topple like a falling tree. She landed on her knees, as if kneeling before her.  Then as if time was slowing down, she fell down in a heap on her face.

All of the discomfort Amaya had been feeling was immediately masked by a wave of shock and fear. Hadn't she been the one almost about to die? Why was Elenor on the floor just now?

Turning Elenor on her back, Amaya put her fingers to her neck. She thought she felt the faintest flutter, than nothing. 

“Oh fuck..” Amaya said, checking the pulse point on El’s wrist. Still nothing. She grabbed her phone out of her pants pocket, hit 911, and only had to wait for a single ring for a response.

“911 what's the nature of your emergency?”

“My girlfriend has collapsed. I don’t know why. She's not breathing, and I just lost her pulse.

“Do you know CPR ma’am?

“Yes, I'm certified.” She had been trained ever since she took the job as head coach for her old school, and retook courses every year. 

“What is your location?”

“Foundation apartments, building nine, room six.” She had just begun to put her hands on Elenors chest to start CPR, when she realized that the dispatcher was not asking anymore questions. And when she looked over to her side to see her phone, she saw a low battery symbol, then the screen went blank.

Her phone had just died on her.

“FUCK!” Amaya shouted to the air, half expecting Elenor to snap out of it and wonder what had happened.  But El laid on the ground, her face covered by her pink streaked brown hair. Amaya thought about going to find Elenors phone, maybe try again. But that would take a long time, and Elenor only had minutes.

Praying that the dispatcher had heard the twos address, Amaya repositioned her hands on El's chest, as they had slipped slightly when she had cursed. She then pumped down hard enough for Elenors head to bobble slightly.

“One, two, three, four, five..don’t you dare die on me El..”

While Amaya's face on the outside was stern, her mind was screaming in terror and confusion. This wasn’t supposed to have happened. Why was Amaya's funny, loud and beautiful girl friend dying like this? Her questions went on so long, she lost count of the amount of compressions she did. She debated starting again, but knew that Elenor needed air, and soon.

Tilting El’s head up, Amaya pinched her nose shut, and blew air into Els' mouth as  hard as she could. Her cheeks inflated, but her chest was not rising.

“What?” Amaya said. Moving Elenor’s head up and down to readjust it, Amaya blew in a second puff of air, but a gentler one. Again, her chest did not rise, but her cheeks puffed up like a balloon. Her lips tasted oddly minty. 

“I get it now..you had that damn gum you like so much  in your mouth.” Amaya said, her nerves calming ever so slightly now that the puzzle had been solved. She opened El’s mouth as wide as it could go, and looked closely inside. Nothing that looked out of the ordinary yet. She had to keep trying.

This time, Amaya positioned herself more or less on top of El, spreading her knees apart in a semi straddling position. Her chest compressions were kind of like half CPR, half abdominal thrust, pushing upward to try and dislodge the obstruction in El’s airway.. “I know what to do now, Elenor.” Amaya gasped. “We can do this. Just hold on ok.”

Once she had reached roughly thirty thrusts/compressions, Amaya hopped over to Elenors face again. She just now realized that El’s eyes were slightly open. Their green irises staring upward as if trying to roll all the way back into her skull. Trying to wipe that picture out of her head, Amaya gave El another set of rescue breaths, each time checking to see if the gum had popped out. Still nothing yet. 

“Come on honey…I know you're not one to give up like this. I know you can do it. You just have to breathe again..” Amaya was talking to Elenor as she went back to giving her compression thrusts. She remembered in her youth when her team mates at school were injured, she would talk to them as they recovered from whatever surgery they went through. Hopefully El would be able to hear her.

After the cycle, Amaya opened El’s mouth again, and this time she struck gold. Something whitish blue was visible in  her mouth. “Ok..ive got you El..” Amaya whispered. Carefully, she stuck her fingers in Elenors mouth, and as if she was playing the most risky claw machine game in the world, she was able to grab the gum with her fingers, and wiggle it free from El’s throat at last.

As soon as Amaya tossed the gum away, she exhaled into her girlfriend's mouth, and felt a wave of relief as she finally saw Elenors chest rise and fall with her rescue breathing. She gave around five breaths in a steady succession, trying to give Elenor as much oxygen as she possibly could. She then put her hands in between El’s breasts to give regular chest compressions again.

“We did it!  We got it out! Your almost done Elenor! You can do it!” Amaya was getting hopeful now. She felt like she was getting close.  Every compression Amaya did felt like she was getting closer to hearing her girlfriend's voice again. Every rescue breath was like a message being sent to Elenor’s soul, telling it to come back to her. She felt like she was on the right track.

But when Amaya went to check for Elenors pulse, she finally got a chance to see what her girlfriend had become. Her face and lips were a dark blue color, and her eyes were still open and unmoving. Her fingers were pointing at weird stiff angles, and it was clear that she was showing no signs of life.

“El…baby..?” Amaya shook her slightly, trying to remember if she missed any steps in her training. CPR? Check. Rescue breaths? Check. She didn't have an AED on her, and trying to get one would make El worse off. But…

Elenor was still, cold, and pale as a ghost. It was clear to Amaya that the worst had come to the love of her life. But she was not going to give in just yet.

“El! Come on! Wake up!” Amaya restarted compressions harder than she ever had before. She was going so hard she could hear little “crick, crick, crick” sounds as El’s ribs began to crack under the pressure. Her rescue breaths were loud, and a hint of a sob escaped the two interlocking lips as Amaya began to cry. “ELENOR! BREATHE! I NEED YOU!”

She had no idea what came to her, but Amaya put one hand on Elenors chest, and with the other balled into a fist, she pounded on top of the other hand over and over again. Something she saw in some movie or another, but what else was she supposed to do? Again and again and again she did this, then breathed the deepest longest breath into Elenors mouth, but El still did not move. 

Amaya crumpled besides Elenor and broke down crying. It was too late. El hadn't even so much as given an agonal gasp. She had died trying to save Amaya’s life. A freak accident, when ten minutes ago she was talking fast and excitedly about her day. But a piece of gum had taken it all away. She kissed Elenor on her cheek, rubbed her hair gently, and closed her eyes.

“Now what am I going to do?” Amaya thought. How do you even deal with something like this? What do you do when your girlfriend just dies in front of you? 

“El…I'm so, so, so sorry. This is all my fault..”

A voice rang out in Amaya’s brain. The instructor who taught her first aid telling her that the only reason she should stop is if EMS arrives, an AED arrives, if the person shows signs of life, or if you are too exhausted to keep going. Amaya wanted to slap herself. None of those things had happened. Sure she was tired, but she could keep going for as long as it took. She wouldn't just lose Elenor like that. Not while crying like an idiot.

Pulling herself up right, Amaya put her hands back on El’s chest and pumped a hard and steady beat, not stopping for rescue breaths, not stopping to check for a pulse. She vowed to just keep going with hands only CPR until somebody, anybody came to help.

“I won’t stop Elenor, I won’t give up on you. I’m sorry for even thinking about that for even a second. You mean the world to me and to all of our friends. You're going to be the god mother to Elise’s children if she has any. I won’t stop because I love you.

Amaya kept on going, non stop hands only CPR, only stopping to take a quick breath, using the opportunity to check Elenors pulse, and give her an extra set of rescue breaths. After all, they weren't going to make anything worse.

“I’m right here El, follow the sound of my voice.” Despite the soothing tones she was saying to her girl friend's body, Amaya’s eyes were blinded by tears. She could barely see Elenor at all. The next time she stopped to give rescue breaths, she missed, and planted her lips on Elenor's cheek. 

“You have to fight El. You can do this. I know you can.”

“Stop….” 

Amaya didn't know where the voice in her head was coming from, but she thought it was a doubt in her mind telling her to give up. But she wouldn't. Not while Elenor was in this much danger.

“I love you Elenor. I won’t let you die.”

“Stop..”

“I won’t stop! I’ll keep fighting for you.”

“Stop…”

“NO! I WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU! COME ON, ELENOR! COME BACK! ELENOR!!!”

“Stop! STOP!”

A grabbing sensation on her arm made Amaya almost scream. She stopped the compressions she was giving, and saw that Elenors eyes were open, and she looked like she was in great pain. One of her arms was grabbing Amaya’s, seemingly trying to stop the compressions she was being given.

Wait! Elenors eyes were open again! 

Elenor coughed a wet spluttering cough that hacked up phlegm and bits of saliva. Amaya rolled her onto her side, swept her finger though her mouth to prevent aspiration,  and collapsed into tears again. She had done it! Elenor was actually alive! 

“Owww…” Elenor wheezed, sounding disoriented. Her eyes were glassly, and her pupils were dilated, but shrinking slightly. She rubbed her throat and winced. “Amaya…you’re ok..”

Amaya kissed Elenor full on the lips and said “Me!? Look at the state of you! You scared me to death!”

“Had to make you…breathe again…” Elenor gasped. Her eyelids were fluttering slightly, but her gaze was still on Amaya's face, her black hair messy from moving all over Elenors limp body. 

“Focus on your breathing El. I think you were out for too long..” Amaya heaved Elenor up and lifted her arm over her own shoulder. “911 didn't come so I'm taking you to the hospital.”

“But you..”

“I’ll be fine. It's you we have to worry about. You're the one who almost died here. You did die!”

“Fine..” Elenor said. “But…Amaya..can I ask you something..”

“What is it?”

For the first time since she fell unconscious, Elenor smiled. “If we make it through this…will you marry me?”

That got Amaya’s attention. Not because Amaya had actually bought a fucking engagment ring and had hidden it in her cars glovebox for the better part of a week, but because she had had to watch her partner die, come back, and now she was proposing to her. 

“As long as you promise me you're not going to die ever again!” Amaya said, grasping Elenor's hand tightly.

“Sure..” Elenor said weakly. “And maybe if we have kids…we tell them our engagement was more romantic?”

“Defnitly!” Amaya said, laughing despite herself. 

On the ride to the hospital, El’s condition seemed to be taking a turn for the better. Her breathing, while still shallow and raspy, was steady. Her speech was returning to her, and seemed much more interested that they were now engaged than the fact that they had saved each other's lives.

“We saved each other's lives..” Amaya thought. “We gave everything we could to save each other, because of how much we love each other. Elenor died to save me, and I would die for her as well. Again and again and again.”